It’s suddenly like fall up here in the Cuppa Two Tree Belt. I’m at the library as I type this, sitting beside a large window, and it’s gray and dreary and cold outside. Perfect! It puts me in a good mood, seriously.
There’s a “big-boned” woman a few tables in front of me, who hasn’t stopped pounding on her keyboard since I got here. It looks like she’s on Facebook, and it’s just continuous, punishing, hammer-typing. I’ve never seen a set of Snicker fingers move so fast! They can probably hear the clacking out in the parking lot…
Behind me is a college-aged dude with a newspaper on a stick, and a gallon jug of iced tea. Even though there’s a sign on the front door that says food and beverages are not allowed. Whatever. Why do people now carry around gallons of liquid? Gallons!
To my right is a long shelf of books (fiction), with another table at the end of it. A woman was popping her gum there a few minutes ago, but is now gone, thankfully. The table is empty, but I can hear someone repeatedly clearing their throat somewhere in here. It’s only a matter of time before they flop down, and start moving around their phlegm nearby. Because that’s the way it always goes.
Ms. Big Skeleton just realized I’m behind her, and keeps pulling her shirt down, so I don’t see her granny panties peaking out of the top of her pants. Too late. They’re blue, and ridin’ high. It’s amazing how elastic can still work across great distances, isn’t it?
Also, I’m listening to the new (and excellent) album by The Church through headphones. It’s perfect music for a dreary, gray, and cold day such as this one.
Just thought I’d describe my surroundings… Care to do the same? Use the comments section below. I’m interested in knowing where you are.
Remember Buck’s recent note about the naked sushi model? If not, you can read it here. Now he’s followed it up with a picture of the guy, if you can believe it. Check it out. I’m sorry, but I would’ve had to pass. Call me uncultured if you’d like, but I don’t eat ballsack-warmed fish.
I had squid once, though.
And just so you know, my high school journalism teacher was pregnant with this man when I was in 12th grade. It’s true. But I’m pretty sure he was quite a bit smaller back then.
There’s a book I’m planning to buy the moment it’s published. This one. The writer is great, and so is the subject: my all-time favorite baseball team.
Supposedly there’s a large excerpt in the latest Sports Illustrated, and a friend sent me a quote from it…
Manager Sparky Anderson to the Reds, during spring training, 1975: “We’ve got four superstars on this team, and they ain’t got no curfew, and can come and go as they please. The rest of you guys are a bunch of turds.”
And I’ll leave you now with something that started on Twitter (NOT gay) this morning: Confession Friday… My Friday confession is that I’m an unashamed fan of Hall & Oates. Especially their big 1980s mega-albums, like H20 and Voices. And I don’t mean that in an ironic, so-bad-it’s-good way, either. I mean it’s great stuff, straight-up.
Now it’s your turn. Do you have anything you’d like to get off your chest today? Now’s your chance. Use our handy comments tool below.
And I’ll see you guys on Monday.
Have a great weekend!
Shiny Rod says
I gave you my office and now for my bunker. Starting left to right. My computer desk faces an outside window. To left of the desk is dresser with a phone/radio combo. My Virginia Tech hats (3) and four bottles of scotch ranging from 12 to 30 years. Left on desk is a cordless phone, monitor and two speakers and the desk is cluttered with all sorts of stuff. On the right of the desk is a lamp and on the base of that lamp sits my guitar picks and the wedding bands from my last failed marriage (long story, not going there), a can of air to clean my keyboard (I type a lot), blank CDs and DVDs. On the floor to the left are my three computers, two Windows XP and one Unbutu. The second Windows computer is the midi controller for my Yamaha DX7IIS. To the right of that is my Line 6 30 watt practice amp, assorted guitar pedals, USB turntable, printer, and my Ibanez AS73, Martin D6, and Gibson Les Paul. In a closet behind me is my Spare practice amp, second Les Paul and a vintage Gibson L5. Now you see where all my money goes. I also a have a 29 in flat screen TV, a black light, a fan, and a wall full of various books from ceiling to mid-wall. ranging from self help to womens health (How do you think I know so much about women?), I study them. Its my sociology experiment and probably gonna end up my Doctorial Thesis. Heads will spin on that one. So that’s the tour of my space. Bah Bye!
I love @shitmydadsays!
This one’s good too:
My confession is that Twitter is gay.
scary mary says
awkward family photos .com
@Shiney Rod…I used to look forward to reading your rantings, but Va Tech? PLEASE!!!
Hello All. My first post. I read everyday and while I love the Report, the comments really are the icing on the cake.
So I’m sitting curled up on the couch in my living room, to my left is my lazyboy cat hair collector with one cat adding to the collection. Directly in front of me is a huge armoire with various textbooks crammed on either side of the tv, which is slowly dying pixel by pixel. The inside of the cabinet doors are plastered with post-it notes containing various lab values that I have been memorizing over the years. Let me know if you ever need to know the normal range for hemoglobin or calcium. Other than that the room is neat and tidy which relaxes me to no end.
My confession: I just broke up with a guy by telling him that since I just graduated and I was looking for the best job opportunities, none of which are where he lives, we just needed to go our separate ways because the timing was bad. “We both have things in our life we need to get on track before we can be in a relationship.” The real reason I broke up with him: His horrible Minnesota accent (“dat der ah chicken was ah reel good”) “, the stupid name he had for his dick that would make my jaw clench tighter than a virgin about to get her ass cherry popped, his retarded “evil” laugh every time he made some kinky remark about taking a paddle to my ass, and the 10 minute lecture about the magnificent qualities of Dads root beer. Wish I could take his skills in bed with me and morph them into the next guy though.
TMI for the first post? Oh well. That confession really opened up the flood gates so you won’t be able to shut me up now.
What a wonderful start. He was obviously an ass, going on and on about Dad’s Root Beer. Jesus Christ.
RNK enquiring minds need to know! what was Mr.Pecker reffered to?
reffered as? (just drank half a dozen creemore Spring) and another question do you drink the root Beer before the ass Paddling or after! Personally I think you were lucky to get out alive! Welcome to the WSVR;)
Shiny Rod says
WVBumblebee – ihave a family investment who plays football for VT but tore his ACL a couple weeks ago and he is going to be out for the rest of the season.
Shiny Rod says
RNK – were all ears and not much else
Jason, I guess you had to be there. The root beer dissertation was the high light of the evenings conversation….in other words….simply no spark.
The pet name was Irving, or in Minnesotaease Errrving. It wasn’t just an occasional thing either, it was ALL the time. It didn’t matter how down and dirty things were getting. Just think of any intimate instance in which cock can be used in a sentence and insert Errrving instead. It was supposed to be cute and funny but it just…wasn’t. I think he was truly surprised that I didn’t find it sexy.
I’m sitting at my desk at home, situated in mountains of the lower Pierogie / Cuppa Two Tree Belt. Beneath me is my ergonomic Tush Cush wedge, which helps to support my back, but gives me hellish round ligament pain. Before me are a bag of reduced-fat Cheez-Its and a mostly empty bottle of G2 (or maybe I’m just pessimistic). One of my cats–the fat one–has just stopped by for a midnight snack. And for reasons I can’t explain, I’m wearing a fuzzy blue robe over my work clothes, which I’ve been too tired to change out of yet.
My confession? Much like yours, but substitute Duran Duran for Hall and Oates.
well yer know der he was funny kinda guy
oh ah yea.. funny der how ya know?
well ya know der, kinda,funny der
oh yeah yeah funnyder like dat der
yep yep ya know like dat
your first missive here at the good ol’ Surf Report invoked all kind of hinky accents… I instantly thought of Fargo
so welcome der an dat an oh yeah. yeah..almost fergot….
Good Morning Surf Reporters
Big Bear In OH says
Let’s see here, I guess I’m game after returning from a Brad Paisley concert, where Jimmy Wayne finished his set, ironically enough, with “Sarah Smile”, which will be his new single…originally released by none other than Hall and Oates…
Left to right, a window looking out over an abandoned little league baseball field, a pair of huge 80’s speakers holding up an assorted collection of hats on a stick, a dresser with the top covered in 6 different pairs of jeans, a bed with three pillows, a down comforter, and a stereo hooked to the headboard with duct tape and cotter pins. Two 12 gauge shotguns, a reloading bench, and my black lab/shepard mix, shadow, sleeping on a pile of my dirty laundry next to the window…and I’m sitting on the bed. Also, two stuffed fish are hanging from my ceiling, and the floor is a hideous red shag rug.
RNK, call me
Surroundings; Sitting by the window in my roommate’s basement/bedroom, enjoying the frigid midnight air in Oregon.
Confession; I hate my roommate’s sister so much [She threw a crowbar at me for telling her to stop screaming, seriously.] that I occasionally spray cleaning chemicals in her unattended drinks.
At home, sitting at my computer desk, in my office/workroom/bunker facing a window overlooking the street… which I can barely see while seated since the monitors are in the way. Stacks of papers, books, and car parts (smaller) surround me. Theres the usual bit of electronics around to keep me entertained along with a partial collection of glass insulators lining the tops of the book cases. Theres also my stack of Beta tapes with all but two episodes of Adam-12. Yes, I’ve still got my Beta player, it holds up the vhs player which is to my right on the bookcase. Soldering equipment to my left. Measuring devices behind me. It is organized chaos and I like it.
My workbench at work is about the same. But since I actually get things done there I don’t get any grief over it. I’ve got about 300 square feet to myself there. Most of it is taken up with bulky items in for repair and in various states of deconstruction awaiting parts. A never ending cycle of materials in constant flux. My service van is clean inside and mostly neat and organized, its my prefered space becuase well, I get to drive around and check out the surroundings while getting paid.
Irving is a lame penis name. No wonder you dumped him. My penis name is Willie Nelson or simply “Little Jason” (Mr. Little Jason, if you’re nasty). But I never scream it out during sex. I usually just scream out “Eureka!” or “Did you get that? Did you get that on camera?” or maybe “Root Beer!” if it’s really good.
Shiney Rod…would that that be tailback Darren Evans? That’s going to be a big loss for them this season. Yes I am a BIG college football fan. Driving 10 hours fron New Orleans to Clemson for the season opener next week. Love my TIGERS!!!
Maki…next time put some eye drops in her drink, an old serers trick for nasty customers, gives them the runs!!!
I saw Hall & Oates live just last year*. Apparently I must be gayer than a Tweet from Tom Cruise at an overnight truckstop. Better tell the wife.
*it wasn’t my choice.
Trisha aka Mrs. Wally says
Getting my ass kicked today. Sorry it took me so long to respond. I am in property management, but just the leasing. They couldn’t pay me enough for those headaches. You are too, right?
Ok…I’ll admit to being Twitter curious.
T. Farty McAppleass says
Look, tweeters aren’t bad people. What they do in their own bedrooms and park restroom stalls is none of our business.
If you act on your curiosity you’ll be bitextual.
I guess I could never bring myself to join the Twitter team and actually tweet someone. I mean…that’s a whole lifestlye change. Don’t get me wrong. I think it is everyone’s right to Twit and Tweet whomever they choose. That’s just a different side of life I’ll never know but always wonder about. I kinda think I’d like girl Twitters though.
T. Farty McAppleass says
Being “bi” automatically doubles your chances on the dating scene.
T. Farty…are we talking about the same thing here?
I’ve discovered any twit worth reading will be posted via link here….Father Kelly and shit my dad says for example.
Jason – at least do your wife the favor of making her the envy of women everywhere by calling it Mr. Big Jason.
T. Farty McAppleass says
What? I’m drunk.
Well, I’m glad to see we’ve elevated the conversation to penis names, as opposed to the usual discussion about bowel movements, movin’ on up!
This Hall and Oats thing, is this a test?
I wouldn’t say they were gay, ’cause most gay people don’t particularly irritate me, like, say, Hall and Oats do.
But, to each their own, plus you can have my share.
State pride… no similar thing seems to exist for my province of Ontario, the flag’s lame-o post colonial gibberish, and we have at least 2 dozen colleges and universities, and nobody gives a shit about school sports any how, ’cause in Ontario, just like the rest of Canada, there’s NHL Hockey, then everything else.
You’re either a Leafs fan, or you have a reason to live.
(Make it sevin, baby)
There is a national pride thing going up here I think, but it seems different than the American version,
Different national character perhaps, not better, just different.
Maybe Toney’s right, we just have an inferiority complex, but Trudeau used the anology of sleeping next to an elephant, and perhaps that explains some of it.
Right now, my surroundings are my kitchen table in my really nice home in Niagara, and, on the BAT in the next room, the Buffalo Jills are getting their collective asses kicked by the Steelers, 17-0, mid-season form all around.
The weather: it cost me $900 to get my AC running this year, so that’s $450 a day that we’ve used it. Sweet.
Hey T. Farter…I’m not a Twitterphobe. And I just popped the cork on some cheap ($7.00) wine and I’ll be right with you in a bit.
I’ve got a 50/50 shot at the dating scene here. That translate’s into…date her your dead and date her your dead. It just depends on who kills you.
T. FartY…yeah…I know , ” YOU’RE”….ok, I opened the wine sooner than I said….crap. I’m going outside and bark at what’s left of the moon, shoot skunks and harass raccoons.
Shiny Rod says
WVBumblebee – That would be the right tailback. He looks like me when I was that age only I am much lighter (skin color). A whole lot lighter. It’s going to be interesting season at VT without him.
When people pop their gum, I want to punch them in the back of the head and then scream “NO!” at them.
Especially in class.
During a final.
Greg in Cincinnati says
You about klled me when you shared the joys of the Granny Panties flapping in the ass like Sails on an old style sailing ship.
You think umbrellas are poofttastiic, but love Hall and Oates? Just admit it. You have a fanny pack, in which you store your album by “Church.” I think I bought their first nationally released album, “Under the Milky Way,” or some such.
Reds won 5 a row LAD crushed them 11-5
Greg in Cincinnati
Shiney Rod…..I hate to hear he’s hurt, but not really upset he’s not playing. I’m ready fr next Saturday. We are missing James Davis and have a new coach for a ful season, but we do have a heisman canidate. We’ll just have to see……
Wisey in Ttown says
Liking Hall and Oates is not GAY!! But, if your listening to them while twittering your a flaming Pole smoker.
Jeff…are you watching the Little League World series right now? As a fellow baseball geek, I hope you are. What an incrdeable game. Find the replay somewhere. Makes me remember how intense I was as a kid playing ball and dreaming of the big leagues. I was a down in the dirt and fuck you if you think you’re stealing on me, catcher.
If memory serves..the shin guards, chest protector and the mask were the “Tools of Ignorance”.
and you are so right, something about shelled into all that gear gave one a “C’mon Fucker, Try Me” attitude.
Shiny Rod says
WVBumblebee – You and several other teams are happy he won’t be on the field this year. He said he was pushing himself harder this year. If he had not torn the ACL he was going to be unstoppable.
I just returned from a weekend away and finally figured out my confession. (DTO, thanks for the idea and for redeeming yourself!)
A few years ago, I broke up with a boyfriend for a number of reasons, the most trivial of which was his inability to distinguish the difference between “your” and “you’re”. He constantly used “your” when he should have been using “you’re”. I can deal with the occasional typo, but Boyfriend NEVER got it right. I recall trying to gently explain that there was a difference when Boyfriend and I were helping my nephew with a term paper, but Boyfriend was either too stupid to clue in or too arrogant to change, or maybe he was a little of both. (He was a law student.) A few days after the grammar discussion with my nephew, I received a love note in which Boyfriend misused “your” a number of times. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but if ever he should have made the effort to get it right, it was in that Valentine’s Day note to me. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back. So trivial, yet oh-so-annoying.
your = possessive adjective (my, his, her, their, our)
you’re = contraction of “you are”, as in “You’re thinking I’m a bitch, right? That’s OK. I’m comfortable with that label.”
Shiney Rod…..bu twe stil have Lightening….CJ Spiller!! God I can’t waite till Saturday. we really veered from the the topic Friday! Oh well, Jeff will get over it. If not I can come up with some stories about him growing upiand stuff we got into in high school!!
i pre-ordered the machine a few weeks ago. currently sitting at tapwerks in oklahoma city enjoying a sam adam’s octoberfest.
Speaking of Hall and Oates, Patterson Hood of the Drive By Truckers wrote this oh so many years ago but it’s stuck with me. Enjoy.
I been off this week, monitoring this list, and hearing all this GD talk
about 80’s hair bands and endless debates about the prosandcons of the likes
of Winger and Billy Squier (who I saw 4 times as a teenager, but never
Not one person has spoken up about the finest 80’s bad hair and aural
confection of all:
Hall and Oates.
Thats right, Darryl Hall and John Oates.
(I never like to speak for Cooley, but I am 100% confident he will back me
Hall and Oates grew up in Philly steeped in the streetcorner doowop
tradition (as did my hero Todd Rundgren). Rundgren produced their 2nd (or
was it 3rd) album. Robert Fripp (King Crimson)produced Darryl Hall’s very
hard to find 1st solo record.
Even devout H&O haters have to usually admit that Sara Smile is one of the
finest examples of blueeyedsoul ever cut to vinyl.
But it goes on and on from there.
She’s Gone (later covered by Tavares), Rich Girl, Maneater, Family Man, Kiss
on my List, I can’t Go For That (no can do), Private Eyes, their cover of
You’ve Lost That lovin’ Feeling, Adult Education……
one and one….
They had a killer live backing band, and could nail that shit in concert
without resorting to gimmicks and samples (try that with those
pussyassboybandstoday). T-Bone Wolk and GE Smith.
And they wrote most of their own stuff and the level of their songwriting
was A1 topnotch.
bet you can find a real cheap copy of their greatest hits (or hell, there’s
usually 4-6 hits per album and very little filler on their regular releases)
and I guaratee you’ll be converted.
Accept no immitations.
Rock Steady (Y’all),
It has nothing to do, but you should check out http://www.peopleofwalmart.com. It reminds of so much of the Wal Mart Game you’ve posted. Great stuff! Keep it up!
Oops, sorry about that. It’s actually beta.peopleofwalmart.com
The Sparky Anderson story is absolutely true. I have done the Red’s Fantasy Camp a few times and former players of the Big Red Machine have confirmed this. Sparky had his “stars” (Morgan, Rose, Bench & Perez) and the rest of the players were known as turds!
No need to feel guilt over Hall & Oates. Great R&B/Pop duo. I do profess a preference for their 1970’s output, buy it’s all good.
I guess he was Brynhildr’s boyfriend of yore.
Yeah I’ll go now.
Ian the Errolite says
seeing as how you prefer cold to warm and grey to blue, perhaps you’d like to take the ‘are you a Calvinist?’ quiz.
Here’s a link