Yeah, let’s get the t-shirt business out of the way early. What do you say? As mentioned multiple times, I’m taking pre-orders on a re-creation of the old retro Smoking Fish shirts, and still have plenty of the kick-ass Evil Twin design, as well. Place your orders (for either or both) right here.
Also, I’ve started actively soliciting advertisers, and would appreciate any help you guys can provide. If you know someone who might be interested in running banner ads at the Surf Report, send them here. And please let them know the prices posted are a “suggestion,” not really cast in stone.
Oh, I’m one hell of a businessman…
I’m at the library as I type this because it’s utter pandemonium at our house. I had intentions of getting up early today, having this update finished before 11 am, and moving on to other stuff. And everything went circling around the ol’ turd-basin.
At one point I found myself sitting in the living room watching a heavily-edited version of Wayne’s World on some questionable cable network, as Toney talked on her cell phone, the older Secret played along to a Led Zeppelin song on bass, the younger boy played along to a Clash song on drums, and Andy barked at a guy mowing the grass across the street.
And I yelled, “What am I doing with my life??”
I feel guilty about getting out of bed and going straight to the bunker, with the whole fambly home. But apparently that’s not something I need to worry about? Everybody was doing their own thing, with the exception of me. And I was watching a depressingly lame movie, made even lamer by “get out of debt” commercials and the clumsy overdubbing of “bullshit.”
And so it goes.
Yesterday afternoon I was going to go to the beer store, and Toney asked if I’d also stop and buy Fritos. We were having “taco salad” for dinner, and the original recipe calls for the crumbling of Fritos on top. And who are we to argue with the original recipe? Yum.
So, the older Secret and I purchased a case of the golden elixir, and went to the grocery store next door. While there I noticed they were having a sale on Herr’s brand potato chips: buy one GARGANTUAN bag for $3.79, get another free.
A hell of a deal… So, in addition to the Fritos, I also bought one bag of barbecue, and another sack of sour cream & onion. And as we were walking toward the self-serve cash registers we passed the Little Debbie end-cap, and I stopped, pointed toward a 12 ct box of oatmeal cream cookies, and raised one eyebrow like Belushi. Yes, please was the silent reply from the boy.
And I realized I was thirsty as were exiting the store, so I walked over to their soda machines. Huh, 75 cents… pretty cheap. So I bought a Dr. Pepper for myself, and the Secret opted for straight-up Co’ Cola.
While driving toward home, I started making a mental list of the stuff I’d just purchased: three bags of chips, a box of oatmeal cookies, a case of beer, and two bottles of soda. Hooo-ly shit. Toney was going to let me have it.
And she did, but not as bad as I’d feared. She blamed most of it on the Secret. “You’ve got to learn to say no,” she told me. I didn’t respond one way or the other. Under the circumstance nothing good would’ve come from her knowing that he’d had nothing to do with it. You’ve got to know when to hold ‘em, and know when to fold ‘em.
I watched Valkyrie last weekend, and thought it wasn’t very good. For some reason I was intrigued by it, and looked forward to its availability at Netflix. It wasn’t horrible, but not nearly as good as I’d hoped. It has a happy ending, though. Heh.
This weekend I have another movie starring a person who sometimes irritates me: Good Night, and Good Luck. We’ll see how it goes.
Toney and I have also been watching The Sopranos again, starting from the beginning. We’re already up to the third season, and loving it. In fact, I think I like it better the second time around. I’d forgotten how funny those early seasons are. Great stuff… one of the best TV shows ever.
What’s your opinion of audiobooks? Do you listen to them? For years I’ve had a snobby attitude toward the things, thinking they were for people unable (for whatever reason) to focus and actually read a book. I thought it was an unacceptable shortcut, like Miller Lite.
But I’m starting to soften my stance… At my job we’re allowed to use iPods, and I usually have mine plugged into my head for eight hours per night. And I’m starting to appreciate audiobooks.
Oh, I still listen to Clive Bull, Phil Hendrie, Jean Shepherd, old time radio, and Sebadoh. But the audiobooks fit in nicely. I bought a couple Seth Godin books through Amazon, and I’m enjoying ‘em, and shopping for other titles.
So, what’s your opinion of audiobooks? And have you ever had a strong opinion about something, then done a complete 180 on it? Tell us about it, won’t you?
Also, do you have any complete newspapers saved from special days? Magazines too, I guess… Toney and I kept an unread paper from Atlanta when the older Secret was born, and a copy of the Los Angeles Times when the younger one came along.
And I think I bought my parents a copy of LIFE magazine from the week they were married (in 1961), a few years ago. I thought it was a cool gift, but my folks are practical people and probably thought, “Why would I want to read old news?” I don’t know…
But what about you? Do you have anything saved like that? Tell us about it in the comments.
And I’m calling it a week here. The yuppie bar is calling my name, and I think Toney and I need to take advantage of their happy hour again. Mmmm… cheap microbrews out of doors.
Have a great weekend, folks!
I’ll see you on Monday.
Am I first?
WOW!!!!!
I’m never in the top 5
I accomplished something today!!!!!
Yes, you are first.
TURD !!!!!
Dagnabbit!!!!
woot woot woot woot!!!!
for the female beer-drinkers out there http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/6014310/Beer-could-stop-bones-going-brittle.html
We listened to an audio book on the way home from Maine this year.
Mr.Man picked it out…so it was some medevial killing thing.
I didn’t much care for it. Plus the dude reading it always kept trying to make his voice change for the characters.
That was completely stupid.
The women sounded like transvestites.
AliceinWV I must have bones of steel!
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters….
Have complete editions of 2 local papers, hermetically sealed, from the day(s) my Secrets were born.
Also have a Life magazine from when JFK was assassinated ( a few years before my time)
Also have several editions of Life from WWII era(way before my time)
I can commiserate with JK, my wife is the same. She’ll go to the the store for a few incidentals and return with 20 bags and a running triple digit receipt.
Ponderous I tell you
I have many newspapers from special days, I have the USA Today, Cincy Enquirer and Baseball Weekly all from the day my daughter was born. I also kept full papers from 9/11 for the next generation to remember what happened that day, not what they will eventually read in a paragraph in some bullshit text book. I think the original front page of a daily paper gives insight into events by putting in context to the actual day.
The first audiobook I got sucked. It was “Where’s Waldo” and it was just a guy speaking in a monotone: “There’s a man with a hotdog cart, there’s a lady pushing a baby carriage, there’a a boy with a balloon, there’s Waldo…..”
I have newspapers saved from the Kennedy Assasination, When baby Jessica was rescued, 9/11, and I don’t know what all else. I haven’t looked at them in a while.
I used to have very strong opnions about crutons. Now I don’t care so much.
Top 20 Yaaaa!!!
I was in 7th grade when Iraq invaded Kuwait, and saved the front page of the Indianapolis Star the day Desert Storm began. “Gulf War Explodes” in the biggest letters I’d yet seen on a newspaper. I still have it 18 years later.
My dad is a big Indiana U. fan, and IU won the 1981 national championship game on the same day Reagan was shot. He bought a metal (?) replica of the Bloomington Herald-Telephone from the next day with the dual “Reagan condition ‘excellent’ after surgeons remove bullet” and “NCAA Champions” headlines. I don’t know what to call this thing, the letters are raised off the surface and the pictures are this rough material. It’s pretty cool, if you’re into IU basketball.
I also thought audiobooks were stupid but I eventually changed my mind. They’re great if you spend a lot of time in the car or if you can listen at work. Plus while I’d never want to go out and spend 20 or 30 bucks for certain books I don’t mind listening to them for cheap or free. If you’ve got a long trip alone in the car they’re a godsend. Of course if you’ve got a monotonous job they’re good too. I have a lot of friends who listen to them while spending endless hours driving a tractor or combine during planting and harvest seasons.
For me it doesn’t replace reading books, it augments it. I can listen to a book I normally wouldn’t have the time to read. It’s also a new way to enjoy classics you’ve read in the past. I’m currently listening to a librivox recording of Ivanhoe and recently finished the unabridged version of The Count Of Monte Cristo.
I have the newspaper from the day my children were born and some papers that had articles featuring my children later. That would be all but you guys have got some pretty cool stuff.
I once went on a huge diatribe about thong underwear only to find that I like them and not having pantylines is fantastic. So i have to appologize to the oldest secret for telling her only “whores” wore them. ooops.
Love audiobooks, however, if your mind wanders then they do you no good. i used to hate flip flops but now they are OK, of course, I had to let my toenails elongate and turn colors to be like everyone else…
Audiobooks are great for road trips and I like to play them LOUD when I’m rolling through my hood. Makes ’em think, ya know?
Happy Friday Surf Reporters!!
After July’s record of the highest rainfall in Ontario of any month, ever it actually feels like the third day of summer here in Ottawa, Canada. Had an extra long lunch that included two Long Island Iced Tea’s and it is now time to leave this place of business and patio it up!
I’ve never listened to an audio book and have no special day newspapers or magazines saved but I have the first bottle of Crown Royal (emptied long ago) that I ever bought legally, on my 19th birthday.
long Island Iced Tea – my favorite
I have a copy of “The Carbidor” from 1971 I think. For those of you not familur withthe Kanawha Valley its the newpaper of the Old Union Carbide chemical plant. My mother and I were “Mrs. & Miss. Little Bugs Me”. It was a campaign for Glade trash bags, (mad eby Carbide), to pick up trash. A few months a go my sister in law posted the pictures on Facebook. I immediatly called her and threatened her. The pictures have been deleted, but I do have my hard copy for some unexplained reason.
@Alice in WV …is this Garret?
Holy shit, you just dislodged a massively buried food memory.
When you said “taco salad,” my brain veered off….”Mmmmm. Taco salad……” Then it screeched to a halt and read the word, “fritos.”
Now Jeff, are you talking about a fajita,bean, lettuce, yadda , yadda, yadda taco salad?
Or you talking about the fritos, ranch beans, lettuce affair smothered in Catilina dressing? If so, I TOTALLY forgot about that shit. My mom used to make that for me when I was just a little tricycle motor (we were poor).
I’m SO stopping at the store and picking up the fixins.
If you don’t know what it is, don’t get grossed out, it’s very good and contains almost no nutritional value:
Measure Ingredient
3 larges Tomatoes; cut in chunks
2 larges Bermuda onions; cut in rings
1 large Head lettuce; broken into bits
1 can Ranch style beans; drained (up to)
1 pounds “rat trap” cheese; grated
1 pack Fritos
1 Bottle Catalina salad dressing
Mix all ingredients except Fritos and dressing. Add Fritos and salad dressing just before serving.
On audiobooks:
Make sure that you plan the trip to exceed the length of the book. If it’s a good one and it is not finished by the end of the trip, you may finding yourself going around and around the block until it’s done. Otherwise, you’ll get out of the car and NEVER finish it again.
Also, the ones with SUBTLE changes in voices are not too hard to get into. I draw the line when the white dude talking tries to fool you into thinking he’s different characters – a woman, southerner, banker, rastafarian…you know. Some of the books even feature an man / woman team and those can really draw you into the story, just like the old radio days.
Jason:
Frugging hilarious. this is how I read it – “it was just a guy speaking in a monotone: “There’s a (man) BEN STEIN with a hotdog cart, there’s a lady pushing a baby carriage, there’a a boy with a balloon, there’s Waldo…..”
Garrett,
Oh my God, I just remembered a salad like that from my childhood days. I already have a pizza date tonight, but I’m eating that salad tomorrow. Maybe for breakfast.
God. We also used to have “cheese balls” all the time. I think they were made of bisquick, sausage, shredded cheese, and I don’t know what else. They looked sorta like chocolate chip cookies when baked.
And pickled beets. I’m going on a childhood food bender tomorrow.
The last ime anyone read to me, I was three I’d guess and it was to put me to sleep. Can’t risk that now although, there was a station back in day that would play old radio shows that would draw me in. Guess I could drive to some Poe. Even Shakespear. I just realized I’m a friggin’ dud! Guess I’m not big on new stuff , but I do try. Are these things just a guy/ gal reading? I would like some sound effects and subtle, properly applied background music (ala radio show). No laugh track! I’m planning on a couple of language courses to fill my head while working.
May 8, 1945 Cincinnati Enquire…VE Day (Victory over Europe Day) newspaper. Found it years ago in grandma’s basement and she said I could have it.
I save old newspapers. Anytime we have a kid born in the Family, I run out and buy 3 or 4 papers from that day, to be given as a 21st birthday present. Now that’s planning ahead. I hope I live long enough.
I don’t collect anything. I move often and when I open boxes, frequently wonder ‘how did this sh!t follow me here’. I totally am impressed with other people who do though. Especially newspapers, friends off mine renovated a house now about 80 years old and the ‘insulation’ was newspapers from many years ago. They found a paper which announced the excitement of a road being planned from Calgary to Banff (now poplular tourist area – ski resorts in Alberta) and framed it – pretty cool.
I think the only old thing I’ve hung on to is a concert ticket from my first concert. VH it was $13 – yikes that was a little while ago….
For audio books – I usually have to be pretty bored to read and usually it is a biography or history. Don’t think I could handle someone droning on and on about a story. Listening to good comedy on a road trip would be different though.
Alice -thanks for the info on the nutritional factor for beer – my bones must be steel by now.
EBS – hilarious. I’d be laughing so hard if I saw that…
Most of the books I read have to do with stuff I study, and I find the audiobooks impossible to underline the good parts I might want to quote, much less dog-ear the page for easy quote retrieval.
I used to collect old Life magazines because my grandparents never threw one away and I loved digging through the pile at their place before my aunt threw the whole lot out without asking a soul (including Evil Granny) if they wanted to keep them.
I once found a 1966 Saturday Evening Post with Reagan on the cover with gray hair. Remember the fuss he used to make about never dying his hair? Well, either he dyed it gray in ’66 or he was dying it later. I ended up giving that one to Jello Biafra.
Whatever you do, do not try the double-filled Little Debbie oatmeal cakes. They multiply on your ass like an ass-only fishes-and-loaves story. I’m convinced Little Debbie is the original “Devil With A Blue Dress” (only gingham in her case).
I have a Life magazine from Aug. 12, 1968 with MLK on the cover. My ex-mother-in-law saved it, and for some reason I ended up with it.
I have nothing against audio books, but I’ve never “done” one. I can see where it could be a good thing on a long car trip. I do sometimes listen to the old-time radio show on Sunday nights. Some of those old shows are pretty good, although some are hokey and/or lame. Hey, just like TV!
I like those Little Debbie oatmeal things. They kind of remind me of Freihofer’s Hermit cookies. Which brings me to a 180: I used to love cookies, donuts, etc. But now I prefer savory foods, stinky cheese, stinky whisky etc.
Oh…I’ve got some old “Roling Stone” when it was a ‘newspaper’…the Lennon one and all that…I’m guessing ten or twelve issues I hung on to.. Don’t want to dig them out right now. And I bought them when they came out.
ROLLING…I need some contact cleaner or thai air can thing. I can spell…rellealy!
Audiobooks are the best for a long drive as previously mentioned. The library here has them so you don’t really need to buy them. Then there is Bittorrent too.
I gave up having an adult read me stories around the time I finished first grade.
The only magazines/newspapers I’ve saved are a trunk full of Creem from my teen years. Never tossed them and every year the wife wants to know why not.
From my grandmother for every year of my life that she was alive I received 2 things:
A music box on my birthday
and a handmade Christmas tree ornament
Somewhere in my house is a box of newspapers with my sons birth date on it. I loved when Barnes N Noble started carrying international papers. I have his first 6 yrs at least.
I think you’ll enjoy “Good Night, and Good Luck” since he’s not really the star- just a supporting player. David Strathairn is phenomenal as Murrow, and should’ve won the freaking Oscar that year.
Of course, if Strathairn’s the one you don’t care for, fuck it- open the envelope, tear off the cover, reseal it and send it back, ‘cuz you’ll hate that bitch.
On saved stuff- ephemera is king here. I have a framed front page of the April 15, 1974 Atlanta Journal featuring a photo of Henry Aaron watching number 715 sail over the left-center fence. I also have the JFK assassinated paper, “Man Lands On Moon” papers, “Nixon Resigns” papers and I can’t remember what others- which leads me to wonder why the fuck I save them in the first place.
CX – I agree – just a few things I might have with others as I move alot. Beautiful handmade Ukranian eggs she got from her buddies to make for me – a gift for me forever..I have relatives keep these treasures as I move.
@Uncle_Wedgie,
In addition to borrowing them from the library. Cracker Barrell also has a renting pratice and if you are traveling you can return them to any Cracker Barrell. Most of the time they are more current than the library.
I love to listen to them when I’m laying onthe beach or traveling.
just thought of the return trip from Parris Island 2006. In the van with the freshly graduated PFC Marine, when we hit a hellacious rain storm at the NC/VA border. The only saving Grace was that we only had an hour or so to go… relatives living just south of Roanoke.
Coming up over a ridge, right before a tunnel and merging interstates, an 18 wheeler decided he was moving into my lane. I avoided that.
Then, mind you it’s pissing down rain at 70 mph, a Suburban pulling a Cabin Cruiser hits it on the merge and tries to squeeze 35 feet of car and boat in between me and the semi.
I was shittin’ kittens.
@ JCIII – Sounds like they didn’t give you enough room to cuss a cat in.
Jason,
I can understand about the crutons. I used to hate the real big ones. Now size dosen’t matter, it’s the taste that counts.
I’ll skip the other questions and get right to Audiobooks. Jeff, do yourself a favor and get ‘Angela’s Ashes’ by Frank McCourt. Eeegad, that’s a great book and even better when he’s reading it.
Here’s just a few of my fave audiobooks:
Anything Harry Potter
Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry
East of Eden by John Steinbeck
Widow for One Year by John Irving
Naked by David Sedaris
Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
As you can see I too listen to headphones @ work and have accrued quite the mass of audiobooks at audible.com. I should work for those bastards…
Now Playing on iPhone: ‘Monkey Gone to Heaven’ by Pixies
Used to be that I didn’t give two scoops of monkey shit about harmonicas or hand crafted bird dwellings. Now I consider myself an expert on both subjects and I try to steer all conversations to harmonicas homemade birdhouses. It’s easy with a few key phrases. Here’s a couple of examples:
“Tell that to the leaders of the birdhouse building community, bitch.”
“Haven’t seen it. Is there any harmonica playing in that movie? No? I bet it sucks then.”
A coworker lent me an audio book a while back. I don’t remember what book it was cause I have an attention span the size of a gnat, and as Odiwan stated earlier, if you wander forget it and when I’m driving my mind is all over the place. I can drive an hour listening to a ballgame and have no idea what the score is.
Croutons hurt the roof of my mouth.
I only seem to like audiobooks when the author reads them.
I have newspapers from my daughters birth date (US and UK ones) and 9/12/01 (US and UK again) and at least some other memorable event that I currently can’t remember. The George II pretzel choke maybe.
I hope everyone else who’s in the Philly area is letting the corporations associated with the Eagles know how much money they’re going to be losing because of Michael Vick.
Sad story, my next door neighbour was putting out a couple of dozen boxes with his trash last Sunday! O.K. Enquiring minds had to ask? a complete set of National Geographics issue #one to the present! He had offered them to the local High school Nah! the local Library Nah! then he offered them to me Uh Nah!
what have we become? 3 second twitter soundbyte machines? Like King John after he arranged the murder of Thomas a Beckett I have been self flaggelating ever since!
King Henry Duh! Teach me to go all preachy:)
I used to think Jack Johnson sucked, but now I think he truly sucks.
Wow, and to think that I just threw out issues #1 thru last year of “What Martyr?”, which could’ve prevented that howler.
@limey didn’t you just love that article in “What Martyr” about Michael Vick the human answer to Kimchee