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Jeff Kay's Ridiculous Adventures In Suburbia

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Your Start of the Week Topic Dump, vol. 71

September 12, 2011 By Jeff 107 Comments

Do you ever sneeze and it feels like something might have rocketed from your mouth, possibly a hurtling snot ball, and you can’t find it?  That happened to me last night at work, and it bothered me for a little while.  I was looking all around for it, and slapping my clothes and everything…  I was worried that someone might walk into my cubicle, step on a mucus slick, and go fully inverted.

I guess it was a false alarm, though.  I could’ve sworn the sneeze had a little extra heft to it, and wasn’t able to block it with my hand in time.  But I was never able to locate it.  I’m now convinced it was a phantom snot wad.  And if it was real, it’s probably crystallized by now, anyway.  Right?

On Saturday I went to Borders again, and it’s a sad state of affairs.  All that’s left are weird travel books, for places like Belarus, and bizarre coffee table books about house flies and whatnot.  There are so few books in that place at this point, they’re all facing outward on the shelves; there’s no need to line them up with the spines showing anymore.  It’s kind of creepy, and disheartening.

Last time I bought a few things, but was unable to find a single book worth carrying home during the latest go-round.  Not even at 80% off.  It was most likely the final Borders experience of my life, and it’s too bad.

But… Books A Million is taking over the space in October.  So, not all is lost.  At least we’ll still have one real bookstore in the area.  I don’t believe there are even any independents left.  There were a few when we moved here, but all are gone by now.  I’ll support Books A Million as best I can, and hopefully it will be able to survive for a while.  Maybe their coffee shop will be enough to keep them going?

And speaking of the technology that’s killing bookstores… The Kindle version of CROSSROADS ROAD is temporarily on sale for just 99 cents.  Ha!  I’m part of the problem.  Oh well.

But if you’re a fence-sitter, or a procrastinator, now’s the time.  And if you already have the novel, but know some other folks who might like it… please help spread the word.  I’m only going to keep it at this ridiculous price for a couple of weeks, then it’s back to $2.99.  Which is also ridiculous, but a little less so.

Also, I received the new novel by Aaron Starmer in Saturday’s mail.  I can’t wait to read it.  Aaron is a great writer and a good friend.  His latest is called “The Only Ones,” and it’s a book for young adults.  The early reviews are fantastic, and check out the great cover.  Best of luck with it, Aaron!  I have a good feeling about it.

A few weeks ago my laptop stopped connecting to the internet, and I did some research on it.  Apparently that model of computer has a history of needing a new network card about two years into its life, and I’ve had it for about… two years.  Dammit!  Does anything just work?  Except, of course, my trusty first generation iPod that never misses a beat?

It seems like everything we own is breaking down, or has recently been repaired.  It’s infuriating.  But whatever.  I pinpointed the item I’d need to buy, and put it on my Amazon wish list.  I’m going to need that laptop to perform for me when I start the new book project next month, and this was going to be yet another get-back-to-yesterday expense.

But over the weekend I was adding a CD to iTunes, and noticed a switch on the side of the computer.  I didn’t know what it was, so I flipped it.  And the thing instantly connected to our network!  Somehow I’d turned off the WiFi, and was getting ready to fork over cash for a part that wouldn’t have fixed the problem.  And probably would have caused me to have a stroke.

I’m dumm.  What can I tell you?

And speaking of research, I will be eligible for a phone upgrade during the first week of December.  I’m excited.  I’ve got my eye on the new Droid Bionic (a monster!).  I think Toney’s going to make the jump to an iPhone, too.  Supposedly Verizon is going to start selling family data plans, so that will help — if it happens.  Man, I love new phone time…  It’s the adult version of Christmas morning.  For me, anyway.

Just don’t go to the Verizon Store and log into your Facebook account on one of their display phones.  Shit like this could happen.  Heh.

And that leads me to today’s Further Evidence link.  It’s a TV advertisement for a new product that allows the user to create a thick foam barrier inside their toilet, before taking a seat.  Check it out.  I’d like to get your thoughts on it.  I know I’m stuck in fifth grade, but I laughed all three times I watched the “plume” represented in the computer generated animation.

Also, do you have some piece of equipment, or an appliance, that just keeps on working, year after year?  You know, like my 10 year old iPod, which gets used for roughly 10 hours per day?  In the comments section, please tell us about it.  I’d like to hear some positive stories on this subject, I really would.

And I’ll be back tomorrow.

Have a great day, my friends!

Now playing in the bunker
Crossroads Road just 99 cents for Kindle!

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Furious G says

    September 12, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    Good morning from Seattle! Top 5!

    Reply
  2. Furious G says

    September 12, 2011 at 12:55 pm

    Maybe even número uno? Must remain humble, what with a fragile ‘net connection.

    Reply
  3. rob says

    September 12, 2011 at 1:17 pm

    Woo-hoo!! Top five!! Suc k it y’all..

    I still have my 1996 Chevy S10 pickup with 200k miles. (original engine & transmission) I don’t drive it much anymore except to haul trash or yard supplies, but I probably could drive it daily. Starts up everytime..

    My iPod is seven years old. Works great.

    Reply
  4. Jerry in WV says

    September 12, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    I still have the first VCR that I ever purchased. Bought it in 1984 and it is still working today. It is so old, the remote was attached to it with a cable!!!!

    Reply
  5. Tyrosine says

    September 12, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    I have a 24 year old Pioneer CD player that just won’t die. I had to have it taken apart and cleaned out about 20 years ago (stepfather somehow managed to spill orange juice into it) and it’s worked great ever since.

    On the topic of things that don’t fucking work is my is my 08 Dodge Caravan. Last week the key and key receiver both failed to the tune of $800. I know auto electronics are expensive by nature but $300 for a fucking car key is a fucking ripoff. The piece of shit is not even four years old and already I’ve had to replace the brakes twice, had the console switches for heat and AC fail, repaired a leak in the AC, and now the fucking key. As a bonus I can smell antifreeze when I have the cabin fan on so I’ll bet my left nut that the heater core is about to shit the bed.

    Once I save up the money I’m selling the POS and going back to a Mazda.

    Reply
    • squaawvalleyskip says

      September 12, 2011 at 2:40 pm

      Look into a Toyota next. My ’06 Tacoma has 140,000 miles on it, and the worst thing that’s happened so far is I had to replace the battery. My wife’s ’06 Corolla has arround 145,000 miles and gets 35 mpg, and has never let her down.

      Reply
    • SeanInSac says

      September 12, 2011 at 2:54 pm

      That’s a Dodge for ya…

      Reply
    • Henderson says

      September 12, 2011 at 3:23 pm

      I have an 05 Dodge Grand Caravan and have had minimal problems. About once a year, the key fob won’t work. I disconnect the battery, wait a couple of minutes and viola! All better.

      Reply
  6. Ognir says

    September 12, 2011 at 1:49 pm

    That makes me think of the 100 year old light bulb that is still burning.

    The laundromat I go to still has washers and dryers from the 1970s.

    Reply
  7. Hal F. Wit says

    September 12, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    My HP 28S calculator has worked for 25+ years flawlessly

    Reply
  8. Jason says

    September 12, 2011 at 2:02 pm

    I bought a washer and dryer set that were uglier than shit before I got married. One was yellow and one was white, but it was $75 for the set DELIVERED. And they held on until late last year. So they worked for me for about 15 years. I think my wife might have done something to them to get a new set (washed concrete in them or something). I didn’t care how they looked, they were in the laundry room.

    The ones we have now are up on pedestals, they’re a ridiculous red color, and they cost more than my first car. We’ll see how long these fuckers last.

    Until a couple of years ago I still had a giant TV that was built into a wooden box. You could open the top and there was a record player, 8 track player, and radio inside. I had it in “my” room, off to the side where nobody else had to watch it. I’d dragged it around since childhood. The wife sold it on craigslist along with a few other things. Shit.

    Reply
    • Alex says

      September 12, 2011 at 4:09 pm

      My uncle has one of those contraptions…. It is now the base for his ridiculously sized LCD. When he went modern, he jumped in with both feet.

      I’m satill using my Commodore 1702 monitor to watch tv. Obviously, I don’t give two shits about tv.

      Reply
  9. Henderson says

    September 12, 2011 at 2:02 pm

    I have my Sears Kenmore washer and dryer I bought in 1989. I’ve replaced little plastic cogs in the washer [$5] agitator, and that’s it.

    Makes me laugh at the neighbor who dropped arm/leg on front loading machines with computer controls and all that crap. The service guy is out once a year.

    I also have a boom box I bought in 1984. Tape player doesn’t work, but hey, I don’t own any tapes.

    Reply
    • Alice in WV says

      September 12, 2011 at 2:52 pm

      same story with our w/d except they’re GE models. My husband’s co-workers spend thousands on one appliance then are huffy with us that we’re okay with our ghetto w/d. Our stove and frig are also ghetto. We’ve got our eyeballs on higher end stuff but want to remodel our kitchen first. for that reason and for others – our whole house is a money pit.

      Reply
  10. T. Farty McAppleass says

    September 12, 2011 at 2:03 pm

    I got a leather wallet while in the 6th grade. I still have it. I still use it. I will never part with it, I will die with it in my pocket. It’s well made, baby, well made.

    Reply
  11. Uncle_Wedgie says

    September 12, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    My “Equipment” is still working great. Has been for 38 years.

    Reply
    • hot fuzz says

      September 12, 2011 at 3:08 pm

      I was going to make the same joke but in my case, I’d be lying…

      Reply
      • Uncle_Wedgie says

        September 12, 2011 at 3:16 pm

        It’s OK, I’m already lying

        Reply
        • hot fuzz says

          September 12, 2011 at 3:19 pm

          I know… “it’s been working great for 39 years!!!!, however I’m 49 years old”

          Reply
  12. UsedToBeWordnerd says

    September 12, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    Ah yes, my old iPod Nano that has the BEST.STUFF.EVER. on it. But, alas, I’m dumm as Jeff Kay, and when I replaced my computer in November, failed to do whatever it was I was supposed to do to move my old iTunes to the new computer. So the music is stuck on my iPod and won’t synch to either my new computer or my new iPhone.

    Which begs two questions: (1) did anyone really want to hear all this? and (2) does anyone have any suggestions for me?

    Reply
    • t-storm says

      September 12, 2011 at 9:29 pm

      If your computers are PC’s there are ways to do it. I just did after computer mentioned below shit the bag.

      Reply
    • Hungover Near Nay Aug says

      September 12, 2011 at 10:21 pm

      podworks, skip the free version and spend the 8 bucks. I love it.

      Reply
      • dandan says

        September 13, 2011 at 9:03 pm

        my ipod 4th gen has all the music that was on my PC that the hard drive just fried on..is there a podworks for PC? or do you know any other way i can get my music off my ipod??

        Reply
        • Chuck in Belpre says

          September 13, 2011 at 9:14 pm

          MediaMonkey

          Reply
    • hot fuzz says

      September 13, 2011 at 9:46 am

      You say “new”… an ipod can only be synched to 5 things… if you’ve added a new phone and a new PC, then I assume you had an old one of each and perhaps more?

      Yahoo has an answer…
      http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20091024082058AAInufo

      And yes we want to hear it all because it makes all of us happier that others have a problem we don’t have…. kind of a poor man’s schadenfredensomethingingerman

      Reply
      • hot fuzz says

        September 13, 2011 at 9:49 am

        ..somethingingerman ie something in german….not some thin ginger man …. why is life so hard?

        Reply
        • WB in OH says

          September 14, 2011 at 9:58 am

          Some Thin German: New name of my Techno rock band.

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReJPfXAzSVU

          Reply
  13. mudpup says

    September 12, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    My kenmore washer (bought in 1982) worked until about 2 yrs ago, the dryer is still going strong though.

    Reply
  14. mudpup says

    September 12, 2011 at 2:24 pm

    Got a new maytag refrig/freezer 6 yrs ago, it shit the bed 3 weeks ago, had to bring the old kevinator (1996) up from the basement.

    Reply
  15. johnthebasket says

    September 12, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    Emerhency, emerhency, every-body to get from strit

    My 10-year-old refer had the big one overnight and cooked a refer-load of food. I need to buy another refer today…..

    Freezer on top – nothing fancy

    Whirlpool, I think

    Any advice? I’d really appreciate it.

    thanks…jtb

    Reply
    • Tyrosine says

      September 12, 2011 at 3:14 pm

      Don’t buy anything made in China. They do massive production runs (million plus units) and then retool the factory. The net result is you can’t get parts for stuff that is only a couple of years old. I’ve been forced to replace 4 year old fridges in the last couple of years simple because they were from China and I couldn’t get parts.

      Pay the extra money and get something made in N.America or Europe. And don’t assume an American brand is made in America. Check the country of origin for each model.

      Reply
    • hot fuzz says

      September 12, 2011 at 3:15 pm

      My next one is going to be freezer on the bottom so I don’t have to keep making that noise I make every time I bend over to look in the fridge…

      Get one with internet access on a flat screen touch panel…

      Are you sure you didn’t flip off the cold switch? I heard someone once almost bought a new laptop because he didn’t check to see if the wifi switch was on…

      Reply
      • johnthebasket says

        September 12, 2011 at 3:33 pm

        The fucking cold switch…Damn, I should have checked. (walk, walk, walk, walk)…I guess this model doesn’t have one. The thermometer says 60. I don’t think that’s cold enough.

        jtb

        Reply
        • hot fuzz says

          September 12, 2011 at 3:43 pm

          – gespatcho…
          – steak tar tar
          – trying to think of a few more recipes that can still make use of sorta room temperature food
          – I think we heard the other day that all luncheon meat has that rainbow sheen to it anyways so with all the preservatives, that stuff should be ok
          – use the eggs in something that requires a room temperature egg – like merangue or something like that (is it merangue or is it something else that needs a room temp egg?)
          – the “cheese food” and whip “cream” should be ok – those are probably all oil anyways….

          Just trying to be helpful, you know how I am…

          (successfully avoiding another day of work… Ray)

          Reply
    • Henderson says

      September 12, 2011 at 3:31 pm

      Go for made in America and one of the major brands. Whirlpool / GE / Maytag / Amana / Kenmore. They last and you can get parts for years to come.

      Also, stick to black or white. Stainless may be all the rage on HGTV, but it’s a bitch to keep clean if there are ankle-biters in the house, and it looks like crap when only the front is stainless. Sort of like bling on the teeth.

      Reply
      • johnthebasket says

        September 12, 2011 at 4:32 pm

        I appreciate the advice. I’m on my way, and the new refer shall be made in America. Thanks.

        At the beginning of this thread, I bolded my first sentence. It is a line from one of my favorite movies. Anybody old enough to remember it? (1966)

        jtb

        Reply
        • hot fuzz says

          September 12, 2011 at 4:57 pm

          I thought you were doing Redd Foxx …. talking about the big one… and “I’m coming (lady’s name), I’m coming”

          Reply
        • CADude says

          September 12, 2011 at 6:17 pm

          It’s those goddamned Russians again.

          Reply
          • johnthebasket says

            September 12, 2011 at 6:59 pm

            And again…good job, Dude.

            jtb

            Reply
      • JDL says

        September 12, 2011 at 9:59 pm

        Kenmore isn’t really a manufacturer per se. Sears just slaps there badge on other brands. Sometimes that’s a good thing, sometimes not.

        Reply
    • tracy in ohio says

      September 12, 2011 at 9:42 pm

      Whirlpool is pretty good. Ask the salesman if they have any brands made by a name brand but sold under another name. My washer and dryer are Estate and kitchen aid respectively and they are both made by Whirlpool. Had both for about 7 years and have had no problems. My dad works at Whirlpool and I have too. They aren’t as fancy with all the extras but they are much, much cheaper and use the same parts as the Whirlpool brand.

      I know most people don’t get the extended warranties but they do pay off if you get a dud. It happens. I work at a home improvement store and you would not believe the people that come in all pissed off because something has failed on their appliance. Our policy is if we repair it 3 times in a year you get a new one. If the power fails on a fridge then you get a $100 for groceries.

      Reply
      • johnthebasket says

        September 12, 2011 at 10:30 pm

        Thanks again everybody. I bought a Whirlpool with the freezer on top from a local appliance store that’s been owned by the same family since 1940. No ice maker, no cold water dispenser, 18 cubic foot — a bigass white thing, made in Ohio (they told me the city, but I forgot). The guy said it was from a union shop — I trust him more or less on that count.

        One small blow against the Empire.

        cheers….jtb

        Reply
        • WB in OH says

          September 13, 2011 at 8:03 am

          Marion?

          Reply
          • johnthebasket says

            September 13, 2011 at 8:31 am

            No, I’m not even dating.

            Actually, that sounds right. I remember that the Whirlpools they carry were made in Ohio and the GEs were made in Kentucky.

            jtb

            Reply
        • CADude says

          September 13, 2011 at 11:33 am

          jtb,

          You bought an American/union-made appliance from a mom-and-pop local store. Kudos for walking the walk.

          Reply
  16. Steve in WV says

    September 12, 2011 at 2:46 pm

    I have nothing at home but we used to have a Dell OptiPlex computer at the office that worked continuously for 10+ years. Seriously, it was never, ever shut off for more than a reboot. And… get this… it ran Windows 95.

    Reply
    • Jason says

      September 12, 2011 at 3:05 pm

      That reminds me. I have a computer at home (we have 4 for some reason) that I bought in 2000. It’s a HP something. I don’t know. The monitor is huge (deep) and so on. Takes 3-1/2 disk and also has a CD drive. I think I got the whole deal from Best Buy (with printer and all) for about $400. I bought some more memory and plugged it in myself. It still works. I prefer it to my new one, it’s much much faster. Has Windows ME on it. HA!

      Reply
  17. squawvalleyskip says

    September 12, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    The laptop I’m currently on is about 6 years old. I still have a computer in the other room that I bought in the 90’s. Windows 98 on 6 gig HD. Don’t use it any more but it still works. The leather jacket I wear on my Harley when it starts getting cold out cost about 100 bucks, and is older than some of the kids at work. In the corner of the living room stand a double barrel shotgun and a single shot .22 that are both old enough that they weren’t required to have serial numbers when they were made. Incidently, the wife shot a rattlesnake (the third one in a week, I shot the first two in the front yard) ON THE FRONT PORCH with that .22 day before yesterday. I have it skinned and nailed to aboard in the shed.

    Reply
    • hot fuzz says

      September 12, 2011 at 3:11 pm

      Holy crap we live in a different world from each other. I had a chipmunk in my garage but I told it to “GIT”…. not quite the same punch as your story.

      Reply
      • Uncle_Wedgie says

        September 12, 2011 at 3:19 pm

        If you had a rattlesnake you could fix your chipmunk problem.

        Reply
        • hot fuzz says

          September 12, 2011 at 3:23 pm

          You guys have guns… not fair…. what happens when the zombie’s attack?

          What am I supposed to use? harsh language?? Tabernac zobie!!!

          Reply
          • hot fuzz says

            September 12, 2011 at 3:24 pm

            s/b “le” zombie

            Reply
            • hot fuzz says

              September 12, 2011 at 3:53 pm

              Shit!!! Now the fricken chipmunk has moved from the garage to the bird feeder outside my home office window. I need someone with a gun please. Fricking thing is looking right at me with big beady black bulbous eyes (holy illiteration bat man). Taunting me…

              I need Willie the grounds keeper. I ‘ATE HIM. i ‘ATE HIS FACE. I ‘ATE HIS WEE BEADY EYES!!!!…

              Or Carl the grounds keeper… licenced to kill (chipmunks) by the government of the united nations)

              Reply
              • hot fuzz says

                September 12, 2011 at 3:56 pm

                he he he

                A klaxon air horn gives chipmunks the ability to fly!!!!

                I wouldn’t mind so much but I switched from sunflower seed to niger seed because supposedly, squirrels and chipmunks don’t like it but the birds still do. Not so much…. no birds and ONLY squirrels and chipmunks…

                Reply
              • Alex says

                September 12, 2011 at 4:31 pm

                Get a rat trap, one a Kness snap-e trap, they last, and won’t catch your fingers unless you are a tard;
                http://www.kness.com/products

                And if you want, get one of those black plastic trap enclosures. Put about 5-6 sunflower seeds in the enclosure on the trap trigger, and a few scattered in the traps “breezeway”. You will be catching chipmonks soon. Keep setting it up, you will catch one a day for a week or two, then it’ll taper off.

                Don’t bother with peanut butter.

                Alex.

                Reply
                • hot fuzz says

                  September 12, 2011 at 4:55 pm

                  alas… I am a tard….

                  thanks for the suggestions.

        • squawvalleyskip says

          September 12, 2011 at 7:59 pm

          I think I have the rattlesnake problem because last year my neighbor (about 500 yards down the road) and I solved our ground squirrel problem by shooting 50 or 60 of them between us. They were completely tearing up the area with their hole digging. However, California ground squirrels are known to be somewhat unfriendly to rattlesnakes, the adults are apparently immune to snake venom, and being opportunistic feeders the little buggers gang up on and kill and eat snakes. So, now we have the squirrels pretty much gone, but three snakes in one week, that used to be a years worth. And these dudes were big. The one I have skinned out measures 3’8″ without the head and tail. The big one was bigger than that, but I fed him and the other one I shot to the coyotes. 13 rattles on that one. the other two, 6 and 8.

          Reply
  18. Linda says

    September 12, 2011 at 2:58 pm

    I recently bought a new washer that I hate. I was in a hurry, and bought it over the phone from Sears. It has a lid-lock feature, which means that you can’t open the lid at any time unless you press the “cancel” button, which drains the washer and shuts it off. I can see why some people would like having that as a safety feature, but you can’t even start it up unless the lid is closed (and locked).

    I have a feeling that this washer will last a very long time.

    Reply
    • hot fuzz says

      September 12, 2011 at 3:13 pm

      I bought some 5 gallon buckets – they have a warning label on them too…. caution, drowning hazard… meant small kids I guess… can you be TOO careful?

      Reply
      • johnthebasket says

        September 12, 2011 at 3:24 pm

        hot…

        I think this is a cultural disconnect. I believe they’re referring to the American custom of filling two buckets with concrete and inviting the person who ratted to step in. From then on, it’s a very serious drowning hazard.

        You say colour, I say color.

        best wishes…jtb

        Reply
        • johnthebasket says

          September 12, 2011 at 3:30 pm

          hot…

          I’m sure you can see how nicely this dovetails with your earlier thread with Skip. Different country, different customs. It is our custom to shoot, then ask questions. Few are answered.

          jtb

          Reply
          • hot fuzz says

            September 12, 2011 at 3:38 pm

            Hi John! Yeah I guess if you get to that stage you already have all your questions answered.

            Linda I have made it a sacred vow to never in any way, shape or form, EVER do business with Sears applicances again – (unless they have a great deal of course). By BAS (big as snowblower) has in my opinion an engineering flaw that allowed a cable to burn through when it touched the exhaust… causing a kink and loss of control on the directional snow snozzle… paid $250 for the extended warranty and on site service…. not covered. Bastards. So no Sears for me. Last appliance I bought was from Lowes (another fine American retail import in to the great white north)… bought a floor model dryer in perfect condition for a really good price and they even threw in delivery.

            Reply
  19. hot fuzz says

    September 12, 2011 at 3:49 pm

    I have a JVC – PC5 Portable Component Stereo hi-fi system I bought back around 1980 or so? I’m listening to it now. One of the speakers blew but they’re connected with those pressure connector thingies on the back of speakers so a new pair was swapped in… it plays both kinds of music – country AND western…

    Reply
  20. hot fuzz says

    September 12, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    Jeff – I’d like to combine your foaming toilet barrier with the toilet function demonstrated here.

    http://thereifixedit.failblog.org/2011/09/03/white-trash-repairs-another-toilet-problem/#comments

    Only then, shall the bowl be truly clean.

    ONLY THEN I SAY!!!!

    Reply
  21. Peyton Place says

    September 12, 2011 at 4:20 pm

    Hey Jeff, you still owe me a signed copy of your book. I’m looking forward to reading it and I’ll post good comments on Amazon and such. Thanks.

    Reply
    • Tipsey McChugney says

      September 12, 2011 at 6:05 pm

      UOME2

      Reply
      • hot fuzz says

        September 12, 2011 at 6:22 pm

        Peyton and Tipsey – Jeff might appreciate it more if you emailed him behind the scenes… just sayin’ and before anyone else is in the same position.

        I mean, do what you want, but still, just sayin’…

        Reply
        • Lee Harvey Ramone says

          September 12, 2011 at 11:06 pm

          already done that

          Reply
          • hot fuzz says

            September 13, 2011 at 9:52 am

            then screw ’em!!!

            where’s that customer service button?

            Nice hearing from you LHR… this might be the very first post you’ve made that didn’t make me laugh.

            Reply
  22. madz1962 says

    September 12, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    I have a 16 year old American Standard toilet that is still in great working condition. Evry time I hit the lever, i flushes. Sometimes, one needs to do this numerous times per ‘session”. Never backed up once. After 16 years, that’s a whole lotta mess to be responsible for.

    Reply
  23. Phantom Railfan says

    September 12, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    Had a mid 40s tabletop wooden-cabinet tube radio that worked until the late 80s. Had excellent reception on the AM band, and a big booming tone. Baseball games and the Big Band station always sounded better on that thing than any radio I’ve ever heard…

    Reply
  24. Whittaker Walt says

    September 12, 2011 at 5:28 pm

    John the basket – I had SFOMN (soda flying out my nose) when I read your first postI Everyone to get from street is one of my favorite sayings. (I’m old)

    of course the movie is “The Russians are Coming, the russians are coming.”

    come on Norman, They’re opening up the Baaar.

    this is my first post ever here, I’m dying at that reference.

    And BTW hot fuzz, good Blues Brothers Reference.

    Reply
    • johnthebasket says

      September 12, 2011 at 7:06 pm

      You’re dead right, Whittaker Walt. Wait a minute, is that also a line from the movie?

      In any case, you could be old enough to die of natural causes and still be younger than me. And, as I like to say to welcome first-time commenters, Welcome to Hell.

      Best wishes…

      John

      Reply
    • hot fuzz says

      September 12, 2011 at 7:36 pm

      The line about harsh language? I was actually thinking Aliens – was it in Blues Brothers? (favourite scene is “The penguin” shit fuck ow fuck ow shit….funny

      Reply
      • Whittaker Walt says

        September 13, 2011 at 3:19 pm

        Whittaker Walt is what the russians called Walt Whittaker (Carl Reiner) after he nervously introduced himself the first time by saying his last name first.

        Yes in The Blues Brothers, when they go to the country western bar, and pretend that they are ‘The Good Old Boys’ Country band.

        Jake asks: what kind of music do you play here? and the barmaid says, we have both kinds, Country AND western.

        How the F*ck can i have such a photographic memory for the most useless trivia when sometimes I can’t even remember to wipe myself!

        Reply
        • hot fuzz says

          September 13, 2011 at 7:27 pm

          oh of course…now I remember.

          Reply
  25. johnthebasket says

    September 12, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    Hot-Ray…

    Really nice to see you commenting again rather than wasting your time on technology that will be obsolete before you get laid again….OK, before I get laid again.

    Hope all is going well in management; hope, too, that all your employees still love you — or at least aren’t planning a coup d’etat.

    regards…John

    Reply
    • hot fuzz says

      September 12, 2011 at 7:18 pm

      Everyone loves Raymond…

      Reply
  26. icecycle66 says

    September 12, 2011 at 8:52 pm

    Will You-Go-Girl keep chicks from pissing on the seat and blaming it on the guys?

    THere are some bitches out there doing the squat adn spray, getting their lemony clam juice all over the place. Will that bowl foam fix that particular problem?

    Reply
    • Linda says

      September 13, 2011 at 9:49 am

      Those bitches aren’t going to bother with the You-Go-Girl.

      That is a big problem, in my opinion. When you walk into a stall in a women’s bathroom, and there’s pee all over the place, it seems like something went terribly awry.

      Why the squatting? That can’t be easy to do, and can you really catch anything from a toilet seat? I never have.

      Reply
      • hot fuzz says

        September 13, 2011 at 9:53 am

        I think you have to lick it to catch something

        Reply
  27. t-storm says

    September 12, 2011 at 9:23 pm

    poop cloud!

    Reply
  28. t-storm says

    September 12, 2011 at 9:25 pm

    I bought a computer at best buy in january and it is currently a blue nightlite.

    Reply
  29. Hungover Near Nay Aug says

    September 12, 2011 at 10:28 pm

    Bought a home built in 1949 with the original fridge. Round shelves that spin. Great idea until you spin a shelf and everything falls off. Freezer ices up in a matter of days until you can only squeeze an ice tray in there. Previous owner said to me “yah we hoped to replace it but the damn thing wouldn’t die” I feel I may be part of a long line of women saying the same thing.

    Reply
    • Whittaker Walt says

      September 13, 2011 at 3:22 pm

      LMAO! you must be talking about one of those GE refrigerators with the lazy susan shelves.

      I’ve had a strange fetish for those things since a neighbor had one in his hunting cabin decades ago.

      I thought it was an ingenious idea that unfortunately never caught on. the warden won’t let me buy one that i saw advertised here for 300 bucks. Dang.

      Reply
  30. chill says

    September 13, 2011 at 12:53 am

    My two oldest still-working gadgets are the Dual turntable (1973) and the HP-25 calculator (1976)
    .

    Reply
  31. doctorright says

    September 13, 2011 at 2:54 am

    I have no idea what any of these newfangled gadgets are.

    My niece asked me some shit. Fuck it, I told her.

    I am very drunk, feeding the ocelot.

    My atari 2600 still works.

    Hoping someone comes along to correct me.
    Someone with a basket.

    USA!!!

    Reply
  32. bikerchick says

    September 13, 2011 at 9:06 am

    Our 1981 camper is going strong. We just bought it at the beginning of the year from some dude who never used the “amenities” since he bought it. Even though my boyfriend had to fix a few things that were not disclosed to us, he got everything working like a top. (knocking on wood, ie, my head). The fridge/freezer is so cold you could store a small body in it. And the bafroom is home away from home. No poopin in the woods or between two slats of wood for my sweet ass.

    Reply
  33. Phil Jett says

    September 13, 2011 at 10:41 am

    Still using my 1965 Brooks Robinson MVP signature Rawlings Ball glove. Freshly oiled and better than ever.

    Reply
    • doctorright says

      September 13, 2011 at 8:47 pm

      Bless that glove.
      Good stuff.

      Reply
  34. FirstNations says

    September 13, 2011 at 10:46 am

    We inherited a Bose stereo system from the Bikers’ father when he passed. It’s at least twenty years old if not more, a big ol’ stack of black boxes with knobs and advance bars and whatnot. Has an 8 track player, cassette player and turntable- he added a cd player component when that became available. It all works. Every bit. And those Bose speakers, folks? Everything they say about them is true. I’ll add that you simply cannot fry a cone in the things. God knows I’ve tried!

    Reply
  35. AngryWhiteGuy says

    September 13, 2011 at 12:43 pm

    The cell phone I bought from Verizon in 2001 was still working perfect, until Monday.

    Now comes my off the topic diatribe.

    But I would just like to share it with my invisible friends.

    Sunday Night, I went into the bedroom o watch the NFL game, because my wife, Drunky the Child Bride can’t stand football. I watched the Jets come back and fuck over “America’s Team” Meanwhile, Drunky sat in the living room, watched Game Show network or something like that, and pounded down the vodka after kids went to bed.

    Before she went to bed, Drunky the Child Bride decided she would scope out my cell phone, which was in the bathroom, to see if I had been calling hookers or anyone else she didn’t recognize. As she sat on the toilet, somehow, and I can’t still figure out how, she dropped the phone in the toilet. Dead phone.

    She came in and admitted this to me and told me “You can just go get another one tomorrow.” I told her, “Fuck off, YOU can just go get another one tomorrow.” Of course, she was not mentally capable of doing this, so I had to go online and order a new phone.

    This was because Drunky the Child Bride went into Verizon and old her the only way to get a “free” phone was to go online.

    Monday night, I went to the always awesome Verizonwireless.com and tried to order. They axed me to set up an online account with a username and password. After several attempts, I was able to secure a username, but they would not accept any password I used. Therefore, I had to open a “live chat” with”. Dominique” AFter several minutes of trying I was sent a text message to give me my “temporary passord”. I explained to Dominique that my phone was dead and I could not retrieve this password. Then, Dominique advised me to go into the store to set it up. The place where my wife was told to go online. I explained this in the following sentence: “So, the store told us to go online to order this and when I go online, I am told to go to the store. Is that correct?” Dominique answered, “Yes, that is correct”

    I am a couple of exposives short of blowing up the entire store right now.

    Thank you for reading.

    I cannot take it anymore.

    Reply
    • t-storm says

      September 13, 2011 at 3:42 pm

      Verizon told me (Jim Novotny of the Shaker Heights store) that me and the ex could split our plans from each other if we just went in to the store.

      The store (In cincy) told us we had to call in.

      Calling in told us that to split I would void the warranty on my droid which I’d had for 2 weeks. Jim Novotny whom I’d bought the droid from did not tell me this. I wasn’t going to murder a warranty on a brand new billion dollar phone.

      Long story short 18 months later I am still on the plan with the ex, she ain’t paying shit and she stole an upgrade from me.

      I found out she stole the upgrade when I went in to have the phone looked at. It wasn’t charging. Of course they told me it got wet and I informed them that they could take that answer back and actually try to fix my problem.
      I got a new battery and it charges with some chargers but not others.

      Reply
      • WB in OH says

        September 14, 2011 at 10:10 am

        I don’t know if I relayed this before but a division of the company I work for is a Verizon dealer; I hate going down there for service, even for my company phone that isn’t going to cost me anything, I think they take classes on how to be better/bigger dickheads.

        Reply
  36. bikerchick says

    September 13, 2011 at 1:10 pm

    Wotta crock of shit. I’d strap the explosives around Drunky and send her into the Verizon store with a note.

    Reply
  37. t-storm says

    September 13, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    For the record I’m 35 today and haven’t had a drink in 36.5 days.

    Reply
    • Chuck in Belpre says

      September 13, 2011 at 4:15 pm

      Well, Happy Birthday, gaddamit!

      Reply
    • hot fuzz says

      September 13, 2011 at 7:32 pm

      Good for you T. One day at a time, brother. My SIL just celebrated 1 year – best thing she’s ever done.

      Happy Birthday!!!

      Reply
    • doctorright says

      September 13, 2011 at 8:50 pm

      Happy happy, man.
      I just turned 113 a little while ago. OK, 37. Feels longer. I dunno.

      I still have my occasional disagreements with the beer… but as for you, good luck and congrats.

      Reply
    • chill says

      September 13, 2011 at 8:55 pm

      Congrats, BUT… I’m 53 and haven’t had a drink in 36.5 seconds.
      .

      Reply
      • doctorright says

        September 13, 2011 at 9:58 pm

        Hahaha… and then there’s that.

        Reply
    • AngryWhiteGuy says

      September 14, 2011 at 7:21 am

      I quit when I was 35. Now its been 15 years, 7 months, 4 weeks, 2 days. Not that I’m counting or anything. But I miss it every day. Not as much as the cool buds though.

      Reply
    • WB in OH says

      September 14, 2011 at 10:12 am

      Happy belated and congrats!

      Reply
  38. Greg says

    September 13, 2011 at 8:25 pm

    Congrats, t-storm. It’s a life-changer. The city of Marietta celebrated your success last Saturday night with FIREWORKS!! At least, I think that’s what they were for!

    Reply
  39. dandan says

    September 13, 2011 at 8:44 pm

    my whirlpool portable dishwasher bought in 1994..never had to do repair one.and we had 4 teenagers then.still in use!

    Reply
  40. WB in OH says

    September 14, 2011 at 10:19 am

    I bought the cheapest Kenmore w/d set I could find at Sears back in 1993 or so. Still chugging along, although I had to replace the heater element in the dryer and the plastic transmission coupler in the washer.
    Of course being a single person with questionable hygiene has probably extended the lives of my appliances quite a bit.

    Reply
  41. Jules Winnfield says

    September 14, 2011 at 10:49 pm

    I have good luck with electronics apparently. To wit:
    – HP Laserjet 4 printer, circa 1992/3. The thing simply will not die, and though the toner cartridges cost about $100 I only need one every 3 years. Won’t replace it till it croaks, but it looks like it will outlive me.
    – The following stereo components from 1989:
    – B&W bookshelf speakers
    – Denon receiver
    – Denon dual-deck cassette (I will admit I haven’t used this one in many years so it may have died and I wouldn’t know it, but it still powers on)

    Reply

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