A few times over the past couple of weeks Toney asked if I’ve seen an annoying new Kit Kat commercial. And since I almost never watch TV, the answer was no. But she mentioned it a couple of times, so I knew it must be a good one.
And over the weekend I was watching American Pickers, or something to do with ghosts trying to pawn enormous sandwiches, and without warning… my whole body was thrown into a radical flex.
Have you seen this? Good god!
It sounds like Nostrils is in the room, going to town on some blue chips and asparagus dip. Who thought this was good premise for an ad?? Sweet sainted mother of Randolph Ripoff! Of course, I am writing about it, aren’t I? I hate all those people, and wish the ceiling would collapse on them. Each of them deserves a free-falling beam, especially the ones who moaned.
I was in Target on Saturday, looking for shirts, and some doucheketeer with an abundance of gel in his hair asked the girl at the fitting room counter if he could try on underwear.
She chuckled, nervously, and said, “No, we don’t really allow that.”
“But how am I supposed to know what size to buy?” he demanded.
Flustered and exasperated, she told him to go ahead. And I saw him rip into a package of Fruit of the Looms as he walked into the dressing room. Oh, these weren’t fancy designer drawers he was thinking about purchasing. No, they were just regular ol’ Hanes, or something.
I didn’t stick around to see what happened, but one thing’s for sure… I won’t be buying any taped-up packages of underwear at Target. Not that I would’ve before, mind you. I assume she picked up the pairs he decided against, with a pencil or a wooden spoon from housewares, and moved them to the damaged bin. But I’m not taking any chances.
Why are so many people so goddamned weird? I bet that dude was in there marching around in front of a three-way mirror, doing deep knee-bends, etc.
It shouldn’t be allowed. No balls are to come in contact with the merchandise. I think I might call the 800 number and remind them of this. They don’t permit open-air balls in office supplies, and the same goes for the shoe department. And you never hear someone say, “Would it be alright if I take this Crockpot into the men’s room, remove it from its packaging, and drag my testicles around the rim? You know, before I decide to buy?”
I have a feeling they’d say no to such a request. And it should be the same answer, across the board. Am I way off on this one? Please set me straight in the comments.
I’d also like to know your thoughts on that horrible commercial.
And I need to go now. I have a meeting at 3:30 which may or may not be bad news for your humble correspondent. Wish me luck, my friends.
I’ll see ya tomorrow.
Now playing in the bunker
Treat yourself to a Runny Nose Soap Dispenser!
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…
yes, I know, it’s been a while.
First I’d like to say thank you for recognizing the annoying Kit Kat ad. If you would like to see a great commercial go to YouTube and search Skittles “Newlyweds”. Funny stuff.
As far as rubbing testicles on crock pots and trying on underwear in major department stores…yeah it’s fairly fucked up but what can you expect from people? Most people running around out there are fucking retarded.
Thanks again,
Jackie Treehorn
For a split second, I thought I was gonna be first.
And that commercial! Good Lord! I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one who finds it gross. I stared at the TV, horrified, when I first saw it. My mouth was open and everything!
Someone made money off that idea. Staggering.
That’s an old commercial, I saw it a bunch of times. Didn’t think it was that bad. Never thought twice about it. I think you’re over reacting. As far as trying on underwear, that’s disgusting. I can’t believe she allowed that. You should definitly notify the higher ups.
To a person with misophonia(hatred of sound) its hardly an over reaction.Just hearing the beginning of that commercial makes me want to wreck shit.
I can’t believe people have the chutzpah to ask to try on underwear at a store. I mean really, how often does your underwear size change in your lifetime?
That being said, I once worked for a very large mail-order lingerie company (clarification: the company was large–NOT the lingerie!) and you would not BELIEVE the stuff people would send back and insist on a replacement. As my granny used to say, “It would gag a maggot off a gut wagon!”
Some folks got no pride…
This extra large rubber fist keeps falling out of my butt hole. It usually happens while I’m grocery shopping, so that’s pretty embarrassing, it makes me look like I have a 9 pound turd in my pants when it’s really only my giant butt plug. I hate the looks I get. Anyway, I’m returning this and requesting both a refund and replacement. If you have a model with the fingers spred out, instead of a fist, maybe that could stay in a little more securely. I maybe if you had a colon anchor of some sort, that could also work.
Please reply with your solution, I don’t want to dis you again on Yelp!.
Yeah, it was almost that bad…
I dragged my balls all over the woman who became my wife before I made the commitment to keep her.
Maybe there’s a list of things you *can* drag your balls on?
Trying on underwear would as my oldest daughter would have said, “spreads the z’s.”
This commercial makes me want to go out to the tool shed, find a rusty nail and jab it into my eardrum around 72 consecutive times. The crunch crescendo at the end could literally have me doing a Lizzie Borden with the TV.
A tad off topic, but I remember when Kit Kat came out with a dark chocolate version. If I had known they were limited, I would have loaded up with every Kit Kat Dark I could get my mitts on in the tri state area.
And I agree with Root 66 – this asshole knew his underwear size. He was just being a collosal douche. I’m betting there was some gherkin jerkin going on in the fitting room because like Jeff said, people are goddamn weird.
madz-
You can buy the dark chocolate Kit Kats online:
http://www.thecandylandstore.com/wholesale-bulk-candy/kit-kat-dark.html?utm_source=google&utm_medium=shopping&utm_content=kitkat-dark&utm_campaign=Chocolate%20Candy%20Bars&gdftrk=gdfV2574_a_7c676_a_7c6921_a_7ckitkat_d_dark
Bless you, Neil! I’d even say you had a heart of gold!
Aaaagggghhhh! I lunge for the remote or radio button every time there’s a commercial that includes eating or drinking noises. I also hate that wine commercial with lots of food prep and liquid pouring sounds. Shudder.
Just saw another Kit Kat commercial on The Food Channel, featuring college-age-looking kids crunching away. It finishes with a short guitar riff, in the same rhythm as the crunches. Yea, the noises are obnoxious, and don’t ever really happen unless your hearing aids are turned up all the way.
I won’t be buying any wooden spoons from Target.
Poor bastard probably just got divorced and his ex-wife and mother are the only two to ever purchase underwear for him.
And is he too simple to look at the tag in the waistband of his tighty-whities ? Nah, that guy was a perv getting off on the thought that “The changing room girl knows I’m naked !!!”
Maybe the poor guy is so racked with grief because his wife is sleeping with the golf pro it didn’t dawn on him to check the tag?
That commercial is horrible! I mute it everytime it comes on if I can quickly get my hands on the remote. Another one I hate are the Aleve commercials where the people have these loud gulps everytime they swallow a damn Tylenol. Definitely a necessary mute. Do people really gulp their pill water that loudly in real life? Pringles are only slightly less aggravating in regards to the crunch meter.
Yet another reason to love my DVR, I should be able to avoid this commercial. Based on comments, I won’t be playing it, since I’m not a fan of nausea.
What cracks me is when a song that use to be taboo, or at least looked down upon by adults, is now used in a commercial.
Crazy Train – Ozzy
I Want Candy – (the Bow Wow Wow version)
There are others I can’t think of at the moment.
“I Love You So Fuckin’ Much That I Could Just Shit”
Damn it John, I googled that thinking it had to be a a David Allan Coe song but per Google it would appear you made that up.
WB…
It’s the punch line to a shaggy dog joke from the ’60s and ’70s called “The Most Beautiful Song in the World”.
Nonetheless, I’m surprized that Mr. Coe, Mr. Friedman, and Mr. Prine have steered clear of this fine title. The song practically writes itself.
jtb
I’m holding out for a commercial with Harry Nilsson’s You’re Breaking My Heart cranking away as the background track.
With societal devolution as it is, it’s only a matter of time.
First time I saw that commercial a few weeks back I swore off all Kit-Kats and related products. It is really annoying.
Any commercials or ads I see that really annoy me go on the do not buy list.
Never considered Netflix due to their pop-up ads. I’d rather go without than support some company that pisses me off.
I do the same thing. I guess it’s sort of backwoards to what is supposed to happen.
While the mass media would say I should not by the product if the TV show host doesn’t like gay people, or goes against some special interest group, I’ll stop watching a show if channel has an annoying commercials on it.
Hey, whatever it takes to be a weirdo. The guy probably left a skidded-up pair of ball hammocks that looked like they sat in a box of moths for a few months and left, wearing the new pair.
Whatever it is – good luck with the meeting!!
Here here! Seconded!
Thirded here abeit too late to do any good, I mean if they canned you it probably didn’t take an hour to do it.
He’s back! Oh wait, thats me…
Now, if they could make a Kit-Kat commercial and replace the grunts tennis stars make with crunches…
If you turn up the volume during a tennis match and close your eyes, it sounds like a porno.
Or a constipated individual.
The way the Kit Kat commercial is frozen, doesn’t it look like the lady just took a huge hit off a doobie and she’s about to exhale?
I have seen that commercial, and it isn’t really that new. I think this is one of many commercials that are going with the same type of theme. Maybe there is a marketing group that hates its clients.
Maybe the new Kit-Kat target demographic is the office asshole. Perhaps if they would show some sort of stat about how much more annoying they could be, or show the rage induced breakdowns of the people sitting on the other side of that thin fabric wall.
There was a movie coming out a few months ago that had the same sound problem in its previews. The commercial started off going “WEEEEEEE-OHHHHHHHH, WEEEEEEE-OHHHHHHHH, WEEEEEEE-OHHHHHHHH,”. I don’t know what happened after that or what movie it was for, because I would either change the channel by then or be running around the house with knives in my ears screaming “I CAN’T HEAR YOU, I CAN’T HEAR YOU”.
I don’t know who these fucking commercials are targeting. There is one commercial that sounds like it is targeting 12 year old diabetics. All I remember from the catchy/annoying jingle is that the meter is up to 23% more accurate. There’s a dozen or so more commercials that have some new hip hop song that gets the “knife-in-ear” treatment before I can identify the product they are pitching.
That’s actually the hard part about talking about these commercials, I don’t know what any of them are for.
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I think we should go ahead and jump to the logical conclusion of trying on underwear at the store. Let’s start trying on condoms too. I want to make sure it can withstand my standard emission pressure before purchasing the product. I would hate for it to break or be so rebounding that spooge forces its way back up my dick hole; I don’t want to be making my own penis pregnant. I would also like to make sure that it doesn’t come off during more acrobatic maneuvers, so I may need some ASSistance .
But going along Jeff’s theme, as I also rub my testicles and additional testicular region body parts on everything in my house, don’t be concerned if you see me rubbing bags of candy and children’s clothing on my nut bag in the middle of the store. I just want to make sure it can hold up to my standard daily requirements.
ok so I can’t watch the video (no sound at work) but I will be watching it @ home.
So I got your book over the weekend & I love what I have read so far… yes I am behind, but I’m trying… so I can tell the fiction from the people in your life via thewvsr.com EXCEPT SUE… Is she real?
That depends, are you Sue?
Jeff has said that Sue is based on a co-worker from the past.
@ ED…THANK YOU! I thought she sounded like someone I had read about on here… just couldn”t remember… @ icecycle66 yep I’m Sue……
Hows bout a commercial with the manager from Office Space standing in the underwear he’s buying while munching on a Kit Kat whilest singing Give me report! Give me a report! Won’t you beak me off a piece of thatTPM report! Yeah, didn’t work for me either…
I don’t even have to play that commercial. I’ve seen it way too many times and it is, without a doubt, THE MOST annoying commercial out there. There are many versions of it too. Like a welfare recipient….they keep reproducing.
I find it hard to believe that little dickbeater didn’t know what size underware he wore much less try them on! It must be XXL because it takes XXL balls to to even ask.
The satisfaction on their faces after eating a measly piece of Kit Kat, should be reserved for a bucket of fried chicken, or a good bowl of chili. No candy can offer that satisfaction. I think they’re only acting.
That commercial is similar to a pickle commercial that was running recently. A cartoon bird sits beside some little girl and she bites into the pickle, sounds like she’s chewing her own teeth. And the bird says, “She can’t help it. It’s a Vlasic!” Anyway, both commercials can go get fucked.
Balls shouldn’t touch anything. Period. Another disturbing trend: men’s naked feet. Does every motherfucker but me own a pair of flip-flops or otherwise open-toed shoes? Stop it! Men’s feet are shameful and should be hidden away. Just like balls.
Excellent.
Keep your dirty, shameful, shameful, feet wrapped up and hidden away like the should be.
Agreed. Men, please cover your feet forever.
Especially if you toe nails look like fucking corn chips!
And speaking of the McRib, I think this link is pretty awesome:
http://kleincast.com/maps/mcrib.php
I am glad that I’m not th eonly one that HATES those Kit Kat commercials. the women in my family just ignore it I guess, but I cannot stand it.
Also – Jeff, this might be an idea for a future blog:
I’m a hetero guy. I like hot chicks. I like girl on girl porn.
But I CANNOT STAND the current burger commercial with 2 chicks cooking burgers, eyeing each other, and doing everything but f*ck each other when they are eating their burger. That crap does NOT need to be on TV.
Don’t watch TV so haven’t seen the advert, but why is being in love equated with crap?
Hmmmm, for some reason they aren’t playing that commercial on “The Hitler Channel.” Have you cable or dish subscribers noticed that their is no time in the day that you can’t find a show about Hitler? Hitler is seemingly more popular than “I Love Lucy.”
There is also now one of a male model looking guy suggestively eating a breakfast sammich.
Call me crazy, but I like to keep sex and food separate.
new Hardees comm. has two chics looking like they are gonna eat each other alive while eating the new Memphis burger. I hate it. I wanna see them smear the sloppy burger all over each other, then get vultures or wolves in to pick ’em apart….
Even a movie set the stage for a step brother to drag his salty sack across his bros’ coveted drum set……
That was an awesome movie! I’m an eternal 12 year old, so be it.
I HATE that commercial, and ANY commercial in which people are prominently featured eating/chewing/crunching. It is DISGUSTING. There have been a couple of horrifying Kit Kat commericals like that, featuring nothing but the sound of chewing. Oh God, I feel like I’m going to vomit.
Those stupid Geico “weeeee” squealing pig commercials. I have sworn to never, ever, buy any insurence from those bastards.
I felt the same way after being sickened by Geico’s Wall of Commercials on the radio. That is, until my former carrier, Progressive, raised my rates again. And that’s with 10-years of solid coverager: no accidents, no claims, no motor vehicle violations, and a one mile commute to work.
So I reneged on my Geico Prohibition and called the 1-800 number…
And I’m glad I did. I know it’s going to sound corny and unbelievable, but for the exact same coverage, my policy from Geico is only 30% of what Progressive wanted.
That’s cool. Please report back after you’ve had a claim.
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Geico could save us A LOT more money if they weren’t paying for so many goddamn commercials. I went with AAA and it’s fan-fucking-tastic.
Amica here. Nobody’s ever heard of them, but they have great service and low prices. It doesn’t hurt that THEY send ME a check every year.
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Man, I thought for a long time that health insurance companies should send checks to people who saved money over the previous year. Might have cut down on some of the bullshit lawsuit prevention tests that doctors do. And people would actually care what they were being charged for services. But it’s all for naught now.
I thought that it was worth changing until I got hit by an uninsured motorist. WORST claims process ever!!
I truly don’t watch much TV, so I’ve never seen this before. I didn’t want a Kit-Kat before, and I still don’t want one. Now, I could totally go for a McRib; it’s been 20 years or so. It would be great if there were a website where you could find out where to get one. As opposed to one that shows you what a red background looks like.
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An older woman at the dressing room counter would have asked him to turn around so she could check the tag on the ones he had on. Then would have proceded to give him a wedggie up to his shoulder blades.
I was about six, out shopping with my Mom when she stopped to try on some bras. The hell man? I’m six for christ sake. Then…a few years later…it’s my Mom AND my sister at it again. I’m standing around waiting, looking at bra mannequines while those two do boobie business like I’m not even there. I remember thinking the stroe must have ‘try on’ bras and they just spray them down with the same stuff they use at bowling alleys on the rental shoes. Dunno?
I worked in the lingerie department of a store for 5 years and I did have to pick up people’s tried-on garments with things like pencils, hangers and eventually I found a pair of bamboo tongs at the dollar store. People really got offended when I refused to touch their under garments with my bare hands. a few coworkers who worked in shoes had developed a fungus under their nails from touching people’s feet so there was no way I was going to wait for a yeast infection in my cuticles.
I think I’m going to be sick. OMG, fungus from touching people’s feet? Sounds like there wasn’t much hand-washing going on, but now that I think about it, I guess there aren’t a lot of sinks around department stores. Feet give me the heaves anyway. (Says the labor nurse who spends half her life with her GLOVED hand in some other woman’s hoohoo.).
Not sure if this was taught in nursing school, but it’s called a vagina.
“Boys have a penis, and girls have a vagina.”
I will run this through the fact checker and get back to you.
The Kit-Kat commercial isn’t a commercial for Kit-Kats. The Kats are signifiers, and what sounds like crunches are actually smacks. It’s a commercial for blow jobs. PSA.
jtb
Thanks for that image, JTB. I’m picturing a TV image of a grainy 16mm film of Nipples the Bear: “Only you can prevent gagging. Remember, spitters are quitters.” Presented by the National Wild Life Federation.
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Lmfao!!!
Sure, just another Pubic Service Announcement. Go big or go home.
jtb
and now for Groucho Marx, “Say the secret word, get a Kit Kat!”
Wishing you luck on the 3:30 meeting, amigo. May a celebratory Kit-kat await you at the end.
My bad, looks like the meeting was yesterday. Hope it went well.