It’s another snow day, here in the Upper Perogie Belt. The kids, as well as Toney, are home, and the last day of school is now reportedly pushed all the way back to June 14. And it’s still only January. Before it’s over, school will be scheduled to remain in session until after the 4th of July. Is that possible? Probably not, but it sounds good.
Normally I wouldn’t care (what’s it to me?), but we have our Myrtle Beach trip penciled-in for late June. They need to quit closing the schools every time we get a dusting of snow. It’s going to screw up my dream of drinking microbrews by the sea. And dammit, a person needs his dreams.
Yes, it’s all about me. What of it?
I’m almost at the end of the line with my 60-hour work weeks. It’ll feel like I’m working part-time once I go back to my normal schedule, which will be kick-ass. But, unfortunately, my paychecks will also shrivel up like a raisin.
When I was hired for this job, I was irritated that they keep track of my time. I hadn’t punched a clock since 1990, and still don’t. But I have to log into a program on my computer, so they can see when I arrive, leave for lunch, return from lunch, and go home for the day. Everybody does this, except directors and above.
I get paid for forty hours, even if I only work thirty-eight. But if I go over forty, I get time and a half. Not bad, huh? And the resulting cash injection has helped us a great deal. I worry about going back to my normal pay, but I think we’ll be OK.
Stupid money… I don’t like to think about it. And when I’m forced to think about it, it pisses me off.
Speaking of summer trips, is there one place in the world you’d like to see before you flat-line and start moving toward the light? Or maybe more than one place? If so, please tell us about it in the comments.
I can’t really explain it, but I’m still fixated on Great Britain. Wonder if I lived there during a previous life? I don’t know, but I’ve been fascinated and fond of all things UK, since I was a kid. I want to spend as much time there, as possible.
Everywhere else is secondary, in my mind. Or farther down the list. I’d like to travel throughout the rest of Europe, and some of the former Soviet Union countries, as well. And Australia, and the Scandinavian countries… But only after I’ve thoroughly explored England, Ireland, Scotland, and Wales, thank you very much.
I’ve also never been to Hawaii or Alaska, which are intriguing.
What about you? Do you have a “before you die” place you’d like to see? Tell us about it in the comments, won’t you?
And finally, I’d like to get your ideas for people I could hire to record the audiobook version of my novel. This is just goofiness, of course; there won’t be an audio version of the book. But it’s fun to play around with the absurd possibilities.
I’m thinking Tom Waits. Or maybe Shane MacGowan. What do you think? Possibly the harelipped janitor at you job? Tell us about it.
And I’m gonna call it a day, here. The boys are slaughtering Nazis in the next room, and the interruptions are many. Before I go, though… please remember to visit Mockable every day. Metten is doing a good job with it, and I think you’ll enjoy yourself there.
I’ll see you guys again next time.
Have a great day!
End of week first!
What with that extra money from the SS decrease we’ll be seeing in our paychecks, you should hardly notice the difference.
New Zealand for me. Both North and South. For about a year.
jtb
I really want to perform the haka with the All Blacks, but I don’t think they let tourists do that…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdMCAV6Yd0Y
jtb
My wife and I have close friends in New Zealand, and we have spent 3 weeks there twice (’88 with kids and ’05 without). A year down there would be incredible–the islands are quite diverse, with tropics far North and glaciers in the South. I can’t imagine finding friendlier people anywhere, and they sure do know their beers.
I think you’re right about the Haka–they take it quite seriously, and I suspect that lighthearted participation by outsiders would be seen as quite disrespectful.
New Zealand is really a nice country. I was scheduled to overnight in Christchurch on my way to Antarctica in 1990. “Unfortunately” (lol) a big storm swept across Antarctica and I was “stuck” in Christchurch for 10 days. It was so freakin’ awesome.
I have a friend who went to NZ and she told me that she was able to take a “class” that taught them how to perform the Hakka… But not with the All-Blacks
I have recorded an audiobook. It’s long, difficult work, so don’t ask a friend. How about Nick Cave? He’s recorded a couple. Everything he reads sounds like the Old Testament. That should liven things up.
jtb
I’ve always wanted to visit Colorado. I know, it’s not such a great goal as exploring the untamed Alaskan wilderness, but I’ve been wanting to visit Colorado for the last 20 years and never got around to it.
I went to Denver for a few days last month. Their downtown is pretty sweet. I’ll probably go back in the summer.
Oh, and Wilford Brimley should record your book. But it’s probably in his contract to say “Diabeetus” every ten minutes or so…
Mt. Everest. If not the summit, at least the environs around basecamp and the Khumbu IceFall.
Wow – that would be an incredible experience! But Khumbu is one scary-ass place!
Paris. I know most are not fond of the persnickity french population but thats my first choice. I want to shop the Paris Flea Markets and bring my treasures back for my shop.
The second choice is to fly out to California to the Rose Bowl Flea Market rent a truck and shop flea markets and antique shops on my way back.
American Pickers!!
In my experience the stereotype of the rude Parisian is untrue. I found most people quite friendly and accommodating, especially those who were not directly employed in the tourist industry.
If you do go to Paris I would recommend the insertion of a Foley catheter since in the 2000 years since the city’s founding they haven’t made the installation of public restrooms a priority.
My time in Paris proved otherwise. Throughout the day while I would tinker around by myself peopole were dicks, that is until I asked them if they spoke Spanish. They would usually say “No, but I speak English.” then they would be pleasent.
Or, at night when I would go out with my Danish friend, who lives in Paris, people would be nice then.
It seemed that as long as they thought I was just some hick from the States they would go out of their way to be jack-hats, but once they found out that I was either multi-lingual or knew a guy not from the United States they would chill out and be normal.
I’ve been saving up my frequent flyer miles for years to go to Paris. I have enough now!! I need to actually make the arrangements and DO IT!!!
I finally visited Paris April, 2009. I was very disappointed. The food was over priced and not near as good as I had expected. There were pickpockets and gypsy beggars every ten feet that are a pain in the ass. In my opinion, it is very overrated, dirty, and too expensive, too crowded, and noisy.
By luck, I was invited to a sales meeting in Lyon, France in fall of 2009. It was exactly what I thought France should be, beautiful architecture, fantastic food, quiet sidewalk coffee shops, very clean, only much smaller than Paris, of course.. And no beggars, pickpockets, or gypsies. And lots of hot college girls. And all paid by my employer.
Ponza, Italy. Still have distant relations there.
Today’s Bunker Cam should be used as birthcontrol.
I sent a copy of that picture to a coworker who is expecting. 🙂
…could it be a picture of one of the transluscents?
My sister did that exact thing when she was a toddler, but she did her artwork with my other sister’s turds. Nice.
Iffen I had the resources, I would like to tour the wine region(s) of every major wine producing country, so far I can only scratch off Napa Valley. So I still need to hit the rest of California, Washington State, France, Italy, Germany,Spain, Portugal, Australia, New Zealand and Chile. That should make for a busy summer or two.
Believe it or not, Long Island, NY has an awesome wine region, too. Then, you can continue to Montaulk and be the furthest East in the US.
That would be my third trip, after visiting all the craft breweries in the States I would seek out all the small lesser known wine regions in the US.
Anybody got a spare liver?
I beg to differ, madz1962. I’m in Alaska and my state is not only the farthest north, but we are also further west than Hawaii…and the Aleutian Islands extenend well past 180 degrees longitude. Granted, Adak isn’t known as one of the great wine producing regions of the world…but the farthest north/west/east thing is a really great piece of trivia! 🙂
WB, the Fingerlakes region of New York has great wineries, all nestled around the lakes, and the wines are great, too. You can spend an afternoon and hit 6, 8, 10, or as many wineries as you can handle. They’re all just a couples miles from each other.
Three years ago over a Labor Day weekend, a bunch of us rode to the Fingerlakes region in NY. One of the nicest rides and scenery we’ve ever seen.
Centrel Missouri also has a lont of wine, St. James, MO.
South Arizona is also covered in vinyards, look up Sonoita and Elgin Arizona. They are on the wet side of the mountains south of Tucson.
And Further Evidence……….W…..T…..F……????
Madagascar. I love lemurs.
I think Sunshine should do the audio.
Penguins too…
Yeah, while on her antibiotics.
I’m thinking Scotland and Randy Jackson.
New Zealand and Australia. Great Britain would be cool as well as Spain. I’d like to see some castles.
How about Lemmy from Motorhead. It would make for some interesting listening.
Before they put pennies on my peepers:
Italy, Ireland, Australia, Alaska, Africa (notice all the vowels, Vanna?).
Then Wyoming and Ariszona.
Regis for your book – he’s almost retired now. “And them I have the MOCKABLE and I’m married to TONEY and have TWO SECRETS and love to imbibe with the GOLDEN ELIXER”
Germany and Austria. Someday I’ll go.
I hope.
EGYPT. (Yes, I’m shouting.) I want to float down the Nile on a luxury yacht, after climbing on and through the Pyramids. That’s all I’ve wanted to do since I was six. It has to be a previous life memory, Jeff, for both of us.
I would join you, kenju, on that yacht. I’d be a little scared but overwhelmed at the awesomeness of it all.
A good friend of mine did exactly that and says it’s awesome. I’m with you – Egypt is on my short list.
I think you couldn’t go wrong with John Malkovich!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R34dfX3qd8g
Gilbert Gottfried and the Mall Food Court
(sounds like the name of a band)
ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to go back to 1995 before I die. When gas was $1.39 a gallon, with no impending unexplainable reason for the price going up, and milk was $2.09, and a $3.99 lunch at any chain restaurant was the norm, and I had a promising future, and I had just begun to date my current wife, when she was 17 years old and believed in me, and I had affordable health insurance, and I still didn’t know who my real Dad was. Oh yeah, Australia would be cool too.
Fuck Tom Waits, although I love him and all, I would read it for free and still have the years of cigarette abused lungs and alcohol abused pains to make the same equivalent sounds that Tom could. You don’t even need to go through my agent.
I have now adjusted from a 70 hour work week to a 40 hour work week, through no fault or desire of my own. I have my former asshole boss on the weekend that moved to NC without telling the employees and my intolerance for co-workesr, at my overnight job, that refused to speak the English languae to me for losing those jobs. The free time has been great, but the fact that I have had to choose the “bill of the month” to fall behind on has made things a little difficult.
Can I throw in a topic from the other day that is pissing me off? Why is the ungodly beautiful Sarah Shahi buried in a USA Network show, when the big 4 could easily put her in a starring role on their networks. Sure, she’s married to that dick that starred on “Reba”, but her talents and beauty need a wider audience.
Kristin, lemurs are da bomb.
I rarely give to charity (people just aren’t worth it), but this is one I support:
http://lemur.duke.edu/
People with Hansens disease are da bomb? What’s wrong with you?
Yeah…NBC had to cancel Life when she was on it. Best cop show ever. IMO.
Vin Scully…honest. Master storyteller.
Off to finish my week and. Lurk you later.
I don’t know why, but I’d really like to go to Switzerland…maybe because of the “Cliff Hangers” game on “The Price Is Right.”
I would also like to rent (or buy) an RV and take a few weeks and drive across the Western U.S. The furthest west I’ve ever been is Indianapolis, so I think that would be awesome! Boring–I know, but that’s all I got.
Oh, and I vote for Nostrils to narrate your book–between naps, of course!
You should hire this cat to do your audio book.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqtr_RvR3sY
Get Morgan Freeman to do the voice 🙂
Instant classic.
A lot of people say this about baseball fields but I’d like to see a game in every NHL arena. I’d also like to visit all the smaller WHL markets in western Canada. Cities like Moose Jaw, Red Deer, Medicine Hat, Kelowna, Kamloops, Saskatoon, etc..
I’ll go! Bet it’s a freeze your ass off good time up on the Reservations for hockey games to. Theo Flurey in his book said Res hockey is the most brutal.
I fully support this endeavor!
It’s been a life long dream to go to Antarctica – the only continent I have not walked on yet. And I have a thing for penguins…they are simply cool, pun intended.
The wife promised me an Antarctic cruise for my 50th last year, but due to both work schedules it has yet to materialize. The boats only go out in Dec-Feb, and they are ridiculously expensive even in the cattle section.
Other places:
NZ south island (I have been to north island and it is just like England except for Waka – a pathetic version of Yellowstone’s geothermal activity – not worth it).
Kilimanjaro and Victoria Falls in Africa
Western Australia (Perth to Broome)
Belize
Chile
The pantanal of Brazil
Alaska (the only state to which I have yet to establish a physical presence)
And I’ll second WB’s desire to taste wine in every possible great growing area. I have covered Napa, Sonoma, Santa Barbara, Baja Mexico (better than it sounds), Roussillon in France, and Chianti in Italy, but there is so much more…
Too bad the movie trailer guy died – he would be a great choice for the audio book: “In a WORLD where no CD is safe…comes a fast food HERO and his golden ELIXIR…” (accompanied by great whooshing and gulping sounds of beer going down the hatch, Nazis being annihilated in the distance, and a John Williams score),
How the fuck does one get to travel so much?
Does my life suck that bad?
My job takes me on 10-12 trips per year, about half domestic and half overseas. I attach a few personal days to those trips for sightseeing, so it’s a paid vacation most of the time. The fambly joins me from time to time, on my nickel of course.
The other upside is that I am almost up to 1,000,000 miles lifetime on American Airlines – in 2-3 years I’ll have gold status for life.
And on top of of that I actually like what I do. I’ve said it here before, I think I’m really lucky in that regard: work is mostly play for me cos I’m into it.
Can I come work with you?
I would like to travel in the Ripple growing region of El Segundo
…a very hazy place, if I recall.
LHR you are one funny motherfucker!!
I want to winter over in Antarctica.
Hawaii sucks. If it weren’t for the shrimp trucks there would be no reason to ever go there, ever.
Hawaii does indeed suck – especially Oahu. I have never seen so many homeless people and hookers in one place than in downtown Honolulu. And everything costs double, even at Costco. It’s a dump.
Homeless hookers at that.
I concur on Hawaii sucking. It’s crazy expensive and doesn’t have much to offer other than being able to say that you’ve been to all 50 states. The volcanoes are pretty nifty though.
Volcanos Nat. Park just reminded me of a strip mine
199* Wintoverover crew at South Pole here! Greatest year of my life. icecycle66, if you want to do it, NOW is the time to start applying. I believe Raytheon still has the contract…but if not, just Google it.
Winterover for me started out with a few months in Colorado…going to fire training school, a week long conference in D.C., computer training at UCLA, climbing the second highest peak in Colorado at Outward Bound school, and a trip to the psycharatrist at the Naval Hospital in San Diego.
Three places to go: McMurdo, Palmer, or Pole. Pole is the best, McMurdo is the biggest, but not as cool. Pole and McMurdo get you through New Zealand., then onto a plane for McMurdo. Palmer is resupplied by ship from Puenta Arenas, Chile. If you go to Palmer, pack lots of Dramamine. It’s a rough voyage.
They hire all different kinds of workers, from equipment operators, cooks, mechanics, carpenters, meteorologists, cargo handlers. The pay is nothing great by Alaska standards, but if you stay the entire year, you can file your tax return and “maybe” get off tax free (it’s a “gray area” on taxation…I got off tax free, but some of my friends didn’t).
Waka is the name of the geothermal place, but it’s actually in the city of Rotorua in NZ.
And that last comma is supposed to be a period, as I ran out of movie trailer ideas.
Latvia and Estonia should be left well alone!
I’d like to see the pyramids before I snuff it.
James Gandolfini.
Badabing badabam!
But James Gandolfini would be all like “Sho, the Shectretsht are in Wesht Virginia…”
I suggest you go to your local coffee shop and get one of those overly dramatic poetry readers for your audio book. While surfing channels we saw some of these guys on local access. What a load of douches.
Christopher Walken or Martin Sheen
Has anyone suggested Gilbert Gotfried for the audio book? I think he’d be perfect…my #2 being Bobcat Goldthwait. Both would be spectacularly original.
As for traveling, Thailand and India top my list. That’s probably because I’ve already “had the pleasure” with Europe. Now I have to dream farther for vacation spots.
There’s no place I’m waiting to die to go to.
The finger lakes look cool (Ithaca is gorges). I’ve been to belize but would move there in a heartbeat.
Venezuela was a shithole.
I’d like to go back to Bar Harbor Maine.
Port Roberts, WA. Just to say I’ve been to an exclave. Or is it Point Roberts? Who cares.
I took a sweet fall on the sheet of ice that was OKC yesterday morning. Spilled hot whattaburger coffee all over myself and blasted my right shoulder. I’m pretty sure nothing’s broken but I’m pretty sure it’s sprained. Plus I might have a black eye.
Good times.
Sorry to hear about the fall, t-storm. You know that shoulder will take a while to get back to normal. Hope the eye is OK. We “mature” folks don’t bounce back so quickly, anymore.
Yeah. Stupid gravity. I figure the next couple of days will be fun. I might be moving at the end of the month, that’ll be even more fun.
Oh crap! That shoulder will be tons O’ fun when you have to start packing up.
Fortuneately the move is only across town and I never had too much crap in my apt in OKC. A handful of bankers boxes oughta do it. I have a couch and a chair that needs moved but I wasn’t going to do that anyway.
When I moved from STL to Cincy I had a fractured upper arm (left arm that time). I moved a couch and various other furniturings with that bitch. I could lift pretty well, just couldn’t push for a damn.
It does suck working the stick shift right now.
Yea, different muscle groups come into play. The lifters aren’t the pushers. We got 5 inches in the PKB, Marietta Mid-Ohio Valley today. With my bum knee, I blew it all off with a leaf blower (16 degrees). Yea, I’m lovin’ winter.
Yeah, I had 5 inches back in PKB in the 1980s…but if you also own a bar, it’s not a hindrance, lol!
After months of searching, I just found the Slick 6 tape I was looking for. I’ll try to get a copy put onto CD on Monday…otherwise I can send you a copy of the cassette. Man, listening to it is like firing up the flux capacitor, hitting it with 16.5 gigawatts, and going back to a great place in time!
Lots of places I’d like to see. Many have already been mentioned, but in addition I’d like to visit Argentina, Cape Town, Munich,… and I would like to ski Mauna Kea. Maybe a day-trip to Waxahatchie, Texas as well.
I think Sam Elliott should read for the audio book.
.
Venice, Italy (as opposed to Venice Beach, CA). and Prague (for the Bohemian in me)
Garrison Keillor. For some reason, I have always had his image mixed up in my head with the WVSR.
Mojo Nixon to read the audio book. That would be awesome.
I’m all for the Nick Cave suggestion.
Morocco and Egypt are my top two.
Happy Saturday, Surfers!
I can’t restrict it to one because each has its own “reason I might not get there”
1] St. Petersburg Russia, Moscow, Trans Siberian Railway
2] Egypt
3] Orkney & Shetland Islands
4] Australia & New Zealand
5]Ireland
I’ve been to UK 3 x’s each time expanding the experience with side trips. My son went to Oz & NZ for 3 weeks during high school and loved it
Jeff…
If you’re going to web-publish, or take any non-traditional route to having your book “published”, you should consider recording the book yourself.
There are a number of distribution channels for audio books, and many of them are profitable for both the web publisher and the author.
You have a really nice “radio” voice, especially in reading your own stuff. I’m sure there is a first-class home recording studio somewhere in your vicinity with the equipment, experience and skill to create a good audio product. There is an up-front investment of both money and time, but you’d recoup the financial investment quickly. Hope you at least consider this.
best as always…
jtb
Just use the hme podcast studio. But do it over christmas. I want an audio book with background secret noises, sunny, and of course Mr. Tophat.
Just a postscript…
If you decide not to record your own book, consider: Nick Cave is currently living in England. I believe a trip there to talk with him about the possibility of his recording your book could be deducted as a business expense. Consult your tax professional for details…
jtb
How’s the new website conerning the production of your projects coming along?
All this talk of travel reminds me of a story I read sometime ago about a guy who would wait for a $99 super special airfare and then fly to London or Paris or Madrid. He would have lunch at a cool place, do some site-seeing and then fly home the next day or that evening. He would do that a couple times a year. Of course, you can’t do that now, but it would be cool.
When I was in New York several years ago, I wanted to take my wife over to Paris for lunch, then fly back the same evening. She said “Why would
James Earl Jones.
“Secret’s……I am your Father”
The 4 places I always wanted to see was London, New York, Paris and Rome.
It took me 40 years to visit London, which is pretty rubbish when you consider that I live less than a hundred miles away. I was lucky enough to go to New York last December, which made London seem cheap and that takes some doing! I loved it though, and absolutely must go again. Hopefully I’m off to Paris in June for my wedding anniversary. Rome will have to wait.
I would like to go to Monaco, that just seems kind of cool. And maybe the galopagos. I want to eat one of those marine iguanas raw. Mmmmmm endangered.
Watched Dinner for Shmucks last night. Not bad. The first hour felt like a really uncomfortable Office episode. The last half was pretty good and actually kind of sweet.
I’d like to go to Chicago and enjoy some deep dish pizza and cocaine and hookers.
Thanks, Jason. You always know how to keep it real.
I’d like to go to Venice. You should let Gary Busey do your audio book. I’m sure he’d appreciate the work.
Alaska. Went to Anchorage a few years ago. Loved it. Could have transferred up there at the time. Wife hated it. She thinks 108 degrees iis just getting comfotable. So here I am. I’d love to live year-round in Chicken (they have a web site, check it out). Don’t have any foreign counties on my must see list. Never wanted to got to Hawaii. But the Alaskan interior, yep. That I could live with.
I’m trying to find that sweet spot where it is 65-70 all year. Had a guy last summer telling me I was a pussy because I thought 95 degrees and 70% humidity was hot. Asshole. And this 10 degree shit is killing me.