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Zeroing Out the Moleskine, vol. 204

August 14, 2009 By Jeff 94 Comments

moleskine_pocketYeah, let’s get the t-shirt business out of the way early.  What do you say?  As mentioned multiple times, I’m taking pre-orders on a re-creation of the old retro Smoking Fish shirts, and still have plenty of the kick-ass Evil Twin design, as well.  Place your orders (for either or both) right here.

Also, I’ve started actively soliciting advertisers, and would appreciate any help you guys can provide.  If you know someone who might be interested in running banner ads at the Surf Report, send them here.  And please let them know the prices posted are a “suggestion,” not really cast in stone.

Oh, I’m one hell of a businessman…

I’m at the library as I type this because it’s utter pandemonium at our house.  I had intentions of getting up early today, having this update finished before 11 am, and moving on to other stuff.  And everything went circling around the ol’ turd-basin.

At one point I found myself sitting in the living room watching a heavily-edited version of Wayne’s World on some questionable cable network, as Toney talked on her cell phone, the older Secret played along to a Led Zeppelin song on bass, the younger boy played along to a Clash song on drums, and Andy barked at a guy mowing the grass across the street.

And I yelled, “What am I doing with my life??”

I feel guilty about getting out of bed and going straight to the bunker, with the whole fambly home.  But apparently that’s not something I need to worry about?  Everybody was doing their own thing, with the exception of me.  And I was watching a depressingly lame movie, made even lamer by “get out of debt” commercials and the clumsy overdubbing of “bullshit.”

And so it goes.

Yesterday afternoon I was going to go to the beer store, and Toney asked if I’d also stop and buy Fritos.  We were having “taco salad” for dinner, and the original recipe calls for the crumbling of Fritos on top.  And who are we to argue with the original recipe?  Yum.

So, the older Secret and I purchased a case of the golden elixir, and went to the grocery store next door.  While there I noticed they were having a sale on Herr’s brand potato chips:  buy one GARGANTUAN bag for $3.79, get another free.

A hell of a deal…  So, in addition to the Fritos, I also bought one bag of barbecue, and another sack of sour cream & onion.  And as we were walking toward the self-serve cash registers we passed the Little Debbie end-cap, and I stopped, pointed toward a 12 ct box of oatmeal cream cookies, and raised one eyebrow like Belushi.  Yes, please was the silent reply from the boy.

And I realized I was thirsty as were exiting the store, so I walked over to their soda machines.  Huh, 75 cents… pretty cheap.  So I bought a Dr. Pepper for myself, and the Secret opted for straight-up Co’ Cola.

While driving toward home, I started making a mental list of the stuff I’d just purchased: three bags of chips, a box of oatmeal cookies, a case of beer, and two bottles of soda.  Hooo-ly shit.  Toney was going to let me have it.

And she did, but not as bad as I’d feared.  She blamed most of it on the Secret.  “You’ve got to learn to say no,” she told me.  I didn’t respond one way or the other.  Under the circumstance nothing good would’ve come from her knowing that he’d had nothing to do with it.  You’ve got to know when to hold ‘em, and know when to fold ‘em.

I watched Valkyrie last weekend, and thought it wasn’t very good.  For some reason I was intrigued by it, and looked forward to its availability at Netflix.  It wasn’t horrible, but not nearly as good as I’d hoped.  It has a happy ending, though.  Heh.

This weekend I have another movie starring a person who sometimes irritates me:  Good Night, and Good Luck.  We’ll see how it goes.

Toney and I have also been watching The Sopranos again, starting from the beginning.  We’re already up to the third season, and loving it.  In fact, I think I like it better the second time around.  I’d forgotten how funny those early seasons are.  Great stuff… one of the best TV shows ever.

What’s your opinion of audiobooks?  Do you listen to them?  For years I’ve had a snobby attitude toward the things, thinking they were for people unable (for whatever reason) to focus and actually read a book.  I thought it was an unacceptable shortcut, like Miller Lite.

But I’m starting to soften my stance…  At my job we’re allowed to use iPods, and I usually have mine plugged into my head for eight hours per night.  And I’m starting to appreciate audiobooks.

Oh, I still listen to Clive Bull, Phil Hendrie, Jean Shepherd, old time radio, and Sebadoh.  But the audiobooks fit in nicely.  I bought a couple Seth Godin books through Amazon, and I’m enjoying ‘em, and shopping for other titles.

So, what’s your opinion of audiobooks?  And have you ever had a strong opinion about something, then done a complete 180 on it?  Tell us about it, won’t you?

Also, do you have any complete newspapers saved from special days?  Magazines too, I guess…  Toney and I kept an unread paper from Atlanta when the older Secret was born, and a copy of the Los Angeles Times when the younger one came along.

And I think I bought my parents a copy of LIFE magazine from the week they were married (in 1961), a few years ago.  I thought it was a cool gift, but my folks are practical people and probably thought, “Why would I want to read old news?”  I don’t know…

But what about you?  Do you have anything saved like that?  Tell us about it in the comments.

And I’m calling it a week here.  The yuppie bar is calling my name, and I think Toney and I need to take advantage of their happy hour again.  Mmmm… cheap microbrews out of doors.

Have a great weekend, folks!

I’ll see you on Monday.

Now playing in the bunker.

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Comments

  1. Chuck in Ohio says

    August 15, 2009 at 11:09 pm

    I have the local paper from when some guy walked on the moon. Also I think I have the front-page of the Parkersburg Sentinel when JFK got shot.

    I have the attention span of a blue-bottle fly…so, no, audiobooks suck for me.

    Side note: Phil Hendrie still has a show? I figured that one-trick pony was put down years ago.

    Reply
  2. MACS in NC says

    August 16, 2009 at 9:01 am

    I never listened to audiobooks until I drove cross country by myself..they were great..time flew by…until Cracker Barrels disappeared on I-40 around West Texas….

    I’ve kept pics of old boyfriends..some 30 yrs old (pics not boyfriends)….husband thinks I should trash them….just can’t do it!

    Reply
  3. scott says

    August 16, 2009 at 1:37 pm

    I have two newspapers. JAPS ATTACK U.S. and MAN WALKS ON MOON.

    Any offers?

    Reply
  4. UpNort says

    August 16, 2009 at 3:33 pm

    My mom saved thepaper from the day they landed on the moon. We still have it and I don’t intend to get rid of it.

    At one time I had the paper from my high school graduation, but I’m not sure I still have it. The town I lived in used to publish all the graduating classes in the paper.

    Reply
  5. UpNort says

    August 16, 2009 at 3:34 pm

    And one other note: I love audio books! Unabridged of course.

    Reply
  6. Greg in Cincinnati says

    August 16, 2009 at 11:20 pm

    Am I the only one who cannot see Jeff’s shirts, and could not follow his e-music link? I feel so afraid and alone.

    I only started e-Books to tone the monotony of 40-50 miles on the bike trail turning my Beer Belly into CO2 and water and shit.

    Even though I started life listening the the Clydesdales and their hoofsteps, I now choose Miller Light to Bud Light. Please don’t tell me they sold out too, tell me there is one American lager made by an American Company. I must admit the Bud 55 calorie is tempting for a person on the downward slide of thinning and anorexia…

    When not swilling beers like Jeff Kay in a potato Chips Aisle, I prefer this amongst all other mere mortal beers,

    http://www.greatlakesbrewing.com/beerProfile.php?beer_id=2

    Mirror Pond from Oregon is also the highest in Quality beverages, which Is sadly only available in WA, OR, and MT.

    Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    Greg

    Reply
  7. Pagan says

    August 16, 2009 at 11:39 pm

    The Japs attack the U.S. Again??????? Damn thats the last time I go up to the cottage for the week end!

    Reply
  8. WB in OH says

    August 17, 2009 at 11:31 am

    @ Greg in Cincy-Almost seems like blasphemy, drinking beer from Cleveland in Cincinnati.

    I’ll be trying it soon to see if it’s worth going to hell over!

    Reply
  9. WhiteTrashBarbie says

    August 17, 2009 at 12:23 pm

    @WB in OH – I would be interested to know if you like it. I am in Cleveland and feel that I am a traitor for not loving Great Lakes beers. I have yet to find one that I think is very good.

    Reply
  10. Jason says

    August 17, 2009 at 12:49 pm

    You don’t have to stick to regional beers. Some of them are shit. When I was in Texas a lot of people felt like they had to drink “Lone Star” but it smelled of underarms and tasted like rancid piss.

    Others think that buying beer from other places makes them cool. That’s how they sell so much Corona even though drinking one is about the same as sucking an unwashed penis. Heineken and Foster’s, same thing.

    Wow, I’m becoming somewhat of a beer snob. Woo hoo!

    Reply
  11. WhiteTrashBarbie says

    August 17, 2009 at 12:57 pm

    Uh, Jason, do you know a lot about sucking unwashed penises? No judgment here.

    Reply
  12. Tammie says

    August 17, 2009 at 1:06 pm

    I drink beer because I like it. And I try new kinds of beer to see how they taste, only because I like beer….

    Reply
  13. Tammie says

    August 17, 2009 at 1:06 pm

    By the way did I mention that I like beer?

    Reply
  14. Jason says

    August 17, 2009 at 1:07 pm

    I thought about that after I posted. I’ve never had a penis in my mouth, unwashed or otherwise. But it seemed like a good comparison at the time.

    Reply
  15. Swami Bologna says

    August 17, 2009 at 1:19 pm

    But I bet you’ve TRIED to stick a penis in your mouth. (Your own, of course, at about age 14 or 15. And found that God didn’t design us to accomplish that, because mankind would’ve gone extinct long ago, otherwise.)

    Reply
  16. WB in OH says

    August 17, 2009 at 1:20 pm

    @WTB-I will let you know ASAP. The only Great Lakes I’ve had is the Dortmunder Gold which I thought was okay but not remarkable.
    P.S.-Down here in my part of OH the browns fans were searching out tall buildings to throw themselves from, similiar reaction in the home city?

    @Jason-Shiner makes some damn fine brews so you can stay local/regional without the unwashed penis aftertaste.

    @Tammie-Amen!

    Reply
  17. WhiteTrashBarbie says

    August 17, 2009 at 1:21 pm

    Oh Jason, you’ve got to be so careful. Suck one dick and you’re labeled for life.

    Reply
  18. Jason says

    August 17, 2009 at 1:30 pm

    Swami Bologna,
    I did try to get my own dolphin in my mouth but I lost my woody because I thought I snapped my spine. Ended up just pissing my own face. But I wasn’t 14 or 15. This happened last week.

    WhiteTrashBarbie,
    All the time we’ve spent together, you know I’ve never had a penis pass these lips. Generous labias, yes, but never a penis.

    Reply
  19. Jeff says

    August 17, 2009 at 1:56 pm

    I didn’t plan it this way, but here’s today’s update:

    http://mockable.org/rules-for-self-checkout-at-the-grocery-store/

    Sorry for the half-assery!

    Reply
  20. Jason says

    August 17, 2009 at 1:57 pm

    I guess you’re going to bring up that time in Miami with the Cuban ladyboy. First, she (he?) was VERY convincing. Second, you agreed that I was beyond the point of return and should just finish up. Third, you promised to forget about it. Promises, promises. I swear to God. Unbelievable!

    Reply
  21. Sidney says

    August 17, 2009 at 2:02 pm

    Hi all! Just had to comment on the saving newspapers and such…

    Years ago my father-in-law bought the entire Iowa State University’s bound copies of the New York Times from 1936-1946 after they had put them on fische. EVERY edition! SO…now he has asked me to sell them on e-bay for him. I get to keep the proceeds but the problem is they are so interesting to read I want to keep them!

    They actually had a section in the Sunday edition announcing all the debutantes for….sale? WTH man…

    Reply
  22. Rusty says

    August 17, 2009 at 2:16 pm

    I knew Valkyrie was going to be bad when Tom Cruise said “We’ve got to kill Hilter.” No German officer would have ever said it that way. They would have said “We must kill the Fuhrer” and that may have been too crass for a Prussian. It would then likely have been “We must do away with the Fuhrer.”

    Reply
  23. T. Farty McAppleass says

    August 17, 2009 at 3:43 pm

    The Cruiser needs to drink bleach. Fuck him. But your overall point was valid. Let’s take, for example, an unwashed penis:

    “We’ve got to kill the unwashed penis!”
    “We must kill the unwashed penis!”
    “We must do away with the unwashed penis!”

    Ding Ding Ding! Number three is a winner!

    Just to reiterate: Death to Tom Cruise. Drink bleach, Cruiser!

    Reply
  24. Shiny Rod says

    August 17, 2009 at 5:34 pm

    This thing is going south and I know it. Unwashed penises, generous labia. i am trying to take a hiatus know stop this nonsense.

    @ Rusty as it translates:

    Wir haben zu töten Hilter
    Wir müssen Töten der Fuhrer
    Wir müssen weg mit der Fuhrer

    Of course, I am not the expert. I only can read and write German. I get much opportunity to speak it so my diction is very limited. Brynhildr can tell you about the correct pronunciation better than I can.

    Reply
  25. Brynhildr says

    August 17, 2009 at 7:54 pm

    @SR – Nice try, but…. Have you been using Google Translate? Grammar and syntax are all wrong.

    Reply
  26. Shiny Rod says

    August 17, 2009 at 8:09 pm

    @ Brynhildr – I do have limitation in translating but as I said I don’t get much opportunity to hear it spoken so my translation skills are minimal. Egads, you should know I don’t trust web tools. I just directly translated it as it was written. Thats why I recommended you my dear. You do this much better that I can.

    Reply
  27. Not Oprah says

    August 17, 2009 at 8:14 pm

    I use google translate to communicate with my spanish refugee friends. I’d give it a 50% accuracy rate and that’s just Spanish/English which is pretty simple. Sometimes it gives us alot of laughs and other times – WTF?

    Are we to comment on Jeff’s post on that other blogg? I like to just stick with one site. I also get annoyed in check out lines like everyone else and agree with the comments. I prefer it though for things that you prefer not to sit on the counter for everyone to analyze before it goes through the til. I haven’t tried it but have eyeballed the new vibrating condom, and thought to myself thank God for self checkouts. Works good if you need some kinda embarassing ointment and a cute person of the opposite sex walks up behind you.

    I can’t stand the ones where the self checkout voice is super loud and annoying. Reminds me of the compurized telephone b’tch that tells me ‘I’m sorry you’re having problems’ if the cell phone isn’t picking up the p/w word I am entering. I yell back it’s not my f’n problem. I’m sure if anyone every listens to those voice recognition type phone in things must have some funny stories to tell. I hate voice recognition technology.

    Reply
  28. Shiny Rod says

    August 17, 2009 at 8:17 pm

    WTF, vibrating condoms? I think I need to get out more.

    Reply
  29. Not Oprah says

    August 17, 2009 at 8:55 pm

    SR – I know, ahemmm more research is needed. It’s about $8 (CAD) for one I believe. I’d be worried about electrocuted. They sell them in ‘family planning’ section. Hilarious term – this should better be know as the ‘not planning a family section’.

    Reply
  30. Not Oprah says

    August 17, 2009 at 8:57 pm

    sorry
    ‘being eletocuted’

    Reply
  31. Not Oprah says

    August 17, 2009 at 9:07 pm

    you know what I mean.

    Reply
  32. T. Farty McAppleass says

    August 17, 2009 at 9:17 pm

    Whatever, Not Oprah

    You’re on my radar screen from now on. It’s a good or bad thing, depends on your outlook.

    Sexy little thing, good Lord.

    Reply
  33. Not Oprah says

    August 17, 2009 at 9:22 pm

    TFM – iiiiiii….

    Reply
  34. Shiny Rod says

    August 17, 2009 at 9:23 pm

    Not Oprah – Not an item I would need (for three reason I will not discuss) but I am interested in the technology. That just boggles the mind. I would love to see the folks who would use it. Vibrating condoms, what next?

    Reply
  35. Not Oprah says

    August 17, 2009 at 9:34 pm

    I’m sure it’s by Trojan – I will look it up, I am also interested in the technology – just don’t let Jason know. What’s next? – good times….

    Reply
  36. Not Oprah says

    August 17, 2009 at 9:35 pm

    Vibrating cheese?

    Reply
  37. Not Oprah says

    August 17, 2009 at 9:48 pm

    ok – this is a family program… let’s move on.

    Reply
  38. T. Farty McAppleass says

    August 17, 2009 at 10:30 pm

    Good Lord. I’m still thinking about you, sugar tits. You’re sweet. I’m here to corrupt you. I think I’ve done my job. Do you like Elvis? Do you have any tattoos? I wrote you a poem. Do you smoke? Wow, I’d eat you with a pudding spoon. RAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

    Reply
  39. Not Oprah says

    August 17, 2009 at 10:43 pm

    TFM -yikes.

    Reply
  40. Jason says

    August 17, 2009 at 10:49 pm

    Pay him no mind. Do you like seafood?

    Reply
  41. WhiteTrashBarbie says

    August 17, 2009 at 11:02 pm

    @Tammie – Yay beer!

    @WB in OH – I didn’t see anyone on the top of our building (or any of the other downtown tower buildings), but no one seems too happy about the Browns right now. Is it too early in the season to say ‘maybe next year will be our year’? (In the spirit of full disclosure – while I live in Cleveland now, I am from Indy, so the Colts are my fave team.) Also, I like Shiner Bock a lot. Other local beers I really like – Abita and Newcastle Brown Ale (Yumm-o!).

    Jason – I am concerned. Are you trying to tell us through TFM that the she-male cubano in Miami was really the Cruiser? Did he tell you he was doing research for a movie, but the movie has never come out, and you are feeling used and dirty? Is it all just a haze of mojitos and dirty thongs? Stretch the kink out of your back, wipe the piss off your face and tell us all about it. We’re here for you Jason. We’re here for you.

    Reply
  42. hardoxdan says

    August 17, 2009 at 11:48 pm

    Just returned from a very interesting weekend.

    My wife’s family planned a reunion (on her mom’s side). My Mother-In-Law is 83 and her baby brother is 82, last living of a family of something like 15 kids. We know several of my wife’s first cousins, knew of several first cousins we never met, and had heard about dozens of others that we had never met. We are discussing Moundsville, Glen Dale, McMechen, Benwood, Roney’s Point, Wheeling, West Virginia vicinity.

    Cousin Peggy, recently retired, decided to plan this thing, rented a shelter, and called up just about every relative she could think of to get names, addresses, etc. of the “unknown” second and third generations, sent invites, and hoped for the best. Surveying the oldsters in advance, it was determined that the most recent “Kestner” family reunion was in 1969. Imagine, 40 years ago.

    Like any other family, we had heard stories about drunkenness, debauchery, jail sentences, car crashes, divorces, step and half siblings, people still pissed off about a $20 loan from 50 years ago that was never paid back, etc. We had no idea if we were going to party with Charles Manson or Lindsay Lohan. Some of the stories are priceless and we learned about some of my wife’s second and third cousin’s childhoods that were unbelievable tales.

    I am the type of guy who likes to be prepared for any event, so I brought 5 cases of Yeungling Lager (my contribution all properly iced in coolers), my wife was bitching and complaining that I overbought, of course, as usual.

    And my Mother-In-Law dispatched me to Kroger’s for 48 pieces of fried chicken. I took a huge old GE electric roaster that holds about 25 gallons capacity pilfered from my Grandma’s house when she died about 10 years ago.

    I decided last minute to go back to Kroger’s at the last minute and buy more chicken (additional 60+ pieces) to fill this mammoth roaster to capacity. Again, my wife complaining that I am overboard, out of my mind, wasting money, being an idiot.

    Everybody and their brother showed up in 95 degree heat, introduced themselves, brought family photos from generations past others never knew existed. We had a crowd of 100+. 83 year old Mother-in-law and Uncle Gene, age 82, were the stars of the show.

    I was complimented on the choice of beer (they drank every one of them thus requiring an additional beer run), and they raved about the chicken surveying the crowd for the recipe (and who prepared it) thus surprised that it was Kroger’s). I took home a completely empty roaster and empty coolers.

    Met some super interesting, some successful, some real characters and had a blast.

    Long post. Tired. Over and out.

    Reply
  43. Greg in Cincinnati says

    August 18, 2009 at 12:53 am

    Wenn die Katze Fort ist, tanzen die Mauese.

    @WB, it does have some batchwise variation, depending what they are dumping in the Cuyahoga that day, hence WTBs comments, but can be very tasty. I like it better than Moerlein.

    I still think I can taste the difference between Redhook ESB or IPA brewed in Woodinville, vs their NJ or some craaazy shiat location on the Eastern Seaboard. They sure did take the edge off some almost 20 years ago. *Wipes eyes*

    I have yet to try HofBraueHaus in Newport, NKY. That might be a fun surf report field trip, if anyone else is taking their meds, and feeling solvent enough to buy us all beers.

    Greg

    Reply
  44. Ian the Errolite says

    August 19, 2009 at 6:33 am

    sorry for the delay but you should read Secret Germany by Micheal Baigent. You know at the end of the movie when Staufenberg gets shot (spoiler!) and shouts ‘long live Secret Germany!’, well thats the name of the quasi mystical group that he and his entourage belonged to. It was all eidlewiess and the good side of the force as opposed to the Nazi’s SS Ahnenerbe’s spooky goings on and their love of the dark side.

    Reply
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