Yesterday I was in a Sheetz not-so-convenient store, buying a tankard of swee’ tea, and their cash registers were misfiring or something. There was some sort of problem, and the amount of change due to the customer wasn’t being displayed.
And you should’ve seen the look of panic on the face of the cashier…
My purchase was $2.11, I gave her a ten dollar bill, and she had absolutely no idea where to take it from there. I could almost see a cartoon cloud above her head, showing a collapsing cake inside an oven.
I’d been in similar situations before, and made the mistake of providing the answer to the counterperson. But they don’t like that very well; they take offense. So I just stood there and let her figure it out on her own. And she eventually did.
But, of course, the next person in line was yet another pop quiz in math, as was the person behind her. The cashier was having her worst day ever.
I used to work at a grocery store, back before fancy-ass electronics, and had to do everything inside my head. Can you imagine such a thing? I’d have to count back change to the customers, without any help from a machine, and it’s something I’ve never forgotten how to do.
Instantly, without even thinking about it, I know how much money is due me. When the woman at Sheetz said $2.11, my brain flashed: $7.89. It’s a skill I picked-up at Fas-Chek, in Dunbar — along with how to use a pallet jack, and how to tie a necktie.
Yes, I learned more at that dump, than during my entire stay at West Virginia State College…
Have you ever heard of a man spending time in the woods, and coming home with a tick in his peehole? I hadn’t either, until Wednesday.
He reportedly called his father in a panic, and his Dad told him to touch the exposed part of the parasite with a lit cigarette. But he couldn’t do it, he couldn’t muster enough courage to bring fire so close to his junk.
So, the guy’s father came over to his house and extracted the tick with tweezers. His wife wanted him to go to the emergency room, but he wouldn’t do it. He said it was too embarrassing.
Heh. More embarrassing than your Dad holding your penis like a microphone, and digging a bug out of it?
Sweet sainted mother of Disco Tex!
Remember how I told you that finding a hair in my food doesn’t bother me all that much? Well, conversely… There’s something that grosses me out, to completion, that doesn’t seem to bother most people.
Yes, I’m talking about the sharing of iPod earbuds. I see people at work switching off with those things, borrowing each others’ mp3 players, etc., and it gives me a full-body shiver.
No way in hell I’m sticking somebody’s nasty-ass waxed-up grossness in my ears. No forkin’ way. Give me a long blond hair in my cheeseburger, any day of the week! You know, if I’m forced to choose…
What do you think about that? Am I right, or wrong? Shit!
I’ve been doing a lot of walking lately. It clears my head, and relaxes me. I don’t write about work here anymore, so I’m not going to tell you why I need relaxin’, but walking works wonders.
There’s a house in the new development that popped up without our knowledge, that I’ve decided will be ours someday. It might not be this year, and it might not be next, but someday it will be ours… Pass the beer nuts.
Want to see something sad? This is our former favorite watering hole, Jim Dandy’s. They recently tore the siding off, and exposed some hidden artwork underneath. It’s all very depressing.
When I first moved here, before Toney and the boys joined me, I had dinner at Jim Dandy’s most nights. They had a fish sandwich that was excellent, and Yuengling lager on tap. I sat at the bar, kinda sad and freaked-out about the radical upheaval in our lives, and missed my family.
And look at it! Jim Dandy’s is an important emotional landmark, and now it’s all dilapidated and abandoned. Man, I hate stuff like that…
Site suggestion: Nurse the Hate, by Greg Miller. Check it out, the dude is hilarious and right up our alley. Music suggestion: The Kinks, anything released between 1966 through 1971. One of the greatest, least-appreciated runs in rock history. TV suggestion: Homicide: Life on the Street. Toney and I just started watching it again, from the beginning. And it’s still fantastic.
I’m going to call it a day, my friends. I’ll leave you with a lukewarm Question: do you know anyone who was named after a famous person? My old boss in Atlanta named his first son Eric, after Eric Clapton (TS?), but that’s the only one I can come up with. What about you? Tell us about it in the comments.
Also, feel free to weigh in on any of the other stuff I wrote about today. And now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go stare at our future home for a while, then log a few hours at the Newbomb Turk memorial li-bary.
Have a great weekend. I’ll see ya on Monday.
Guess that guy won’t wear boxers again to go hunting…
Further Evidence: On Goodfellas
To begin with, this movie is obviously a work of fiction because who would believe that someone like Robert DeNiro could be a gangster? If you’ve ever seen him in Stanley & Iris, you know that he is much more believable as a good man who just wants to read with Jane Fonda.
Exactly what I’ve always thought of him.
You should extend the Kinks quality years to include Schoolboys in Disgrace. That shit is applicable to you and me.
FYI, Evacuating from the fires for the second time here and the vital things I grabbed were WVSR shirt & hat, Guitar, Laptop and a bottle of scotch. Like I said, Vital damn it.
@ Drug Delivery Guy – If you really want to hear the Kinks and enjoy them, turn off the stereo and play then mono. They were meant to be listened to from an AM transistor radio. Even Pete Townsend is a big Kinks fan. Me and my brother use to cover Set Me Free and Tired of Waiting when we still playing.
Thanks Jason. 46, another meh. Not much to celebrate, unless Tammie was around to help me. 🙂
Hey drug delivery guy when you know as much as we do about 60’s bands, Its time to forget the birthday’s! Try & have a good one anyway!!
Ear Bud GROSS me out 100%. I watched my daughter pull one out of her ear to allow her brother to put it in one of his, and then he handed it back AND SHE STUCK IT BACK INSIDE HER OWN HEAD! I nearly tossed my cookies.
I have an iPhone and I walk around listening to it through big honking EARPHONES, like the Good Lord intended. Call comes in, I simply unplug and answer.
In high school, we had a Holly Wood-always felt sorry for her. I named my daughter after one of the flappers in The Great Gatsby, but I guess that doesn’t really count in this discussion.
Ear buds are disgusting.
My youngest son is named Sawyer for the band Sawyer Brown. We were totally unprepared to have a boy since we had to have a detailed ultrasound done by a specialist because being that I was 38 and considered over the hill I had to have extra blood work done to make sure there werent any problems with the baby. After 2 hours on the table doctor checking every part of baby he said everything looked fine and asked if I had any other questions. I said yes is it a boy or a girl. He said Oh this one defintely has indoor plumbing we were thrilled. I already had 3 boys and only 1 girl so having another girl was glorious. Her name was to be Mollie. The day I went into labor I was thrilled because I was going to have my baby girl. Well I ended up with a c section due to problems. I was strapped down to table with the curtain thingy up so I couldnt see the disgusting things they were doing to get the baby out and when the doctor delivered the baby he said Elisabeth you have a beautiful baby boy. I tried sitting up as I was screaming what the hell do you mean its a boy!!!! Nurses and such were grabbing me and holding me down!!! So later that evening I Was sitting there admiring my little surprise and I said to my husband we cant name him Mollie what the hell are we going to do. He said well your favorite band is Sawyer Brown lets go with Sawyer. ta da
As far as digusting things. Being a mother of 5 there is very little that turns my stomach. I have seen my 6 year old sneeze an snot fly out his nose and before I can wipe it off he sucks it in. Oh well as long as he doesnt do it as an adult I will be satisfied. Sharing earbuds big deal. Now if he were older and it was a condom then I would be disgusted. LOL
I was reading “Nurse the Hate” and laughing. I feel like I’m cheating on Jeff. I’m just sayin…………
I had a co-worker who named his son Eric, after Eric Dickerson of the L.A. Rams.
I am a proud survivor of a ‘tick near the pee hole’ experience.
As a young teenager in the Boy Scouts, I found myself camping out monthly.
One morning, as I stumbled further out into the woods to take a whiz, please imagine my shock & dismay to find a tick on the tip of my…ahh…weenie. Not in the pee hole itself, but literally a tick width from it.
Known options included touching the ticks ass with a hot match or yanking that rascal out. Neither option was I 100% comfortable with.
Asking someone for guidance/advise/help was not something I was looking forward.
Got out the trusty ole Boy Scout First Aid manual to see what they had to say about it.
Recommended course of action was to liberally apply toothpaste or any other available paste like material to the tick. The tick, in time, becomes uncomfortable and changes position. When the tick unhooks/unlatches (whatever) to move, simply remove it at that point.
I followed recommendation using toothpaste and 15-20 minutes later the tick moved and was successfully & easily removed without drama.
Have used the same technique a lot over the years.
When I was in the Corps I knew guys who had the last names, Christmas, Mardi Gras and Jolly. I myself was also named after Sean Connery. My dad is from Guatemala and LOVED the James Bond movies dubbed in Spanish and thought the spelling of his name was cool too.
I’m a night shift manager as well and called in today, my daughter shattered a jar last night and I caught a chunk of glass in the center of my foot, woo hoo!
There’s an old guy that lives in my hometown named Glission White. And strangely enough, he is very pale. Evidently named after snow.
A girl in my Senior Class was named Anita Leek, obviously named after needing to take a piss.
The best one is a woman named Ada who graduated with my mother. First husband’s last name was Dick. They divorced and she was engaged to a guy named Walt Cox for about 10 years, but the never married. Wonder why?
I went to grade school with a Pete Moss and a Candy Barr. Not named after famous people but still freaking hilarious! How bad do you have to hate your kid to do that?
I dated a guy in college who had a step brother named David Allan after.. wait for it. — David Allan Coe! Yeah, because nothing says “Love child” like naming your kid after a racist redneck. Don’t worry though, they called him “Skeeter” for short because, ya know, it would have been weird going through life named David Allan. Skeeter is MUCH less cumbersome…
For obvious reasons, it didn’t work out with us.
I shop at a couple of used record stores. They have listening stations with a few CD players, and I got the shivers each time I put on the headphones. They don’t go in the ears, but I can just imagine little critters jumping off them and staking out new territory on me. It’s making me itch just thinking about it.
As a public school teacher please allow me to explain why young cashiers do not possess the ability to count back change. It’s rather simple, really. THEY CAN’T COUNT FORWARD.
And they don’t give a tinker’s damn, either.
Oh. And I knew a guy named Ronald McDonald.
My son has a classmate named Anita Cuntz, pronounced Koontz by the family. Why would they do that?
i call your fear of ipod buds, and i see you with buffets, and i raise you on waterparks with band-aids floating past you on a ‘lazy’ river.
Hi friends, we had a very successful opening night at the track with the Smoking Fish racecar…I won my heat and finished second in the feature. I don’t have pics (cause I was you know…driving the car) but my S-I-L might. Had a bunch of people ask me “What’s with the smoking fish on your car?”
I worked with a guy named Muddy Watters. He happens to be a hell of a musician…go figure.
A very good friend named his son Jackson Daniel ____ , middle name after Captain Daniel Alfredson of the Ottawa Senators as the boy was conceived during the Sens 2007 Playoff run…I think we can all agree that Jack Daniel is a kick-ass name. He wanted to add Danger as another middle name but the wifey wouln’t bite. “As a matter of fact, Danger IS my middle name.”
Great, a Newbomb Turk reference. Now I have to pull out that DVD and watch it for the 87th time. Damn that Tony Danza and his smug face. Volare!!!! Ohhhhhhh!!!! BRRRRAAAPPP!!!!
>I don’t write about work here anymore, so I’m not going to tell you why I need relaxin’
Hope you rethink this. The work related posts were humorous and illuminating, and I’m sure you can bring them off without divulging too much of the inside dope.
Also, how about some pics of the future house?
My Southern Adoptive Mother was named after the song “Maria Elena”. This confused me at first, as she was well into her 50s when I met her.
My only point of reference was The Smithereens; I had no idea that it was a ‘re-make”.
My daughter is named after a quirky movie character from the late 80s/early 90s.
Being one who spends a great deal of time outdoors I’ve had to pick off plenty of ticks but never one from my pisshole. In fact, since I was out wandering around in the woods all day today I picked 6 or so off of me when I came inside. One had attached but the rest were just crawling around looking for a spot for lunch. All of the dramatics with burning them off, covering them in vaseline or other elaborate measures are just overwrought hysterics. You just grab the little fuckers with your fingers or tweezers and gently pull them off. If they leave any visible mouth parts just gently scrape them off with a fingernail or the edge of a knife. If for some reason a mouthpart is lodged beneath the skin somehow your body will make a pimple and push the offending bits out in a few days. It’s not a big deal.
While I’ve never had them attach to my pisshole I have had one attach itself to the shaft. They love to go for your scrotum. Lots of easy to access blood vessels I guess. What can be frightening to the uninitiated is that any small tear or cut to your sack will cause it to bleed rather profusely. The anti-coagulant in the tick saliva just makes it worse. Your scrote will probably look like a slippery bloody mess until the blood coagulates.
My son Wyatt is named for Wyatt Earp. A “lawman”, pimp, thug, saloon owner, gambler, and failure at just about everything that didn’t involve firearms. My son is just a toddler now, so I can’t wait to tell him all about his famous namesake.
Never come across a tick but my line of work takes me in that direction. We had to get one of those springs clips that hold weights on barbells off a guys’ junk once at the hospital. When we (firemen) got called there we went in with an axe, a grinder and those big ass cutters you see on TV when when cut open cars. This went down well with the hospital staff and they barely managed to keep their composure. The Officer went in, checked it out and came back out to do a drawing for us. Holy crap, is that thing to scale??? one of us asked…More hilarity….It was like that scene from There’s Something About Mary when Ben Stiller zips his pants up over his nutsack. More and more people kept coming into the room and you could almost here the word going out over the PA system “Dude, you just gotta see this!”
In the end the junior man got the job of holding it while another did the delicate cutting (with the right tool of course). He also had to lube it to make sure it didn’t get too hot…..More laughter….Well, at least the guy had enough sense to get some help.
Happy used uterus day.
Isn’t “Tick On My Taint” an Oak Ridge Boys song?
A good friend of mine was named after Roman Gabriel (NFL QB) and got both names. I asl worked with a girl whose parents named her Layla after the song she was conceved to…
But perhaps best of all is my wife. On our second date she mentioned that she was named after an NFL QB. I asked her if it was Daryle Lamonica and when she said yes, I knew that Monica was the one for me…
Black folks with presidents names? Who did the slave owners rape? Thus resulting in English last names. I know a Ty Cobb
I have a friend named Caitlin after Katharine Hepburn (Kate, technically). Her parents didn’t name her Katharine because they didn’t want to have to tell people they were naming her after an actress, they thought it was tacky.
So, Jeff —
Did your dad get the tick out okay then?
hellooooooooo
I knew a girl named Anita Leek from Moundsville. I believe she got a scholarsip to Yale. I heard she was murdered…..anyone know anything about this?