Remember when I told you I was planning to take a week’s vacation in December, to finally finish my long, drawn-out book project? Well, that week starts today.
I have a detailed outline, a laptop inside my Jack Bauer “Jack sack,” and ten days off in a row. I will finish the first draft of my book by next Saturday, even if it sends me to the asylum.
I can’t write in a yurt this time (unfortunately), but I’m planning to hole-up in a university library, where you need a student ID to get on the internet. Because the internet is usually my friend, but when it comes time to write… it’ll vampire the shit out of my dreams.
And so, the updates are going to be sporadic for a while. In fact, whatever I post next week will probably just be two or three paragraphs, with a Question of the Day at the end. I’ve gotta maintain the Eye of the Tiger. You know, assuming that’s a good thing.
And just so you’re aware… Some of the characters in my book include Sunshine, Mumbles, Nancy, Nancy’s ball-baby husband Keith, and a gang of translucent children.
I think it’s pretty funny, but I’ve got to finish it. So, I’m not going away completely, but it’s going to be slim pickin’s next week. You guys are great at taking up the slack in the comments though, so I’m not worried…
Thank you for your continued patience.
I installed a Firefox add-on that tells me when somebody is no longer my Facebook friend. And I kinda wish I hadn’t.
Every once in a while someone will indeed drop me, and it causes a little low-grade anguish. I wonder: Why? What did I do? I go back and re-read my latest posts, to see if there might be a clue. But I usually can’t figure it out. And it bothers me a little.
Yeah, I know that sounds ridiculous, but I never drop anyone. I never get so whipped-up by a person’s two sentence status that I sneer at the computer screen and holler, “Fuck that guy! He’s outta here!!”
Ya know? It seems like it would take a whole lot of emotion to reach that point. So, I always want to know what triggered it, for better or worse.
Do you ever drop any of your Facebook “friends?” What were the circumstances? Political jackassery? General dipshitism? Annoying sumbitchatonics? What? Help me out, won’t you? I need to understand.
And speaking of Facebook, thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday there, on Monday. It was crazy, man, and I appreciate it.
I worked on my “special day,” and it didn’t feel very special, if you want to know the truth. My feet and ass are still aching. But we’re going out to dinner on Saturday, and will celebrate a few days after the fact. We’ll probably go to Cracker Garden, or Red Olive, or someplace. You know how it goes…
Then maybe, just maybe, Toney and I will pay a return visit to the beer snob tavern, and sample a few of their super-obscure and oh-so-correct brews. We’ll see how it goes.
Did I mention that my ass still aches?
Before I call it a day here, can someone please explain Google Wave to me? I was sent an invitation to try it out, but couldn’t understand it during the twenty seconds I devoted to the project. What is its purpose? What’s it supposed to do for me? Is it cool, or what?
I now have a few invites myself. So, if any of you are interested, drop me a line. First come, first served.
And I’m going to be extra-obnoxious by placing a big honkin’ Amazon ad at the bottom of this update. Please don’t forget to enter their site through our links, when you’re doing your holiday shopping. It’s an easy and painless way to support the Surf Report.
We did a lot of our kids’ Christmas shopping last Saturday at Amazon, and most of the merchandise has already arrived. Including a box that came yesterday that’s almost as big as my first car. WTC? I don’t remember us buying a walk-in freezer, or whatever’s in that thing.
And last night/this morning I re-subscribed to my favorite magazine through the site. Check it out. Ten bucks for a full year of Crapper’s Companion! And it’s a weekly publication, too. Good stuff.
I’ll leave you now with a Question we ponder every year at this time. I’d like to know your all-time favorite Christmas movies. Mine include The Homecoming (the best!), the original Black Christmas, and National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. I also like Elf, if you can dig it. What about you? What’s on the must-watch list at your house?
Have a great weekend, my friends.
I’ll be back soon, with an update on my writing progress, and maybe some new information about Sunshine & Mumbles and their month at the Wet Spot Motor Lodge in Scrotum Rash, Arizona.
See you then!
I was the 100th customer, does that mean anything??
100th customer always gets a Bert puppet.
I want to be number 6 in line to marry RNK in case all of you other fools don’t work out. I know how to treat a woman right. I’d make her a chili meal and things of that nature.
I haven’t been able to keep up with my beloved WVSR for a while because of a new job. I can only get three websites at work and none of them are thewvsr, obviously. Absurd. So I’m buying a laptop to fix the situation.
I got a batmobile peddle car once as a kid and I loved that thing. It’s in my attic as we speak. Might be worth some money, who knows? Other favorites include a BB gun – didn’t shoot my eye out – and Hustler magazine from my Uncle Bob. I was all of 14 when he gave it to me.
A couple of years ago my wife got me a realistic Asian vagina. I think I told yall about it. It played a song when you started going at it……..”it’s a small world afterall, it’s a small world afterall” Loved that thing. Ruined it by dropping it in the tub. Now when I use it the song sounds like a “Speak and Spell” with low batteries. Very creepy and I always lose my erection.
I like the nightmare before Christmas. I think we need Christmas movies that feature a little bit of lesbianism. Come on America, it’s time. A little bit of Santa, a little bit of tongue and groove, I think it would work.
Sidney -good news, thx. T. Farty McA, how many proposals have you had?
Good grief!! Hey Jeff, maybe would could do a throwback to The Dating Game…Surf Reporter style. We can bring back classic phrases like “making whoopie”. Either that or I’ll just list myself on Amazon and those so inclined can use your link so that way everybody wins.
Jason – Is there a noticeable difference between realistic Asian vagina and say….realistic white vagina? Just curious.
RNK – wonder’n the same vaginia question, wtf?
I was also confused. Please explain Jason. I am soooo curious!
Asian vaginas are sideways.
The Asian vagina had a nice yellow tint to it. Otherwise it like any other run of the mill vagina out there.
Jeffindenver. I live 25 miles west of Cleveland & 4 miles south of the lake. I have been to Colorado, and there is nowhere as beautiful as it is there! Besides that, I find life to be pretty good here in Ohio. In the summer the lake is an awesome place to boat, fish and jet ski etc. The Western suburbs are really nice especially Rocky River, Avon, Bay Village. Lakewood is filled with artists and musicians and all kinds of interesting people. There are good restaraunts and lots of Concerts. Professional sports are very important to people around here.The prices of homes are beyond reasonable. Food and gasolene are very affordable. You can vacation in Michigan, and Ohio has a lot of great parks and natural beauty especially down south. There is also Cedar Point the monster of all Amusement parks.
OMG top 110!!!!!!!!!
I like Bad Santa and Elf. Not a really big Christmas fan.
I watch “Let It Ride” during Kentucky Derby season, one of my favorite holidays.
I watch Easy Rider during Mardi Gras season, one of my favorite holidays.
I watch war movies on Memorial Day weekend and drink whiskey and play Flight Of The Valkyries on my harmonica.
It’s probably appropriate to watch The Last Waltz around Thanksgiving time.
Hilarious WTB, makes it hard for an oil change.
AWG — best Christmas presents: BB gun at age 7, electric guitar at age 8. Those two things sent me down the path I’m on today. Graduated to some good rifles, pistols, and Gibson guitars later on but I still have those two gifts and will likely never get rid of them.
On the stereo: “Reconnez Cherie” — Wreckless Eric
Good answers, all. Thanks for playing.
Jason, you gotta get that laptop from Santa or something. I think I can speak for us all when I say we miss your insane banter here on a daily basis.
Finally, some good news for me- scored a 95 on my Sheriff’s Department entrance exam. Top score. Next, I’ll have to convince a psychiatrist that I am not a naturally violent person.
On IPOD right now- “Diary of Jane”- Breaking Benjamin
Aw crap! I knew it. I just goddamn knew it!…AWG…all those dope jokes I made over the years, you know …jokes?!!??. Jokes right??!!…Aw fuck!
I imagined that there would be 200+ by now.
RAT BASTARD – I’m right there with ya on the best presents except it’s Fender bases and good rifles and pistols.
We need to write THE WVSR theme song and record it via Email and home studio software.
AWG, did you decide against the move back to WV? Oh, and I concur with you about Jason. It just isn’t the same without Jason and Farty T. There are some other regulars that have been absent as well. While there has been a respectable showing in the comments section, I am wondering where so many have gone.
WTBarbie- It all depends on where this goes, probably. The assistant chef job in Charleston is still open to me, but probably will not be open forever. I would prefer to work in corrections if the opportunity presents itself and therefore, I would stay here.
On IPOD right now- “Pepper”- Butthole Surfers
This is already an “off” day. I wanna hit the reboot button and go back to bed. There’s been a series of things. The dog pissed all over my office rug and I stepped in it this morning. I mean she must’ve saved up for days. then I couldn’t find my cell phone. Then I get my son in the car to take him to school (we’re running a little late) and he tells me that I’m the most beautiful mom in the world, even without makeup.
I wonder what else have I forgotten or will step in today.
SkullyWV — I respect Fender guitars & basses too. We used to have a nice American Jazz Bass as well as an original Mustang bass (appliance yellow). Right now we have a Rickenbacker, and our current bass player has an old (80s) ESP. That last one would not be my choice, but I’m not playing it.
I don’t have any home recording shit on the computer, but could probably get it set up without too much hassle. Any recommendations for free software out there?
Thanks to White Trash Barbie, and Debra, I have all the answers I need. I’m moving forward to try to get the gig.
RAT BASTARD – I think anything that would get basic tracks out to a .wav file would do. I use an old version of Cakewalk.
I bought a Mustang bass for 100.00 15 years ago and sold it last year for 800.00, go figure. Weak pickup, baseball bat neck and all.
A Chrismas Story – I want a Leg lamp fo RamaChaunaKwanzaMas – One of those Fra-Gilly ones.
Oh and I’m adding Cracker Garden and Red Olive to my Resturant nicknames list. Along with Lobster Barrel.
Thanks J.K.
O.K. so have it your way…..
Lee Harvey, you ignorant slut
Don’t you know the difference between mayo and M.W.?
One is a sald dressing and one is not. Frankly I don’t want either of them on my salad but I will take mayo on my banana sammich.
come on out swinging. Ha-Ha-Ha-.