I see some of you are making light of my “banished from Google” situation, and that’s cool. It’s what we do here: make light. But it’s no good, no good at all, and affects more than just the people too lazy to type our URL into the navigation box.
Google drives a shitload of traffic, you see, and if the Surf Report is no longer in their index, I instantly lose twenty percent of my visitors. Yeah, some are these weirdos, but most are legitimate searches, for things like Alli side effects and Ads vs. Reality.
As it stands, the people doing such searches won’t find the original pages. They’ll be sent to sites where my stuff has been ripped-off, or won’t be able to locate it at all.
And that’s highly frustrating.
Also, the Surf Report ranked well for the phrase “fast food.” Do you know how many times per day people do searches for that phrase around the world? Yeah, I don’t either, but it’s a lot. We were sometimes the number one and number two result, which is pretty amazing, and now we’re nowhere to be found.
And I don’t want to get too inside-baseball here, but folks who visit the site via search engines are good for “business.” (I use the term loosely.) They click ads and navigate around more than regular visitors. It’s just a fact of life. When people get accustomed to a website they train themselves to not see the ads and links and things. But new visitors put a little extra beer money in my pocket.
Plus, there’s a danger that this person/thing could do serious, permanent damage to the site.
It sucks. I’ve had a person go in and get rid of the hacker code twice, and it comes right back. I don’t know if someone is reinserting it, or if it automatically regenerates. Regardless, it’s causing me to lose sleep; the circles under my eyes are now the size of dessert plates.
The whole thing eats turds, corn on the cob-style.
I’m watching the 1975 World Series again, and it’s fantastic. I have all seven games on DVD — the original NBC television broadcasts — and they still get my blood to pumping.
In ’75 I was twelve years old, and fully invested in the Cincinnati Reds. Thirty-five years later I find I still have passion for that team, buried ‘neath all the baggage and scar tissue collected along the way. Just seeing Tony Perez take a practice swing makes my heart skip a beat…
I wish they’d release the 1976 Series, as well. But the Reds swept the Yankees in that one, so I doubt it’ll ever see the light of day. It’s not exactly an edge-of-yer-seat experience, like ’75 was.
My friend Tim collects old baseball broadcasts and sent me a DVD of a 1972 playoffs game between Cincinnati and Pittsburgh, with all the original commercials in it. That’s a lot of fun, too. But it’s not really the Reds I knew. It’s an embryonic Big Red Machine, if you know what I mean.
Do you ever watch old sporting events, where you know the outcome in advance? Toney thinks it’s nuts. She says, “What’s next? Random weather forecasts from 1989?” But I love those old Reds games; I never get tired of ’em.
I think we’ve got our New York City trip figured out. We’ll be going on a Friday at the end of November, just me and Toney. We’re planning to take a bus, so we can kick back and let someone else deal with the traffic and confusion.
I’m excited. We don’t get many opportunities to spend time alone anymore, and NYC is always an adventure. I can almost taste the John’s pizza as I type this…
And now we can start plotting our day, which is part of the fun.
The disc we need to stream Netflix movies via PlayStation 3 should arrive tomorrow. That’ll be cool. You know, as soon as we have a PS3. I need to have a little talk with Santa about that, aka Santy. Pass the beer nuts.
I have a friend who recently underwent a medical procedure involving some sort of mysterious “probe.” I’m unclear on the details. But they made him fast for 48 hours! Have you ever heard of such a thing? He had to quit eating at noon on Sunday, and they didn’t do the procedure until Tuesday afternoon.
Man, that’s a hell of a long time. I don’t know if I could do it, and I’m not joking. Ghandi, I ain’t. Holy crap-nodules!
Have you ever had to fast for such a long time? I don’t go to the doctor, so it’s not something I’ve ever experienced. What about you? At what point do the hallucinations start kicking in? Tell us about it in the comments.
And if you have any mysterious probe stories to tell, I’d like to hear (read) those as well. A guy at an old job used to tell a tale about being sent to a specialist, because he was having “ass trouble,” and the receptionist kept answering the phone, “Anal and Rectal?”
Heh. If you’ve got anything to tell us on that subject, have at it.
And I’ll be back on Friday. See ya then.
Have a great day, my friends.
spelling errors above, my apologies. glasses are in bedroom!!
I am not sure if Diane Arbus ever had a probe of any kind….
I’ll have to ask my buddy Travis Walton if he’ll share his story of his probe. Man…thats a goodun.
I always watch Dave Righetti’s no-hitter that he threw on the 4th of July in ’84 on the 4th of every year. He looks like Judge Reinhold, btw.
I know It’s late and there probably will be no traffic posting comments on today’s report, but in the name of T.V’s puberty induced large breasts of 80’s sitcom Facts of Life (Minus Natalie) can someone please, please link me to Jeff’s Ebook: A Convenience Story? I’m not having any luck finding it to DL and I can’t understand why. If anyone at this late date reads this and can help, I would appreciate it greatly and I will publically denounce our loving father’s (Jeff) baffling enjoyment of Vampire Weekend! Not that Jeff and his fucking Yurt care one whit.
Thanks!
You can go a very long time without eating especially if you’re a fatass like myself. I’ve gone on a fast which lasted almost 12 weeks. Nothing but liquids. A week anyone can do. A month is relatively easy. After the second week or so you quit being hungry. It’s damned dangerous though. You lose weight so quickly you can develop gall and kidney stones. You also need to have your blood tested to make sure your potassium and other critical blood counts don’t get too out of whack or you can have a heart attack. You have to be extremely careful about your actively levels too. You get very, very tired and very weak at times. Get up too quickly and you’re likely to end up on the floor wondering how in the hell you got there.
When you start eating again you also have to be careful. You will get really sick after your first few meals and your body will start acting strange after you eat. Almost like you’re drunk or high.
I tend to waste away hours watching old NFL games that are repeated on NFL Network and old baseball and basketball games on ESPN Classic. Usually they show games that had significance, such as Tom Seaver’s 300th career win, or Hank Aaron’s record setting home run, until it was ruined by the big cheater. To me, it’s better than most of the current stuff on TV.
I fasted for three days once for something, but I don’t remember what it was. I believe it caused some sort of brain damage, since I can’t remember it. I like food too much to ever put myself through that again.
Did I imagine it at one time, or was there an index of previous Bunker Cam shots from the past?
On IPOD right now- ‘Kettle Whistle”- Jane’s Addiction
@ Jeff– Unless I’m missing something, I agree with AngryWhiteGuy: an index of past Bunker Cam shots would be cool.
I have gone for a couple weeks without eating a few times (September was the most recent) and most were “assisted”; I was in the hospital for one of those stretches but was doped up on intravenous morphine and demerol so that one was easy. I was “probed” in the most horrific way that time too: a catheter. Nothing like having a fucking hose jammed up your dick.
I’m old enough to remember watching the Ray “Boom Boom” Mancini fight against Duk Koo Kim live on TV that ended in the latter competitor dying, and have watched it on youtube a time or two. Morbid, but true.
On iTunes right now: “Hell Of A Pain” – Dave Edmunds
Jeff,
Don’t forget to check the PC you do the updates to your site with. Even if you have anti-whatever software on it you may want to try scanning with something else, just to make sure. http://www.pandasecurity.com is what I use here, its pretty good at finding stuff nobody knew existed.
I don’t want to get excited prematurely, but I’m starting to believe the hacker problem has been solved.
A (trusted) person who sometimes helps me with technical issues went through my files one by one last night, and found something very interesting.
It was a folder containing four tiny scripts. Each apparently created a secret page at my website, through which a person could access the files without a password, or anything of the sort.
So, even after I changed all my logins, the hacker could still get in and cause problems.
My friend deleted the folder and cleaned up all the bad code, and I changed the ftp logins again, And so far, so good. This all happened last night, and the code hasn’t returned.
No way to know how the folder found its way into the files, but I suspect it had something to do with a plugin I recently installed. Grrr…
I’m kinda numb to that probing stuff. I see it every day 20 or so times. Not actually watching it but I see em go in and I see em come out. Mostly they don’t even know when the thing started or f finished. Good drugs they give em. I even had it done once. I don’t remember it either. They give you a couple of railroad tank cars of something called GoLytly. I mean this stuff makes Alli look a good idea. You do anything but Go Lightly. Who named that shit??? The same guy that came up with ‘Gentleman’s Club’? They’re all the time hacking people up and puttin em back together where I work – sometimes they put em back together and have parts left over. WTF. Can’t sell em on EBay.
People are mostly made of spare parts. They are ugly bags of mostly water.
…and Soilent Green is made out of people
I fasted once for 21 days and several times for shorter periods for religious reasons. After day 2 which for me was always the worst part i would be fine. Actually after about a week you don’t really want food anymore. YOu have to be careful coming off a fast like that because solid food can do some very terrible things the first couple days back on it. I actually have never felt better in my life than when I fasted regualrly but that was before i rediscovered my love of beer and debauchery.
ok and where the hell is Shiny? it is not like him to fail to comment. You okay man?
Soylent Green MMMMMMM thats good eating;D
Around ’75 or so, I started messing with fasting for cleansing purposes. Two, three days…no big deal. I was reading a book called “Back to Eden”, by Jethro Kloss. Yeah…Jethro!…It’s about the crap we eat and mostly how we eat a lot of mucus causing foods and how we’ll eventualy turn into one big booger if we don’t knock it off. That book lead me to a book called “Rational Fasting'”. (Dr. Erardhart no less). The ‘why and how’… to slowly starve your self to death I guess. Well…my self-help education lead me to conclude, that all I ever needed to live a long and healthy life was all natural apple juice, grape juice and a spoon full of black-strap molasses. twice a day…along with a regular intake of high quailty marijuana. And I had the books to prove it!
I had a surprise probing about 20 years ago. I was in college at the time. I had pain and ‘other issues” so horrifying and excruciating that I was convinced I had colon cancer.
I was rushed to the emergency room by my roommate, where the (very cute, barely older) ER doctor laid me over a table, commenced probing with what could have only been a sword…
…and diagnosed me with hemorrhoids.
Yeah. That’s a great memory.
Today’s WVSR Classic pic is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in months. Robert E. Lee’s (or whoever that is) eyes are transfixed to that boner.
I have to have a colonoscopy every 5 years due to family history. I’ve had 3 so far. My mother died of colon cancer and my father has had it too (survived his ordeal). I usually use the old line from Fletch “Ever done time doc?”, when he finishes the procedure.
Here’s my tribute to a great band:
http://mockable.org/the-lint-donkeys-very-bad-year/
Its all coming together! a fast food chain called the WSVR! In Yurts all over the country, with an ads vs reality menu & cards that get punched every time you visit! 10 visits= 1 free colonoscopy I can see the commercials now: “Hi I’m Dave! (not the dead one with the ugly red-headed daughter)! At WSVR you can eat all the crap you really want & still stay healthy”
Speaking of old bunker cam shots, I’d love a copy of the MJ Fox + etch-a-sketch pic….
@renn – better than a surprise probe from a drunk frat boy at a party. Had a friend who got that. It took 2 weeks to convince her it wasn’t her fault, and to report it to the police. And, the once promising young student offender is still in Canyon City, repeatedly finding out how it feels to be on the bad side of that equation.
Jeff,
Congratulations on monetizing the site.
“But new visitors put a little extra beer money in my pocket”
Nice job. You deserve it.
AWG. i think it was me, long ago that posted a javascript to pull all of the cam pics in one page. i don’t have it anymore and it probably wouldnt work with the new site anyways. if anyone still has the code i could probably make it work….
I just have a hankerin’ to see the first one (anyone remember the amputee, from October, 2000?) C’mon Garrett, I’m counting on ya.
On TV right now- the awesome Miranda Cosgrove in ICarly.
Thanks for the link, fuckers!
Huh?
shane the link is at the top right hand corner of the page, just above daily essentials!
shane if you cant find it I’ll give you a quick recap: Jeff works at a motel/gas station owned by his mother, where he spies on ladies in the shower through a peep hole I dont want to give the whole story away but it turns out his mother is actually DEAD! I KNOW! Can you imagine?
“…most are legitimate searches, for things like Alli side effects and Ads vs. Reality.” It was the original release of ‘The Number Of Fucks In Deadwood’ on a Deadwood search for me, just after the ‘Neti Pot’ debacle. My favorite story would have to be ‘Macaroni and Beef’…sorry Jeff.
I’m kinda with Toney on that one. Again, sorry Jeff.
The ‘not eating’ thing didn’t bother me as much as the ‘cleaning regiment’ you’re required to put yourself through. And Jeff, if you don’t want to break your streak, when your time comes, don’t think you’ll be able to go through that phase at work! Fortunately, I was knocked out for the ‘procedure’.
Later, y’all.
What a great way to start a Friday morning; watching muscle-men jack off some springey weights
I gotta bunch of stuff to talk about, but I know as soon aas I post it, an update is going to go through. However, if I don’t, the Wednesday “toxic dump” may stay here until Monday. I’m losing faith.
On IPOD right now- “Channel Z”- B-52s
“As” is now spelled with two “a’s”, if you did not get the memo.
Gettin nothin but static, getting nothin but static
Static in my attic from Channel zeeeeeee
Are you kidding, Jeff? Long before (and I’m talking 15 years before) those DVDs of the ’75 series came out, I had bought them on cassette tape. I think I found the ad for them in the back of Baseball Digest. Joe Garagiola and Ned Martin usually did the radio in Cincinnati, while Curt Gowdy and Marty Brenneman did the games in Boston. Love those old “Cricket Lighter” and Chevy Cordova commercials.
At the same time that I bought that, I also bought tapes of the 1978 or 1979 ‘Phillies beat the Cubs 23-22 on a day when the wind was blowing out of Wrigley’; the final game of the 1979 World Series, the 1977 or 1978 World Series game in which Reggie Jackson hit 3 homers, Tom Seaver’s no-hit of the Cardinals in 1978, etc. etc. I could go on and on.
By the way, you can get that ’76 series with the Yankees on CD now. I think you can get the playoff games against the Phillies as well. The best are the recordings of Bob Prince for the 1975 playoffs. He was the Pittsburgh announcer and you should hear the bastard poor-mouthing everybody on the Reds. At the end, staring at a 3-game sweep, he had changed his tune. Douchebag.
The best is Al Michael’s and Joe Nuxhall calling the 5th game of the 1972 Playoffs between the Reds and the Pirates. Trailing 3-2 in the ninth, Johnny Bench comes up and hits an opposite field home run to tie the game. Perez singles and George Foster comes in to pinch-run. Foster eventually scores from 3rd when Bob Moose throws a wild pitch. I get choked up just remembering it now.
Last bit of unrelated trivia: Channel 5 in Cincinnati televised the Reds that year (1972) and to start the TV broadcasts, they played the opening non-vocal portion of Chicago’s “Make Me Smile”. To this day, when I hear that song on the radio, I think ’72 Reds.
Oops. I think I meant to say “Cordoba”. You know – the one with rich, Corinthian Leather????!!!!
i am trying to find videos of the 1972 reds-pirates nlcs. can you help? thanks