The West Virginia Surf Report!

I apologize in advance. This one is going to be a quickie, ’cause I gots no time. As I type this, the younger boy is heading over to KFC to purchase, on my behalf, their much ballyhooed new chicken sandwich. My instructions: If it comes in a meal, get the meal. If not, just get that deep-fried poultry ball as a standalone. “Um, OK,” was his puzzled, but used-to-it response. As soon as it arrives, I’ll go upstairs, try it out, and return to the bunker for my review. How’s that sound?

Have you tried this thing? What are your thoughts? When everybody was whipped into a frenzy about the Popeye’s chicken sandwich, I tried it a few times, and thought it was fine. Actually, pretty good. But nowhere near as tasty as Chick-fil-A, and much saltier. I’ve had the Popeye’s sandwich maybe three or four times now, because people at work love ’em, and don’t really have a need to ever eat one again. I sort of enjoy it while I’m having it, then feel my blood pressure spiking due to the sodium load. It’s fairly disgusting.

OK, he’s here… Give me ten minutes.

I’m back. He was able to secure a meal, and chose Coke as the drink. Here’s the reality pic:

It was decent, but I’m not blown away. The chicken is extra-crispy, and there’s mayo and pickles on it. The bun is supposedly buttered, which is a nice touch. But is it better than Chick-fil-A? Ha! That’s my answer. It’s bigger, and probably cheaper. But not anything super-special. It’s a standard-issue fast food chicken sandwich. I took a couple of bites with the pickles, just to get the full experience. Then I plucked those nasty bastards off. I could still taste the residue, but it was now a muted nastiness.

I don’t know. There’s so much chicken sandwich hype. This thing is fine, definitely not terrible. But it’s not as good as what you could get at Wendy’s for the last hundred years or so. I feel like there might be a salt issue with this one, too. I can already feel it taking hold. Also, there was a stringiness that was slightly off-putting. Every time I took a bite it was still tethered to the mothership, if you know what I mean. I had to move the sandwich far away from my mouth to snap the cord. Not great.

Apparently Burger King is coming out with a new chicken sandwich, as well. I don’t know if it’s out, but I do know I haven’t tried it. Here are my rankings, so far:

1. Chick-fil-A (with a bullet!)
2. Wendy’s Homestyle (available since the Carter Administration, or some shit)
3. KFC
4. Popeye’s

The last two could flip-flop and I wouldn’t have an issue with it. Six of one, half a dozen of the other.

What are your thoughts on this important issue? How would you rank the FAST FOOD chicken sandwich? I put fast food in all caps, ’cause I’m not talking about some diner on the outskirts of Tulsa that “does” the best chicken sandwich in the world. I’m talking about shitty fast food, OK? Chick-fil-A is easily the best, in my opinion. And the tried and true Wendy’s Homestyle is better than any of the new interloper sandwiches. Right? Right. Please share your thoughts.

And if you didn’t have a chicken sandwich for lunch, what did you have? We need to know.

I have to go to work now. One more day of “opportunities” to navigate, then two glorious days off.

Have a great one, my friends!

Support the Surf Report with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon, and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal ([email protected]). In Canada? Do your shopping at Amazon! Thank you, guys!

That’s the day I registered this domain. A little over 22 years ago! Is that not crazy? For the record I wanted wvsr.com, which was taken, even back in those early internet days. And not by a radio station, either. Those guys are still chugging right along too. Godspeed, split rail folk! So, I had to put “the” in front of it. It’s not ideal, but it worked out OK. I guess. People get confused by it and the letters get all jumbled. It’s not perfect, that’s for sure. If I had to do it all over, I might’ve put a little more thought into it. …The story of my life.

Somehow I registered jeffkay.com exactly one year later, to the day. I’ve never done anything with that domain, except tie it up so some other Jeff Kay can’t have it. Years ago I received occasional inquiries from random Jeff Kays around the world, asking if I’d be interested in selling it. But that hasn’t happened in a long time. I guess the collective Jeff Kay realized it’s a lost cause?

I have some other domains, but those two are the oldest by far. I mentioned on the podcast that I recently secured adsvsreality.com. I’d been trying to get that thing for years, maybe a decade. It was owned by some company that was trying to flip it for profit. But eventually they dumped it, and I swooped in. I have a few others I’m watching, and hoping to do some more swooping in the near future. Oh, I’m out there… lurking. Always lurking.

The early days of this website was maintained with a program called Microsoft FrontPage. It was good for its day, but was eventually outdated. And yet I kept using it, way past the outdated date. In August of 2008 I finally started using WordPress, which is what I’m still using. Here are some stats covering the WordPress era:

Akismet is a so-called plugin that does a great job of filtering out comment spam. Without it, the site would be inundated with “comments” about making money at home, boner meds, etc. Over three million of them blocked, and counting. Also, we’re coming up on 100,000 legit comments. Pretty cool, huh? And 1426 posts. That’s a lot of nonsense, right there.

In any case, do you know what you were doing around March 9, 1999? I don’t expect you to know anything about that specific date, but just in general.

We didn’t know it yet, but were nearing the end of our run in California. During the second half of ’99 I was approached by Warner Home Video about possibly moving to Pennsylvania and taking the Field Operations Manager position. But in March none of that was happening yet. We were just living in the desert out there with the spiders and snakes and bees, and scary-ass swooping birds. And I was working in Burbank at WEA home office (RIP). We now had two boys: the older was about to turn three years old, and the younger was about four months. Money was tight, but we were getting by. Toney was running a fully-licensed and registered in-home daycare. Which sucked it with gusto. I think I was hanging around with Mark Maynard around that time, and he probably inspired me to register the website name. It looks like his was registered in May of 1999, so that makes sense.

What about you? What were you up to in March of 1999, or thereabouts? Please tell us about it in the comments.

Before I call it a day here I’d like to invite you to sign up for the resurrected mailing list, if you’re so inclined. Every Friday I send out a recap email to subscribers, and I think it’s pretty good. If you’d like to get in on that deal, sign up here. I don’t think you’ll be disappointed. And if you are? Just unsubscribe.

And I hope we all have a great weekend! I’m going to include myself this time. Is that so terrible?!

I’ll see you guys again soon.

Support the Surf Report with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon, and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal ([email protected]). In Canada? Do your shopping at Amazon! Thank you, guys!

A few days ago I saw a clickbait article that promised to rank the best “cheap” beers. I can’t find the exact piece, which bugs me more than it should. But here are a bunch of similar ones:

This one
This one
This one
This one

I could keep going, but you get the idea. In the one I saw — possibly the first link above, but I don’t think so — they listed Coors Banquet beer as best overall. I thought that was interesting, because I generally dismiss all things Coors in a highly snooty fashion. Also, I didn’t think I’d had one in 25 years. Best overall? Huh. Maybe I should buy a 6-pack and see if I was being unfair?

At this point in my life I drink mostly fancy-ass craft beers, and Yuengling lager. And I don’t drink nearly as much as I used to do, ’cause the used to do was outrageous. But God knows I’m no stranger to a lot of the beers on the lists above. Not all of them, but most. My friend Tim once remarked, while some other friends and I were in the midst of a “session” a hundred years ago, “If I got lost in the Sahara desert with nothing to eat but saltine crackers, and was finally rescued, I couldn’t drink as much water as you guys drink beer every night.” Heh.

Oh yeah, we used to drink whatever was available too. A lot of Bud Light, Miller High Life, Busch, Stroh’s… whatever. Some defunct classics too, like Meister Brau and Goebel and Little Kings. Also Falls City, remember that?! All of it was pure swill, I’m sure. But we weren’t exactly connoisseurs. We just wanted to crank up the April Wine and start to guzzling. So… I have some insight, much of it many years old. But insight nonetheless.

And this would be my list of favorite “cheap” beers: Pabst Blue Ribbon, Miller High Life, and Rolling Rock. A couple of those are probably based in nostalgia, or some sense of ancient brand loyalty. But the Pabst choice is pure. I don’t remember drinking it as a youngling much. But at some point I realized it’s an honest-to-goodness solid choice.

My friend Steve and I attended a baseball game in Cleveland a few years ago, on one of the hottest days I’ve ever experienced. We walked out of that stadium totally depleted, like when Spongebob visited Sandy’s underwater dome. We headed straight for a bar, and Steve ordered something from an obscure brewery in Vermont or somesuch. Still struggling and teetering on the edge of a seizure, I asked the bartender if they had any Pabst tall boys. She said, “Now, that’s more like it!” and went to get our beers. Steve was surprised by my order. But when I started downing that thing it felt like a fire was being extinguished inside me. I’m surprised a puff of smoke didn’t come out. It’s just so drinkable and tasty too. I know it’s an ironic hipster beer, but I’m no longer concerned with such trifles. And, by the way, Steve switched to PBR for the second round. ‘Cause it was the only correct choice.

When it comes to the cheap beers, I’m only down with the ones that existed in 1980 and earlier. Some of the newer ones — like Keystone and shit like that — don’t interest me at all. But I’m thinking about reacquainting myself with some of the old “favorites.” In fact, I purchased a big honkin’ 30-pack of the Coors Banquet on Saturday. Last night I finally had a couple of them… and they were good. I mean, none of it’s great. But it was better than anticipated. And 30 cans cost me $20. Crazy. Maxes out my bunker fridge in a pleasing fashion too. I have to admit, I was being unfair to the Coors Banquet. I hope they’ll accept my apology.

What do you have on this subject? Anything? Please share it in the comments. In addition to your favorite cheap beers and the ones you drank as a youngster, please tell us the brand of your first beer, if you remember. Mine was Miller High Life, purchased underage (at 16!) from Wagner’s Market in Dunbar. I was with my friends Rocky and Mike. We drank them and went to a high school basketball game. And that’s how it started. It was the slipperiest of slippery slopes.

I’m calling it a day here, my friends. Just one more day o’ work, and finally some downtime. I’m burning out! But, at least I have a chilled box of swill in here waiting for me. Ha!

I’ll see you guys again soon.

Have a great day!

Support the Surf Report with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon, and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal ([email protected]). In Canada? Do your shopping at Amazon! Thank you, guys!

I absolutely hate to climb into an unmade bed. Hate it! So… I make ours every day. Toney was previously more agnostic on the subject, but she’s come around on it, too. Once in a great while I’m rushed and have to be somewhere earlier than normal, and it gets forgotten. And she doesn’t like to climb into that clammy mess either. But it’s my job to keep the shit maintained. Somehow.

I’ve gotten pretty good at it through the years. In fact, I know all the military tucks, and everything. I’m not saying I always do that, but it’s in my repertoire. The only thing that throws me off is the quilt we use as a comforter. An old lady who lived down the street from us when I was growing up made it for us as a wedding present (I think). It’s a handmade quilt, and very cool. She’s gone now, of course. She’d be roughly 120 years old if she were still around. Anyway, that thing is SLIGHTLY rectangular. You can’t really tell by looking, but if you put it on wrong you’ll notice it. So… I’d say four days out of seven I do it the wrong way, which triggers some bitchin’. “Why is this thing not square?!” I’ve shouted a million times.

But I do good work. I’m quite accomplished in the art of bed-making, thank you very much. I’m not sure I could change the oil in my car, but we all have our areas of expertise. What are you feelings on this subject. Is it simply mandatory that the bed be made daily? Please bring us up to date on this important subject.

I also have a few additional sleep-related questions. Don’t feel compelled to answer them all. Just pick and choose the ones that interest you. Here ya go:

• How many hours of sleep do you believe you require to function well, and how many do you usually get? I need 7 or 8, and get 5 or 6. And it’s mostly my own fault.
• What time do you generally hit the sack? It’s after 1 am for me. Sometimes as late as 2:30.
• Do you read in bed? I do, almost nightly. I’d say six nights per week, generally. I use a Kindle Paperwhite, one of the greatest inventions yet.
• What’s your standard sleep position? I start off on my side, but Toney says I eventually end up on my back. She has a big problem with this, and says it’s weird.
• What do you wear to bed? I know… completely nude. I’ve asked this question before, and everybody claims to sleep naked. Is this really true? I sleep in underwear and a t-shirt.
• Do you wear socks to bed? If so, why in God’s name?! I can’t even imagine such a thing.
• How often do you wash your sheets? We’re inconsistent with it, but nothing ridiculous. I knew people during the Greensboro and Atlanta years who claimed to have not washed their sheets in years. Years! That was back when I was in my 20s and associated with people in their 20s. Ridiculous.

And that’s all I can muster, my friends. Please share your thoughts on these sleep-related items.

I almost didn’t make this Friday update, but got it in with 54 minutes to spare! I hope all’s well in your corner o’ the world. I’ll see you guys again soon.

Have a great day!

Support the Surf Report with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon, and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal ([email protected]). In Canada? Do your shopping at Amazon! Thank you, guys!

I was told late in the day today that I’m needed at work early in the day tomorrow… so this one is going to be a quickie. I’d like to get your opinions on pizza. For instance, what are your favorite toppings? If you could choose three or fewer, which ones would you choose? Cheese is a given, but feel free to go with extra cheese. I like any combination of pepperoni, sausage, bacon, onion, and green peppers. Those are my favorites, and if I had to narrow it down to just three I’d probably go with pepperoni, green peppers and onions. Tomorrow it might be something slightly different. The pizza in the picture looks almost perfect… except for the fungus. What do you have on this? Please tell us about it in the comments.

I never really liked the deep dish, or even the locally renowned “Old Forge style.” It’s almost like a casserole. I just prefer the kind you can get at a regular pizzeria, or at a walk-up NYC-style by-the-slice kinda joint. In the latter case just pepperoni or cheese will do, thank you very much.

We’re lucky to live in an area of the country where there are good-to-great pizza shops every couple of blocks. I’m not kidding, this area is lousy with kick-ass pizza. Sometimes I’m just blown away by how good it is. It feels like we’ve ordered from 25 different pizza joints at my job alone. There’s a place called Pizza Bella and another called Gerry’s that are just fantastic. There’s always good pizza available, wherever you are. But up here… it’s an abundance of riches. I wish I had some right now.

Needless to say, I’ve also enjoyed my share of chain takeout pizzerias. I sometimes opt for a large three-topping pie from Domino’s for lunch. You have to order it online and pick it up, but it’s only $7.98. And Domino’s is pretty damn good these days. They had a reputation for being terrible for many years, but they’ve improved. And it’s difficult to shake a negative opinion of a business. Can you think of any that you originally hated, then came around to liking? In any case, they’re good and not great. Perfect for a quick and cheap lunch. And there’s always half a pizza left over for after work! I haven’t had Pizza Hut in years, but don’t have a negative feeling about them, either. I remember being lukewarm on Papa John’s and Little Caesar’s. I’d take Domino’s over them, unless my memory is faulty. There’s a place called Hungry Howie’s in Myrtle Beach that I always thought was pretty damn good, too. They’re a chain, but I don’t know much else.

What do you have on this subject? Do you have pizza opinions? Please unburden yourself.

And I’ll see you guys again soon.

Have a great day!

Support the Surf Report with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon, and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal ([email protected]). In Canada? Do your shopping at Amazon! Thank you, guys!