You know what really gripes my ass? People yelling all the time. Teenagers do it, probably because they don’t know what else to do, but so do many adults. They apparently think that hollering stuff is funny, and makes them seem wacky and wild.
But they’re wrong. It makes them look like idiots. It puts them in the same category as those big mamas at Wal-Mart screaming at their fat and nondescript children (usually named Dusty or Cole) from one end of the Faygo aisle to the other:
“Dusty, put down that jerky sack!! I told you we weren’t buying no jerky today! Did you hear me?! Dusty!! I SAID PUT DOWN THE GODDAMN JERKY!”
Without going into too much detail, I encounter yellers all the time. They scream each other’s names as a greeting, apparently believing this is witty. And every once in a while they’ll let loose a top o’ the lungs hog call, prompted by nothing whatsoever.
My simple request: shut the fuck up. Yelling is not funny. Something is either humorous, or it isn’t. Volume doesn’t change the equation. You think that screaming makes up for the fact that you can never think of anything clever to say, but you are wrong.
So do us all a favor and shut your dumbass hot wing hole. And while you’re at it: jam it deep and on a slant. Holy hell.
Last night Toney and I had an argument, and I went to bed at 9:30 (funk this!), and was wide awake again at 1:30 in the morning. I got up, made myself a peanut butter and jelly sanglich (I was also starving), and read for two hours. I went back to bed at 3:30, and slept until 10:30.
Nobody likes a sad sack complainer (except Morrissey fans), but we’re in a valley right now. Life is sucking the proverbial big one, and we’re starting to take it out on each other. No good. We could use a little good news, we really could. Where go the good news? The seeds have been sown (I’ve been sowin’ like a son of a bitch), but so far… no green chutes.
Maybe you guys can wish some good juju our way? I’d really appreciate any positive juju efforts on our behalf. Pass the dutchie.
In any case… Be sure to check out today’s Further Evidence link, or just watch the video right here. What was going through the guy’s head? It’s both hilarious and hard to watch.
But once you get past the dude’s rather interesting execution, don’t you just hate it when politicians bust out the heartwarming anecdote? It’s probably my most-hated political cliche. Followed closely by the speech-fist, with the thumb sticking out. Know what I mean? Here’s a pic.
They always claim that some down on their luck person approached them in a diner or some other “regular person” locale, begging for relief from the ideas of their opponent. And I can’t help but believe these little tales are complete and utter fabrications. At the very least, they’re greatly exaggerated, and “adjusted.”
What really happened in that diner, I think to myself, is this asshole probably showed up with his entourage, everyone acted really condescending and rude to the staff, and they stiffed the waitress on her tip. Or is that too cynical?
Without devolving into paint-by-numbers political talking points (please God…) what other politician cliches get under your skin? These things transcend party and ideology, so let’s try to keep it neutral, OK? It’s the height of election season, so what’s bugging you? Generally speaking…
Use the comments link below.
And finally, I’d like know what movies you watch over and over again. But, to make the exercise a little more interesting, let’s disqualify Christmas flicks. Everyone seems to have a list of holiday movies they like to watch every year, so let’s make today’s list non-holiday only.
I don’t watch too many movies repeatedly, but make an exception for Animal House, and The Hollywood Knights. They’re similar films, and make me happy every time. In fact, I’m feeling the urge to bust out Animal House, right now. I might watch it tonight, and also kick off Bourbon Season a few days early.
So, if you have anything on this subject, please share. And I’m going to call it a week, my friends.
I’ll see you again on Monday.
Now playing in the bunker
Evil Twin t-shirts now only $13!
fear and loathing in las vegas
I guess I’m such a fan of the book (several readings of my old edition} I didn’t care for the movie when it came out and still don’t. I know Dep hung out with HST for a while but still, better left in the book….(in my not so fat ass know it all opinion)
Jeff,
I have been sending you nothing but love because we recently got a 5 Guys nearby. Went on your recommendation ( ok, 4 times within 2 weeks) and it is delish.
Hope things are better soon.
Movies:
Contact
The Breakfast Club
[Any John Hughes film, really]
Pretty Woman
Italian Job
Politics:
REALLY hate the phrase “Going Forward”
Jeff,
Glad soo many of your “fans” are sending positive karma your way. I am doing the same. Hang in there, buddy. I hope it all blows over soon!
I used to play on a game site with this guy , Mulegrin. Well I think he is a guy . Anyway , he writes great little short stories. Reminds me of some of you here. The fourth story about Munroe Butts will make anyone feel better about their life. Poor Munroe! It’s just a page long and I think most of you will at least get a giggle out of it.
http://thestarlitecafe.com/poems/105/poem_91169886.html
In honor of Bourbon Season. It’s a bit long but John Grisham tells a good tale.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPzUcJcgXUA
We never get trick or treaters. The first year we moved in here I sat out at the end of my driveway like a fool holding a big bucket of candy that I had to subsequently eat by myself over a four month span, much to my dentist’s delight. It’s because our street is fairly dark. I’m surrounded by people who don’t usually participate in Halloween festivities and my meager porch light doesn’t cut through the darkness.
So, I gave up and for thee years I haven’t given out any candy. That was the plan this year. Then this morning, my neighbors across the street suddenly installed a high-powered bulb in their lamp post that casts light you can see from space. Oh. Crap.
So now various candy-fed ghouls and goblins are running amok outside, ringing my bell, scratching at my door, probably pelting my car with eggs. I’m holed up in my here like it’s “Night of the Living Dead” or something. BACK OFF, I DON’T GOT NO STINKIN’ CANDY!!
Help me.
I haven’t done candy for 20 years. Just keep your porch lights off, and you’re out of the loop. It’s only an hour and a half. Hide in the basement or go to a bar. It’s over by 7:30. The kids don’t care one way or the other. They just go to the historic district, and hit up the rich people.
I did have the porch light off! Problem is my neighbor’s 700 watt bulb was lighting the place up like midday. Anyway, I survived without having to set a loveseat on fire or anything.
I’ve got senior citizens on both sides of me who didn’t want to fiddle with it. so I was lucky. We didn’t have that much trafic on our street, anyway. In fact, most people didn’t have their light on. I guess we’ve got a bunch of scrooges on our block. Actually, lots of older folks.
The Stillers are losing to the Saints! Oh Crap!
Geeez, this Halloween keeps getting better and better. 🙁
HEEEEEAAAAAATH!?!?!
Heath needs to learn to put two hands on the freakin’ ball.
A boy of about 13 came to my door last night dressed in drag. He had a wig, stuffed bra, lipstick, the whole bit. It was the most disturbing costume I saw all night.
And my local “Papa Half-shirt” (that gave out sausages last year) gave out hard boiled eggs with gibberish written all over them in magic marker.
I started the tradition that someone else here mentioned. That is, giving alcohol to the parents. Most of them took a beer but a few of them looked at me with disgust and hurried their kids away.
Ok, here’s my list. I’ll apologize in advance for my over-abundance of chick-flickery.
Back To The Future
Tombstone
Shawshank Redemption
Forest Gump
Pretty Woman
Ghost
Robin Hood (The Kevin Costner version)
Happy Gilmore (“the price is wrong, bitch!”)
The 40-Year Old Virgin
Top Gun
Twilight
New Moon
I’m probably gonna be sorry I added those last two, but fuck it.
Ground Hog Day. Maybe I have only watched it once but I am reliving it over and over and over again and just think I have watched it more than once!
I have no ider how many times I have seen The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. I have been watching it since I was a kid in the early 1970s.
I got 37 robo calls over the weekend. Someone should put a stop to that.
I think Nov. 2nd is the stop date.
hot fuzz Reply:
November 1st, 2010 at 11:40 am
One of the Hanson brother’s son’s in on the Leafs. No word on whether or not he puts on the foil
.
.
Hot…
What’s his name? I’d love to follow him this year. You know, track penalty minutes, stitches, arrests, etc.
jtb