A few nights ago I was listening to a really good, but criminally obscure power pop album. This one right here. I have both of his CDs, and they’re equally fantastic. And since it had been a while, I checked the internet to see if he’s working on anything new.
And yeah, he committed suicide last April… How’s that for a kick to the onions? Not exactly the kind of “project” I had in mind.
I was also reading about Hasil Adkins — another fringe character who lived not-too-far from where I grew up. He was a crazed rockabilly madman, and check out the Wikipedia explanation of his death:
On April 15, 2005, Adkins was deliberately run over in his front yard by a teenager on an ATV. The perpetrator was apprehended by police (after running over another person a short distance down the road from Adkins’ house), and Adkins identified him in a picture the police showed him. Ten days later, on April 25, Adkins was found dead in his home.
WTF?? Is that what they’re doing in Boone County for fun these days? Deliberately running over random people in their yards with gasoline-powered hick machines? Good god.
I read both of these stories on the same evening, and it was an uplifting experience. Truly uplifting.
My new agent (I won’t bore you with the details) gave me a homework assignment a few weeks ago, and I’m reading several humorous memoirs. I’m almost finished with House of Cards, about an inexperienced guy who moved to the sprawling metropolis of Kansas City, and went to work at Hallmark. It’s really good, and funny.
Before that one, I read Supserstud by Paul Feig. Feig (an unfortunate name) created the TV show Freaks and Geeks, which was a masterpiece. And his book is about his struggle with the opposite sex, during his teenage years and early twenties. There are plenty of cringe-worthy moments, and I highly recommend it.
Near the end is a full chapter about his ill-conceived attempt to, you know… blow himself. He was nearly rendered a quadriplegic during the process, and the whole thing is funny as hell. But can you imagine putting something like that into a book? Where your friends and relatives can read it?
I can’t think of anything from my past that would, um, rise to the same level. But if there was… yeah, I’d probably write about it, too. Then never leave the house again.
If any of you want to make any Feig-like confessions today, please use the comments link below. Supposedly it’ll make you feel better, so have at it.
Also, can you recommend any funny autobiographical books? Obviously, I’m preparing for something here… I’m in training.
I’m really hungry right now, and there’s not a single Miranda Cosgrove frozen meal under the roof. I guess I could make myself a sandwich, or something. But that would require assemblage, and it just seems like one gigantic hassle to me.
Yeah, I’m lazy. What of it? That’s why Wendy’s offers the number one with cheese, no pickles, and a Coke. For folks like me! God, how I love ’em.
I’m going to leave you now with a stoopid Question that might or might not work. I’d like to know your all-time favorite dumbass TV sitcom catch-phrase. You know, like Fonzie’s “Heyyyy!” and J.J.’s “I am kid dy-no-mite!”
Heh. Do any of you remember a show from the ’70s called Carter Country? There was a fat poofter gentleman on there, possibly the mayor, who always said, “Handle it! Handle it!” to his underlings. That’s what gets my vote.
So, do with that what you can. And I’m going to go pay someone to build me a lunch now.
See you guys next time.
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters!!
Happy Weekend Surf Reporters!
It’s Rye-O-Clock!!
“Let’s be careful out there”
I like ham!
Steve Erkle?
Whatchoo talkin’ ’bout, Willis!”
No Feig-like confessions for myself, but I did walk in on my college roomate trying to have sex with our old strato-lounger. We had gotten the thing at goodwill and there were rips in the fabric here and there.
He tried to use one as a glory hole and got his member pinched between some springs. He was crying for help but I couldn’t stop laughing. I went and got the RA and he gave him a hand getting loose.
The RA didn’t seem to mind, but then he always had lots of girls that were friends but never a girlfriend and both his wrists always looked like they had been slammed in a car door.
I often use the phrase Handle it! Handle it!
Boone County is a messed up place.
Isn’t Jesco White, the Dancing Outlaw, from Boone Co?
Yep, I’m afraid so. Next question?
Catch phrase? I love it when a plan comes together!
Read George Carlin’s “Last Words” truly fantastic.
From the Honeymooners: “It says here to address the ball.” (Norton tipping his hat) “Helllllllloooo Ball!”
Stifle yourself Edith!
Read: A Monk Swimming by Malachy McCourt (Frank’s brother)
I must get this. I still need to get my mitts on “Teacher Man”, too. .
I loved all Frank McCourt’s books, and I really enjoyed A Monk Swimming. I would love to know more about the father. What did he do all those years, and what did his family think of all of it? I wish there was a biography of the McCourts.
The bunker cam reminded me of this hilarious gawker story
http://itm.im/fs
Was Mr. Feig successful anyway?
I was……
“Kiss mah grits!”
Kiss my grits!
Harvey Pekar autobiography. Somewhat funny, more strange.
Whut? Wheya?- Vinnie Barbarino
Mistah Kottah, that was truly amazing- Arnold Horshak
Oh wait, I misunderstood, I thought you meant phrases that made me hate the show forever. Never mind.
Don’t like TV catch phrases.
Walked in on a dude I worked with in the early eighties who never locked his apartment door. He was making sweet, sweet love to a Hoover. He started locking his door after that.
Happy weekend everybody. Remember, the roses and shit will all be gone on Monday–Plan ahead.
Tried it, couldn’t quite reach, made contact but only enough to say i tried it.
As far as catch phrase I’ll have to think about it.
Maybe “Norm!”
Oh and I just had a Morgan Spurlock Cafe Steamer
Was steamer from Cleveland?
hee-hee
Book him, Dano
“Why soytainly!” and “Otay” have crept into my vocabulary.
“I know nothing…NOTHING!”–Sgt. Schultz
“I pity da fool!”–Mr. T
“Make it so.”–Capt. Jean-Luc Picard
“COME ON!!”
Quote from an old Army buddy to the Company commander (during an AIT company barracks inspection, with the drill sergeants present; two of which were female.):
“Sir, the most applicalbe Army value is Honor, sir. It applies to my life, sir. As I always say; If you can’t cum in’er, cum on’er, sir.”
Gob Bluth? HA
Dammit Jim, I’m a doctor, not a mechanic!
The simpsons did a whole episode dedicated to catch phrases. I’m too lazy to search for it. But my favorite from the show is Nelson’s “Ha-ha!”
And now for something completely different….
Can’t think of any catch phrases off hand. My head is so full of fucking snot from this horrible cold, I can’t think straight. I look and feel like shit rolled over
Sit on it, Potsie
YEEEEEEHAAAAWWWW!
I:
Took the second half of today off.
Am two deep into some homemade superbrew.
Am about to finish my homework for the weekend.
Am going to Tucson to have my first Five Guys burger tomorrow.
Will record mylyrical portion of an online musical collaborative effort this weekend.
We Just got a Five Guys near my house.
YUM! And YUM!
“Hey”
(See any “Friends” episode. I’d swear that nobody ever says “hi” on that show. In fact, counting “hey”‘s while watching Friends could replace “Hi Bob” while watching any Newhart show.). Oh – and bonus points (drinks/shots/whatever) whenever Jennifer Aniston’s nipples are sticking out (again – see any “Friends” episode).
Even though Idaho doesn’t have it’s own beer claim to fame, all the beers in the United States that use U.S. grown hops get their hops from Idaho.
Not quite true, Washington is the biggest hops producer in the US
Sing it, sister. Um, brother.
jtb
I googled Idaho beer and they have the Grand Teton Brewing Company in Victor, ID just west of Jackson Hole, WY. Anybody ever had any of their offerings?
Jeff,
I’m sure you’ve read Mulgrew’s book already. But if not, I would recommend it. I’ve read it twice and have purchased two other copies for friends.
For the rest of you, here is the amazon link (through thewvsr): http://www.amazon.com/Everything-Wrong-Me-American-Childhood/dp/B004IK9E9Q/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1297464389&sr=1-1
David Sedaris books are great! And Henry Rollins too. Tim Gunn “Make it work”
I actually ordered the ones you mentioned and last words from amazon, using your link of course. Amazingly cheap on amazon right now.
Also ordered the Walking Dead season 1 on Blu-Ray.
Wooooooooooooooooooo zombies!
Calvin Trillin’s “Family Man” is funny and warm and what the hell…it’s written by one of America’s best writer/humorists. I’ve read Mr. Trillin for much of my adult life and own all but his poetry books — perhaps 15 or 18 all together. I never read one I didn’t like.
jtb
Damn, my ass hurts today. Wait a minute…what was the question?
I join the Angry One in not fancying television catchphrases. If I gave an example it would be from a show like Mr. Peepers, Dorothy and nobody would remember it, and nobody would bother to learn about this wonderful, pioneering show. So I’ll just stipulate that all happened and move on.
jtb
Yes, Mr. Peepers won a George Foster Peabody Award; it hardly matters, because the show isn’t just in black and white…it was presented live, so the only way to view the show now is via kinescope. Many were destroyed, but some remain and are available on DVD.
jtb
I need to check out Peepers – I’ve read good things about it.
There is a fantastic PBF comic on the topic of the catch phrase, but Nicholas seems to have taken it down from the site. If he ever puts it back, the URL should be http://www.pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF247-Catch_Phrase.jpg
My favorite catch phrase at this time: “Shut the fuck up, Donny”.
I can’t think of any funny autobiographical books.
.
Kenneth, what is the frequency?
I was watching “Manswers” on the Spike channel late last night. And they addressed the ago old question, “Which animal has a vagina most like a human?” Turns out to be a sea cow thing. I forget the name of it. But it apparently has a very human-like vagina, complete with a clitoris, labia, and so forth. They said that sailors used to fuck the shit out of these things. And that’s where the mermaid myth came from.
They also said that 40% of boys on farms have fucked an animal. I find that hard to believe. That seems like a really high number.
“Stifle yourself, dingbat.”
Jason, I used to be a high school counselor in the middle of Illinois farm country. The other 60% are lying.
That’s very disturbing, Greg. Hell, I grew up on a farm. And while I did fuck a few goats, I’d never admit it to my school counselor.
It can get very boring in the middle of Illinois during those long, cold winter months, especially if you have sheep.
What was that song John Denver sang? “Thank God I’m a Country Boy!” I wonder if those lyrics went through their heads when they saw a shy little sheep caught in the fence?
These boys were big, strong, and horny, and had already “dated” the girls in their class. I have no explanation. I didn’t ask any questions.
THIS is why I read the comments. We’re all liars at one time or another.
“Hello Newman”
Yeah, that was my first thought!
“It’s none of your damn business!” by yours truly.
Funny with my friends, not appreciated by law enforcement personell.
Not a sitcom but my favourite tv catch-phrase is:
“Clear Eyes. Full Hearts. Can’t Lose!”
Is that from that Housewives of New Jersey show or Corner Gas? I damn well know it’s not from my favourite show Slings and Arrows.
jtb
Neither. Thank you for bringing up Corner Gas, it is a heck of a show and as a Canadian I am proud. p.s. Jason…Lacey is kinda hot.
You probably missed my response the other day – it is my sincere belief that I’ve seen Sylvia Tyson live.
It is still rye-O-C’lock here in the nations capital.
Kevin…
Yeah, Corner Gas seems kinda Prairie and Slings and Arrows seems like Eastern Canada. Of course, for the Maritimes, we have Trailer Park Boys. Traders, another of my favorites is set in Vancouver, I think. The bastards only published Season 1 on DVD and I continue to wait for the rest of the series.
Not trying to simplify Canada. I know it’s more complicated than that, but I don’t speak French and I’m not entirely sure I could understand an actual Newfoundlander, but I’d be willing to try.
I don’t know how many years I was in love with Sylvia Fricker (Tyson), but it was quite a few. She was certainly the better singer of the two and nearly everybody in Canada is funnier than Ian. Sylvia certainly was/is.
And thanks for keeping the drinking of rye alive and well and living in Ottowa.
Thanks for making sure I got the response. Ian and Sylvia still mean a lot to me.
best…jtb
I have to agree, Kevin. Lacey is kinda hot. I’d hit it – but that’s not saying much.
I love Trailer Park Boys. But I’ve had to watch nearly every episode via youtube.
I have some Trailer Park Boys on DVD and I’ve seen The Boys on stage with Guns N’ Roses. Not sure what that means. I wish I had a Sylvia Tyson DVD with which to chill.
It’s once again Rye-O-Clock in the Nations Capital, determined to down 60oz in a weekend. My liver is not my friend. At this time.
The liver is evil, and must be destroyed.
.
Alberta Premium 100% Rye is actually good for the liver because of its purity. Next time a surgeon has your lower abdomin open, take a look — the best docs actually bathe the liver in Alberta Premium to preserve it.
jtb
They call it being “Alberta Bound”. Check it out.
jtb
Drizzle Drazzle Druzzle Drome
Time for this one to come home
lol, my neighbor says this when he’s drunk, then heads to the house and goes to bed. Only difference is he uses F’s instead of D’s.
This has nothing to do with anything we are talking about but I have a neighbor that works on my car and I work on his computers without charging one another. It works out great. Only problem is that his friends bring HIM their computers to work on and he calls me to tell him how to fix it. For free. I think I see a free auto detailing in my future.
You have any friends like that?
The good old Barter System. But your friend sounds like he’s taking advantage so hell, yes – you get a free detailing!
Tell your frind how to fix it wrong. He’ll fuck it up, you’ll know what he did to fuck it up and then the other guy will pay you to fix it. The guy will come straight to you the next time.
“Mecca lecca hi, mecca hiney ho”.
Government Cheese sounding so good tonight! Big sound & lots of energy. Experiencing major flashbacks. Reporting from Bowling Green, KY.
“Hello, Newman.”
Anybody else just watch American dad? Kind of timely on the Paul Feig topic.
Has anyone seen the documentary called ‘The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia?’ If anyone has Netflix, watch it.
I’ve watched it. Those people do not represent West Virginia. It’s humorous, but they are outliers. Mercy. I hate that people watch that and think, “Oh, yeah. West Virginia.” I bet they have people that stupid in every state.
It was pretty interesting. I did not think at all that those people represent West Virginia. Every state has a ‘White’ family. Those people represent how families and people in general should NOT be. I was actually happy to know that they took that woman’s baby away, she’s so much better off NOT knowing her family.
From West Wing:
“I’ve got some real-world problems here, Leo. I haven’t got time for the cosmetic ones.”
I tell this to my wife every time she asks “Does this shirt match my shoes?” or some other nonsense.
I love autobiographies, and read ones from all over the map. Some funny, some tragic, some both. Here are a few I really liked, from off the top of my head. Oh, and since I am a chick, some of these lean that way.
Jeanette Walls – The Glass Castle
http://www.amazon.com/Glass-Castle-Memoir-Jeannette-Walls/dp/074324754X
Augusten Burroughs – Dry
http://www.amazon.com/Dry-Memoir-Augusten-Burroughs/dp/0312423799/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1297709145&sr=1-3
Haven Kimmel – A Girl Named Zippy
http://www.amazon.com/Girl-Named-Zippy-Growing-Mooreland/dp/0767915054/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpi_1
And, I know this may seem ridiculous, but it is actually a really funny book, and supposedly autobiographical:
Chelsea Handler – Are You There Vodka, It’s Me Chelsea
http://www.amazon.com/Are-You-There-Vodka-Chelsea/dp/1416596364/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1297709597&sr=1-3