One thing I’ve learned over the past few days: writing a novel is freakin’ hard. Well actually, I already knew that, but this rewrite business is a whole new vein of difficult unearthed.
Yeah, but it’s the path I’ve chosen, and I’m not gonna whine. In fact, I made a lot of progress inside the yurt colony, and it’s exciting.
The last one-fourth (possibly one-third) of the book was chaotic and unsatisfactory. But after hours of agonizing inside a ridiculous structure, I’ve figured out how to fix most of the problems, I think. And that fires me up.
On the second day I was working on a certain plot point that needed resolving, and was hitting a wall. I’d been working for ten hours that day, and was foundering. Finally, I just packed everything up, and went home.
There were a few dirty dishes in the kitchen sink, so I started washing them. And while I wiped lip-residue off glasses, the PERFECT resolution popped into my head. And I think I actually pumped my fist in the air, like Billy Idol.
Oh yes, it was a beautiful moment, and I was still smiling like an idiot while removing suds from the ceiling.
This book that I’m writing is designed for entertainment purposes only, I make no claims to literature, or anything of the sort. I just want the reader to have fun and laugh.
But, even so, it’s a difficult process. I need the ending to be satisfactory. I can’t just stop telling the story at some arbitrary point, and walk away, like I do at TheWVSR. The book must have a real beginning, middle, and end.
So… I’m taking the week of Memorial Day off from work, to try to get it right. And between now and then, I’m gonna take Thursday and Friday as well. I’ll try to post site updates Sunday through Wednesday, but I can’t make any promises about Sunday. In any case, it’s only a few weeks.
I have some heavy-hitters lined up to read the second draft, including three published authors and an ex-Letterman writer (also a published author, now that I think about it). The Letterman guy is compliments of Duff, of course. I don’t travel in such circles, here in Scranton.
Once their feedback is received, and I fix whatever problems they identify, I’m gonna send the manuscript to my agent and start whipping — WHIPPING! — my hands through my hair.
A little over a month from now I should be finished with this part of the adventure. And I’m hoping the book will be sold to a publisher, of course. But that’s not a given. I have a great agent, so that certainly helps, but I’m not counting my chicken sandwiches before they’re hatched. First time author… humor novel… these are negatives. So, I’ve got to be realistic.
At the same time though, I’m pumped. It feels like everything’s finally coming together.
They don’t know it yet, but I’m going to ask the Angry White Guy, Metten, Buck, and Brad to write guest posts for the Memorial Day week. I’m not going to have time to do anything, but don’t want the site to be dormant for so long.
And I hope this update isn’t too boring for you guys. But it’s what’s on my mind at the moment. What’s dominating your thoughts on this beautiful (in the Upper Perogie Belt anyway) Sunday?
What’s going on? Anything?
I’ll post a “normal” update on Monday.
See ya then!
Eugene B. Sims says
Keep it up, Jeff. I’m looking forward to reading the finished and published product. Hold me.
The Jenkem King says
Looking forward to buying the book when it comes out.
Best of luck to you. When the book is finally out, there’s no telling where it could lead. As for what’s dominating my thoughts today: the idea of grilled steak and roasting ears for dinner.
Hang in Jeff, all rooting for you!
Ideas always spring up when you least expect them.
Just lazying the day away. Toiled yesterday, now just filling time.
By the way, even though I have no idea what the book is about or how much it costs; I’ll take one. Tell me where to buy it!
Way to go Jeff! Keep at it.
Writing is indeed hard work but the payoff from getting it right is not only personal satisfaction – hopefully there will be some monetary gain as well!
And of course all of us Surf Reporters will bask in the afterglow…
Sunday afternoon, wife & kids gone to the mall, sitting here thinking about my own writing tasks, which are multiple, work-related, and on which the future of the franchise depends…
Time to get down to it – maybe I need a yurt?
Over and out for now…
Good Luck Jeff – humid as a bitch here in sc, went out to work in yard, made it 2 hrs before I couldnt take it anymore and said FI and came back in to my temperature controlled enivronment where us men of girth thrive!
Corinne Edwards says
Dear Jeff –
Welcome to the books writers crazies of the world.
Been there. Done that. Everything you said.
Be warned. You are never going to be satisfied with it.
As it is going to print, you will be making a hysterical call.
“Can you give me just ten minutes? I want to make one little change.”
PS They will say no.
Looking forward to the process with you..
This novel is really cutting into the available free and underappreciated entertainment I have come to expect over the years.
Can’t wait for the book either!
It’s still cold and rainy in the St. Louis area. My gross Sunday has been filled with cleaning and preparing to host Bunco. Yes, I’m one of those people. It’s a fun game you can claim to play while also getting really drunk. Works for me.
I have a head, it ends in a point. Pointy, pointy pointy, pointy pointy point.,
hot fuzz says
I fixed the gas line on the mower so I no longer have to run to mow the lawn before the fuel tank has leaked dry. And I reminded my neighbors that I like to mow in my thong.
best of luck with the book!
Yeah, you’re getting closer to the place where the balls meet the walls. Where pain replaces discomfort. And if you’re not Jackie O freakin-Nassus you have to walk it by yourself. And your intuition about the finished product is unrelated to the successful completion of a contract… So it’s not the world’s worst idea to predefine success as how you feel about the work rather than whether some dickhead publishing company, whose last book was “Afghan Weight Loss Secrets” buys it.
Butch had something to say about the process. I paraphrase…
“The book business is fucked, it’s kinda funny
It’ll separate a boy from a man
You can buy every copy of your book with your money
But you’d be your only fan
If there’s one thing my father said when he was younger
To a kid with a mullet that looked like his son
To want and to try is the difference why
Some people will walk and some run”
So peace be with you, brother. It’ll hurt for just a little longer.
my best wishes as always…
you’ve got to be kidding, #16??!!
Christine Allen says
I have discovered that tiny folks (dwarfs, midgets, whatever) can not be seen when they work the register at Target AND angry pint-sized people make me nervous. Apparently his ex-girlfriend, “the bitch”, gave his number out to people who were prank calling him. And people I have never met before tend to tell me all of their woes — the bastards.
I would like an autographed copy, please. Willing to pay the postage both ways. Also willing to drive to Scranton and pick it up in person. Can I buy you twenty beers?
I have a customer in Pittston, so I am able to expense the entire ordeal to my employer.
Always plotting for a free drunk.
Good to hear the book is nearing “send to the publisher” stage. I’ll order it the first day – though the Amazon Link! and Kindled if possible, so I can start reading minutes later! Though, I really WOULD like a hard copy to display on the coffee table – I’ll order two.
Swami Bologna says
Public Image Ltd. was excellent last night in Atlantic City. But why were all the fans the same fans that would’ve been at a PiL show 25 years ago, but now age 50 instead of age 25? Are there no longer any twenty-something rock’n’roll fans who are interested in seeing a historically important band led by one of the most legendary singers to ever front a rock band? Is rock’n’roll officially dead? I’d have to conclude that it is, when the only people to show up on a Saturday night within a 90-minute drive of both Philadelphia and New York City to see a groundbreaking band led by a Rock’n’Roll Hall of Fame-inducted singer are a bunch of middle-aged people like myself, with one or more of the following: big-bellies, grey hair, bald heads, sagging jowels. Seeing first-hand the lack of interest from the younger generations was kind of sad, but the show itself was really, really good.
Anyway, good luck with the book, Jeff. I can’t wait to buy my own copy. And I, too, would like it autographed. So hopefully you’ll do some personal signing for us Surf Reporters.
Alice in WV says
cheering you on, Jeff Kay! If it were easy, everybody would do it.
unk bit dust week ago
allegedly had box filled with bonds for all related
took box to lawyer
no millions as was promised
so bunch relates went to his house at dead end of holler today
look like on the hoarder show
geezer was in late 80’s
found condoms, sex toys, stuff we wish we not see, but no bonds, cd,stock, nuthin but dresser drawers filled to top with mouse nest, great grandparents, great grantparents old clothes, mail , junk
consences is burn house to ground and run
but older relates want to search
the guy was loonytune
ripped out bathroom and crapped in 5 gallon buckets.
we threw those out into yard
told cat, fly be free, mouses out there just waiting for u
it can go to cousins next door for food with his outside cats, he had b een going there daily to feed the fleabag
so now trying to see when everyone free to search and burn day
Gonad the Bavarian says
I’m really happy for you Jeff. I can’t wait to pick up a copy of the finished product.
Lee Harvey Ramone says
do the book real good and get so famous for me and I will get happy about that and stuff
Big bear in OH says
Just got back from drag races and picking up a new lawn tractor… Good day for me. Can’t wait to read jeff’s book!
Utilize your audience for self-promotion for once.
I wonder what would happen if you
set up a pre-sell link for the book on theWVSR?
Would that give you credibility to your future publisher?
Or would it hinder you in some way I cannot imagine?
Those of us pre-ordering would be under the assumption
we would get a copy once a publisher was found, of course.
I would like to order one of those comm devices in the WVSR Classic because: 1) I was 38 years old that year, only one year past the human sexual peak, 2) If reception is bad or the batteries run low (not entirely out of the fucking question), you can just stuff the device down your trousers to enhance the profile, and 3) The device would be contemporaneously handy because Reagan was about to leave office and, against all odds, things were about to get worse.
I swear the lady in the boat is about one degree away from orgasm, and this predated 900 numbers. If she is talking to the guy with the haircut, vest, and plane, I’m betting she won’t make it. I’m just sayin’…
Sweeeeet! Bringing back Buck for some updates is awesome news. That guy is SERIOUSLY funny, and we don’t hear enough from him anymore.
When your book is published I’d love to have an autographed copy. Perhaps you could sell those here on the WVSR , attaching an extra fee of course for your penmanship.
In the meantime I’d settle for an autograph written on my buttocks with a permanent marker. Permanent marker would be easier for the tattoo guy to use…
What a wild marketing machine you have here. All this hype for so long is getting me geared up to wait a few months and get a pirated copy of your book somewhere.
Lee Harvey Ramone says
…and I want another permanent marker autograph for my buttocks. The first one has faded to much to see very easily anymore.
I’d like a marker autograph across my stomach, real huge. And maybe a little personal message across my tits. Something like, “stay cool Jason” would do fine.
I spent Sunday vomiting from my ass and mouth. I sat on the toilet with a puke bucket in my lap. I lost nine pounds. I think it might have had something to do with the medium rare fish tacos I’d eaten.
SO excited about the book, Jeff!! Can’t wait to get my autographed copy!
Son Of Sam says
I went to a Muskie tournament on Sunday. Turned out to be just a long boat ride.
This gets more exciting as the days go by!
Suds on the ceiling! I’ll drink to that!
tom in cola says
Jeff—please send me an autograph now . I’ll stick it in the book later .
Lee Harvey and Jason….when you get the autograph, you have to visit the tattoo artist and make it permanent. The way I see it, the size of my ass will allow Jeff to write his name with the penmanship of a first grader and still leave enough room for a personal message.
Congrats on the book progress, Jeff! Can’t wait to order one for muh-self!
(Any idea on when the ordered shirts will be mailed? I can’t wait to flaunt my miscommunication around San Bernarghetto.)
I will definately be buying one!
And there’s nothing new going on. My boyfriend and I had an after hours party after our friends band closed down a local bar Saturday night and we decided it would be a good idea to stay up until 6:30 in the morning drinking. I got up at 10:30 and my Sunday consisted of my boyfriend and I snoozing on the couch, eating and watching TV alllllll day. In my opinion, that’s how Sunday’s should be anyways.
Butt, now I’m back at work. Sad face.
Lord help the purchaser’s review section on Amazon after Jeff’s book is published. I wonder if there’s some sort of Amazon reviews record we could try to beat? Most mentions of cheesefucking in reviews of a book not called Gouda on the Dick: Cheesefucking Through The Ages?
Jeff, sounds like things are coming together fairly well. If you decide to write another one, things should go more easily. I definitely want an autographed copy! I’m ready right now!
I’m with Tammie. But not just autographed copies. I want a heartfelt sentiment. Because, you know, I’m like that.
Seriously – congrats. Our Jeff is growing up so fast…
i love how you apologize. you’ve got us dumbasses hooked. you could write a post about the different colors of underwear you have and we’d read it.
and for the title of your book:
a confederacy of douches
I am so ready for this book. I know it will be a success because this guy that I supervised years ago in the military has written and published a hand full of books in just a few years. I have ordered two of them (waiting on Amazon to deliver) but based on the reviews, it turns out he isn’t a very good writer but has some pretty funny content. Hell, based on that alone, you’re as good as #1 in the NY Times.
Also, I’d like to get a tattoo on my ass of your autograph in first grader penmanship on Tammie’s ass. That would be cool.
Ralph,,,,, what a bizarre misadventure you went thru…OMG I went through the the same thing with a loved one. They were like vultures going through the remains…….on the day of the funeral….it sucked.
Corinne Edwards says
Hi Jeff –
Your article inspired me to write this post.
Keep it somewhere for reference.