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A Multi-Tasking Election Day, and Bands That Will Never Exist

November 2, 2010 By Jeff 97 Comments

I’m second-guessing my instincts here, friends.  Can you help me out with something, real quick?  In yesterday’s update I posted the following:

One time I saw him in an alley near the school with some breathtakingly ugly girl, and she had her right hand down the front of his underwear (his pants were fully unzipped), just going to town like she was churnin’ butter.  In broad daylight, beside a crate of rotting cabbage!

While I was writing that paragraph, I couldn’t decide between “like she was churnin’ butter” and “like she was rolling down a car window.”  I went with the butter, but have a nagging concern that I didn’t choose wisely.  And, believe it or not, this is the kind of thing that can bug me for several days.

So, which is better?  Did I make the right choice?  Or is rolling down a window funnier?  Thank you for your feedback on this important matter.

I voted today, got a haircut, had lunch at Wendy’s (number 1 with cheese, no pickles and a Coke), and bought a case of the golden elixir for the outrageous price of $18.70.  What the heck, man?  It’s always $16.94.  Always!  Brother… I’m starting to get all whipped up!!

So anyway, I wouldn’t expect this update to be very lengthy, if I were you.  When I was in Atlanta I heard a radio interview of a long-time rock ‘n’ roll groupie, and she was talking about the penis sizes of well-known performers.  And this update is probably going to skew a bit toward Paul Simon, and away from Huey Lewis, if you know what I mean.

Did you vote today?  How’d it go?  Was there a crowd, or was it just you and a couple of WW1 veterans?  Also, what voting method did you use?

They had me put my signature beside my name in a book, then handed me an enormous sheet of paper the size of a menu at a fancy-pants restaurant.  At the top you could choose to vote a straight ticket by party, and there were four individual races underneath, including governor and U.S. Senate. And that’s it.  No weird referendums, or anything.

I made my choices, and was instructed to feed my big ol’ ballot into a machine that looked like a copier.  You feed it in, and it confirms that your votes were recorded.  A few folks in front of me got a NO message, and had to go back to the drawing board.  Which is pretty amazing, since all you have to do is color in a circle…  I wonder how some people manage to wipe themselves, I really do.

And finally, while I was in Wendy’s I came up with a new name for my future alternative rock band that will never actually exist.  For years it was the Lint Donkeys, but I think I’m prepared to change it to Vaginal Cough Drop.  Or maybe that would work better as the name of our first album?  I guess I need to give it some more thought…

What will be the name of your future band that will never exist?  I think everybody has a couple stored away, so tell us about it in the comments, won’t you?

And I’m going to get ready for work now.

Have a great day, boys and girls.

Now playing in the bunker

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Comments

  1. chill says

    November 2, 2010 at 8:00 pm

    Jeff, you made the right choice. I laughed at ‘butter churn’ but not ‘car window’.

    Voting was almost deserted today. I went in the morning, but not at opening time; around 8:00, I guess. For a first this time, they were checking registrations on laptops. Until today, they used printouts on big, old-skool fan-folded computer paper. We still use the same touch-screen machines we’ve been using since I’ve lived here, which is 13 years. Three of them in a big room at the Presbyterian church behind my house; one was vacant when I walked in. We had to pick a Congresscritter, and vote yes or no on three amendments to the state constitution.
    .

    Reply
  2. CitizenX says

    November 2, 2010 at 9:42 pm

    Butter churn — MUCH better choice.
    I am still a bit disturbed by what happened when I voted today.

    Before I voted they stuck the plastic card in a machine, scanned my GA state DL via the same machine and handed me the voter card.

    I think they are attaching our votes to our names!

    Reply
  3. JMC says

    November 2, 2010 at 10:02 pm

    Churnin butter made me laugh my ass off; rolling down the car window makes me cringe in pain-anticipation. It’s also a longer description and you lose the effect a little I’d say.

    I got nothing on the band name; I’m an unoriginal bastard.

    Reply
    • madz1962 says

      November 3, 2010 at 9:59 am

      Now THAT would be a good band name:

      “Ladies and Gentlemen – The Unoriginal Bastards!”

      Reply
  4. hardoxdan says

    November 2, 2010 at 10:54 pm

    Butter churn, best choice. Yank it, don’t crank it.

    Voted on lunch hour, 2 people ahead of me. WW2 vets for sure, husband and wife, including a cane, age spots, orthopedic shoes, and moving like molasses in January.

    Get the F*** out on my way.

    Curmudgeon in progress, that’s me.

    Where in the hell did my pain in the ass wife hide my drugs??? Bitch.

    Reply
  5. heatherbear says

    November 2, 2010 at 11:02 pm

    butter churn all the way.

    Reply
  6. Casey J says

    November 2, 2010 at 11:14 pm

    a dumb question: do they track how you vote?? I know here at least, you do not have to show a picture id to vote. hmm. I wondered if the secret code on your sign in sheet was transferred. hell if I know. next time, doing it by mail. enough of the leaving the house bullshit. 🙂

    Reply
  7. dto says

    November 2, 2010 at 11:16 pm

    I’ll run some band names here. That’s been lagging and tomorrow after the plans the dentist has for me and my planned large intake of pharmaceuticals (hey…he said to)….I will most likely by mid-afternoon think I am a band. Here goes…

    Bad Decisions
    Blowin’ Dudes…(jazz band)
    Chinks in Armor
    GFY Big Band
    The Blunts
    Jailbait
    Carp Lice
    Navel Jelly
    Penis Logic

    Reply
    • dto says

      November 3, 2010 at 10:50 am

      Crotch Logic…is a more believible name. Even with goofy stuff, you fret if it’s just right. Part of the deal Jeff.

      Reply
  8. Greg says

    November 2, 2010 at 11:34 pm

    Before we got electronic touch-screen voting, I know that my ballot number was recorded on my “card” that I had to sign, so I know they tracked my vote. I’m sure they do the same thing, now that we use the electronic system. It really doesn’t bother me any.

    Reply
  9. t-storm says

    November 3, 2010 at 3:09 am

    Churning butter because that is a whole fist grip action thing. Rolling down a car window is a thumb and forefinger job which might be appropriate if he had a tiny dancer. But also the end result fits the butter description.

    Now if you would have said rolling up a car window…

    Band Name:
    Pencant for Earwax

    Reply
    • t-storm says

      November 3, 2010 at 3:10 am

      Penchant.

      Reply
  10. t-storm says

    November 3, 2010 at 3:12 am

    Oh yeah, and it sounds like my ballot was similar to jeff;s, Except we had all sorts of ballot issue crap.

    I don’t think anyone I wanted to win won but those were all in Ohio anyway where I can’t vote (it’s a residency thing, not a felony thing).

    Reply
  11. Ian the Errolite says

    November 3, 2010 at 6:00 am

    Last year I asked my son what the name of his future band would be (he wants to be a drummer). He thought for about ten seconds then said ‘Rock Mountain’.
    Not bad for a four year old!

    Butter.

    Reply
  12. fattie20xl says

    November 3, 2010 at 9:32 am

    “churnin’ butter” is classic…. but “rolling down a car window” is more original. even though there’s a generation that’s known nuthin’ but power windows (spoiled fucktards)

    my fake band names:

    the knife-fighting monkies (sic)
    johnny and the fucktards
    flaming dingo kidneys
    and now: The Yurt Farmers

    Reply
  13. bikerchick says

    November 3, 2010 at 10:03 am

    You know…I’ve been thinking about churnin’ butter/car window crankin’. Besides, I am a plethora of useless knowledge. Churnin’ is a much smoother, fluid motion. The downside is a shot in the face..or moneyshot as some call it. Crankin’ a manual car window…especially one in an old winter-beater car…could inflict some pain especially on that downward motion. Those damn things would always stick. Not to mention the clean up. If your a-crankin’ the shit’s a-flyin’.

    Reply
    • T. Farty McAppleass says

      November 3, 2010 at 1:07 pm

      I thought moneyshots went to the feet. But what do I know about it?

      Reply
  14. dto says

    November 3, 2010 at 10:33 am

    So…seems as if we got some new bar type lines now…

    “Oh yeah man…she can churn my butter anytime.”
    “Yeah man…I know what you mean. She can crank my window whenever she wants.”

    Reply
  15. Jason says

    November 3, 2010 at 12:37 pm

    Butter churn is the best choice. I voted and there was no drama. But the place was fucking packed. The lady working the desk asked me if I’d been drinking and I said, “Yes. It’s 4:00. What of it?”

    Band names:
    Furious George
    The Chrome Buzzards
    Crotch Rockers
    Meatface
    Junebugs

    Reply
  16. T. Farty McAppleass says

    November 3, 2010 at 12:40 pm

    Band Name:
    Hanging Chads

    Reply
  17. chill says

    November 3, 2010 at 5:58 pm

    Oh yeah, forgot the band name: Jonathan Edwards and the Brimstone Five.

    Although Crotch Logic is damn fine, and tough to beat. So to speak.
    .

    Reply
  18. t-storm says

    November 3, 2010 at 6:10 pm

    Saw on Morning Joe (?) this morning they were trying to ask Elvis Costello to compare the feeling in England in1977 to America now. He was basically like I’m just a bladder on a stick.

    It kills me when they ask people about shit they know nothing about. What’s worse is when those assholes pretend that they do know what they’re talking about (Bono, Whoopi, Rosie, Sheryl Crow, etc).

    Reply
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