Yeah, I forgot to take my “lunch” (8 pm) to work last night, and tore ass to the local Subway for a six-dollar lettuce sandwich. When I went careening into the parking lot I was relieved to find the place empty, except for a lone samlich engineer. I needed to make it quick, and didn’t want any fatasses impeding my progress.
I parked and entered the store, and the dude said, “Can I help you?” But not in a friendly, helpful way. It was more of an agitated tone, like he’d just caught me naked and peeing on his back porch.
“You’re open, aren’t you?” I asked, confused by it all.
And the guy just shrugged. He was leaning against the counter with his arms folded across his chest, and just shrugged. Big ol’ attitude.
“I guess not,” I said, and turned to leave.
“Hey, we’re open!” he hollered. “Come back. We’re open until nine!”
“Go fuck yourself!” I said, and went to McDonald’s.
What was that all about?? I’m thinking about calling Jared. The man needs to step out of his giant novelty pants, and police the operation a little better. Sheesh.
Toney and I are plotting a kidless day trip to New York City soon. It’s a convoluted plan (we have no local fambly to watch the boys), but I’m confident we’ll be able to pull it off.
I think we’re going to try the commuter bus that runs between Scranton and NYC. It’s an attractive option. We won’t have to deal with the massive traffic and expensive parking, and will be able to have a few adult beverages at the end of the day, if we’d like. Ha! …if we’d like. That’s pretty funny.
So, I’m looking forward to it. I like going there with the younglings, too. But it’ll be fun for just the two of us to sneak away for a few hours. It’s quite, quite rare these days, and I sometimes miss it.
I’ve been posting a few of the old Charley West cartoons at Facebook (completely baffling some people). So far they’ve just been repeats from TheWVSR, but I plan to start posting new ones, too.
I know some of you have an issue with social networking sites, and I can certainly understand your feelings. But we do have some fun at Twitter and Facebook. MySpace eats it from the ass-in, but Twitter and Facebook aren’t bad, shockingly enough.
So, I hope you’ll follow us at both sites. Give it a try, and you might be pleasantly surprised, like I was. Pass the beer nuts.
I’m also thoroughly enjoying Life on Mars, the UK version. I tried the Americanized abortion of a program, and quickly abandoned ship. But the British show is great. And I just found out today the second season will be released to DVD on November 24. Oh yeah. My nipples are exploding with delight.
What other semi-obscure but great things should I be renting from Netflix? And please don’t tell me about Dexter. There’s nothing semi-obscure about that show; hardly a day goes by when someone doesn’t mention it. And I’m starting to develop a bad attitude toward it, if you want to know the truth.
A Wall of Voodoo song just played on iPod shuffle, and I remembered how people used to call them “Ball of Doodoo.” I always liked the band, and that “joke” kinda irritated me.
But what other derogatory tweeks to band names, TV shows, or movies can you remember? Tell us about it in the comments, won’t you?
And while we’re at it, what are your favorite pornolized movie titles? The Load Warrior always jumps to my mind… Heh. What are some of the other great ones?
I don’t know why I’ve started skipping Wednesdays all of a sudden, but that seems to be the current rhythm of things. Sorry. Once my “book” is finished, we’ll get back to normal around here. I promise. I feel fairly guilty about my Surf Report neglect… But it’s temporary, only temporary.
I’m going to Wegman’s now, to pick out the evening’s snooty, snooty microbrew. I’ll post my selection to Twitter later, in case you’re interested.
And I’ll see you guys next time.
Have a great rest o’ the day!
How about . . . the Sopornos?
Can’t think of anything else.
Tori Amos = Torn Anus
Dudley Dawson (Booger) says
Meatwood Flack and their drummer Flick Meatwood
Great Googly Moogly says
My trip to Subway today was the complete opposite. The clerk was not only friendly and eager make my sammich but was extremely cute as well.
The Erotic Adventures of Pinocchio (It’s not his nose that grows)
Gotta include the Skinemax classic: Areola 51
Most of the Subways here are owned by people whose names sound like someone hocking up snot. Is it like that everywhere else?
On IPOD right now- “Who Is My Baby’s Daddy?”- Shirley Q, Liquor
Another British TV suggestion is Cracker (Hagrid can act?). Not suitable for Secrets.
John Cougar Melonhead
Barely Man Enough
The Spit Doctors
The Backdoor Boys
Hairy Peter and the Sorcerer’s Bone
Freaks and Geeks
Flight of the Conchords
Kolchak: The Nightstalker
I remembered 2 overnight –
O E R Weedspagon
Tears for Queers
The Dave says
Chitty Chitty Gang Bang
Lord of the Cock Rings
From Russia With Love Bone
How did I forget Freaks and Geeks? Fantastic series.
Oreo Chuckwagon (REO Speedwagon)
Sticky Toilet Paper (Stone Temple Pilots, STP)
Rolling Bones (Stones)
Thick Lezzy (Thin Lizzy)
my favorite soap opera: Genital Hospital.
and, yeah, as mentioned above, Sierra Nevada Torpedo is recommended.
WB in OH says
White Men Can’t Hump
Buttman and Throbbin’
When Harry Ate Sally
Yeah I cheated, what of it! http://www.funnytitles.com/
Got nuttin’ for you on the netflix.
And congratulations on telling the fuck face at Subways to fuck off!
Don’t know yet what I’m drinking this weekend, we’re smoking a turkey for the Buckeyes game, what goes good with smoked turkey?
Shiny Rod says
WB in OH – Guiness Extra Stout
Shiny Rod says
Little Miss Funhind
White men can’t hump
and for the money shot…
The Color of Ponani
The Evil Twin says
Jon Bon Blow Me
Rage Against The Royalty Check
Steers For Queers
Bang My Drum Slowly
WB in OH, Shiny’s Guinness will work, but I think a robust porter would work better flavor-wise. Something like Anchor Porter, or Sierra Nevada Porter. These are heavier-bodied than Guinness, and more “ale”-y, with a slight roasted flavor that goes well with smoked meats.
Second the motion on The Prisoner. Great show – Patrick McGoohan rules.
The Clit Master
It sucks like an old 70’s porn tends to do but what woman wouldn’t remember that title?
Subway Sucks BALLS!
NYC rocks! The commuter is definitely the way to go! Keep us posted on your trip! The last time I was there it was $50/day to park your fucking car. HOLY SHIT!
Oh shit! You gotta see what I found on Craigs List under the adult gigs! I pissed in the floor from laughing!
Sorry I’m so late. I’ve been ill. You must see if netflix has “Static” with Amanda Plummer and the kid from Christine… Keith something. Also “Wax, or the discovery of television among the bees.”
Oh, and ditto on The Prisoner. A new version starts 11/15 on AMC, but check out the original first. It’s weird. Especially the last two episodes.
Just saw this numbing documentary about the Greyhound bus/Manitoba murder beheading incident from a couple years ago. Then I wrote this song titled:
I ask for death,
but you tell me I’m not responsible.
The voices in my head,
scream be killed…the voices say kill.
Took out the knife and struck it deep.
Left on the bus, I continue to eat.
Taste your eyes amongst the dead.
In my hand I hold your head.
fuck you mr. lee
By the way…
-1170 was the bus number
-Mr Lee was the killer…
-who plead guilty and asked for the death penalty before being informed that Canada does not have the death penalty…
-who was then diagnosed a schizophrenic…
-and not held responsible for his actions…
-which included stabbing the victim, beheading him, then eating parts of the remains.
Raise the Tight Anus
Shaving Ryan’s Privates
Pile-driving Miss Daisy
All the President’s Women
America’s Horniest Home Videos
American Hair Pie
Anus and Andy
As Hard As It Gets
Ate Men Out
Beat the Cock
Beaverly Hills Cop
The Big Sleazy
The Bitches of Westwick
Blast from the Pants
The Blown Ranger
Buttman and Bobbing
Captain Hooker and Peter Porn
Chinny Chinny Gang Bang
A Clockwork Orgy
Dances with Foxes
Debbie Does Deliverance
The Deer Humper
Dickman and Throbbing
Dr. Speckle and Ms. Hyde
Drilling Miss Daisy
E3: The Extra-Testicle
Easy Ride Her
Ferris Bueller’s Jack Off
First Times at Cherry High
Fists of Fury
For Your Thighs Only
Friday the 69
Frosty the Blowman
The gAy Team
The Girl From S.E.X.
Gonad the Barbarian
The Good, The Bad, And the Horny
Good Will Humping
Hannah and Her Blisters
Hannah Does Her Sisters
The Hindlick Maneuver
Honey, I Blew the Kid
I Know Who You Did Last Summer
In and Out in Beverly Hills
Indiana Bones in the Temple of June
Inspect Her Gadget
Intercourse with a Vampire
Interview with a Vibrator
The Last Anal Hero
Lawrence of a Labia
Little Shop of Whores
Looking for Mr. Goodsex
The Lust Boat
The Lust Bug
Lust in America
Lust in Space
Mad Maxine Beyond Thunderbone
The Man With the Golden Penis
Married With Hormones
A Midsummer Night’s Wet Dream
My Bare Lady
My Three Sluts
National Pornographic’s Animal
A Nightmare on Dyke Street
On Golden Blonde
Pee-wee Sperming’s Big Adventure
The Pink Lagoon
Porn on the Fourth of July
The Queer Hunter
The Rockford Piles
The Rocky Porno Video Show
Romancing the Bone
Saturday Night Beaver
Saving Ryan’s Privates
The Sex Family Robinson
The Sex Files
Sex Lives of the Rich and Famous
Shakespeare in Lust
The Sheets of San Francisco
Single White Nympho
The 69 Olympics with Mark Spits and
Sperms of Endearment
Star Trek: Erection
Star Trek: The Next Penetration
Studsky and Snatch
Suck Rodgers in the 69th Century
Summer of 69ing
2069, A Space Orgy
The T & A Team
Tales from the Dark Hole
Tango and Gash
Terms of Endowment
The Texas Dildo Massacre
Three Men and a Babe
To Live and Shave in LA
Turn Her and Hootch
The Twilight Bone
The Wadd Squad
A Wet Dream on Elm Street
When Harry Ate Sally
Where the Boy’s Aren’t
White Men Can’t Hump
Who Reamed Robin Rabbit?
Whore of the Worlds
Willy Wonka and the Hershey Highway
Yank My Doodle, It’s a Dandy
You’ve Got Male!
Ian the Errolite says
‘ Hurrah for Biff!!’
Gold star for effort!
(that surely merits a mug/mousemat?)
I’m working Saturday nightshift and I’d rather not be!
listening to- Pixies ‘Bossanova’
Just got 19 emails – placed in between sunshine_in_va and Biff – from one Bryon Johnson, with random statements in broken English – but they don’t show up here on the website. Is this what they call “comment spam”?
Alice in WV says
the last time I posted a comment from work, was the last time I could see the surf report from work. dammit! dammit! I didn’t even know if the comment was posted until just now.
btw AWG – “wonky” is another word for “weird” – when I was able to see the site, the format was disjointed, nearly all the graphics were missing, I think the font was Times New Roman, etc. now I can’t see it at all. GAH!
I burned a bridge with a business associate last week. Our exchange was not as eloquent or succinct as Jeff’s parting words to the Subway samlich engineer. She was loud and ridiculous and I got loud and incredulous. I’m so glad its done and I’m so glad I didn’t play nice. Screw it. I’m too old to play that shit anymore.
Biff how long did it take you to watch em?
Stuart in Oz says
Jeff, glad you’re enjoying UK Life on Mars. Look out for the sequel called Ashes to Ashes (another Bowie song..geddit?) It’s similar but set in the 80’s, same characters but a woman physchiatrist (?) goes back..excellent…..gotta love politically incorrect Gene Hunt! Enjoy
Good Evening Surf Reporters……
~ good one pagan
was wondering that me’self
scary mary says
uh-oh the wvsr got kicked off google again
T. Farty McAppleass says
I think that shitcock “Bryon Johnson” has something to do with wvsr getting kicked off of google for spam. I read one of the comments he made the other day and it was gibberish. And chill just mentioned that he tried to do 19 in a row.
Probably a fucking Nigerian scammer.
Actual New York Times headline:
Can a Boy Wear a Skirt to School?
White Trash Barbie says
Alice, scary mary, TFM, perhaps the problem is ‘Bryon Johnson’. Jeff posted on Twitter something about his website being spam bombed. When there were 2 Bryon Johnson posts still here I clicked on one, and it linked to an Amazon page for air filters. Damn that Bryon Johnson, and I was thinking about buying one of his air filters too!
Good2go – I read the article and it was interesting, but I thought we worked through all of this in the 80’s?
I had some weird-assed “get viagra here” kinda thing left in my comments section over at my place. Never had that since I started my thing over a year ago. Maybe my wife knows about my new girlfrind and wants every thing to go well. Dunno?
Tarzen the Rape Man
The Affair of the Pearl Necklace
The Days of Buns and Hoses.
“V” for Vaigina
Guys and Dolls
I’ll think of more later but my brain hurts. I’ve benn writing a story for the last week and lost 14,000 words I’ll never get back. Last night was wine and tissues. I realized I’m not too old to cry. Then…after an excuse to get hammered, I realized I’ll just continue from where I tanked and then go back and do the first part of 50,000 words in a month (goal) I lost. My story is still there in my head and an ‘outline’ of scribbling is still on my desk.
A Pair of Tits Now
I’m having beer and pretzles for breakfast again. Yeah…I’m messed -up
@Good2go…a skirt is ok on a guy as long as it’s plaid.
White Trash Barbie says
DTO – tried to leave a message for you “over there” but it didn’t take. Drop me an e-mail when you get a chance WhiteTrashBarbie22(at)gmail(dot)com -WTB
WTB,,,done…but I’ll probably show up as ‘Spam’. Hey…that would have been a great halloween costume. Ah yes….my glory must wait until “Next Year”.
White Trash Barbie says
DTO – got it – no spam – WTB
Re-set to Friday. Got 11,177 words back!!!! Yip-Fuckin’-Yee!!!
That was supposed to start out with…THANKS…WTB!
I got in a hurry.
Good Evening Surf Reporters….
I’m with everybody else. I won’t sleep until I see Byron Johnson’s head on a spit.
White Trash Barbie says
Bryon Johnson’s too for that matter……
WB in OH says
Did we not discuss the doucheyness of Brian, Bryan and now the douchiest spelling Bryon recently. You just can’t trust these people. My apologies to all you non-douchebag Brians out there, both of you know who I’m talking about.
Cinci Blo says
Try out BBC’c Being Human – pretty typical BBC stuff, but a decnet story line.