I hope everyone had a great weekend. The weather was absolute perfection, here in the Upper Perogie Belt. Plus, our lawnmower wouldn’t start for some reason, and how kickass is that? I submit that it’s INORDINATELY kickass. Of course, at some point it’s going to become a hand-through-the-hair aggravation, but we’ll burn that bridge when we get to it.
Last weekend I didn’t get enough sleep and drank too much beer. This weekend was the exact opposite: lotsa sleep and not much beer. It’s funny how this works, but I feel a million times better than I did one week ago today. Weird, huh?
The books are all signed and in the mail. My right hand is a wretched claw, but the project is complete. So, if you ordered one, it should be arriving soon. Thanks to everyone who bought a copy. It’s an honor. I hope you enjoy the ridiculous tale of Jovis McIntire and his deal with the devil. Please let us know your thoughts.
Also, if you purchased a copy of the paperback through Amazon, and would like to get my palsied scratches on it for some reason, send me an email. We’ll work something out. I’m very agreeable at the moment, so strike before the chemicals start mixing differently, and everything goes black again.
Heck, if anyone still wants a signed copy, I’ll be glad to do that, too – now that the scary-ass mega-stack is conquered. Here’s the PayPal button:
A few of you emailed and asked about it, so why not? I’m ready to do a few more.
On Saturday Toney and I went to a new Mexican restaurant nearby, and it was a frustrating experience. The place looks cool, it’s small but not too small, and feels like something we could support; we were hit by a wave of goodwill when we passed through the door.
However… the beer selection is a turd, Toney’s margarita tasted like (as she described it) antifreeze, and our nachos were covered in melted Cheez Whiz. I’ve got nothing against Cheez Whiz in the right setting, but that wasn’t it. Those nachos were crying out for some queso, or whatever that white stuff is called.
We only went for a drink and an appetizer, so we didn’t get into the real food, but we left there feeling like a great opportunity was being missed. If they’d bring in some real beer (Corona is utter swill), do something about their bartender, and adjust the cheese calibration… we’d undoubtedly funnel a lot of money into that place.
So close, and yet so far… And I could turn that shit around with a thirty-minute meeting. It’s a shame, really. Do you know of any bars or restaurants that are this close to brilliance? Tell us about it, won’t you?
There’s a rental house behind us, with new people living in it. And they have a small yappin’ dog that never stops yappin’. They tie it up outside, all day and most of the night, and it just stands out there and repeats its shrill bark, over and over again.
On Saturday I drove past their house, and there were three fat women sitting on towels in the grass. The biggest one had to keep her legs spread wide, to accommodate her squared-off, cascading belly – which looked like a Hawaii Five-O wave of blubber. And I could hear their dog yappin’ out back. Why? Why wasn’t he out front with them? I hate when people have a pet, and pay it no attention whatsoever.
I have a feeling most of the neighbors are unhappy about the constant barking, but I blame the trio of fatties killing the grass on the front lawn. The dog is innocent, in my eyes. It’s that triumvirate of hogs that’s to blame.
Am I wrong?
And finally, Toney and I were talking about maybe seeing a movie in the near future. We go to roughly one movie per year in a theater, and it feels like it’s time. We used to take the kids to see kids’ movies, but they go with their friends now.
But there are so many downsides to visiting a movie theater… The admission price is pretty hefty, and the concession stand prices can cause a grown man to walk across a lobby with a can of Mountain Dew hidden in his underwear. And it gets even worse once you enter the theater itself, on account of the high percentage of people who eat like goddamn pigs. Lips smacking, wrappers rattling, grunting, snorkeling, crunching, slurping…
How often do you see a movie in a theater? What’s your opinion of the experience, circa 2011? I loved it as a kid, but am generally annoyed today. Please share your thoughts below.
And I’m gonna call it a day, my friends.
I’ll be back tomorrow.
Now playing in the bunker
Read Jeff’s new novel, Crossroads Road
your mom says
Am… Am I first?
Matt in Florence says
WB in OH says
Heh, looks liked you got pwned by a noob!
Is that “pawned” or “owned”?
And- not trying to start shit at all- how long is a noob still a noob? Like, say, a jackanapes like myself?
Thanks for taking the time to sign those books, Jeff! Looking forward to receiving mine.
Funny that you mentioned the theater experience, though. I’ve been away from the Surf Report for a few days because I’ve been holed up in a great little XXX movie house a fur piece down the road, here. A few days straight. Nothing weird or “alternative”, you pervs.
I go there with a drug-addled $8 prostitute. She doesn’t complain a bit about the lip smacking, wrappers rattling, grunting, snorkeling, crunching or slurping. How could she? Good times.
Ha ha hazing awesome I QUIT!!!
WB in OH says
I think it is owned, it’s some sort of World of Warcraft lingo.
I have no idea how long someone is a noob, I would think after their first comment they are no longer a noob. I didn’t write the rules for the internet, check with Al Gore for a more definitive answer.
Joe T. says
Unless it’s a kid’s movie, we haven’t gone to see one since “The Hangover” and we’ve already penciled in “The Hangover 2” as our next one.
Glad you have new neighbors in the rental Jeff. With introductory sentences like, “On Saturday I drove past their house, and there were three fat women sitting on towels in the grass,” it could be the start of a wonderful reading experience.
The Dave says
If you hit a weekday matinee a couple weeks into a movie’s run, the theater is usually either sparsely populated with similar minded people who just want to shut up and watch the movie, or (even better) completely empty. That’s usually when I catch a film in the theater. I do try to make a point to buy something from the concessions stand though… theaters don’t make much money from the box office, and it’s the $5 diet Cokes that keep them in the black. The Carmike theater in Greensboro has $4 matinees and on one day a week (Wednesdays I think) all food and drink is $2 a pop… I think $8 each isn’t an unfair price for a movie, popcorn, and soda.
Alight! I’ll be looking for the book in the mail.
Damn, it didn’t come today.
You have to rub it faster.
I thought someone wood say something.
Evil Twin's Wife says
I used to work at the Keith-Albee in Huntington. When the house lights went up, the roaches made a mad dash for their secret hidey holes. The floor was so sticky, I’m sure it gave them lots of opportunity for sugary grub. Believe it or not, I actually went to the theatre even after that. I think the last movie I saw was the 2nd or 3rd Harry Potter movie – then, I swore off the theatre experience. I just wait for the DVDs now. I can be annoyed in my own home for much less $$, plus I serve wine. 🙂
Alice in WV says
There are no roaches in the Tygart Valley Cinemas.
There are no roaches in the Tygart Valley Cinemas.
There are no roaches in the Tygart Valley Cinemas.
YES! Scored a signed copy! I was away on Vaca when they were offered originally, so I thank you Jeff for offering again!
Home theater gotten so good that a regular theater isn’t that big of an improvement, and sometimes is a downgrade. For a real experience, that feels like you are doing something special, I would suggest seeing something in IMAX, provided it is a decent movie. The picture is amazingly crystal-clear, and most likely the sound will be great as well.
Ian the Errolite says
I saw ‘Thor’ on Saturday night. (8/10)
It was in 3D and I find that technology pretty cool indeed.
We really like going to the movies when we can get a chance. We have our favourite seats -which we can usually get. These allow me to put my feet up on the railing at the front of the upper seating area to experience real comfort, and we always take in our own chocolate and bottles of Coke, usually with some kind of alcohol in.
There’s no way you can replicate the experience at home. No way.
The seats in the middle behind the rail are the best! I hate when I can’t get those. If there is a row right in front of me some 7 footer with a baseball cap that they keep adjusting always sits in front of me.
A few years ago friends and I went to go see the new Star Trek right after it was released. We were stuck in the front row. It was horrible; we were about 15 ft from the screen wall and the screen was about that far from the floor. I felt like I was a contortionist trying to get so I could see more than a tiny section of the screen at a time. Watching conversations was like watching a tennis match. Never again. I’ll go stand against the wall in the back before I will sit in the front row again.
Speaking of restaurants, we have had the experience of the waitstaff ruining our meal. It could be mild (but also annoying) like having good conversation interrupted a dozen times by a bored server asking if we needed anything, if the food was alright, could he take that spoon if i wasn’t using it… if we needed anything… or nearly catastrophic, when a waiter snuck up behind us and shouted hello in my friend’s ear, scaring all of us and shocking my Iraq war vet husband into reaching for a (thankfully at home) firearm.
I’m a pretty good cook, and we have internet- so more and more we are coming to the conclusion that ‘dining out’ is not awesome.
Geez honey…I wouldn’t have killed the guy! Just a good shoulder shot. 🙂
There’s a restaurant here called Cabo’s Tacos. You can get get good food or good service, but never both at the same time. So close!
Lee Harvey Ramone says
I’ve known Mike (since he opened the joint back in 1989) and Bobby (since the days when he managed the bar at Finale’s) for years, although I haven’t been back to Tally for quite some time, it’s too bad to hear that the restaurant isn’t hitting on all cylinders these days. Maybe the place is too big now (?)
Look at the bright side Jeff, at least the three fatties ain’t sunning themselves in the backyard searing their cascading hawaii five-o fat ripples permanently into your retinas. Keep that in mind and the yappy dog will be quite comforting.
I still enjoy seeing movies in the theater. A couple of years ago we would go weekly, but we’ve pared it down to once a month or so.
When I don’t have the kids with me I generally pay the premium for the VIP theaters: It doubles the cost of a ticket, but there are NO kids/teens, better seats, a table instead of a cup holder in the armrest, and you can enjoy a beer (plus they have waitresses before the show starts).
The solution to the yapping dog is what was in Toney’s margarita.
WB in OH says
How do you get the fat chicks to drink antifreeze?
Tell them it’s high fructose corn syrup. It also helps if you give them a funnel.
WB, it’s just that kind of reply that keeps me coming back here…and my wife saying to me, “Why do you read that stuff? Thanks for a morning laugh just at the time I needed it the most!
Pour it into a Diet Mountain Dew bottle…
WB in OH says
Just finished reading Crossroads Road on my nook. Not what I expected but still entertaining. I enjoyed it.
Call the Humane Society on those lard asses. They’ll come in to investigate and give them a warning. I’d rather see HS take the little pooch than some asshole poison it to shut it up.
I love going to the movies but the cost is out of hand. Four bucks for a bottle of water?? The last time we went…can’t even remember what we saw…we got a small popcorn, a freezee, small soda, and a box of sour patch kids…$17. Fucking robbery.
Oh…I just remembered what we saw….”Hall Pass” with Owen Wilson. One of the funniest movies I ever saw. (From the Farley Bros. The same guys who did “Something about Mary”). In fact I laughed so much I missed a few scenes and need to watch it again. One scene, in fact, I couldn’t stop laughing and thought I was going to have to walk outside.
Anxiously awaiting my book!! The good doctor and the Mrs are away on their 22nd vacation so I’ll probably get it polished off this week!
Wow, you get a break from the crazy bitch.
Yes, but she calls several times a day with shit because she is “working” remotely in Florida. Mostly to fetch phone numbers and the like for her. Jesus!! Give it a fucking break already. She’s a piece of work.
My soon to be retired boss will call people on THEIR vacation for information.
That’s why God blessed us with caller id.
Root 66 says
“Hawaii Five-O wave of blubber”–what a great way to start out a Monday!
I just hope that Jack Lord wasn’t standing in front of it.
I agree with The Dave – go to a matinee after the movie’s been out for a while. I saw “True Grit” with a total of 5 people in the audience. It was pure heaven. The downside (if you can call it that) is that the movie must compensate for a larger audience becuse it was so friggin’ loud! When Jeff Bridges fired his rifle, I thought my ears would explode.
I actually took my neighbor’s neglected cat years ago. The cat was gorgeous but they barely fed it. They also had 2 cats they kept outside all year long. The poor things would be shivering in an unheated garage. Someone finally called the Humane Society on these asswipes. They were definitely a bizarre bunch. They had an old beat up Bentley (I know that sentence makes no sense) but they kept it “for the kids to play in.” Oh yeah, they weren’t the brightest bulbs onthe boulevard.
A new bar/restaurant opened up the street from us. A friend (who has food issues) said it sucked but she went the second day they opened plus, she’s a weirdo with food. Every time we pass, the place is packed. I’ve yet to saunter in and try it myself.
I don’t get why people have pets when all they do is put them outside. I understand having a dog live mostly outside, but you still have to tend to it, and play with it. Dogs’ lives are boring enough, I can only imagine it worsens exponentially if they are tied to a post in the yard. I would rather be shot in the head than not even be able to wander around the house and move from couch to couch at my own discretion.
I’m not very good at going to movie theaters. I get all MST3000. If there is a good crowd and a bad movie it doesn’t get to bad, but I can’t stand all the dirty looks from people when I’m being a smartass while watching “Heart Felt Pneumonia: The story of a girl, her spine, and a lunger who will never love her.” or some such bullshit.
You’ll find me at a “romantic comedy” when hell freezes over. I can’t think of anything more boring or predictable.
Chick Flick = rather stick pins in my eyes.
Actually went to see “Fast Five” on Mother’s Day. Matinee price was $7 (not bad) and a small frappe was $3.25 (is that a good price?). Since this is one of those multiplexes, the theater was full but everyone was well-behaved. Only heard one cellphone near the end of the movie but it was quashed very quickly.
Can’t recall the last movie I saw . . . could have been last year.
I also hate that our movie theater is designed for the elderly patron and keeps the heat somewhere near 85 degrees; that way the old folks don’t have a stroke going from 90 degree asphalt to a 65 degree theater.
I drives me up a wall that I leave a movie with a chafed butt crack and a deadly case of swamp foot from doing nothing but sitting on a foam pad for 2 hours.
We haven’t been to the movies in years. It’s not the price that keeps me away, it’s the other people. Chewing with their mouths open, over the top laughter (screaming woooooooo!, gasping, and clapping for several minutes after seeing something “funny”). No thanks.
There’s places I won’t eat because it’s always too loud. “Red Robin” comes to mind. I just like things quiet. I guess I’m getting old. Walking around Tokyo would probably give me a stroke. I’ve seen that shit on tv. Looks like wall to wall pinball machine lights, and everywhere you go it looks like the concert just let out – shoulder to shoulder people.
There’s a german restaurant that we go to, it was always hit and miss. We figured out that different people work in the kitchen on the weekends, and that’s when it sucked. So we go during the week now. They have great food and they serve beer in giant glass boots.
I’m having beef jerky and cheddar jalapeno cheetos for breakfast, for those of you that were wondering.
I had a slice of toast and a handful of Jolly Rancher jelly beans!
Chuck in Belpre says
What was the toast for?
Do NOT go see Thor. I really bites. Action is brief and cut-motion, and the drama isn’t all that great.
The Hangover 2 might be worth the trip.
I hadn’t been to the movies in a couple years, but gave in about two weeks ago and went to see ‘Water for Elephants’ with my cousin. The movie was okay. But, I hate going to the movies. The price is ridiculous ($10 for a matinee!!) and you always have some idiot in the crowd who makes it their life mission to ruin everything for the entire audience.
We went to an 11:00 a.m. show hoping to not get the brat teens & overall stupid people in our group. Everything was going well, the theater was not packed when an older couple decided to not only sit down, but to sit down one seat away from us. They could have sat in the empty row in front of us, or the near empty row behind us. But, no, they sat RIGHT NEXT TO US. It pissed me off right away. Then, as soon as they sat down Ma Kettle whipped out her bag of goodies & Pa Kettle proceeded to tear into them, smacking his lips, licking his fingers & rustling the bag every chance he got. Then he did the douche thing of emptying the bag into his open mouth, which meant he scattered broken chips all over the place. Then he wiped himself down with his recently licked hands. But that wasn’t the worst of it. Just as the movie started one of their cell phones rang. Pa Kettle pulled his out, saw it wasn’t his & silenced his phone. Good boy. Ma Kettle saw it was her call and decided to go ahead and take it. Here was her conversation:
Ma Kettle: (Trying to whisper) Hello?
Caller: Blah, blah, blah
Ma Kettle: We’re at the movies….no, the movies….no, THE MOVIES…..uh-huh….yeah, something about Elephants….giving them water….oh yeah! Water for Elephants….the book was good. Have you seen it?
It was at this point I turned to her and said, quite loudly, SHUT THE FUCK UP. She & Pa looked shocked before she got up and told the caller: “I have to walk outside. Someone is extremely rude in this movie-house!”
I hate people.
If I go into a theater and there’s only one or two people in there, I’ll sit right beside them. As close as I can get. Then I’ll play the old “hole in the bottom of my popcorn bucket” trick. Have some of my popcorn, friend. Surprise! It’s my dick in a box!
I admit, I laughed the first two times I grabbed your dick, but now you really need some new material.
I know. It’s pathetic.
Root 66 says
Ma Kettle was right about someone being rude at the ‘movie-house’, but it surely wasn’t you!
I’m glad to see you set the ol’ girl straight.
Good grief…can’t people go 5 or 10 minutes without a phone call?!? Nobody’s that important.
The sad part is that if you were to have killed them, the police would actually think you over reacted and treated you like a criminal.
That would have been awesome to see! “It was at this point I turned to her and said, quite loudly, SHUT THE FUCK UP. “
Bill in WV says
Movie theaters are so 1985. Why shoudl I bother with that aggravation and butt-rapage expense, when I have a kick-ass home theater system and a 57″ HD, and a fully stocked BAR at home? If it’s a date night out, it’s out for dinner and maybe a stop at the casino for a little time-lapse cash donation to the state’s Lottery fund.
You have a Browning Automatic Rifle at home? I’m impressed.
Big Bear in OH says
Me too. I always wanted one, but I won’t pony up the 200 bucks for the licensing, or let the ATF in anytime they damn well please to see if I’m “Using it correctly”. I’m pretty sure there’s only one use for a fully stocked BAR, though I guess Clyde Barrow was a big fan of the pistol grip only BAR.
Bill in WV says
No, just a lot of brown liquor. Great for movies like Full Metal Jacket.
Full Metal Jacket is the best. Top five of all time in my movie world. The wife hates it. Therefore, there is the dividing line, like only guys get the Three Stooges.
Bill in WV says
The initial rampage by Sgt. Hartman is Classic !
Damn right. I read somewhere that he ad-libbed that entire scene. I don’t know if that’s true, but I like to think it is. Beautiful.
If TV Tropes is to be believed on this point, most of that actor’s performance was ad-libbed (see http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ThrowItIn, open the Film – Live Action folder, then either scroll or use Find). Apparently, R. Lee Ermey had in fact been a real drill instructor, was originally supposed to be a technical advisor, and impressed Kubrick so much he wound up cast in the movie.
JeffInDenver (InCleveland) says
My 14 year old daughter has memorized “The Rifleman’s Creed.” I don’t know if that makes me a good or bad dad.
Bill in WV says
I LOVE the Three Stooges (pre Curly-Joe, of course) and Full Metal Jacket and I am not a guy.
Who needs the aggravation of the theater when you have a 73″ screen [soon to be replace by the new 92″] and 1000W surround system. Throw in a Blu-Ray player and you’re set for the evening.
Best part is, you don’t have to deal with “people”!
As for the little yapper dog…. I had a neighbor named Ken who bought a dog that went off with the sun every morning. He slept through it, but my wife and I did not. It got to the point where I would stick my head over the fence and start yelling “KEN!, KEN! KEN! KEN!”
Freshly awakened and pissed, Ken asked what the fuck was I doing?
“Translating for the dog”
It was gone in two days.
Bill in WV says
LOL! That’s a great solution to the yapper problem. I’ll have to file that one for future use.
Chuck in Belpre says
I hope that’s true and you really did that. That’s genius.
Jeff Kay is the only comic genius around these parts. I’m just a smart-ass with most of my teeth left.
How far down your throat does that dick go?
Depends if you put it over or between the teeth that are left.
I could go for a good gum-job.
I vote no to movie theaters.
People talking so I miss half of the movie.
Cell phones ringing.
Seven foot tall fat man sits directly in front of me blocking half of the screen.
Seats are not comfortable.
I can’t pause the movie to go piss or get a beer.
No fucking ashtrays.
Get bubble gum stuck on my pants.
The yappin’ dog situation reminds me of a Phil Hendrie episode, in which Korean War veteran Lloyd Bonafide was trying to justify his killing of a neighbor’s dog, for excessive barking. He kept insisting that it was a humane death, that he just “gently snapped its neck.”
Uhhhh, not admitting to an inhumane act, but I used to live in a fourplex apartment that was connected to another fourplex by a huge culvert pipe where the water and electric lines ran through. We ad annoying neighbors in the other fourplex, whose cat would come through the culvert pipe and shit in our basement. Add to that, my wife is deathly allergic to cats.
…Late one night, I trapped the cat, put him in a bag, and dropped him off 25 miles out of town. Problem solved.
Where the HELL did you find that?!? Too funny!
National Film Board of Canada. They have hundreds of similar films. When I was a kid they used to show them to us in school (I believe they filled space once used for moral hygiene films and “duck and cover” drills).
Here’s another of my favorites:
How long does it take to cut a fucking rope.
jim britton says
The book arrived today!
It arrived complete with an extra helping of “pompatus” for that “just sandblasted” sensation.
Cool story..Back in college days, I was the weekend manager for a local theater chain. Our chain had recently bought out another chain and we took over a relatively new mall cineplex. Apparently, the former owners knew they were being bought out & quit cleaning the theater. One of the first things my crew did was clean the concession stand. When we removed the covers off the fountain drink dispensers, hundreds of roaches began running everywhere. One female high school employee puked on the spot. She said, “I just had a Coke from that fountain head”. And that is why I subscribe to Netflix. The end.
The movie thing…yeah, I do it probably a little less than you and Toney. However, I did take my two daughters to a drive-n in Western New York last year. The fact that they loved it so much made it seem a lttle less sucky for me. It really is great to see your kids experience something new, and love it so much!
Coolest movie experience was taking my oldest daughter to her first theatre movie in Dunkirk, NY when she was only 4 years old. It was “Elmo in Grouchland.” It was a real treat for her, because we have lived in Nome, Alaska since she was two years old.
Fast forward 12 years later, and imagine her surpise when we went to play tennis at the local Recreation Center, and Mandy Patinkin, the guy who played the villian “Huxley” in the first movie my daughter had seen was there in the gym!
Got my signed copy of the novel by Jeff Key in the mail today, straigh’ from the bunker. Sweet! One of the benefits of working at home, I suppose, along with the ‘no commute’ thing and the ‘work in your PJs’ thing.
Movie? I think the last one we saw in the theater was Ativan (or was it Avatar)? Been streaming Netflix at home since then. Our church, until recently, met in a movie theater, and once you get full view of how grody those seats are in full light you won’t be too keen on going without some kind of head-protection.
There are any number of Chinese restaurants around here that are thisclose to being a complete waste of time, but sometimes beef and broccoli cravings cannot be denied. Haven’t found a truly good Chinese place yet.
Chuck in Belpre says
Around here the Chinese places are run by Koreans with Vietnamese boat-people as waiters/servers. I think.
T. Farty McAppleass says
If you want to see someone go apeshit, carry a slice of cheese in your pocket into a Chinese joint. Then ask them to melt it over your beef and broccoli. They’ll lose their minds.
It would violate several PC rules to ask, “Chuck…how can you tell?” So I won’t.
Chuck in Belpre says
The Koreans all carry new iPhones. The Chinese carry iPhenes. And the Vietnamese park their scooters out back.
I just did a mental picture of my town and there are about 8 Chinese restaurants, 1 Japanese and 1 Thai. That’s within a mile. And it’s not a large town.
Working at home… a double-edged sword. See http://theoatmeal.com/comics/working_home. I especially like the first panel.
We have to get there earlier than we used too on account of I’m so old I can’t see in the dark anymore and I’m not a fan of stumbling around in a dark theatre, so we have to sit through all the COMMERCIALS. God dammit. What happened to cartoons and such. I see the same ads I see on my TV. Cheap bastards.
Sorry to hear about Thor. Thor was my favorite Marvel character growing up and had a shitload of Thor comics. Now, I’m waiting till Netflix.
We see about two movies per year in the theater (or theatre, if you are a snob). Ususally one is the yearly Pixar release and the other is one just Child Bride and I can go to while our son babysits his sister. Usually buy giant boxes of sugar at Walgeen’s for a dollar each and my wife smuggles them in with drinks.
Lat time I mentioned the movies in this forum, I stated that black people generally ruin the movie for me by talking too loud and making stupid comments, so I will refrain from stories that happened since then, since I offended white people that live outside of the country.
Anybody seen a Cirque du So-Gay show? Being forced to go to one in Orlando in two weeks for our anniversary. Father in law bought us tickets, so no escaping it. Do I have a lot of guys in banana hammocks to mock during the show?
Clintcurtis…did the same thing with one of my neighbors yipping chihuawha (I clearly don’t know how to spell this) dogs just two weeks ago. Took the little fucker down to Bradenton where he would feel at home.
Cirque ain’t so bad – they generally balance out the banana hammocks with girls in spandex. Have a cupaa too-tree snorts before the show and all should be well.
I won’t use theatre for a place to see movies. The “theatre” is where you go to see plays to me.
At a theater, I will distinguish between a “movie” and a “film”. A “movie” is enjoyable, but not all that meaningful. A “film” is enjoyable, but also quite deep and meaningful, possibly changing your whole outlook on life. Deep and meaningful but not enjoyable is a “pretentious piece of crap”. Not enjoyable and not meaningful is just a “piece of crap”. And it is all subjective – many people would put “Gone with the Wind” under my definition of “film”, I call it a “piece of crap”
I tend to enjoy a lot of “bad” movies; I am okay with laughing at it rather than with it, I just usually don’t buy the DVD later or recommend it to friends; some bad movies even warrant a rewatching if they are on TV when nothing else is.
Hehehe…I KNEW there was a reason I liked you, AWG! 🙂
Oh, and according to my younger brother. Cirque is an enjoyable experience. Never seen it myself, but I’ll take his word for it.
My last movie was probably “The Expendables”. My husband took me (at my request) as a birthday present.
I LOVED IT.
I only go to maybe 1 movie/year, so I try to make it worth my while. I simply take a substantial loan from my 401K and dress like I’m hiking the North Pole. I do NOT wish for a side of pneumonia with my poverty, thank you.
Tiff, the great Chinese places are in my neck of the woods. They’re run by the Hondurans.
clearly, a field trip is in order. Raleigh-adjacent-north has none..
Lee Harvey Ramone says
I only like movies that have Mariah Carey in them
Phantom Railfan says
As I have mentioned here before, discouting occasional visits to a local revival house and maybe the art museum I see a movie in a theatre about every ten years. The most recent trip to the Megamultimaxiplex was to see UNSTOPPABLE. I was surprised to see that there was no longer a manned box office. Instead there were a dozen or so touch-screen kiosks. Is this the norm now?
I love those touch screen thingies! The stupid plexiglass wall between the ticket sellers and purchasers combined with the echo-chamber effect of the ticket lobby makes it impossible for me to hear and be heard by the ticket sellers. I hate having to shout and ask people to repeat what they said. Technology that cuts that out makes me happy.
I HATE movie theaters. Ticket prices, overpriced not-very-good snacks, parking and gas, sticky floors, usually way over-airconditioned, the sound is way too loud (to the point that my husband resorts to earplugs to moderate the racket), other patrons who can’t be bothered to shut up or stop kicking my seat, etc.
Watching at home works much better for me. Cheaper, the food’s better and more reasonably priced, if there’s something on the floor at least I can identify it :), we have control of temperature and volume, we can pause the movie if someone needs the bathroom or more food/drink, we can use subtitles (we both have normal hearing, but still find them helpful when actors can’t be bothered to speak clearly), we can back up if we missed something, trailers for other movies can be skipped so we don’t have to put up with commercials, etc.
Here in progressive Parkersburg, we have a noisy dog ordinance. (The county recently enacted a similar ordinance.) You can be fined $125 for each violation. My former neighbors had 3 barkers who sounded like they were ready to eat your legs off if you made a noise. I couldn’t have friends over for backyard fun, due to the dogs. It REALLY pissed of my backfence neighbor, who had a 2 year old daughter who was terrified when the barking started. They called the cops. Frequently. After getting 5 noisy dog citations, the dogs were gone. I later found out that if you simply called the dogs by their names, they’d quiet down and go inside. They shouldda told me that earlier. Jeff, call your police department. You might have a noisy dog ordinance, too.
Antifreeze is delicious.
I try to go to the theater during less busy times – weekday early shows (the 11AMish show at one theater in my area is only $5) or Tuesday evenings (another theater in the area has matinee prices all day Tuesday); that decreases the hog issue. It also helps that usually I go see movies toward the end of their run.
I see quite a few movies each year; my friends and I are all sci-fi/fantasy geeks, so we have had quite a bit aimed at us lately. I even go to the comic book based movies with them, though I am not a comic book reader.
Best movie I have seen sorta recently was Beastly. That was very much worth paying theater prices for. I wish I could have seen it more than once, but I saw it the last week it was out. I’m not big on a lot of the “deep, meaningful” stuff, I’m mostly an escapist when it comes to movies, so the other ones I saw recently were far shallower (Red Riding Hood, Your Highness).
lori in cbus says
Hey Jeff, got my book in the mail today… apparently, it was run over because it looked like tire tracks on the evelope.. the back corner of the book was bent backwards and won’t straighten and I LOVE IT!
Last movie I saw in a “movie house” was “Blood Into Wine” last year. Yeah, I don’t get out much. Once a year, if that.
There is a number of sushi joints around here – some quite good – that are run by Koreans. Edge of greatness? I’m thinking how good Guapo’s would be if they had a selection of beer; this place has kick-ass Mexican (Tex-Mex?) food, but only Corona and Negra Modelo for beer.
My literary selections did not show up in today’s mail, but I’m sure they will arrive soon.
I received my book in the mail today as well. Can’t wait to dive into it!
But seriously Jeff… it was signed “Best wishes, Jeff.”
I was hoping you would would acknowledge as an individual.
I HAVE A NAME!…IT”S SIDNEY!
But that’s not my my real name, so…
Oh hell, thanks for the book! You are one of a kind Jeff Kay. Thanks for the chuckles!
Minus a “would”…and add a “me”.
Oh hell I’m drunk…
Try this one….instead of Ken, Ken, Ken it’s Alan…….
T. Farty McAppleass says
Here’s a nice little story involving a “fucksaw” to start your morning with. Nothing graphic at the site, seems safe for work.
Whoa!!!!!! My sister and brother in law live in that county in MD. After reading that article, I’m somehow torn between never wanting to visit there again and jumping on the next flight out of Nome, Alaska to visit! LOL!
WB in OH says
Good news Surf Reporters…someone is selling a used copy of Crossroads Road for $21.01 + shipping on Amazon. The book you paid $13.95 for has increased in value 34% in just a few weeks. By the end of the year those suckers may be selling for $1,000.00!
Word has it that a used signed copy will be available on Amazon in about 2 weeks for about $65. Naw, I’m not selling mine. It’s personalized.
Good Jesus, I just had some pizza with sun dried tomaotes atop it for lunch, and those things were rank! Like eating red sardines or something.
WTF…that’s $1.01 more than I paid for mine, and probabably $21.00 more than it’s actually worth, lol! Anxiously awaiting my copy in the mail here in Nome, Alaska. It is one of the few really cool things I have ever waited for in my life.
That’s a 51% increase.
GFY Kevin, Mr. Math police asshole. (Saving someone else the trouble.)
WB in OH says
I’ll need you to show your work.
WB in OH says
Nevermind, I figgered gross profit not net gain when I posted 34%. If we would switch to the metric system down here and didn’t spend so much time learning Imperial units and whatnot, I may have learnt my guzinto’s better.
I think I got t-storms book by mistake. It’signed…”Just touching the tip doesn’t count” gfy…Jeff
I am about 1/2 into my book so far and love it. According to my dedication, the Beer Nuts are at my house…