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Your Weekend Update, vol. 134

July 2, 2012 By Jeff 38 Comments

Yeah, this two-updates-per-week thing doesn’t feel right to me.  I might have to reassess.  It’s not working out the way I’d envisioned it.  Go figure.  I’m usually so good at making wise life decisions….

Like this gem, from the days following my layoff from Warner Bros.: “We should probably stay in northeastern Pennsylvania, even though there are very few decent-paying jobs here, so the kids’ lives aren’t disrupted.”  A true classic!

This week is going to be jacked-up because of the holiday, but next week I think I’m going to return to the old way of doing things.  Which means three, sometimes four updates per week.  I don’t like the Surf Report sitting dormant for days on end.  It bothers me.

On Wednesday all four of us will be home at the same time, for the first time in weeks.  Toney is working two part-time jobs, I’m working 50 hours per week and trying to write a book, and the older hooligan is working as a lifeguard at two different pools.  We just come and go, and barely see each other.

So, we’re going to try to pack a lot into that day.  We’re going out to lunch together (probably Chinese), and will be throwing a modified deck feast in the evening.  I say modified, ’cause we ain’t eating out there; it’s too goddamn hot.  So, we’ll have the usual food spread, but will be ingesting it indoors, with the air conditioners running wide-open.

Needless to say, we’ll have plenty of fancy-ass microbrews on-hand.  It’s something we don’t have the opportunity to enjoy these days, because we’re never home at the same time.  And if I’m going to be drinking alone, I’ll just have a Yuengling (or even a Pabst).  Screw it.  Craft beers are for socializing.

And speaking of “too goddamn hot,” my parents were without power for several days last week — and the temperatures reached 102 degrees.  They said most of the gas stations and grocery stores were closed, ATMs wouldn’t work, and things were edging toward Omega Man territory.  Or Lord of the Flies, or something.

When I spoke to my dad yesterday morning, he said their electricity wouldn’t be restored until Friday(!).  A full week, in the hottest weather imaginable.  The food in their fridge was spoiled, and they were making coffee by heating a pan of water on the gas grill on their patio, and pouring it slowly through a Mr. Coffee filter.

“Come up here,” I begged him.  “You guys shouldn’t sit around in that heat.”  But, no.  They’d rather be utterly miserable, than to spend another week at our house.  Presumably they weighed their options, and decided that sitting in a heatbox with no food, and no way to sleep through the night, was preferable to returning to our place.  Yeah, it makes me feel pretty good.

But their power was restored last night, so all is well with the world.  They’re back on the grid now.  Bullet dodged, on that Jeff thing!  Whew.

And by the way… Nancy and the Translucents will be passing through here tonight.  We found out this morning.  But I won’t be around, and might not see them, at all.  They’re going to Canada, and will be using our house as a sleepover opportunity.  They’ll probably be gone before I get up tomorrow, and I won’t get home until about 2:30 tonight.

So, if there are any good stories to be had, they’ll have to come through Toney.  She’s a pretty good reporter, though.  Stay tuned.

I have a feeling we’ll be seeing Nancy and her brood of unusual children a lot, for the next few months.  She doesn’t like to stay put, even under normal circumstances.  But the divorce is going to cause her to travel like a maniac.  When there’s unusual chaos in her life, she travels.  I’ve seen it many times.

And I’ll leave you guys now, with a quick Question.  In the comments section, please tell us in what circumstances you refuse to tip a person.

A few days ago I was in charge of dinner, and Domino’s was having a special ($3.99 medium sized pies).  They’re not very good, but not as horrible as people like to pretend.  And the price couldn’t be beat.  So, I ordered three pizzas, and picked them up.

And on the receipt there was a place to write in an amount for a tip.  For what??  Handing me three boxes?  Funk dat.  I put an X on that line, and wrote in the original amount underneath.  A delivery guy gets tipped, not some hamster-cheeked cashier, who did nothing but pivot on her sturdy legs, and pass me a small stack o’ pizzas.

Also, some drive-through windows have a tip jar.  Ha!  They can ram it deep and on a slant.  And at the beer store they’re now soliciting tips, as well.  I’m sorry, but cashiers don’t get tipped.  There has to be some extra service provided.

What do you think about this?  What are your feelings on the preponderance of tip jars, all of a sudden?  I’m a very good tipper, when a tip is warranted.  But I ain’t tipping the Burger King dude, who did nothing but pass me a sack through a hole in the wall. I mean, seriously.

Please use the comments section below, to expound on this important subject.

And I might be back tomorrow.  I feel the urge to get back into the full swing of things.  We’ll see how it goes.

Have a great day, boys and girls!

Now playing in the bunker
Treat yourself at Amazon: US and Canada

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Comments

  1. Swami Bologna says

    July 2, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    Dat’s right.

    Reply
  2. Domer says

    July 2, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    I can’t bring myself to tip anywhere that I didn’t sit down to eat, with the occasional exception of Subway since I stood there and watched them make my mediocre sandwich.

    In general, you don’t get a tip for handing my food over the counter. You know, doing your job.

    Reply
  3. GTA3 says

    July 2, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    I don’t tip at Sonic. You are a fast food restaurant that lacks a counter or drive thru window. Not my fault.

    Also, does this updates picture contain…A bowl of corn, motherfucker!

    Reply
  4. Uncle_Wedgie says

    July 2, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    In these cases I give them a tip: “Don’t wait on cheap people” and then I leave.

    Reply
  5. Rick says

    July 2, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    Here in Atlanta, one of the water pumping stations went out last week. We got emails saying not to use the toilet unless absolutely necessary. Usually, when I use the toilet it’s ABSOLUTELY necessary! 😀

    Reply
  6. madz1962 says

    July 2, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    I ignore the “tip jar.” I consider it to be as annoying as some street bum shuffling up to my car window with a bottle of Windex and filthy paper towels.

    I do overly tip the poor bastard who gives me a pedicure. It can’t be fun having some strangers dogs up in your face.

    There’s also the slippery slope of not knowing when/what to tip. I had 2 guys come in and steam clean a tiled floor. They did a shitty job but I wasn’t sure if I should tip them or not. I mean, I just forked over about $175 for the “service.” I think I gave them a twenty. What the hell are the rules for stuff like that?

    Reply
    • bikerchick says

      July 3, 2012 at 2:36 pm

      “It can’t be fun having some strangers dogs up in your face.”…….LMFAO!!!

      Reply
  7. Theresa says

    July 2, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    I never tip when I pick up an order, I don’t really like tipping at the chinese buffet but sometimes I do. I went and got a massage once and I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to tip, I was broke so I didn’t.

    Reply
  8. Ognir says

    July 2, 2012 at 3:45 pm

    I see Tip Jars everywhere these days. You even see them in convenience stores now.

    I would never eat some chain store pizza. That shit is terrible.

    Reply
  9. Ognir says

    July 2, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    What is this thing where young dudes wear black socks with shorts?

    I often wonder about this myself. I even see girls wearing such things. I have never seen the show, but I have a feeling it has to with one of those Jersey Shore people.

    Reply
  10. dto says

    July 2, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    Just before John Hancock signed the Declaration of Independence he looked at Thomas Jefferson, Ben Franlkin and John Adams, all waiting their turn, and said…”Things are going to be jacked up around here for a while you know?”

    A Chniese restaurant on the 4th of July just sounds wrong. We’re headed to our local 1881 hotel/ saloon to drink beer, shoot pool and eat Messican food. By god that’s Amerikin right there.

    Reply
  11. Jed says

    July 2, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    Deep and on a slant indeed. I’ve found that those filthy little tip jars are great for making up the difference though. Paper only, coins make noise.

    Reply
  12. Joey Jo Jo says

    July 2, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    I tip all appropriate people, and that’s it. No baristas, cashiers, etc. I’m a cashier, and do not expect tips. I do get them occasionally, when I do go above and beyond. I once let a girl use the phone when her car broke down, and her parents sent me 10 pounds of loose almonds, care of the store. A cardboard box, just full the fuck up with almonds.

    Reply
  13. MC Perfunctory says

    July 2, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    I would tip someone at the local Burger King if he kicked the ass of that freaky King that they used to have on their commercials. That character is seriously fucked up.

    Reply
  14. dto says

    July 2, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    “Nancy and the Translucents”, is a GREAT name for a rock band. Amazing actually. But…they will be sitting on the couch waiting for you just to show you how nice it will be to have them there when you come home from work after they move in. Reserve a yurt for around the first of September because that is when I figure the U-Hual is gonna show up

    Reply
  15. Limey says

    July 2, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    Re: craft beers.

    Seek out some Green Flash Palate Wrecker. I’ve just had a couple and it is a FINE beer. A double/imperial IPA – wonderful stuff.

    Off to the fridge…

    Reply
  16. Doug says

    July 2, 2012 at 8:43 pm

    I have a tip jar on my desk. It was funny when I first put it there a couple of years ago. Not so much anymore, but I’m too lazy to remove it. There’s a few coins in it (mostly ones I found on the floor or parking lot) and a couple of expired coupons.

    Reply
  17. chill says

    July 2, 2012 at 9:56 pm

    For a sit-down restaurant, or a bar, I try to tip well. Be good to your bartender, and your bartender will be good to you. Tip-killers are things like when the Coffee Lady does not refill my cup, or when the wait staff are rude.

    Tomorrow I get the pleasure of joining with my fellow Teeming Millions in the experience that is I-95 in the hot summer holiday traffic. Jersey Turnpike, here I come. Hooray.
    .

    Reply
  18. dto says

    July 2, 2012 at 10:36 pm

    Here I only have two bars to go to. They run a tab when the see me. Have a beer and split they get a buck. Stay and have three beers they get two bucks. Eat and create a food tab…I’m usually good for 15-20% just because they know me and I know them. Out of town I’m a 10%er at a sit down joint. I’ll throw my change or a buck or two in their tip jar at a Subway. All it takes is a cute girl who loads up my samich and doesn’t call me… Sir.

    Reply
  19. MikeFromLI says

    July 2, 2012 at 11:13 pm

    10% at a sit down restaurant out of town and no tip at the Chinese Buffet, Yikes I never realized Surf Reporters were such cheap skates!!!

    Reply
  20. t-storm says

    July 2, 2012 at 11:21 pm

    I tipped on a to go order at a Denny’s in Vegas a few months ago and the fd up my order and then were shitty. Fuck them. Never tipping on to go orders again.

    My parents were without power for two days. They weren’t happy. The storm came at a good time since their house was on the garden tour the week previously. Even made it on WTAP!

    Reply
  21. Gretchen says

    July 3, 2012 at 12:03 am

    No tips for cashiers.

    Imma just gonna put this here:

    http://deadspin.com/5922948/british-mayor-scandalizes-tiny-town-by-showing-up-to-olympic-torch-parade-dressed-as-sausage

    Reply
  22. Ed says

    July 3, 2012 at 12:19 am

    Eat more corn, motherfuckers!

    I’m glad the updates may be more plentiful – I’ve had some withdrawal symptoms lately. They don’t have to be Abbey Road slick always; Hamburg style is fun, too.

    Reply
  23. putski says

    July 3, 2012 at 6:23 am

    We don’t have that problem around here (Oz). In fact, tipping is the exception, not the norm. It’s probably why the service is so freaking bad most of the time. When I make it to the ‘land of the free’ I have no idea what I am supposed to tip at any given time so I probably end up over-tipping the wrong people and under tipping everyone else!

    Reply
  24. Phil Jett says

    July 3, 2012 at 8:01 am

    I don’t tip cashiers, fast food attendants and the like. At a sitdown restaurant or bar I always tip, 15-20% depending on the service. I don’t screw the wait-person if the food is fucked up, but I will let them know and have no problem talking to a manager about it.

    Only time I stiff the wait-person is if they are an asshole or just don’t do their job.

    I had a directv box crap out this weekend and they were giving out free HD DVRs so I upgraded the whole house to HD (3 tvs) and it cost nothing. The service guy was great and very personable. He even re-ran some of the outside cable because the last guy did such a shitty job of it that it looked like I had hired a hobo to do it. By the time he finished working in this heat he looked like he had been swimming. I offered him a $20 tip but he refused it. Since it was the last job of his day, I then offered him a six-pack of Sam Adams I had in the garage fridge. That he accepted.

    Reply
    • madz1962 says

      July 3, 2012 at 11:04 am

      The cable guy went above and beyond – yes, that deserves a tip. Funny about refusing the money but taking the brews! Sounds like a fun guy.

      Reply
  25. Miss Q says

    July 3, 2012 at 10:53 am

    I guess I’m the Surf Report exception! I tip well. Really well. If I get a fancy-ass coffee (a rare occassion, to be sure), I throw a buck in the jar. When I go to the deli down the road, and I order my huge sandwich, I throw a buck in the jar. At sit-down restaurants, it’s usually 20% at least. Maybe I should tone it down a bit??

    Reply
    • The Kuban says

      July 3, 2012 at 11:58 am

      I’m with you Miss Q. I tip well too. My standard is 20% at any sit down restaurant and I always tip the dog groomer, my hair stylist and the girl who does my pedi. I also usually tip the high school kid at Chicken Express (even though it’s a drive-thru) because they actually come out and take my order and then bring it out to me, etc. I tip at Sonic too. Especially if they’re in roller skates and manage not to drop the platter.

      Reply
      • Max says

        July 3, 2012 at 1:03 pm

        I agree at the sit down places, I’m almost always at 20% or above. Unless they are just god awful and/or have a shitty attitude. I tipped a girl about $.60 at a Primanti Brother’s in Shittsburgh becuse she decided to be a complete bitch to our group… but that’s besides the point. I’m just glad I don’t wait tables for the rest of the cheap bastards reading the Surf Report! Haha

        Also, if things weren’t cheap as they are in China, you aren’t supposed to tip people for anything. It’s considered an insult.

        Reply
        • Max says

          July 3, 2012 at 1:04 pm

          damnit, *weren’t cheap enough already in China

          Reply
      • Sharon says

        July 5, 2012 at 9:54 am

        In Australia we don’t tip but I think we pay more for services and the wages are better. I pay $50 for a pedicure. I’m curious to know what you pay MIss Q? My daughter is a part-time bar maid and earns $21 to $25 per hour, depending on when she works. She occasionally gets tips, usually from Americans and Canadians.

        Reply
    • madz1962 says

      July 3, 2012 at 1:19 pm

      I agree – good service in the food industry gets a big tip. Never fuck around with people who are handling your food. We go to a diner only when a certain waitress is working. We tip her well and she brings enough food for 2 leftovers! I haven’t been to a local watering hole in years but a good bartender always gets a great tip. You’ll get treated very well! (hiccup!)

      Reply
  26. Gordion Knott says

    July 3, 2012 at 11:34 am

    > I think I’m going to return to the old way of doing things. Which means three, sometimes four updates per week.

    This takes the sting out of a permanent end to Nossy updates.

    Reply
  27. Henderson says

    July 3, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    I go with the crowd on this one. If you bring food to my table, you’re probably making $2.15/hr and depend on tips. Behind the counter and shoving a tray at me, no way.

    I set up a small altar with a Buddha in my office. I’ve got about $0.98 so far. Sort of like a tip jar, but you get good karma by donating.

    Reply
  28. dto says

    July 3, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    I created a tip jar for the counter at a place I worked. I made a sign that said…”Wildlife Fund”. The owner liked it and we’d empty it at the end of the month and buy beer with money.The customers by no means thought we were intending to save wolves and raccoons.

    Reply
  29. Lefty McLiberal says

    July 4, 2012 at 1:26 am

    As far as tipping Baristas I can see why they put out a tip jar. If they have to spend five minutes carefully assembling your double-foam half-caf swirl of carmel with peruvian goat milk concoction it’s not going to kill you to throw a buck in the jar.

    I, on the other hand, just get a large black coffee so no tip.

    Reply
    • chill says

      July 5, 2012 at 5:35 pm

      At coffee bars, I only get double espressos. Not sure that merits a tip either. Maybe a small one.

      Reply
  30. Karin says

    July 6, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    I don’t tip at Ruby Tuesdays. And I won’t return there. Bunch of douches. I swear. We write them off for years, go back and give it another shot and its always the mildly retarded staff who could care less we are there, bringing us the wrong food (late). I swear its a cover up to launder money for the mob. There is no way that dump makes money on food or service. Yet they are always around.

    Reply

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