When our older boy was in elementary school, probably third grade or thereabouts, he told me a story I’ll never forget.
He said his teacher asked the class to write a poem about spring, something about the change of season, etc. And after a few minutes of silence, a fat girl raised her hand and said, “Can you help me think of a word that rhymes with Pringles?”
I swear it’s true, and I laughed for a good long time.
And last night, at the eighth grade “graduation,” I saw Pringles for the first time in several years. And yep, she’s apparently still snorkeling down a can or two per day. In fact, seeing our kid on the same stage as her made me a little nervous. I was afraid there might be a catastrophic collapse. But everything worked out OK.
The graduation was fairly painless, except for the heat. It was incredibly hot inside that school, and it got hotter as the night progressed.
And the speeches… Apparently they allowed kids to get up and say a few words if they wanted, and you can probably imagine the types who volunteered for such a thing. It was excruciating.
But after all the nerds and attention whores were finished with their scintillating comments, cookies and brownies and cold bottles of water were served. And that almost made up for it. The water, especially, was appreciated. I probably should’ve popped a few salt tablets before I walked into that freakin’ sweat lodge. Holy crap.
It’s going to be rough returning to work tonight, for just one more shift. Once it’s over, it’s supposed to be over. But I’m going to have to go back, and I’m not sure my central nervous system will be able to withstand such a thing.
A few days ago I was given a fancy laminated certificate there, in recognition for a full year of perfect attendance. I almost busted out laughing, but was able to maintain.
And you wanna know how many employees received one of those certificates, out of the 150 or so who work the same shift? That’s right, four. Pass the beer nuts.
Over the last couple of years I’ve learned that I’m a member of a very small minority. It’s highly unorthodox, but I actually show up at work when I’m supposed to be there. Have you ever heard of such a thing? Strange, I know.
And that, and a buck twenty five will get you a cold Mountain Dew. Oh, and a really nice certificate.
I’ve begun watching Breaking Bad through Netflix, and really like it. A lot of people have suggested it to me, but I was skeptical. I’ve started and quit several TV series recently, because they just didn’t do it for me.
I won’t tell you what shows they were, because you guys would howl in protest. It’s stuff I should love, but just can’t get into. And I don’t currently have the energy to defend my position.
But Breaking Bad is a good one. It’s got a lot of black humor that I enjoy, and the premise and characters are great. So, thanks to everyone who suggested it!
I’m also digging the new Gaslight Anthem album. Their last one was also a favorite, and I recommend both without hesitation. They’re called a punk band, but I don’t really get that descriptor. It’s just straight ahead rock, with a healthy dose of Springsteen mixed-in. Good stuff.
And I hate to do this, but I’m going to weasel out on the Thursday update. Today is June 16, and I have to turn in my book manuscript sometime in June. So, I’m going to take Thursday and Friday to tinker with it some more. I apologize, but we’re very near the end of this thing.
I’ll try to post something over the weekend, though. Probably Sunday. And I’ll undoubtedly bug you guys to buy t-shirts before the Friday deadline. Look for an email along those lines… Heh.
I’m gonna leave you now with the Question of the Day, and then prepare for my one remaining, dangling workday.
This one’s a classic, but I’m not sure we’ve ever covered it here. In the comments section below, tell us, off the top of your head, who you’d like to have a few beers with — anyone, living or dead.
I could likely come up with a thousand people, but “off the top of your head” is the key.
Here’s my top o’ the head list: Jean Shepherd, Phil Hendrie, Johnny Carson, Jackie Gleason, Jack Benny, Michael O’Donoghue, Doug Kenney (co-founder of National Lampoon, co-writer of Animal House), Charles Portis, Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, Johnny Bench, Sparky Anderson, Bob Dylan, Buddy Holly, John Lennon, my grandfather on my mother’s side.
As you can see, I lean heavily toward entertainment and sports. If I thought about it a little longer, I’d undoubtedly start adding more “serious” people like Thomas Edison and Ben Franklin, and great writers and philosophers of the past. Or maybe not…
But now it’s your turn. Give us your all-history couple of beers list — the people who jump immediately to mind.
And I’ll see you guys next time.
Have fan-flipping-tastic day.
Now playing in the bunker
Pre-order your summer WVSR shirt here!
I you are already dead is it gravey instead of gravy?
Thank God I wasn’t faced with a welding torch. My beard singes easily.
And I’m sorry that I’m constitutionally incapable of watching Joe Dirt. I’ll probably forever be culturally illiterate.
Any chance that some of TET’s beer peeps were in that movie as well? Maybe that’s why Chuck and I have never heard of half of them. Were Alejandro Jodorowsky and Gaspar Noe in Joe Dirt? That would account for TET’s admiration of them.
And if Wally Wood isn’t a porno actor, he damn well should be.
I’m just sayin’.
jtb
Well, Steve Allen, who wrote “Gravy Waltz”, is a guy worth having a beer with, or was. Whomsoever waltzes in gravy will soon be rolling in it.
jtb
Haha, why is everyone dissing Joe Dirt? It was hilarious. Especially after 4 or 5 beers.
According to the interwebs gravy is thought to have originated in Egypt around 3000 BC.
Off the top of my head I thought it was a French dude.
I’m related in some obscure way to Amelia Earhart. Family lore has it that Amy wasn’t all that good of a pilot. Sort of a Douglas ‘Wrong Way’ Corrigan with a uterus.
I’d still like to talk to her though and ask her why she didn’t take the bus more often.
That’s all I have.
At this time.
I can only speak for myself Brittney, I dissed it because nobody can be as clueless as Joe. But wht did I like Dumb and Dumber? Hmmm, maybe I give Joe another chance.
LHR-I’d like to meet the person that invented the gravy boat. I’d burn my lips trying to drink gravy straight out of the skillet!
Yeah, I think it was Ramses du Jour, WB, so both of your personalities were right.
By way of confirmation, I once had some gravy at Denny’s that tasted older than France and had some sand in it.
jtb
wht? “why”
jtb, lol
I forgot a couple.
Warren Haynes and Alan Woody (RIP).
WB in OH – if you ever have a cupa two tree beers with Stephen R Donaldson, I want to be invited!
Joe Dirt actually scored an 11 on the Tomatometer at Rotten Tomatoes. Just nipped by Casablanca at 97.
I’ve honestly never seen an 11 at RT. Usually the studio can provide blow jobs for a couple of Web critics to bring the TM up to 20 or so. I’m stunned, because I’ve never seen a Gaspar Noe film score so low.
jtb
Skully-Absolutely, the waiting is killing me for the next TC book.
Yeah I dunno, whatever. So I heard something on Tosh.0 last night that made me laugh for about an hour…
Daniel Tosh asked his veiwers what their plans for this summer were, and someone responded,
“I will tounge punch your mom in the fart box, and then go read a book.”
all summer?
Heads up! Marie C’s frozen dinners and SpaghettiOs are being recalled for risk of Salmonella contamination.
http://wtop.com/?nid=111&sid=1983825
But more importantly, who do you want to drink with tomorrow?
If the answer is T-Storm and you will be in St. Louis (Missouri, not Saskatchewan) tomorrow night you are in luck!
I’ll be seeing The Saps (Which is an awesome band from Chicago) at Off Broadway and between about 6 pm and 9 or 10 debaucherizing other parts of South City.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHevEtQOkro
Brit, drive on down from Chicago, or hop on Southwest for the paltry sum of $305 round trip per person (plus Southwest is giving extra frequent flyer credits to fly to STL right now).
Just sayin’…
In the just saying category, I have been told that
Mr. Gleason was a major A-hole. His son- in- law was
the source; cause and effect ? Who knows, just
reporting .
Beer with:
Marilyn Monroe
Mae West
actually, any blonde with a nice rack will do…
if I want conversation it won’t be with a beer.
Nicola Tesla for a beer break. Breaking Bad is all that, one of the few “shows” I bother with. And thank you Hulu.
The little light that comes on in your car to tell you that your oil is low looks nothing like an oil can. The other day the light came on in my limo and the driver asked me what could be the matter. I told him that it appeared the car was low on gravy (or gravey).
I’d like to have beers with:
Jeff Kay
The Entire Surf Report Team
Gen. Gorge Patton
Van Gogh (just to see how fucking crazy he is)
President Franklin Pierce
Christopher Lloyd
Myself when I’m an old ass man
Hey, I LOVED Joe Dirt! Sure it was goofy and predictable, but it had some nice moments, I thought…
I’d like to have a beer with The Earl of Sandwich.
my husband just said he’d like to sit down with adolph hitler, just so he could say, “what the fuck were you thinking?”
the only reason i haven’t murdered him in 44 years is that he makes me laugh.
T-Storm…The highlight of my trip to STL was Busch Stadium because of my love for Busch Light. I love how hick it is and how it seems to only be appropriately drank out of a can in a trailer park. My friend who moved to the city a few years ago told me that her friends were in awe in disbelief to find out that her and I consumed Busch light in bottles when she lived here. But alas, it’s true.