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Your Mid-Week Topic Dump, vol. 17

July 7, 2010 By Jeff 124 Comments

I just went outside with Andy, and sweet sainted mother of Lloyd Braun!  It’s like hell’s waiting room out there.

Seriously, has the earth broken from of its orbit, and begun hurtling toward the sun?  I checked the CNN website and didn’t see anything on it.  But I think we’re hurtling; it’s the only explanation that makes sense to me.

Remember last summer?  It was so cool people were bitching about it.  “I like it a little hotter, just a little hotter,” they whined in their whiny, whiny voices.  And now look what’s happened.  Thanks!  Thanks a whole hell of a lot, freaks.

There’s not enough talcum in Pennsylvania…

I’m having technical problems with this website, but I’m not going to go into detail.  Because it’s not something most of you would give a single dingle about.  But please know, I’ve spent the morning WHIPPING my hand through my hair, and grinding my teeth down to Tic Tacs.

It never stops.  And that’s not just a phrase, it literally never stops.

As of July 7, 2010 (today) I still haven’t seen a real person using an iPad, out in the real world.  Have you?  Supposedly Apple is selling thousands per hour, or whatever.  Where are they?  I’m starting to think it’s all an elaborate hoax.  Where go the iPads?

At the time of this writing, I haven’t yet contracted iPad fever.  I’d still like to buy a Kindle, though.  Especially since Amazon dropped the price to $189.  Oh yeah.  Kindle fever is ongoing, but I’m just not feeling it for the Pad yet.  Do you have one?  What’s your opinion?

And speaking of Amazon, they recently launched AmazonWireless.  It’s supposedly designed to take the hassle out of signing up for cell phone contracts, upgrading your phone, etc.  There are no mail-in rebates, or any of that nonsense.  I haven’t used it yet, but it’s reportedly pretty slick, and inexpensive.

That’s just an FYI… But, of course, I would appreciate you folks using my Amazon links, whenever you do business with ’em.  It’s an Everybody Wins! situation.

Last night I realized that the TEN YEAR anniversary of the Surf Report is approaching.  I posted the first update on October 16, 2000.  Can you believe it?  I can’t.

I reread some of the early posts when I got home from work, and I certainly had a potty mouth back then, didn’t I?  Wow.  And I wrote about politics, too?  It’s all fairly horrifying.

But it all came together eventually.  I have some regrets (I wish I’d moved to WordPress years earlier, for instance), but I’ve put a lot into the actual writing from the start.  Some days are better than others, but I work hard not to post any complete turds.

How should we celebrate the big ten year anniversary?  Tell me your ideas in the comments.

Over the weekend Toney and I were lounging in the living room, and she was commandeering the remote.  She was slowly surfing from channel to channel, and something amazing happened…

She momentarily stopped on a baseball game.  An outfielder was shown running, covering lots of ground in a short period, then going completely horizontal, arm and glove fully outstretched.

And: click.

Toney changed the channel!  How is that even possible?  How is it physically or emotionally possible?  The guy was hyper-extended in the outfield, and she turned the channel!

For the rest of the day I felt a little discombobulated, like I had the bends or something.  That shit just ain’t natural…  I have no idea if he made the catch, or what.  It was all so disconcerting.  I just sat there blinking real fast, for upwards of a minute.

And I’m still a little shaken-up, if you want to know the truth.

I’m gonna call it a day, my friends.  I’ll leave you now with a Question from the Stealing Clive Bull‘s Topics desk.  In the comments section please tell us the most expensive thing you’ve ever bought, besides a house or a vehicle.

I can’t really come up with anything interesting.  Maybe our first computer?  It was ridiculously expensive.

Our trip to London was pretty pricey, too.  And our upstairs baffroom remodel was also outrageous.  But those are cheats, aren’t they?  We should probably limit it to physical items, not services or trips.

If you have anything on that subject, or our upcoming 10 year birthday, post it in the comments section below.

And I’ll see you guys again tomorrow.

Have a great day!

Now playing in the bunker

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Comments

  1. Valentin says

    July 8, 2010 at 7:22 pm

    Ok off topic. Rain on a hot summer day is beautiful. Thats all I wanted to say.

    Reply
  2. Not Oprah says

    July 8, 2010 at 7:28 pm

    I’d be due for a vacation around Oct, would be great to integrate a WVSR celebration into the plans!!! I’m just hoping the occassion doesn’t fall on naked day.

    Reply
  3. dto says

    July 8, 2010 at 7:47 pm

    I got eighty bucks credit with SouthWest. Provided my lawyer has taken care of that no fly list thing, I should be good to go. I’ll bring my trumpet. So…The WVSR 10th Anniversary All Star Jam.

    Reply
  4. Juancho says

    July 8, 2010 at 8:29 pm

    I can’t think of a bigger disaster than a Surf Reporter gathering. Therefore we should have it at Jeff’s house.

    Reply
  5. Not Oprah says

    July 8, 2010 at 8:34 pm

    Juancho – hilarious, disaster forsure – BIG FUN!!!

    Reply
  6. Gretchen says

    July 8, 2010 at 8:34 pm

    Maaaan, it’s like goddamn election night over at ESPN! Miami’s gonna be one hell of a formidable team, assuming they remain healthy and scandal-free. But if they don’t get to the finals with LeBron there’s going to be a lot of hysterics….maybe a whole ‘nother hour long special.

    Brittney: Obviously I’m one exception here to the “rule” about women not enjoying sports.

    Reply
  7. Not Oprah says

    July 8, 2010 at 8:46 pm

    Gretchen- I love playing them, not watching. Exceptions though of course. I’ve mostly always played soccer love the Saturday morning soccer skills. Can go to a CFL game (Canadian football – I’m just there to have a beer and chat), never paying attention ofcourse. TV is silly in general, I live in remote places lately and that is too much part of my life, gotta change that. I try not to stereotype as to who does what.

    Everyone’s trying to create drama, WVSR reporters are more direct which is me.

    Reply
  8. JR in Sammamish says

    July 8, 2010 at 10:39 pm

    about $12K for wood floors through the house. but now we feel like we live in a brand new house.

    Reply
  9. Gretchen says

    July 8, 2010 at 11:10 pm

    Well here’s some drama. Earlier I broke open a fortune cookie and the fortune inside said, “There is no reference for beauty.”

    I think that motherfucking cookie was calling me ugly!!!

    So I said, “Yeah?! Well there’s no accounting for taste!” and ate it right up. No baked good sasses me and lives to insult again!

    I know it’s been discussed here before, but man, the current crop of Confuciuses are really slacking off! Probably fooling around too much with their I-Pad Thais and whatnot.

    Reply
  10. johnthebasket says

    July 9, 2010 at 5:12 am

    Hello ladies,

    Yeah, I’m with Not on the sports thing. And I’ll bet it WAS like an erection night over at ESPN. WAY too much money involved. Before my back flew south, I was a fair country table tennis player. I felt much closer to the ideal of sport during a night of ping pong than I feel watching a bunch of tatted pituitary case millionaires jogging up and down a roundball court, or a gaggle of white guys and Tiger teeing off on #18.

    As is the way of the world, Bob Dylan already said it, and said it better…
    .

    When your mother sends back all your invitations
    And your father to your sister he explains
    That you’re tired of yourself and all of your creations
    Won’t you come see me, King James?
    Won’t you come see me, King James?

    .
    Gretchen,

    I don’t think Confucius or the cookie were calling you ugly, but I don’t know what they WERE saying. I’ve given this a good 90 seconds of thought, and I can’t parse the message. It first looks easily parsable, but the closer I got the farther away it moved. The obvious chases the subtle, spiraling down the rabbit hole until the spiral collapses on itself…jtb
    .

    Now when all the clowns that you have commissioned
    Have died in battle or in vain
    And you’re sick of all this repetition
    Won’t you come see me, King James?
    Won’t you come see me, King James?

    .
    Good night ladies,

    jtb

    Reply
  11. WB in OH says

    July 9, 2010 at 8:01 am

    There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion.

    Sir Francis Bacon

    mmmm bacon.

    Hope this clears everything up.

    Reply
  12. Another Dave says

    July 9, 2010 at 9:17 am

    Oh yeah? Well this is what I think about Beauty:

    We sing about beauty and we sing about truth
    at ten thousand dollars a show

    Gotta love Dr. Hook!

    Reply
  13. johnthebasket says

    July 9, 2010 at 9:17 am

    WB’s scholorship continues to astound and flabbergast me. In this case I believe he found the reason the kitchen staffed might have stuffed that fortune into Gretchen’s cookie. Gretchen, did you eat a strange proportion of, say, pork fried rice to almond chicken? Of crab Rangoon to egg rolls? Did you ask for size 23 bamboo sandals? Sorry, that last one slipped out.

    Sir Francis Bacon was born in Bacon on Rye and carried food proportion biases with him throughout his life. As a scientist and mathematician, his startling formula, E=BC (squared) for calculating the proprotions for the perfect egg, bacon and cheese sandwich changed English breakfast habits until everyone started eating bangers and mash and washing it down with ale and rum and messing up the whole day with trips to the WC.

    But even Sir Francis wasn’t eccentric enough to talk to fortune cookies.

    Hope this helps as well.

    jtb

    Reply
  14. Another Dave says

    July 9, 2010 at 9:19 am

    Sorry, I’ve got alittle attitude today at work – why is it that even when you explain something 100 jillion times to people they still fill out the forms wrong?

    Reply
  15. WB in OH says

    July 9, 2010 at 9:29 am

    Another Dave-It’s quite simple, people are stupid.

    And for you young-uns that don’t know who Dr. Hook is;
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Ux3-a9RE1Q

    Reply
  16. Gretchen says

    July 9, 2010 at 9:34 am

    Well JTB, I did try to go shoe shopping beforehand. And believe me, my flipper feet are all about strange proportions. I cornered a sales associate and wailed, “I’m wide at the toes and narrow at the heels, can you help me out?!” And she backed up like she’d just seen a freakshow and said something along the lines of, “There are no shoes in this entire store that could possibly fit you!” So yeah, maybe the cookie was a reference to my freaky feet.

    (For the record, I eventually found a pair somewhere else that was made solely of stretch material, the footwear equivalent of fat pants. Siiiiiigh.)

    Reply
  17. Brittney says

    July 9, 2010 at 9:36 am

    @ T-storm, Jason, WB, Kevindust: You’re right about the Southern IL thing, I am about 30 minutes South from the city if that, so you’re right…and thank you, that made my day. I got home and my boyfriend says to me, “I cannot tell you how happy I am for you that the fucking bitch quit today.” And I would gladly bring 3 Floyds to a Surf party, I was also kidding about the Busch Light in cans thing, I realize my beer of choice is frowned upon pretty much everywhere, lol.

    @ Greg: Works for me lol.

    Reply
  18. Brittney says

    July 9, 2010 at 9:37 am

    @Gretchen, my friend got a fortune cookie that said, “You are going to have a very successful family reunion in the near future”. So we gave him shit about it for a little bit, helping him ‘plan’ this ‘party’. I opened my cookie a few minutes later and it said, “Please ignore previous cookie”. All that planning for nothing.

    Reply
  19. Lee Harvey Ramone says

    July 9, 2010 at 9:50 am

    These lyrics came to me in a flash and I had them all in print within about 10-15 minutes. I am particularly proud of the last verse. I wonder how this song will go over with the little skiffle group I currently play drums for (?)

    “Dr Bronner Soap Bottle”

    Not interested in Christianity, it’s got too many rules
    and Mormonism seems a little weird to me
    Hare Krishna would be fine, except I’d have to buy new clothes
    Gimme something simple to believe, in 3000 words or less
    I got my religion from a Dr Bronner soap bottle

    Want something to believe in?
    How about the Moral ABCs
    Who killed Gary Coleman?
    Brothers and sisters, it was you and me
    Gotta get your religion from a Dr Bronner soap bottle

    (middle eight)
    All one or none!
    All one!
    Exceptions externally?
    Absolutely none!

    (Guitar-fiddle solo)

    They arrested Don Bolles for carrying GHB
    Instead he became a martyr for Dr B.
    God’s eternal love; His sensuous kiss
    Or is God a woman? I’m not sure about this
    I’ll have to consult my Dr Bronner soap bottle

    The dead Ramones up in heaven can tell you its true
    After a life of playing songs about sniffin’ glue
    Doesn’t matter if you were raised as a Muslim or a Jew
    Just head for the shower and read the bottle for a clue
    Get some religion you can use from a Dr Bronner soap bottle

    Reply
  20. Aqua says

    July 9, 2010 at 9:57 am

    Bah, The Kindle is suck. Go down to Barnes and Nobel and bestow your worship upon the nook. The books are cheaper, it keeps it’s charge longer, it’s easier to use, and the 3g network is amazing. You buy the book on-line, and bam, it’s on your nook. You can also “sideload” mp3’s, free books you find on-line and a whole can of other stuff. It now has a few games for it too, and a primitive web browser, also software updates come pretty frequently delivering bunches of happiness and new features. You can also get a lot of books free, and even more for under 5 buckaroos. It IS full of awesome.

    Oh, I have also seen a few IPads in the wild, mostly people very conspicuously using them, as if to say HEY I AM USING THIS REALLY BITCHIN IPAD AINT IT AWESOME!

    ~Aqua

    P.S—Buy a Nook!

    Reply
  21. WB in OH says

    July 9, 2010 at 10:10 am

    Wow, talk about weird, I’ve never heard of Dr. Bronner soap until today. About 3 hours ago I see where Greg Koch of Stone Brewing mentions it on his twitter account and then LHR writes a song about it.

    Reply
  22. Tony_Sinn says

    July 10, 2010 at 12:40 am

    I spent 3000 dollars on a cat because it couldn’t pee right. It died a year later of unrelated causes. I paid for the dead cat for a year and a half after. Have pets. Love animals, but be practical about it. Not like me.

    Reply
  23. t-storm says

    July 10, 2010 at 7:04 pm

    First line of second ever thewvsr.com post:

    I hate to smell men.

    Reply
  24. t-storm says

    July 10, 2010 at 7:06 pm

    And 10-16-10 is a Saturday.

    A free yuengling to anyone with those measurments.

    Reply
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