There’s a hole-in-the-wall Chinese place that recently opened near our house. It’s actually within walking distance of us, but I’ve never walked. I mean, seriously.
But the food is excellent (not gloopy at all), and cheap ($5.35 with tax for their lunch specials), and plentiful (I gave Andy the last two pieces of my lemon chicken a few minutes ago, ’cause I couldn’t eat it all).
And as I was sitting in there waiting for my order, I could hear all the employees talking to each other in Chinese. They’re straight off the mainland, I think.
While listening to that most baffling of languages, I started thinking about one of Phil Hendrie‘s characters, who said Chinese sounds like a dropped fork. And I know it’s horrible of me, but I’m still laughing.
A few nights ago at work a fairly-new supervisor in another department asked if I could spare one of my “people” for about fifteen minutes after lunch.
“Yeah, I’ll send Mike over to see you,” I said.
“Thanks Jerry!” he answered.
WTF?
And a woman who sits near me at my job sometimes plays an oldies radio station (at a too-high volume, I might add). It’s the normal oldies stuff: “Under the Boardwalk,” “Big Girls Don’t Cry,” “Jailhouse Rock.” But every once in a while they’ll throw in something that seems a tad… askew.
Like “Strawberry Fields” for instance. That doesn’t belong on oldies radio, ya know? That’s classic rock. There are rules in this universe…
Indeed, a few nights ago they took it even further. So far, in fact, it shook me up a little. Right alongside “Hello Mary Lou,” they played (are you ready for this?)… “Jump” by Van Halen.
And I believe it ripped a small hole in the space/time continuum.
I’m returning to the yurt on May 12 & 13. I think I can log upwards of 24 hours of uninterrupted writing/editing time on those two days, if I’m disciplined. Then I’m planning to take a week off from work sometime in June, to finish the book.
I don’t know exactly what the phrase means, but it’s nut-cutting time with my “novel.” I have to focus and get it done. I told Mr. Big, face to face, I’d have it to him in June.
Will somebody please hold me?
And since we’re on the subject… Last night after work, around 2:30 am, I cracked open a Yuengling to celebrate another week ended. My long weekend had officially begun.
Then I started eating salted peanuts in the shell. But I didn’t get a bowl of them, I was just standing in the kitchen and taking them straight out of the bag, then tossing the shells into the trashcan. And around peanut #7, I sucked one of the reddish skins down “the wrong way.”
I could feel it in there, attached to the wall of my throat, fluttering with every breath I took. And I started gagging and coughing, and almost screaming into the darkness.
I couldn’t breathe, and panic was starting to set-in. I gulped down a glass of water, but the skin would not dislodge. Tears were rolling down my face, and I was making all sorts of surprising noises.
Then everything settled down, my breathing stabilized, and I was able to continue with my beer.
And when I got up this morning there was a text message from Toney on my phone (this is how we communicate). It said, “Were you puking last night, or what? I think you woke up half the neighborhood.”
I guess she doesn’t think it’s necessary to get up and check on me, until she hears my body hit the floor? Is that the action-trigger at this point? My lifeless torso slapping the linoleum? I’ll have to text her, and find out.
Have you ever had Canadian maple cream cookies? A friendly woman at work insisted I try one, saying they’re the best things ever, and I almost yakked. It was disgusting; it tasted like a tightly compressed pancake breakfast. And while that might seem appealing in the abstract, it ain’t. Not to me, anyway.
I smiled like an idiot, lifted the partially-eaten cookie to signify my approval, then wandered off and threw the awful thing into a recycling bin.
What’s the worst cookie you’ve ever tasted? I know there aren’t too many awful cookies, but there are a few. Oh yes there are.
And I’m gonna call it a day, my friends. I’ll leave you now with a question from the Stealing Clive Bull‘s Topics desk.
In the comments section, please tell us if you’ve ever paid more than a hundred dollars for a ticket to a sporting event, concert, Broadway play, or anything of the sort. I’m talking about one-night (or day) events, not a cruise, or something like that.
If so, tell us about it. Also, was it worth it? I don’t think I’ve ever paid that much. My closest is probably the seventy-five bucks I plunked down for Steely Dan a couple years ago.
Have a great weekend, boys and girls!
I’ll see ya next time.
Hey damnit, I’m numero uno !
Yo estoy numero dos.
It’s actually perfectly okay to say Chinese sounds like a dropped fork. Chinese is a tonal language, and since a dropped fork produced tones they are similar.
Put some bacon on the cookie to stretch the maple flavor out a little.
My wife and I paid $140 to sit right behind the dugout on the first base line at a Cardinals-Cubs game for our anniversary this year. Usually the tickets go for much less, but The Cardinals spike the price of their tickets 50%-100% when the Cubs come to town. I’me sure it will be great watching my Cubs lose.
I have purchased tickets to this summer’s World Cup in South Africa. I am going to see the US play and paid well over $100 a ticket. Will report back on the experience.
I paid $200 to see the SEC Championship game in December. Alabama won, so it wasn’t wurf it.
Funny thing was, the Alabama fans were listening to Lynyrd Skynyd, that rock band from Florida, while the Florida fans were listening to Jimmy Buffet, that songwriter guy from Alabama.
I’m trying to teach myself Chinese with Rosetta Stone. I’m convinced there are sounds in that language that a native English speaker is not capable of making.
My race tickets for Bristol Motor Speedway were $137 each for the Cup race and $72 for the Nationwide Series race. I had four season tickets. The math adds up to around $1,700/year. Needless to say, 2008 was the year I finally told BMS’s cash-gouging pricks to take my tickets and wipe their asses with them. Guess what, they can’t sell that track out anymore. Apparently, I wasn’t the only ones to tell them to sit and spin.
Quite an excellent post today. A little bit of everything — neighborhood goings on (the Chinese restaurant), work (we don’t get much of that these days, I miss the days when Jeff would keep us up-to-date on the wacky characters at his old place of employment), a small update on the “novel,” a coupla comments on food (the cookie and, again, the Chinese joint), and a quite funny description of almost choking to death and the wife’s reaction (I was laughing out loud during that segment). What more could one ask for? Sure, a bit of Eninen and/or S&M, but we beggars can’t be choosers now, can we?
HEY! Anutter early bird here! Not really a sweet eater. I like salt…a pounder bag-o-Lay’s will do just fine thankyouverymuch.
Hilarious post, I might add. My boyfriend came home 2 Sunday’s ago after being out drinking for 10 hours…when he said he’d be back in an hour…..whatthefuckever….during said time I slaved in the goddamn kitchen to make him a delicious Sunday dinner…. ANYWAY…I was fucking jacked off about the whole incident, quite frankly. He preceded to barf meals he ate 3 weeks ago secondary to the booze intake for the DAY….and did I get my ass off the couch to check on him??….FUCK NO… Don’t play games with me asshat. You get what you give.
….and you guys have a swell weekend!
I’ve paid over $100 for opening day Reds tickets. $80 a pice from a scalper to see the bengals lose to st. louis in st. louis.
I figure I pay next to nothing for tickets most of the time so it’s ok.
I can’t justify it for a concert. I love me some drive by truckers but I’ll be damned if I pay 50 bucks to see them.
Top Ten? Myself and a group of mates go interstate each year to watch motor racing for 4 days – costs $1,600 each (don’t tell my wife!) We also go to the Formula 1 race in Melbourne which is about $120/day for a grandstand seat. (all aussie dollars, but that pretty close to uncle sams dollars right now).
I’ve been to several NASCAR races that I’ve paid more than a hundo for.
I used to run a service truck and would get called out to make repairs on kitchen equipment at a local chinese place…I don’t eat chinese food anymore.
Worst cookie? Hmmm, I’m sure one of the other reporters will come up with something I don’t like but for the moment it seems like an oxymoron.
Oh, and welcome aboard Tinamarie. We only lack the other Dakota and Hawaii. Maybe they don’t get the internet in Hawaii?
And thanks for the update Jerry!
those shitty girl scout cookies, I think they have the logo on them. They are plain and stupid.
Also oatmeal raisin. I like them but they look like they should be chocolate chip and that angers me.
I think animal crackers are misleading. They make kids think all animals taste the same.
Mitch Hedberg
Never gonna pay $100 to see anything – at least I don’t think so.
Worst cookie? How about those almond flavored windmill shaped things. I don’t know what they are called but YUK! Chinese fortune cookies are deficient in the taste area too.
And Jerry, I like the way your wife operates. Men are such big babies!
Go to one Patriots game per year. $117 per seat face value.
As much as I hate to admit it……..I paid $175.00 a piece for 3 tickets to see………..are you ready???
THE WIGGLES
4 years later, I still throw up in my mouth at my stupidity.
I don’t know if it’s the worst cookie ever, but I’m not overly fond of those little cookies with the red jelly globs in the center. They’re usually found on fancy cookie trays, and I pass them by every time.
As for paying more than $100 for a ticket, I’ve done that quite often actually. Mostly for Broadway shows and concerts.
I’ve somehow managed to see Paul McCartney way too many times over the last several years. And the “good” seats always go for $250 or more — that’s usually the straight-up price off of TicketBastard for floor and first level seats. To me, it’s well worth the money to be up close, because McCartney puts on the best live show I have ever seen. Plus, the price kind of evens itself out because I’ve also managed to see him for free a couple of times.
The worst cookie I ever tasted… oh dear!!
Quick background: every Friday here at work someone brings in cookies. Everyone takes a turn. We call this concept “Cookie Friday”. Oh so imaginative, I know! 🙂
One day one of my coworkers makes “surprise cookies”. I walked in, grabbed one and looked at it thinking “This looks orange and creamy, must be some sort of citrus/cream cheese concoction… awesome!”
Imagine my surprise after taking a bit… turns out the “surprise” part is that it’s not a cookie at all; it was some tofu/salmon thing. That was JUST WRONG!!!!
I think I’ve spent more than $100 for Red Wing Stanley Cup tickets. Their first win in the early ’90’s was worth it.
When Steve Yzerman pick up the cup after nearly 20 years of busting his ass for it the roof nearly came off the Joe Louis Arena. The next two wins were fun, but that first one was the big deal.
The only other tickets I’ve spent more than $100 for are the kind that get me on to airplanes.
Worst cookie: anything with anise. Black licorice is fine, but don’t put that flavor into an innocent looking cookie.
T-storm – I’m with ya on the oatmeal raisin cookies. Imposters!!!
I paid over $100 for a ticket to a fancy-pants Cirque du Soleil show in Vegas.
Of course I’ve had Canadian Maple Creme cookies. I try to bring 3 or 4 boxes back in my luggage after every trip to Canada. The best ones – I think – are the SoBe store brand. Some of the stuff they pass off as “the real thing” down here in America are just bland crap. I just bought some at Safeway – I’ll let you know how they work out…….
Oh yeah – those cookies are a great snack on the long trail, too. No doubt they were in my backpack in both of those “Smoking Fish Sightings” photos you have of me up in Canada. The Princess (who intro’d me to The Surf Report) and I are going up for our honeymoon after the wedding in August. Maybe we’ll send you a “Smoking Fish” pic or two of us, munching on maple creme cookies. 8^)
Excellent update. So Surf Report 1.0 it took me back.
I have definitely never paid more than $100 for a ticket to any event. Probably no more than $25 and that was for the Purple Rain tour.
Puuuurrrple Rain, PuUUuuurrPle Rayayayain!
Sing it with me.
I was unaware that Canadian maple cream cookies are recyclable. I wonder if there are any other cookie varieties that are also recyclable.
I learn a lot from reading the updates.
In 1989 I paid a scalper $250 for second row to see the Rolling Stones at Shea Stadium. Well worth it. Now the prices in New York START at $100. I paid $100 apiece to see Tony Bennett.
Christ, did I just put The Rolling Stones and Tony Bennett in the same paragraph?
Worst cookie? I make it a habit never to eat anything from anyone’s kitchen I don’t know. Especially if thewy have young kids or pets. I don’t want to be wrapping my yap around some cookie FIdo “helped” bake.
If it’s not yummy, it’s not really a cookie.
Madz,
People with cats. They always let the cats up on the counters and tables and those damn things stand in their own crap.
I know this because I own one. Damn cat.
The red glob of jelly cookies, I remember those from Big Bear. Blurgh.
Hey, I like those maple cookies…but I am Canadian.
Most of the bigger bands that come around here cost around the C note to see, I’ve paid over that for recent Metallica and Motley Crue concerts. I’ve also paid over $100 to attend a few recent Nascar races (Dover 2007, Louden 2008, Charlotte 2009)
With the exception of racing or perhaps the Stanley Cup play-offs, I would never pay that for a sporting event that I could just watch on TV for free while sipping on cheap beer from my own fridge. Concerts are a different story. My favorite band may only come around once every two to five years whereas my favorite hockey team plays 42 games a year in my city.
the worst cookie i ever ate was when i was in prison….
jeff, i’m reading this in a physics class and i just sprayed water out my nose onto some kid who was already hygene challenged.
science majors… LEARN TO BATHE!!!!
Spent 300 each for front row (In the freakin orchestra pit!) tickets to see Dead Can Dance at Radio City in 2005. I got away cheap, sold my 2 floor tickets for 250 each after the show sold out, so it offset a lot of the cost. The people next to us bought theirs later on and paid over a grand each for them.
Even if i had to pay for them again, it would be well worth it, to be able to touch the stage and be less than 5 feet away from the performers.
Saw the Pogues in 06 or 07 in atlantic city, got comp tix for that show (thanks dad!) but it was a sell out and most tickets were going for better than 200 each…
Talked to a guy there who had tickets for the St Patrick’s day show in NYC, he sold the pair for 2 grand each!, picked up two Atlantic city tickets for 400 and had an assload of cash to burn at the tables….
t-storm, yep, cats. I have one, too but she doesn’t jump up on anything besides the bed.
Kids always want to help bake, too. With running noses and grubby mitts.
I think I feel my lunch coming up.
my husband gets migraines and pukes most times. If I don’t hear him hit the floor, I’m not getting up. he’s a grown man. I don’t particularly want anyone ‘helping’ me when I throwing up. Back in my drinking days, it was nice to have someone hold back my hair, but if I’m with the flu, privacy please. Leave me to my misery.
I’ve never paid over $100 for tickets, but it was just last week I held in my hands two $178.50 tkts to the Penguins game. A friend had just been gifted with them and I wanted to at least hold them.
I once paid $6 to see Van Halen open for Journey. I think it was 1978. Did I pay too much?
I paid $375 each for Genesis tickets- for each show and went to three in a row–Some of the best concerts ever- Phil Collins can put on a show!
I agree with most of the nasty cookie comments already given, with the exception of oatmeal raisin. If they’re made correctly, they are delicious.
I am constantly on the lookout for recipes, as I love to bake. I saw a “45 calorie chocolate chip cookie” option on Dr. Oz the other day…
…the chef used cannellini beans as a binding agent instead of flour. I sat there in awe and disgust, as my husband laughed.
His only comment?
“DUDE. You totally need to make those…and take them to WORK.”
I think that is an excellent idea.
——————————————————-
I rarely go to concerts, and average $50/seat when I do. I would be willing to throw down a little more if Savatage regrouped and came to Raleigh, or to see Jeff Beck in concert.
We had a Japanese exchange student, and he brought us a gift of these cookies, which were made with beancurd. I popped one in my mouth as he watched, and I don’t think I can describe the taste. I casually moved it out of my mouth, and into my hands with no one noticing. I pushed it in tithe bottom of the table we were sitting at, and no one was the wiser. Shit, it was a freaking bean curd cookie.WTF was that about?
I paid $10 to see Springstein, performing in an all white suit, in St. Louis. He was one of 5 or 6 artists performing at a theater. This was before he was big. Payed $80 to see The Eagles on a farewell tour at the Charleston Civic Center. Too bad I stopped at The Fifth Quarter accross the street, and did too many double Johnny Walker Blacks before the concert. I hardly remember it.
Good Evening Surf Reporters….
Would have commented sooner, but my place of employ has been crazier than a tent full of retarded monkeys.
I can say never paid more than $100 bucks for a ticket. I’ve paid over that to go see the Steelers play an away game, but that money also included bus fare, food and copious amounts of beer.
I’ve been given tix to events that were over $100. One of my bankers used to hand 2 seats right on the glass at Penguins games. I believe those seats weer a buck twenty five each. And my current boss a few years ago handed me 4 tickets to a Steelers game. He’s a season ticket holder and has the 3rd row, 50 yard line behind the Steeler’s bench. I can’t say for certain, but I believe each seat is a couple hunert dollars.
Hey, look at the clock, it’s quitting time. I’m out of here, Later taters.
Agree with Ethan, anise will ruin a holiday. Also an oddity, Pepper cookies. Tastes like…well, black pepper.
In 2002 we paid $105 each for Seigfreid and Roy tickets when we were in Las Vegas. Even then I could tell that one tiger was getting pissed. It was only a matter of time.
my kids help me bake. someone always sneezes!!…but I can bake like nobodys business. Who knows? baking it will kill the germs. 🙂 snot is love.
Cats though…ugh. gives me shivers.
I don’t go anywhere that costs any money. well, nowhere fun anyways. *sads*
Stuart, at least you’re ABLE to see Formula 1 in your own country. When was the last time we had that in the US – Detroit GP?
Don’t think I’ve paid more than $50-ish for a ticket. In principle I might pay out the ass for a concert ticket depending on the band, but fuck a bag of sports. At the other extreme, I paid $8 to see Emerson, Lake and Palmer in 1976.
Worst cookie was the batch my buddy’s girlfriend made: vegan zero-fat oatmeal cookies. They were hard, fibrous, flavor-free discs reminiscent of particle board.
I thought it was love, but it’s snot.
Grossest cookie-Those jelly crescents or whatever that old woman usually make on or around Christmas…Just like a ball of goo in the middle of a cookie that taste like a booger?
Jeff, Yes, I have paid hundreds of dollars for lots of things.
I paid almost 200 something bucks for Phish Fest 8 in Indio Cali (which I just finished writing about on my blog if anyone is interested, just click my name!)
I also paid over 100 bucks for two Summercamp festivals in Chicalothe, IL
Over 150 bucks for Rothbury festival in Rothbury Michigan.
1 Phish concert, and 2 day Dave Matthews Band concerts at Alpine Valley Music Theater, East Troy, WI.
What can I say, I love music fests.
The WORST cookies are the tasteless, wafer sandwich ones with the waxy, over-sweet filling. Gah. First runner up are the nasty marshmellow-on-a-cookie that is all covered with chocolate. With those ingredients, how can you miss? But the marshmellow stuff is UGLY. I used to pick the chocolate off, but who wants to work that hard?
I almost swallowed my teeth when my husband calmly agreed to buy TWO tickets to the Stones for $125 each (in 1997 or so) but I gritted my teeth and went with it. Unfortunately had a few too many margaritas prior to the start and for years have been faking my recollections of the concert.
Oh, and an Umphrey’s McGee concert at the Pageant in St. Louis…
Never paid more than $100. Usually get great orchestra floor seats to all the good shows in Toronto for around $90. Almost ate a pair of tickets to Mama Mia about 5 years ago because we found out Cher was in town for a concert that same night. I saw the Jonas Brothers (had to bring my teen daughter) at House of Blues in Cleveland several years ago for $15 apiece. I did just blow $1000 for “Kingdom Bound” this Summer, but that includes 6 tickets for the concert, admission to Darien Lake amusement park, plus a hotel room for three nights.
Worst cookies by far: Nutter Butters. Fig Newtons would be pretty good, except for those disgusting, hard little seeds.
Fig Newtons. I don’t know what kind of people get off on calling these gross things cookies, barf!
I paid 160 bucks for a pair of Debbie Gibson tickets back in the 80s. A girl was involved of course. Being in my early teens I was desperately looking for any possible shortcut when it came to getting access to the naughty bits of the opposite sex. Miss Gibson did indeed open doors in that regard as did Adam Ant a couple of years previously.
I paid $120 / ticket to see the Yankees play the Red Sox in the baseball shrine better known as Fenway Park. I did it “for my kids” so they’d have a memorable experience on our vacation. From the moment we first glimpsed the park from the interstate until we left an hour after the game, we were in another dimension. Now that’s what baseball is about!
The seats were incredible – first row behind the Sox bullpen! And both kids got balls thrown to them from players in the bullpen by the 6th inning. The Sox won, and the Yankees fans sitting near us were incredible fans throughout. Who’d a thunk it?
It was a tough decision to part with the money to buy the tickets in the first place, but looking back I’d have spent two or three times more for that experience. I learned that there are some things in life you just have to do – this was one of them for us.
Good Morning Surf Reporters……….
Remember when you were young?
You shone like the sun