Yesterday I was in a Sheetz not-so-convenient store, buying a tankard of swee’ tea, and their cash registers were misfiring or something. There was some sort of problem, and the amount of change due to the customer wasn’t being displayed.
And you should’ve seen the look of panic on the face of the cashier…
My purchase was $2.11, I gave her a ten dollar bill, and she had absolutely no idea where to take it from there. I could almost see a cartoon cloud above her head, showing a collapsing cake inside an oven.
I’d been in similar situations before, and made the mistake of providing the answer to the counterperson. But they don’t like that very well; they take offense. So I just stood there and let her figure it out on her own. And she eventually did.
But, of course, the next person in line was yet another pop quiz in math, as was the person behind her. The cashier was having her worst day ever.
I used to work at a grocery store, back before fancy-ass electronics, and had to do everything inside my head. Can you imagine such a thing? I’d have to count back change to the customers, without any help from a machine, and it’s something I’ve never forgotten how to do.
Instantly, without even thinking about it, I know how much money is due me. When the woman at Sheetz said $2.11, my brain flashed: $7.89. It’s a skill I picked-up at Fas-Chek, in Dunbar — along with how to use a pallet jack, and how to tie a necktie.
Yes, I learned more at that dump, than during my entire stay at West Virginia State College…
Have you ever heard of a man spending time in the woods, and coming home with a tick in his peehole? I hadn’t either, until Wednesday.
He reportedly called his father in a panic, and his Dad told him to touch the exposed part of the parasite with a lit cigarette. But he couldn’t do it, he couldn’t muster enough courage to bring fire so close to his junk.
So, the guy’s father came over to his house and extracted the tick with tweezers. His wife wanted him to go to the emergency room, but he wouldn’t do it. He said it was too embarrassing.
Heh. More embarrassing than your Dad holding your penis like a microphone, and digging a bug out of it?
Sweet sainted mother of Disco Tex!
Remember how I told you that finding a hair in my food doesn’t bother me all that much? Well, conversely… There’s something that grosses me out, to completion, that doesn’t seem to bother most people.
Yes, I’m talking about the sharing of iPod earbuds. I see people at work switching off with those things, borrowing each others’ mp3 players, etc., and it gives me a full-body shiver.
No way in hell I’m sticking somebody’s nasty-ass waxed-up grossness in my ears. No forkin’ way. Give me a long blond hair in my cheeseburger, any day of the week! You know, if I’m forced to choose…
What do you think about that? Am I right, or wrong? Shit!
I’ve been doing a lot of walking lately. It clears my head, and relaxes me. I don’t write about work here anymore, so I’m not going to tell you why I need relaxin’, but walking works wonders.
There’s a house in the new development that popped up without our knowledge, that I’ve decided will be ours someday. It might not be this year, and it might not be next, but someday it will be ours… Pass the beer nuts.
Want to see something sad? This is our former favorite watering hole, Jim Dandy’s. They recently tore the siding off, and exposed some hidden artwork underneath. It’s all very depressing.
When I first moved here, before Toney and the boys joined me, I had dinner at Jim Dandy’s most nights. They had a fish sandwich that was excellent, and Yuengling lager on tap. I sat at the bar, kinda sad and freaked-out about the radical upheaval in our lives, and missed my family.
And look at it! Jim Dandy’s is an important emotional landmark, and now it’s all dilapidated and abandoned. Man, I hate stuff like that…
Site suggestion: Nurse the Hate, by Greg Miller. Check it out, the dude is hilarious and right up our alley. Music suggestion: The Kinks, anything released between 1966 through 1971. One of the greatest, least-appreciated runs in rock history. TV suggestion: Homicide: Life on the Street. Toney and I just started watching it again, from the beginning. And it’s still fantastic.
I’m going to call it a day, my friends. I’ll leave you with a lukewarm Question: do you know anyone who was named after a famous person? My old boss in Atlanta named his first son Eric, after Eric Clapton (TS?), but that’s the only one I can come up with. What about you? Tell us about it in the comments.
Also, feel free to weigh in on any of the other stuff I wrote about today. And now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go stare at our future home for a while, then log a few hours at the Newbomb Turk memorial li-bary.
Have a great weekend. I’ll see ya on Monday.
WORD!!!
Ok, first of all, it’s about damn time. 2) The Jim Dandy pic doesnt work. 3) wouldnt holding a lit cig to your man hole cause the tick to go farther in?
Whee!
SOMEONE I know (who is also having his 40th b-day today) was named after Sean Connery, because it seems that his mom had a crush on ol’ 007. Way to go, Biff SPiffy’s mom!
About favortie places going under – I feel sad whenever I think about the bar I used to work at that is the source of so MANY great memories. Gone, but not forgotten, is Calhoun’s.
The Jim Dandy’s picture is fixed. Sorry ’bout that.
Absolutely the best Kink’s album. Year of release 1970.
http://www.amazon.com/Lola-versus-Powerman-Money-Go-Round-Part/dp/B000002KOW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1241802851&sr=1-1
Top 10. Thank you.
In junior high, I knew a kid named Frank Sinatra. Currently I have a co-worker named Steve Miller.
I miss DC Space.
I never actually met any of them because they went to a different school, but I heard stories that there was a family a couple subdivisions away from where I grew up that named their kids after members of the Rolling Stones. I think the boys were supposedly named Jagger and Wyman, and the girl was called Angie, after the song.
Ha! I just downloaded Kink Kronikles yesterday after your blathering on about it for all these years. Yes, you’ve mentioned it before. I’m 46 also, but had never listened to it. Probably something to do with “Come Dancing” and just being familiar with their very commendable early hits. I thought of them as a poor man’s Who. But after first listen, meh, it’s pretty good, but it’s not freakin’ The Beatles 1967-1970 or something. Everyone’s a critic. Perhaps further research is needed. I’ll stop being a douche and go back to being a kiss-ass.
In the Fas-Check pic, notice the two people sitting on the step where the loading lift is. I can guarantee you that it is either a) two FC employees having one of their 42 daily smoke breaks or b) Stan Gist and an accomplice trying like hell to bum $2 off an blue-haired bag.
Good After*cough**hack*noon Surf Report*wheeze*ers….
I don’t believe it’s the Swine Flu, maybe cute puppy tuberculosis or soft kitty dysentery. It’ll be cool, I’m on the mend*sniff*.
The tick in the peehole story just makes me cringe and shudder and has nothing to do with me feeling sickly.
Yes, further research is clearly needed, Drug Delivery Guy. Meh? You used a meh against Kink Kronikles?! I’m feeling a painful tingling in my left arm…
You can watch The Hollywood Knights on Yahoo now. Legally , even.
I wonder if the dad doing the tick removal used gloves, or just had his lit cigarette a’danglin’ from the lips as he excised the bad boy….
I doubt many of you would know my famous person, but I am named after my godmother, who is a former broadway/television star. She was pretty huge in the 60s-70s. Her name is Kaye Ballard. My middle name is Kaye. There ya go.
Further Evidence is great today. Thanks Jeff. I just bookmarked that one.
I was named after Jason Robards.
http://www.mysticgames.com/famouspeople/JasonRobards.htm
One of they guys I work with named his son Miles Davis… on purpose? yes, I think so…
In light of todays question and as a Foreigner perhaps you could enlighten me as to why so may of your Presidents are named after African Americans? Lincoln,Washington, Etc Etc!
Ona different note the Beatles wrote pretty tunes while Ray & Dave Davies wrote working class anthems!!!!!!!
Obla Di vs Waterloo Sunset No contest! Listen again!!!!
Thank you for Nurse the Hate too.
Greg Miller is hilarious – check out his band too, the Whiskey Daredevils. Straight forward rock n’ roll at his best.
“His best?” Wow. I meant “its best.”
I was named after Jefferson Airplane. I was going to carry on the tradition, but my mean wife wasn’t going to have a son named Starship. Bitch.
Jeff: Since I’m sure we’re missing out on a ton of good stuff regarding your current job, I suggest one of the following options:
– Revive Eatin’ Eggs with Bill Oates. Bill can tell us all the good stories we’re being deprived of. I’m sure your place of employment has no idea who Bill Oates is, so you can wail away without fear. Or
– Keep a secret web page that no one has access to, where you update regularly on your work-related shenanigans. Then, when the day comes that either they whack your ass, or your book becomes a best-seller and you tell ’em to stick it, you reveal the address of the secret web pages for all of our delight.
Just my two cents.
My nephew’s last name is Anderson. He recently named his newborn son, Ian. Ian Anderson. Kinda cool. I am sure most that frequent this board know who Ian Anderson is.
sharing earbuds is sooo grosss…
i see kids on the bus with one earbud per kid which is not only gross but retarted because you only get like… 1/2 the music.
it’s fucking called “stereo” for a reason but do these kids care?
GAH!
at work people are always trying to get me to use their cellphones. nonononono… trucker celphone germs? i’m insane, not stupid.
My sons are name after Ben Franklin and Thomas Edison. Why the trendy “Tyler” and “Dylan”? No meaning there.
On a side note, I just got back from a trade show in Vegas. A man lit one of my shoes on fire while I was wearing it. Geesh…
Jeff you actually ate in that place? I thought the only places on the planet without windows were strip joints & slaughterhouses!!
I just ate a container of yogurt with a fork. It’s what we Lennon-McCartney fans do. I should get a twitter page.
A know a guy named Brooks, after the greatest third baseman of all time, Brooks Robinson.
Our department admin is a really nice lady, but she often smells of *down there* and kinda creeps me out. One day she came into my office and told me she’d forgotten her “headset,” and wondered if I had one she could borrow. I said, “Sorry, all I have are these earphones, and they go inside your ears.” She replied, “Oh, I don’t mind that. I just want to listen to my music.” It was kind of awkward having to explain to her that it was her waxy ear canals that were the problem, not mine.
By the way, I refuse to say ear-buds. It’s clearly part of this new cultural trend to greenify everything. As if Apple harvests their earphones from fields of organically grown hemp plants or something. They can take their ear-buds and shove ’em up their asses along with their holier-than-thou attidude. I’ll just listen to my Microsoft Zune through my lead-wired ear phones, thank you very much.
And the Kinks would never have had the chance to record their “working class anthems” if the Beatles hadn’t opened the door.
earbuds gross.
Miles Davis, does anyone remember the short lived Aks Miles?
Ian Anderson? Wasn’t that the band Jethro Tull sang lead and played tambourine?
@Mr. Hanky: So true. If they just had Waterloo Sunset on it (instead of on Something Else) it would have been the only Kinks album you really need.
Rusty & Drug delivery guy: Both the Kinks & the Beatles had their 1st # 1 in 64: with love from me to you vs You really got me, play them both side by side & you decide!
Hair Vs. Ear Buds: Call me an elitist, but I’ll take a pass on both.
I had a student name Phil Collins once. I mocked him so much he lodged a formal complaint at the Dean’s Office. The Dean didn’t accept my explanation of “What do you expect, his name is Phil Collins”, so I was forced to apologize. Another year I had a kid named Mike Hammer. I asked if his parents were Mickey Spillane fans, but he was a little on the dim side and didn’t get it.
You can add the Doodle Ranch to the wateringhole graveyard. Our beloved biker bar shut it’s doors forever…under duress, I must add. Sad, really. Now the Ranch “family” is scattered to less than desirable drinking destinations. Some things should never change.
A tick in the ol’peehole huh? Amazing aim. I used to work at a gynecologist’s & family doctor’s office. The stories were unbelievable. We had everything from broken rubbers stuck in a chick’s who-who to some lady who thought she saw “eyes” looking back at her while checking out her poonany in a hand mirror. The best was some dude that “accidentally” fell on a light bulb that had taken up lodging in his ass. All in a day’s work.
I shit you not, one of my carpet installers was named Damien because his dad thought Damien [from “The Omen”] was a badass. He said the name brought him nothing but trouble with the exception being Catholic school, wherein he actively perpetuated the myth that he was suffused with demonic powers and his fearful classmates bowed to his every whim.
Side note, I briefly watched “Matrix: Reloaded” on one of the Spanish channels last night. “Senor Anderson….” Excellent. But the voice actor who dubbed Nero was faaaar too emotive to pass as Senor Reeves.
My middle name is Darren…after Darren McGavin. …The Night Stalker?…nothing?…Damn
@bikerchick: Shit! You just reminded me that one of the assistants where I work had a tick in her cooter three summers ago. She was walking around for a couple of weeks like she’d just pulled an all-night gangbang. It was pure comedy gold! I’ll have to bring it up at the next staff meeting.
I do not share ear phones, underwear or toothbrushes. Yuck. Hairy food does bother me. My friends brothers name is Creedance. As in Creedance Clearwater Revival. We just call him creed.
I know brothers named Frank & Jesse James.
We live in the sticks so the little people accumulate odd bug bites and attachments, I guess the worst would have to be when the 7 year old got a tick on his taint.
I wouldn’t even use my husbands earbuds!! Or someone’s phone at work. Did you ever look at your co-workers receivers?? YUCK
I was named after Roger Maris.
And I would never share earbuds. Worse than sharing shoes.
my cousin was named aaron after elvis aaron presley. his dad would not allow his mom to name him straight up elvis, which is a darn shame. he probably wouldn’t be the suit he is today if he was named elvis.
I had a friend named Dylan. His parents were fans of Bob… and my ex named his daughter Reese, after Kyle Reese from the Terminator series… that’s about all i can think of.
although, on a drastically unrelated note, I had to chaperone a kindergarten trip to the zoo once. They gave me three kids to drag around. My own and two boys named Michael and Jordan. Michael always ran off in this direction while Jordan always ran in that one.
I spent the entire day screaming “MICHAEL, JORDAN!” at the top of my lungs. Well, up until i realized that it caused everyone around me to turn and stare and I started calling out to Jordan first.
I need a drink.
The lower-case r just arrived at the library again. He must come here every day at the same time. He’s talking about baseball at a high volume, and leaning way forward.
I went to grade school with a guy named Dusty Springfield. When I was in boot camp, a guy in our company was named Forest Woods and another was name Fort Wayne. We always asked him if his dad’s name was Bruce. We also teased Forest about his mother being named Bambi. If any one knows about Ms. Woods, she would have been one hot mama. If I remember correctly, he did say he was from Dallas.
There was a little girl in my wife’s Girl Scout troop named after a famous person. I asked the Mom if her daughter, Kennedy, was named after our former President. “No,” she answered, “I named her after the veejay who used to be on MTV. She was my favorite!”
OK Pagan, I’ll rephrase, “but it’s not like it’s freakin’ Jethro Tull or something.”
Truthfully, I’ll listen to it again. It sounded great, but I guess I had high expectations after Jeff’s orgasms over it. So you see, it’s mostly Jeff’s fault. OK, I’m going down the wrong road again. I like the Beatles a lot, but you have a point that in the early years the Beatles cashed in on the fluff. If you want a serious comparison, what about “Meaty Beaty Big and Bouncy?” I love that album. I’m not saying the Who is better than the Kinks. This was my first listen to the Kinks larger 60’s output. I think we should take this to the “Classic Rock Block” board.
On another note, today is my birthday!
Sharing ear buds in my book is equal to sharing your underwear. Won’t happen in my camp…
Happy Birthday Drug Delivery Guy!