On Saturday the younger Secret had a basketball game, which turned out to be very exciting indeed. At halftime “we” were down 18-2 (these aren’t exactly high-scoring affairs), and came back to win 25-24.
Yes, it was reminiscent of Game 6 of the 1975 World Series…
Before it started a woman wearing high heels and a fur coat came sashaying across the hardwoods, heading for a seat on the other side. She was clearly relishing her time in the spotlight, sporting her ludicrous Zsa Zsa Gabor outfit, and I was fully expecting her to start waving to the crowd. The screwing-in-a-lightbulb wave, of course.
But when she was roughly halfway across the floor, she fell off her shoes and almost went down. She was bent way forward, like a lower-case r, and had to run for ten yards in order to maintain her balance. And the whole frantic journey was accomplished on the side of her feet.
The crowd chuckled straight down its collar, trying not to be rude, but falling victim to its human limitations. And when I looked over at Toney her face was a full crimson mask. She was having a hell of time holding it in, and finally had to excuse herself, so she could laugh freely in the hall.
During the game itself I grew to strongly dislike a kid on the other team. I felt guilty about it, but everything about him irritated me. He had all the mannerisms of a professional basketball player, probably learned off SportsCenter, and was just generally douching it up.
It’s horrible, I know, but I wanted him to be humiliated. A ten year old. When the kid’s team lost in dramatic fashion, I felt great satisfaction. And not because the Secret’s team was victorious, but because I knew it would probably ruin ol’ NBA Mannerisms’ day. What have I become?!
On Saturday afternoon Toney and I went out and did some Christmas shopping. Don’t tell him, but our younger youngling will be receiving the drum kit he wants.
We bought it from Sam’s, because it comes with a stool and cymbals (many don’t), and is a recognizable brand name. And as we were checking out, the cashier looked at the giant box and said, “Uh huh… You’re going to regret buying that. You folks have nobody to blame but yourselves.”
She said it in a good-natured joking way, and was, of course, speaking the absolute truth.
And when we were getting our receipt checked at the door, the woman said, “Whoa, now THERE’S a bad decision.” It was funny the first time, but not so much when a consensus started being formed.
I had a hell of a time getting it into my car, and some man, another customer, stopped and helped me. Which was very nice, and something I’d never do.
We went to Wegman’s and purchased our Microbrew of the Weekend: Steelhead Extra Pale Ale. It turned out to be good, but not extra-good.
It was very cloudy in the glass, and the color of common cold urine. It tasted OK, but had a whisk broom aftertaste. I don’t know what causes it, probably the kind of hops used, but I’m not a fan of the whisk broom aftertaste.
Last weekend we had Sierra Nevada Celebration, and it was nothing short of excellent. I give Celebration Ale the prestigious Surf Report Seal of Approval.
On Saturday and Sunday I worked on a very important special report: How To Be A Used CD Ninja. Check it out, at Suggestaholic. It could change your life.
And on Sunday the older Secret had an important swim meet. I took the day off from work, so I could attend. And also because I’m going to be working upwards of sixty hours during the coming week. Grrr…
Anyway, they have a new fancy-pants scoreboard at the pool, and it was incredibly bright. It looked like it was two stories tall, and seared my retinas if I looked at it for very long. It reminded me of the Seinfeld episode, when Kenny Rogers Roasters opened across the street from Kramer’s apartment. They’ve turned the swimming pool into a chicken supernova!
I sat beside a guy who looked like Curly, but was wearing a Larry t-shirt. In front of me were a couple of dads with kids on the other team. And they never stopped hollering. PULL! PULL! PULL! The hell, man?! They were getting a tad worked-up. I wanted to throw a Coke on them.
It was an exciting meet, and “we” won by only a few points. For a long time it was all tied-up, and could’ve gone either way. It was fun, except for the “exhibition” races.
Exhibitions are held so everyone on the teams can swim in a race or two. But they don’t count toward the score, or anything. Basically, it’s the kids who aren’t very good. Just to be frank about it…
In one exhibition a kid was swimming round and round, like a drill bit. I’m not joking, he’d twirl all the way over, with every stroke. Another boy thrashed at the water, in a wild frenzy, but wasn’t moving forward. A head of lettuce could’ve beaten him. I thought they were going to have to lasso him, and pull him in, but he finally made it.
I understand why they have exhibition races, but they make the meets last twice as long. And I can’t have that… They’re already hours of sitting inside a heat box. Get it moving, dammit!
And that was the weekend, in a nutshell. Did you do anything exciting? How about your holiday shopping? Is it done? Ours isn’t, as usual. And it’s yet another source of stress in my life…
Bring us up to date in the comments, won’t you?
And I’ll see ya next time.
OMG!!
2 or 3?
I had to do it…succumb to my own stupidity…sounds like one humdinger of a weekend though.
2,3 AND 4!
Top 10 again?
This weekend husband and I finished up four weekend long project of putting a new “skin” on our shed. We chose hardie board and had an interesting time learning how to wear face masks, glasses (for safety) and work with a material that is almost indestructible. It was a family fun fest– where I heard many words I had not heard for sometime and learned about my husband’s summer almost 40 yrs ago that he worked as a “helper.” I told him that I now understand why his tools are never put away– he is expecting a “helper” to clean up after him. he said I was the worst helper EVER — as helpers are not to have an opinion, merely to assist.
Then I painted the bathrooms and hall.
I finished up the evening Sunday sitting on a heating pad and sipping a few glasses of wine.
Happy Monday…
hummanahummunahummuna!
I had no idea that they scored swimming competitions. The whole thing would be an exhibition to me.
I feel itchy, but it’s a rather nice day here in NC.
It’s 6 degrees here
Christmas shopping? All praise the miracle that is Amazon.com! We had the misfortune to venture out to Target on Saturday, and that nightmare solidified my resolution to shop entirely online.
I’m not done with the X-mas shopping yet either.
and now i don’t want to cause it’s 16 degrees here! Yesterday it was beautiful, 74 and breezy, Left the house at 1:00 went to Walmart, Came out and the wind had shifted. It dropped 30 degrees in an hour, By Midnight it was 14.
14!!
Indoor swimming pools make my eyes itch, even if I’m not swimming, maybe its a phobia.
Great description of the fur coat lady — “like a lower-case r”. One look at someone trying to hold in laughter will set me off, and trying to do so myself only intensifies the need to laugh uncontrollably. I’ll end up embarrassing myself more than what the initial event deserved by trying not to laugh, like the time that someone farted out loud in a super-quiet yoga class and I fell over with the effort of trying not to laugh or when a little kid at Target ran around the corner and crashed into a display so hard he stunned himself.
I haven’t really started shopping yet. I spent the first half of the weekend at a marathon in Charlotte, NC, and the rest of the weekend on the couch.
Oh yeah, what’s with the cashier commentary at Sam’s? I bought a seafood mix last week and the cashier asked me what it was- although it was in a clear plastic bag labeled SEAFOOD MEDLEY– and then said, “Eww. Man, that looks gross, but I don’t like seafood, so . . .” The hell??
The Christmas shopping is almost complete and should be finished up this coming weekend as we venture North to the Mall. Good save us all!
Had a romantical dinner with the Boss o’ Me and then purchased every possible Wii accesory for the Angels (girl Secrets).
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…….
I guarantee my short lived weekend was more action packed and disheartening than any other Reporter.
My youngest Secret(15 yr. old) got into a fight with a psychopathic 13 year old and received a beating that is by far one of the worse ones I’ve seen.
After a trip to the police station to file a report of the assault, we made it to the ER. By the grace of God nothing is broken. CAT scan came back negative, no bleeders or hematomas, no orbital fracture. He was a very very lucky boy.
Went to the opthamologist this morning to get an in depth look at the right eye, which is swollen shut(thinky Rocky Balboa after 15 rounds with Apollo Creed). Once again, fortunately there is no damage to the eye its self. The eye and eyelids are still filled with blood and will be that way for some time.
So, how was your weekend?
My weekend actually was exciting for a change! Went to a pleasure party my cousin hosted on Saturday night – didn’t buy anything (although I wouldn’t admit it if I did) but I did end up tucking several dollar bills into the (male) stripper’s thong. I consider it money well spent!
I’m hoping to begin, and complete, my Christmas shopping today. Usually I’m done by Thanksgiving.
They make “drum mutes” that help with the sanity of parents who’s kids are learning. They’re just rubber pads that go over the drum heads but they feel the same so it doesn’t impede the learning.
Just to let ya know
JCIII– Saying some prayers for you and your boy right now.
I got laid off a couple weeks ago, so that pretty much finished off MY Christmas shopping.
Okay, I DID do a little too much retail therapy for myself yesterday, however…There’s a great store in SF called Paxton Gate (think Smith & Hawkins on acid) and I bought some killer taxidermy – a piranha, a bat and a turkey claw.
They look awesome in my hallway!
Happy Monday, Surfers!
Just finished the last of my Christmas shopping during my lunchbreak. This includes my last trip to the post office for the year as I mailed out my Mom’s presents. I guess I will still need to pick up groceries for Christmas dinner. Do microwavable TV dinners come in festive Holiday packaging?
JCII, hope the kid is okay. Glad to hear nothing is broken. I also hope karma works well in this case as that kid deserves to get his ass beat. Are the cops going to do anything?
All my shopping has been done, online, for over a month. The last 2 gifts are being shipped today. I refuse to go anywhere near a store this time of year unless I have to (ie beer or booze related).
Holiday shopping- not done.
What IS done is the arrangements for a trip to NYC for X-mas. Can’t wait! The Things will be with their Dad for the big day, so I’m taking big advantage of the free time. Schweeeeet.
Oh, weekend… Friday I went and took care of my best friend who had surgery that day. Cooked her dinner, brought a movie.
Saturday I worked my standard 5 hours. Cleaned the apartment. Wally and I went to a local hockey game for the teddy bear toss for toys for tots after going out to dinner. Lots o draft beer was consumed by both of us.
Sunday, went ocd on the apartment. Scrubbed the fridge, cleaned my closet, got rid of a bunch of shit. Then drank.
On Saturday I went to watch my 10 year old son play basketball. It was pretty much the pits. My wife decided to wear the fur coat that I gave her as an early Christmas present, and she nearly fell in front of the entire crowd.
Then my son, who is pretty much NBA calibur because of all the time I’ve made him spend watching SportsCenter, led our team to a convincing lead by halftime. But alas they pissed it away and lost the game by a mere point.
We went home to find my great grandfather on his death bed. “Did Jr. win for me?” he asked. “No, Pappa.” He shook his head and he gave up the ghost.
Really, a worse weekend I can’t recall.
I have done all my Christmas shopping online for the past 7 seven years or so. The internet has validated its existence.
Jason, Jason, Jason…
HAhahahahhhaaaaaa!
Sorry to hear of your loss.
Shopping: Negative. There are still two weeks to take care of that minor detail.
You worry about us revealing the grand gift to the youngest secret? What about the young chap displaying the theWVSR t-shirt a couple days ago? I suspect they’re probably keeping tabs on what sort of embarassement you may or may not be subjecting them to already…
I got 3 new firearms over the weekend AND got to try them out!
WooHooo!!
Saturday my daughter and step-daughters Volleyball teams played each other so we killed 2 birds with one stone on that one. Then my step-son had a hockey game at the coldest arena I have ever stepped foot in. He got to be goalie for the first time. He wasn’t very good but now wants to be goalie because they don’t make them switch out during the game. He got to stand in one spot for an hour without breaking a sweat. lol
Sunday was just bumming around the house and finishing making the homemade tree decorations.
I’ve been done shopping since November. I shop sales all year long. Since we have 5 kids and all. Gets a tad pricey at the holidays.
Mrs Wally – was the teddy bear toss anything like this one? http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=qm0M2kGpN1s
We had swim class for The Peanut in the morning then we took her to see some Reindeer and Santa at the local petting farm. We bailed out when we saw the line ot see the reindeer was 30 minutes long. There’s no way I’m taking a two year old into a line like that.
She refused to sit on Santa’s lap.
While she napped we finally watched Borat. I have mixed feelings about it.
We did some shopping for the kids in the family at Costco on Sunday and that’s about it.
So we’re lame. So what?
my 13 year old has the exact same drumset (as in the picture above) great starter set. (he got it 2 years ago) He is pretty good so it isn’t to annoying anymore.
I haven’t finished shopping- I have barely started. The next 10-12 days are going to be stressful. No time to shop/no money to shop with. oy
Skully, what’d you get? I picked up a Rem 870 for a steal! 40 bucks for the receiver in one box, ten for two barrels in another! Silly auction people, guns are usually expensive!
Got one more present to get….for a person who keeps changing their mind. oh yay.
Spent the weekend rage-wrapping Christmas gifts with some very insubordinate wrapping paper and hollering during the Steelers-Ravens game.
Jeff- You get to listen to beginner drums…I have been listening to beginner Baritone Horn since school began. Sounds like the campfire scene in Blazing Saddles. Just found out that my big angel (5’8″ at 11 years old) made Honors Beginning Band. Whoo-Hoo!! I guess all that tootin’ and honkin’ worked out after all.
Weekend was nice and lazy…but now…
I am seriously disturbed by the Cheetah Lady, no really WTF? I am SCARED of her…and she wants to eat rice..eww…I thought we only had crazies like that in the back woods of Texas. And the bunker cam..I think I know him or I have at least seen him…maybe it’s this weird ass town….Happy Monday!!!
Spent the weekend plus two days before in Sanibel, Florida. Shopped but none of it xmas, drank many Key West Sunset Ales and a few Landshark Lagers. Finally got to taste Stone Crabs and basically relaxed.
Haven’t bought a damn thing for x-mas… Amazon and Citibank are going to have a field day. I did attempt to go to the grocery store this weekend and got so pissed off at the dumb-fucks in the self-checkout lines and the old ladies with oversize shopping cards in the middle of the aisles I just set my basket down and walked out vowing to never return again. I’m very likely going to have to hire someone to buy my groceries from now on… I can’t handle it. How much should it cost me to have someone buy my groceries? $30 a trip? I go 2x a month… anyone in the Waco area willing to venture to HEB and procure my sustenance? And whoever I hire better be able to pick up a decent fucking Avocado. That’s all I’ve got to say about that.
I just went, bought a gift, went to donate it to Toys for Tots…. and the damn bin was gone! I am supposed to have 2 more days according to the local paper. Lying bastards.
That guy in the Bunker Cam pic could be the black twin brother of this guy at my office…
Aw hell..It’s Monday? I’m getting my weekends outa place. Got (via this here world wide shopping tool) a solid oak, 20 inch, leather wrapped handle back scratcher for Bev. Oh yeah…! Done with the shopping stuff. It’s really cool and I’m sure I nailed it this year. Oh…I ordered up a laptop today too, for me! That she knows about. I did good as far as what’s comming and I’ll be out and about the next year or so I know what a phone bill looks like and no pictures either.
Paradiddle, Flam-acent, Flam-acue and let’s not forget the Single, Double and Triple Ratamacue. I was a rudimental drummer as a kid and still try to keep up those chops. Banging away might be the order of the day at first but…”Drum rudiments are the basic tools of the drummer.” You can look at all that and print stuff out. Old joke… “How many guys are in the band?”
” Five musicians and a drummer.”
KARMA!
Stories from the volunteers at the Angel tree in the Mall make me verklempt. You have to “sign up” now instead of grabbing an angel and leaving.
..the couple who hemmed and hawed at the tree and finally asked if they could just donate & have someone do the shopping for them since they both work full time and wanted to but not sure they could fit it in.
Yes! $400 for that child.
The little 8 yr old girl who kept begging her mother to pick a child to adopt and Mom said no. The girl asked if she could give one of her new dresses bought that day.
Yes! And she took time to chose the prettiest one!
Year round:
The best gift you can give
is a random act of kindness.
Jeff would just call us hippies.
Thanks to those that wished my young’un well. He’ll be fine, plus he has Christmas break coming up, so he’ll have 2 and a half weeks to convalesce.
My friend forwarded the following clip to cheer me up. It did!!
http://tinyurl.com/6kruqq
i’ve not even started my christmas shopping. i don’t really want to. i’m not going to be with any family, just me and the dog.
i’m probably gonna see my mom the saturday after christmas but who knows? i might have to work. i’m working christmas eve and christmas day and julie gets to go see her mom but i’m stuck at home.
just like on thanksgiving where i had a turkeypotpie and some old-grandad and sat on my couch watching alf reruns off the DVR.
Adam,
The requirement for using a self-checkout lane seems to be that you can’t know what in the fuck you’re doing. Everytime I use one it’s like the guy in front of me just got let out of prison after a 50 year sentence. They’re so fucking stupid. Scan it, put it in the bag, scan the next thing……amazing. Not only do the dipshits not realize that the barcode thingy has to point towards the scanner, they also don’t know what to do with it once it has be recognized as a purchase. DROP IT IN THE BAG! And once they’re finally done, the payment part is a giant clusterfuck. Get your poop in a group people! GOD!
I swear, if I ever find out that I have 6 months to live, there will be several self checker outters who have less than six months to live. Because I’ll go on a justice spree, baby.
I completely agree with you on Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale. YUM…did you get a chance to try their Anniversary Ale which was out in August? Oy vey! That was even better and I’m bummed the anniversary celebration is already over.
My nephew has a drum kit and he’s actually pretty good. He just had to promise the neighbors not to play it after 8:00 because it kept their little one away.
Missed the Christmas shopping question…not done. Everybody is getting gift cards, so I just have to get to the damn stores…I hate stores in December.
Went to see Jim Gaffigan “The sexy tour” on Saturday in Cleveland. Nearly died with laughter. My face actually hurt from grinning and laughing. The man is pure genius. Sunday I done up the tree real purty. I have been bargain shopping for most of the year picking up items here and there when I would find them at a great price. The problem with that is you usually end up buying more because you don’t think it was enough . I bought more things on line this year than I ever have in the past.