Yeah, I think I’m going to have to ask for a do-over on this homemade haircut… It’s starting to go slightly mushroom-shaped: narrow at the bottom, with a pronounced widening above the ears. I’ve got Hiroshima Head, and possibly Nagasaki Neck.
And I can’t have that.
My friend Duff emailed me last night, to alert me to an article about Charles Portis in the New York Times. Check it out. Portis is one of my favorite writers, and is almost as reclusive as J.D. Salinger used to be — before he died and took it up another notch.
The cool thing about the article is that the reporter went to Arkansas and actually had a couple of beers with the author. Man… I’d give my left penis (is that the correct phrase? it feels a bit off) for a chance to spend an hour in a barroom with Charles Portis. It would be like drinking with Moses or Lincoln, or something.
Portis wrote True Grit, which was turned into a John Wayne movie and has been remade by the Coen Brothers, but also wrote two of the funniest novels I’ve ever read: Norwood and The Dog of the South. Both have similar premises, and are equally hilarious.
What are the funniest books you’ve ever read? Fiction or non-fiction, it doesn’t matter. Tell us about it in the comments, won’t you?
Toney and I are going Christmas shopping this evening. It’s the only night I’m not working, so we’re going to Sam’s and a couple of other nearby places to exchange cash for merchandise. We’re in slight disagreement about a gift we’ll be buying for the younger Secret, but I’m right. I’m not always right, mind you, but I am this time.
Have you finished your shopping? I haven’t, and my obligations are minimal. Toney handles 90% of it, and I haven’t taken care of ANY of the remaining 10%. And I’ll be no closer after tonight, either… because tonight falls into the 90% category, if you follow me.
A quick reminder: Please use our Amazon links, while doing your holiday shopping. It costs you nothing extra, and I’ll earn a small percentage of whatever you spend. It’s a painless way to support the Surf Report. And I thank you.
You know what pisses me off? All the albums on my Big iPod that go into the Various Artists catch-all folder, for no good reason.
Like this XTC best-of I’m playing right now… If you look up XTC by artist, it shows nothing. But if you look for the album by name, in Various Artists, there it is. What the hell, man? Same goes for this Galaxie 500 compilation. There’s nothing under the artist name, you have to remember the album’s title every time.
Yeah, I know I can go in there and play around with the information, and fix the problem by hand. But who has time for that kind of boolshit? I don’t. It’s supposed to work automatically (and does most of the time). I shouldn’t have to hack code ‘n’ shit. And it’s not always compilations, either. The second Luna album, Bewitched, is also listed as Various Artists.
It’s raising my blood pressure, just thinking about it. Various artists my big riffled ass. It’s not various, it’s one very specific artist on each album. Grrr… I realize a survivor of Auschwitz, or whatever, might not view this as a major aggravation. But I’ve never been to Auschwitz dammit, and I want my songs to be properly organized!
Yeah, and wonder why this video clip just popped into my head?
My brother texted me this morning, and told me he found a $100 bill outside his bank. He pocketed it, as I would’ve. However, I would feel guilty about it. I would envision some little old lady withdrawing money, so she could include it inside a Christmas card to her deaf grandchild.
And I’d feel a little bad about it as I purchased a Saranac sampler at the beer store, and would try to replace those heartrending thoughts with an image of some asshole drug dealer in a wife-beater and Florida Marlins cap, waving his arms around like a douchesack and spilling money all over the streets.
What’s the biggest amount of cash you’ve ever found? I once happened upon a wad of money that initially looked like a lot, but was mostly ones. I think it was somewhere in the neighborhood of seven bucks. What about you? What’s the largest amount of money you’ve ever found?
And I need to stop right here. Toney will be home in a few minutes, so I’d better hoist my heft off this chair. I probably won’t update tomorrow, but everything’s subject to change.
I’ll see you guys next time, whenever it happens to be.
Have a great day!
Hiroshima Head, with very special guest, Nagasaki Neck.
I may have found a new name for my band. (or two!) Thanks, Jeff! You’re a pal!
I don’t read books. Just because some douchebag can string a few words together, I’m supposed to read it? Sorry, I have a TV.
Chuck in Belpre says
Captain Beefheart dead at age of 69
Captain Beefheart and his Magic Band rose to prominence during the 1960s with an experimental brand of rock music that was inspired by the blues and featured offbeat rhythms and lyrics.
Their best known album is 1969’s “TroutMask Replica,” and while it was not a commercial hit, it won critical acclaim and is still considered among the most prominent art-rock albums ever made.
Vliet was born Jan. 15, 1941, in Glendale, Calif. As a teenager, he befriended Frank Zappa, whose own brand of experimental music became popular in the 1960s and 1970s.
Captain Beefheart and the Magic Band released their first album, “Safe as Milk,” in 1967, featuring songs with titles like “Zig Zag Wanderer” and “Abba Zaba.” While band members would change over the years, the group continued to crank out music through the 1970s up to 1982’s “Ice Cream for Crow.”
I found a $100 bill once; unfortunately, with two kids, it pretty much vaporized the minute I got it home.
I can’t choose which funny book I love more, either “Fool” or “Lamb” by Christopher Moore. I never file them away on the bookshelf. I always keep them on the nightstand; they’re like my comedy security blanket.
tracy in ohio says
I will be using your amazon link later this week when I order a tablet for my daughter. She wanted an iPad but I just laughed at her. I thought I would surprise her with a tablet though. Anybody know a good brand that isn’t over $250? If I’m going to spend more than that I figure I should just get the damn iPad.
I think the most money I have found is a little over $20. My daughter found a wad of money that added up to $50 in a grocery store. She ended up spending it at the dollar store so she could get 50 toys instead of just two or three.
WB in OH says
Don’t remember who mentioned Celebration Ale but hats off to you. Most excellent!
Chuck in Belpre says
I need a full-size outline of a Les Paul or Telecaster. Just the body outline. I’ll send you a SASE if you want. Anyone?
I also found money in Walmart . i was waiting in a longish line when I spotted a folded cople of tens on the floor close to the guy in front of me. I asked him if it was his, and he said no. So I picked it up, and gave him half, for his honesty.
Here’s something funny I read about the original True Grit movie. It was John Wayne’s idea to cast the horrible helmet-headed movie-ruining Glen Cambell as the Texas ranger. Right after that movie was shot, Glen starred in his next movie – an adaptation of Charles Portis’s Norwood, along with Kim Darby and Joe Namath.