When I was in New York a few weeks ago, Duff told me about a guy on Etsy who would write anything you’d like on his beer gut, photograph it, and send you the picture for a price. She jokingly suggested I promote the book using gutvertising, and I told her it sounded like a fantastic idea.
Unfortunately, when I got home I checked it out and the dude wasn’t taking any new orders. Apparently his belly was booked, so I forgot about it.
But over the weekend I was on fiverr, and looked to see if anyone was making a similar offer. And I hit the gutpot! The photo is above, and I fully expect Crossroads Road to reach the New York Times bestseller list by mid-August, as a result of this publicity coup.
I posted the picture on Facebook on Saturday, and someone wanted to know if it was a self-portrait. I’m deeply offended… I’m nowhere near that hairy.
Pass the beer nuts.
The past few days were so brutally hot here, I almost didn’t leave the house. I worked for six hours on Thursday, and went to the grocery store for ice cream on Friday, but other than that… I was hunkered down. I didn’t even shave all weekend, and looked like a drunken bum. A completely sober, Kindle-reading drunken bum.
It was crazy-hot. We had our Soviet humboxes working ‘round the clock, which kept the house cool, but whenever I walked past a window I could feel oven-like heat radiating through them. It was like that Twilight Zone episode where it kept getting hotter and hotter, and an artist’s oil paintings began running down a wall. It’s a little less Zoneish today, though.
On Saturday evening I watched True Grit, and liked it pretty well. It was entertaining, but I felt like the suspense could’ve been ratcheted up a bit. Plus, it irritated me that nobody used a contraction in that movie. Is that the way they talked in cowboy days? Had “can’t” and “won’t” not been invented yet? It bothered me.
Next up in the Netflix queue: Insidious. Any opinions?
I also wrote an article about John Hughes on Saturday, for CrossroadsRoad. You can read it here. I was a big fan of Hughes before (and after) he started making movies. His National Lampoon contributions were huge influences, and caused me to make my first pitiful attempts at humor writing. Two pieces in particular, this one and this one, knocked me on my butt. I wanted to be like John Hughes, even before most people knew his name.
A few weeks ago I decided to rent all the Hughes movies through Netflix, and watch them again in order. But the first one was so bad (National Lampoon’s Class Reunion), I abandoned the exercise. Wotta turd. He made some great films, but that wasn’t one of them. Flounder couldn’t even save it. Maybe I’ll try it again, after Insidious?
Oh, and speaking of Netflix… I’m softening on their price-change. I think I might just let it ride, and pay the extra six bucks per month. Are you wavering, or still fired-up? I think I’m just gonna pay ‘em. It’s only six dollars, and the shit is fantastic.
Finally, I saw a news report about a rise in violence during this current heat wave. They said road rage is rampant, and people are apparently throwing haymakers at the slightest provocation. And it got me to thinking… I don’t believe I have any good road rage stories.
My dad once saw a person rear-end someone in Charleston, and the man whose car was hit jumped out with a pipe and beat the hell out of the guy. He said it was incredibly brutal, and there was blood everywhere.
I’ve never seen anything like that. And the worst thing I’ve ever done is flip someone off. I don’t do that very often anymore, because it can lead to a bullet through the neck. But what about you? Do you have any good road rage stories to share? If so, please use the comments link below.
And I’ll see you guys again tomorrow.
Have a great day!
Now playing in the bunker
Get 253 laughs for just $2.99!
Good Morning Surf Reporters…..
I’m not into road rage and I don’t think John Hughes made any great films, so I’m left with gutvertising.
I’m puzzled about the guy who was all booked up. Exactly how long does it take to do a photoshoot of this guy’s gut? Do two or three union lighting engineers have to agree on the gel fill and reflector packages for each ad? Is there a bereted director who keeps hitting his forehead with the heel of his hand screaming, “That’s not eet. Steeck it out beetch. I can’t wuurk like thees.”?
It seems to me that one guy with a gut and one guy with a pen and a camera should suffice. One shot every five minutes? It’s not like the gut-guy needs to rest between takes like porn actresses.
So that would be twelve per hour (OK, eleven — let the guy piss), for 88 a day if the guy only wants to commit eight hours to it. Is demand really greater than that? I find this to be a micro-economic enigma wrapped in bacon.
WB in OH says
jtb, you sir are either being facetious or are an old curmudgeon! Everyone likes National Lampoons Vacation!
Also who can forget the classic line from Sixteen Candles, “No more yanky my wanky, the donger needs food!”-Long Duk Dong. When we are but mere dust, this line will live on.
What’s happenin’, hot stuff?
Pssst…I don’t like any of the National Lampoons. I do, however love Sixteen Candles.
I was only considering the films Mr. Hughes directed. He was associated with a few good films, but in terms of making a movie, I still can’t think of any great ones. I will concede that writing the screenplay might count as “making” a film, but Harold Ramis directed Vacation.
I am not a particular fan of Sixteen Candles, although it does have a few good lines.
I will take your advice, however, and keep a close eye on any curmudgeonly behavior I detect in myself. It seems to sneak out when I talk about video games or hip hop music.
Hey…I think ‘assvertizing’ would be a better route…ya know?
Oh…not some hairy ass dude’s billboard either. You know the kind I’m letting run wild in my mind right now. Even some tight jeans or Daisy Dukes would do the trick and arouse interest in the observer. I think you should sponsor a beach volleyball team.
The road rage I’ve seen has been from my rear view mirror. I usually go even slower when I see that kinda stuff. I don’t want to miss the very second…1) their veins break through their neck and forehead…2) their eyeballs pop out and land on the dashboard…3) their head explodes all over their windshield.
Just did a web search for “Daisy Dukes”. Rrrrroger.
If I learn any more about vibrators or ladies’ sun wear on this site
I b’lieve I’ll go ahead and consider myself educated.
At least the vagina falling out has not come up recently
I have no recollection of my vagina falling out. Perhaps it was somebody else’s. Come to think about it, I’m not entirely sure I have a vagina.
Yeah, I just dropped it on the highway like a Dynaflow transmission. Too much torque I guess.
on the road in the heartland says
Screw Netflix. I too recognize that it’s only $6. It also represents a 60% increase for the SAME level of service.
If they had sent an email explaining the steep increases in licensing fees (esp. from Sony), i might have said “yep, content owners are evil , I’ll suck up the increase”
Instead they sent me an email explaining how I now had to new choices….both costing me more for less delivered.
I’m bailing on a matter of principle for them thinking we can’t do math or read between the lines.
I’m sure they had plenty of research showing the increase in revenues would outweigh the pissed off who left in a snit over the change.
I SO hope they were wrong.
Road Rage- personal:
When I was a young hicklet in the resort town of Dunbar, I was in the back seat when a guy took my fake Dad’s parking space at Kroger. Fake Dad pulled up behind his car and walked up to his driver side window. The guy rolled down his window and fake Dad and him began to argue. Then, without warning, I had to endure fake Dad unhooking and unzipping his jeans and thrusting his unit into the guys face while he was seated in his car. Then he zipped and got back into our car and found another space. We then saw him in Kroger and the guy avoided fake Dad like the plague and ran to the checkout and left. Nowadays, I’m sure Dunbar Five-O would have been called to the scene, but nothing happened. Fake Dad was a badass, but that just seemed too way over the top.
1981- a guy didn’t like how close I was following him on a highway in St. Albans, and he slammed on the braked. I spun out like Mannix and avoided crashing into him. He got out of the car and stood at my driver’s door. I was thinking “Dear God, please don’t let him pull his junk out” However, he just waited for me to get out. I got out and he tried to shove me back into my car. I grabbed his hand and slammed it in my car door and left soon afterward. Police came knocking about three hours later and said guy was pressing charges on me and they would be back to pick me up when that happened. Never happened. Why? Guy died in auto accident about two hours later. Maybe he was just driving too slow.
1999- Drunk driver sideswipes my car in traffic and drives off. Followed him for fifteen miles. He parked at his place and I got out and confronted him. He got all rednecky and threatened me with a baseball bat. Told him he better swings for the fences because I was going to shove that bat up his ass. He took a swing and I brok his wrist in the process and held it painfully behind his back in the road until Sheriff’s Department got there. Guy was a wanted felon. Went directly to jail.
There were a few other incident similar to these (without weiners involved), but Can’t get to the them right now. Work is calling.
Hope everyone had a good weekend.
Nice work AWG. When I come back,I want to be just like you!
I had a dude pull a 9mm and point it at me and my ex! I gave him the finger and slowed down to let him get him out of range, we manauvered until he got all pissed cause he couldn’t get a shot. He then shot 1 round out of his still moving car window, and I lost him soon after. I reported this to the local police and they said it all occured on the border with the other township, and did nothing. Pathetic cops.
When my daughter was about 12, she flipped a guy the bird in traffic while I was driving and he shook his fist at us and chased us for about 3 miles before I was able to lose him. I parked and gave her what for!! I thought the guy was going to pull out a gun; he was so mad his face turned red as a beet and smoke could have come out of his ears any second.
Haven’t had any road rage but I work with guy who’s nickname is actually ‘Angry’. He has a road rage story almost weekly. The funniest one was when he was having lunch at the beach and some well to do looking woman rocks up with her huge dog to go for a walk and blocks him in. She took some of those plastic dog shit bags to clean up after her mutt and then watched her dog take a massive dump about ten feet from him without actually cleaning up. The bags were just for show! So my friend ‘Angry’ waits for her to go and gets a shit bag and picks up the newly laid turd and smears it under each one of her door handles and pushes the rest through her partly left open window! I pretty sure that she doesn’t go there any more.
I wanna be just like Angry. The door handles part was genius.
Now THAT is sweet revenge, my friend!
Congrats to Kristin for her December 21 prediction here on Amy Winehouse. Nice going!
This just in-Everyone involved w Amy is shocked and devastated.
Uhhh, I get the devastated part, but shocked? Really?
Regardless of which party has the road rage, I regularly admonish my husband to not engage the other drivers. You never know how crazy the other driver is or what they are willing to do to right a wrong whether it is real or imagined.
When I moved to TX, the first thing the locals educated me on, was to never exhibit road rage, you never know who’s packing.
Does gas pump rage count? I nearly went apopletic at the Kroger yesterday. Fucker filling up whole family’s cars from one pump both sides to “take advantage of his 20 cents off a gallon.”
He didn’t cotton too highly to my remark of “assholes like you are why they take the good shit away from us;” although he quit pumping about then and jumped in his raggedy ass pickup. I guess the fire in my eyes foreshadowed the possibility that I might pump the next 10 gallon of 20 cents off gas up his ass?
Someone explain this to me….. Say a 20 gallon tank, save 20 cents per gallon. $4 per tank, say 4 times a month is $16 a freakin’ month. What’s that, a couple of six packs? Half a bottle of Jack Daniels?
Jeff, maybe you need to call upon the Surf Reporters to submit gutvertising photos.
How about “Titvertising”?
Chuck in Belpre says
you are always teasing us…
After what I put away this weekend, I think I could do “War and Peace” across my belly
Nice! I stand corrected! Need a sharpie though.
Bill in WV says
Jeff has/had that covered months ago. Oh, I see he posted the link below. Too damn funny.
Root 66 says
I was sitting at an intersection in 1993 minding my own business when this dude made a very bad left turn and plowed into the left-rear corner of my ’81 Caprice…and kept on going. I tore out after him like Rosco P. Coaltrane and caught up with him. I kept flashing my headlights at him and he finally pulled over about two miles from the accident scene. I guess my car looked enough like a police car to make him stop (Columbus used Caprices back then.) I was beyond FURIOUS. He came staggering out of his car, totally smashed. I reached into my trunk and produced my tire iron. He was convinced he was going to drive away, but me and my li’l friend had other plans…I told him if he got back in that car I’d kill him. I managed to keep him there until the police came. Come to find out it was his SEVENTH drunk driving offense in five years, he had no license, no insurance and it wasn’t his car.
I probably shoulda straightened out the curves in his head with that tire iron! What a chump.
Evil Twin's Wife says
You could have hit up the Evil Twin for the gutvertising. He wouldn’t even charge you. 🙂
Great offer, but I think many of us have our hearts set on more titvertising!
Big Bear in OH says
I’ve been the road rage-er exactly once that I can remember…got hit by a semi trailer in the front right side of my truck, he looked back, saw it happen and took off as fast as that Peterbilt could run. So I tore off after him…caught up to him at the steel mill where his load was being dropped off and put him under citizens arrest at gunpoint until the PD could show up. Turns out they’re not crazy about somebody ELSE having a gun at a call. So I got stuffed in the back of the cruiser until they got the whole story from witnesses AND the driver. Let me off with a warning to keep my piece holstered unless necessary and handed him a ticket for leaving the scene of an accident. When I talked to his insurer about the incident, it turned out this was his fifth or sixth incident in one year, and that he was being dropped from the insurance immediately. Ended up getting a fresh bumper out of the whole deal, so I couldn’t complain. Only incident in my mind.
WB in OH says
Anytime I hear citizen’s arrest, Gomer and Barney immediately come to mind!!
I was on the receiving end of some road rage by some methed out dickhead last year on I-95. Just me & the youngling were traveling back home. I guess I wasn’t driving fast enough (in the right lane) when this snot bag started tailgating, then as he was passing me, started throwing rocks at my car while screaming and raging. He then passed in front of me, slammed on the brakes, tried to run me off the road, etc. It was the first time ever I actually tried to see if my car would do 160 mph. Then I realized I’d probably just wreck & kill myself. I was able to hide by driving in the emergency lane behind a semi until he spotted me and tried to stop me again. Then he flashed a gun at me. It must have been divine intervention, because the next thing I knew, my car was in the grass median, turning around to head south. That night I was hoping that his busted ass trailer would get bulldozed…while he was still in it. But then I figured he was already a pathetic loser with a tiny little package and failed to please any woman he ever met….fucker.
My dad one time was headed home from work, stopped at a red light. While waiting for it to change, right in front of his van (we called it the child molester van, but never to his face, Dad was prone to anger) some teenagers got in a fist fight.
The light turned green. He honked once and they did not move. He honked again. If they were raised by my father they would have stopped what they were doing, apologized to my dad for holding him up, and possibly given him some money. However, these kids were not raised by someone who taught them to respect adults.
The third honk came. One kid backed up onto the sidewalk. The other one flipped off my Dad. The next thing you saw was the kid flying into the air as my Dad just drove on. Surprisingly the kid was not hurt and no charges were pressed. It was a different time.
Oh, and I am staying with netflix, because i remember when they were $20 and had no instant streaming.
Gordion Knott says
Yes, Netflix back in the day–circa 2000–was more expensive, and incredibly slow. As in, “five day turnaround for DVDs” slow. Not to mention the pilfering of DVDs by postal employees. Yes, it happened.
Even so, the $8 dollars added to my plan for streaming seems excessive, given the still-mediocre selection–and meager selection of HD titles. So, I’ll be switching from a 1-out to a two-out plan, with no streaming. Rather than stream a movie in my streaming queue with crappy resolution, I’ll rent the same title in the DVD version for a better viewing experience. Along, of course, with the option of enabling Subtitles for the Thinking Impaired–always a good idea when watching movies like Inception that are best seen under altered circumstances.
We always use subtitles, too. My husband either can’t hear or can’t pay attention, so it comes in handy, because sometimes I cannot tolerate one more “what did he say?”.
We like subtitles, too. Comes in handy if actors are mumbling, there’s a lot of background sound (either in the movie or in the living room), etc., even for two people with normal hearing. 🙂
I’m only seeing a $2/month increase in my Netflix fee (4-at-a-time discs, unlimited streaming and I have a Roku), so it really doesn’t bother me.
Road rage: not terribly prone to it myself (mostly just make snide comments at normal speaking volume), although I do respond to being tailgated when already at/over speed limit by slowing down (I resent being endangered so some jerk with time management deficiencies can get somewhere 3 seconds sooner). Here in Sacramento, CA, though, almost seems like attempted vehicular homicide is the official city sport. I’ve lost count of the number of near-misses I’ve had with people cutting across multiple lanes very suddenly with zero warning (there’s apparently a local custom forbidding the use of turn signals), “drivers” deliberately speeding up to cut off totally sane and signaled lane changes, or self-important morons too busy on their phones or just too arrogant to notice mere pedestrians attempting to cross the road.
I once chatted with a city bus driver who had driven trucks in the Los Angeles area and he swore that drivers are worse here. Makes sense to me. LA drivers are nuts, that’s a given, but it’s in a rather self-absorbed, impersonal way. You’re just something to be dodged while they’re going about their own business. Here in Sacramento, they’re actively hostile to the notion that anyone else dares to be on THEIR road.
lol the first thing i thought was, is that a pic of jeff?? sorry.
tracy in ohio says
I’m going to stick to just the streaming. We don’t have cable so its the only way the kids really watch TV since the box I bought to de-scramble the antenna doesn’t always work.
I get a touch of the road rage but I usually just scream at them with my windows up. Too many people drive around with guns racks in their trucks Its mostly to farmers who drive down major roads with a two mile line of cars and semis behind them. I’ve got a 45 minute drive to work and I have now learned to leave an hour before I have to be there just in case.
Big Bear in OH says
As the guy with the gun rack in the truck, that’s pretty much what they’re there for. I put a pair of Ruger Decals on the back of my windows, and people cutting me off dropped drastically. Putting the gun rack in and making sure that it’s always full keeps them pretty well at bay. As for the farmers, it’s not intentional, but sometimes they have to go a certain way to get to the field that is trapped in the middle of the suburbs now.
I haven’t seen insidious yet, but I highly recommend “Adjustment Bureau.” I found you, ironically, through the beer gut man.
I have a very short fuse while driving as it is, so road rage is common for me. However, it’s mild as compared to the stories I’ve been reading. I am a very aggressive driver. I drive through downtown every day. It amazes me the fucking moron’s driving that don’t get caught for all the infractions committed. The newest one is making left turns from the right lane….cutting the person in the proper lane, which is usually me. I almost clipped two cars recently that pulled that stunt. I usually just give the ol’ bird, which is ladylike compared to my mouth.
When I was little, we picked my dad up from Chicago’s O’hare Airport. He drove on the way home. There was construction with a lot of stop and go traffic. Taking our exit home, some dude cut him off. Dad stops the car, throws it in park. Jumps out of the car and punches the guys’ side mirror off until it was hanging by a thread. The dude just rolled his window up and drove off.
Ahhhhh Road rage. My sister was driving my dad’s boat of a Cadillac into Manhattan with my mother up front and a bunch of us in the back seat. We were all dressed up to go see The Nutcracker. Let me make an important point right up front. My mother never learned how to drive (universal sigh of relief). Yet, she thinks she’s car savvy. We’ll be on a bumper to bumper highway at night and since SHE can’t see, will insist “oh, put your brights on” so I can blind the other drivers in front of us. All because she picked up the term “brights” somewhere.
Anyway, we’re crusing down the West Side Highway and some guy in a bright red Porsche was zipping in and out of lanes as most Porsche drivers high on coke tend to do. This annoyed my mother so, unbeknownst to the rest of us, gives him the finger. Repeatedly. Off we exit and we’re sitting at the light at 57th and 9th when all of a sudden this HUGE hand slams the rear view window. I jumped. my mother screamed, someone farted and this gigantic, mean red leather clad pimp/drug dealer starts SCREAMING at us. he proceeds to kick the back bumper a few times sending the car rocking. The light changes and my sister floors it before the pimp could get back into his car – and we whip into a parking garage.
We were all like “THE FUCK WAS THAT??” and then realize what my mother did. We go upstairs to their apartment and tell my father who then picks up the phone to call it in. And I swear, he sounded like “Rain Man” (he squeezed and pulled and hurt my neck) explaining to the desk sargeant “he kicked and punched and hurt my car!” I think we banned my mother from being a passenger for a good 6 months after that.
Phantom Railfan says
Count me among those who were never particularly enamored of John Hughes movies. I have to admit I’m not familiar with his writing, though. I’ll give the two links provided a try.
Anyway. I very nearly meted out some road rage myself a couple months ago. I was waiting for a large group of pedestrians in a crosswalk to clear so I could make a right turn (as mandated by the traffic code in our state), and the driver of a Cadillac Escalade pulled slowly up behind me, laid on his horn, and fucking nudged my bumper! That’s correct, he pulled right up on my ass and pushed my car with his, kind of like that truck did to Dennis Weaver at the railroad crossing in DUEL. Apparently, I was supposed to plow right on through a group of about 40 people? Asshole. Still pisses me off to think about it.
The Coen brothers had them speak that way . I read it reflected the way they talked then
That manner of speaking is from the original book. I’ve seen some criticism of the author for it, because it seems that he assumed that because most wrote that way at the time, that they spoke that way as well. I found it really distracting and unnatural. We know from reading Mark Twain, who endeavored to be realistic with regard to people’s speaking habits, that contractions were as common then as now.
I thought the Coen’s very formal dialog written for John Goodman’s character (the one-eyed bible salesman) in O Brother Where Art Thou? was more effective and very funny.
In the [surprisingly] few incidents of road rage I’ve experienced, it’s been women, always accompanied by men, that are the angriest and have the foulest mouth.
My strategy is to ignore her and wink and blow kisses to the dude.
I was thinking about how often I used to flip people off, and how it’s not even cool to do that anymore. In the old days, if a horn honked, the hand went out the window automatically. It was kind of fun, and people didn’t take it too seriously.
A few months ago I almost caused a horrible accident while on a weekend road trip. I’d taken an exit to use a rest area, and was confused about how to get back on the right road. I was talking to my passenger, I changed lanes without even looking, and almost hit another car, which was being driven by a derelict looking young guy. He had to charge around me to catch up with me, and I thought, “Oh God, this guy’s gonna kill us…” but he came right up next to us and flipped us off. I was really relieved, and totally had that coming.
On two or three occasions during my childhood, we had to go and bail my dad out of jail. My favorite of these occasions was the time Dad was filling up at the gas station. Some guy pulled up to the pump on the other side of him and continued to play bass-heavy music designed to show off the $1000 stereo that the guy had installed in his shitty $500 car.
Dad asked the guy to please turn it down. The guy told the old man to go fuck himself and went in to buy smokes while the gas was pumping. By the time the guy got back, Dad had doused the passenger seat with unleaded and was standing there with a book of matches.
The guy turned down his music, and then went and called the cops. Ended up being pretty expensive for Dad, but I thought it was pretty badass.
That’s Clint Eastwood territory! Awesome!
DidI burn 5 matches or was it 6? Do you feel lucky? Well, do you, PUNK?
madz: DidI burn 5 matches or was it 6? Do you feel lucky? Well, do you, PUNK……..
…..”to tell you the truth, I lost count myself in all the excitment…”
metten: Fan-damn-tastic! I’ll even pitch in bail money.
Thanks very much bikerchick, unfortunately it happened some time between 1985-1990. Dad died in 2008, but I am sure he would have appreciated your support at the time.
Yeah, theres was definately more asshatery on the roads last week. Had to dish out a lot of fingers for various stupid acts commited against me.
The theory of nice vehicle vs beat up vehicle also proved true. While driving my pickup (the beat up) I had very little attempts to cut me off. I think they know I am ready to use it as a blocker mobile at the slightest provocation. The car on the other hand, holy christ, I might as well be invisible.
netflix…absolutely worth the price change, but for frugal students like me (I juggle internet service between my name and my boyfriend’s name to keep the introductory price) it just isn’t in my budget (;_:) back to bi-weekly redbox trips.
multi corn says
Couple years ago in Atlanta, driving home from work, stopped at a red light. Guy next to me wants to turn right on red but the lady in front of him with her right blinker on refuses to turn just yet. The guy starts screaming out his window and punching his dashboard. Finally he gets out and starts pounding on this lady’s driver side window, roof and hood. All the drivers nearby started looking at each other to see who was going to fistfight The Hulk. Before anyone moved the guy then got back in his truck and actually rammed the lady and pushed her out of the way and into traffic so he could then turn right. He turned and drove away and as far as I can tell, did not get pulled over.
The next day a cop pulled me over at that same light for going through a green light. He told me I was supposed to know when the light was preparing itself to turn yellow and to stop.
I think the only interesting case of road rage I’ve experienced was after picking up a boss at the airport. We were heading toward downtown Milwaukee when two drivers started beeping, gesticulating wildly, flipping each other off, screaming…and then one guy sideswiped and then repeatedly rammed the other guy. My boss kept saying, “Slow down, I wanna see what happens!” but I kept going and called the sheriff’s department to report an “intentional.” I figured someone’s insurance shouldn’t pay for the asshattery and getting on record as an intentional rather than an accident might help.
Hey Jeff i requested your book from the downtown library in Huntington,WV. They ordered a copy from Amazon and i should be reading it in a couple of days.Everyone should ask their local library for a copy.
Thanks! I love that.
I’m happy to hear that Dorothy is doing well and continuing to exercise on the pole. Please send her my affectionate regards. Thanks…..
We watched “Unknown” with liam the other day. I guess I would recommend it.
As far as road rage, my little brother used to think it was hillarious to sit at a red light, let it turn green, then let it turn yellow, and take off before it finally turned red again. We were in his truck one time when he did this. I laughed, but the guy behind us started honking and screaming and so on. He said, “fuck him, what’s he gonna do?” Just then the guy rolled down his window and started firing a shotgun towards us. He didn’t hit the back glass or anything, but he did blow the driver’s side mirror off, and left a few holes in the tailgate. He didn’t pull that shit anymore. We almost got t-boned trying to get away from the guy.
Alice in WV says
Insidious was pretty skeery. I saw it in a theater, tho, and that lends to the mood (if the talkers & texters can shut the hell up). Horrible Bosses was pretty damn funny. I hope to see Cowboys & Aliens this weekend. woooo hooooo!
I’m trying to maintain my enraged indignation about Netflix, but it’s getting harder to do. I’ve not had much luck with their “streaming bit torrents” or whatever you kids call it nowadays. Sometimes it works, but mostly it just sucks donkey balls. Maybe because I live out in the boonies and have satellite internet. Maybe I’m not “mashin” the right buttons?! Who knows..I still like DVD’s in the mail. I like the old, obscure shit only available on mailed DVDs, so for now, I’ll just bend over, I guess.
I avoid road rage, if possible, but the other day I nearly ran over a woman in a Mini Cooper convertible. I was trying to change lanes on the interstate and the lane was clear, until Miss Mini Cooper appears out of nowhere. She very nearly had a full size Silverado pickup inserted up her cooch. She honks her horn madly and flips me the bird, to which I respond by blowing her a big kiss. I didn’t get shot at that time.
I live in Miami. EVERYONE has road rage EVERY DAY. If I started telling the stories I just get madder.
And speaking of hot! Man, oh man is it hot here. But my husbands and the tykes are in Maine visiting the in-laws so I have all the vents shut except the one in the bedroom just so I don’t have to sell a kidney to pay the electric bill this month. Last month’s was a whopper.
lol – Husband. He’s a great one but one is enough, TYVM.