Some sort of stomach bug is rampaging through my workplace, causing assplosions and call-offs and spectacular liqui-shit events.
So far I haven’t been afflicted, but it’s probably only a matter of time. Everybody’s passing it to one another, and is that creepy, or what? Apparently we’re always ingesting, in one way or another, the cooties of our co-workers? Disturbing.
I’m hoping I’ll be able to hold it together. And I’m sure you know what I mean when I say “it.”
I wrote a new Mockable yesterday, and think it’s kinda funny. Maybe you’ll agree, and maybe you won’t. Or maybe you’ll just ignore the link altogether. Whatever.
And now for a quick update on Surf Report media…
I just finished watching the first season of Prison Break, via Netflix, and really enjoyed it. It’s pretty much a cartoon, a big ridiculous cartoon, but sometimes I like that sort of thing.
I’m now getting ready to start the first season of Life on Mars, the UK version. I tried to watch the US version, but abandoned ship — on account of manifest shittiness. But I hear the British original is much better.
And I’m planning to buy this book soon; it looks to be right up my alley. Have any of you read it? What did you think?
I recently received an email from — get this — the CEO of eMusic, thanking me for the positive review I wrote about their service. Pretty cool, huh? And it wasn’t a computer-generated form letter, either.
He also deposited some song credits into my account, enough to download three full-length albums. So, I grabbed Zen Arcade by Husker Du, and two albums by the Psychedelic Furs. I have a soft spot in my big, beleaguered heart for the Furs, and now have their four essential albums on the Big iPod.
eMusic is, as the kids say, the tits!
And I’m planning to download this Dan Baird album today, after I finish the update. Baird was the gap-toothed lead singer of the Georgia Satellites, and his solo records are better than any by his former band. Now he’s got Warner Hodges, from Jason and the Scorchers, on lead guitar. Can’t wait to hear it.
Back during my record weasel years I was at a convention somewhere and, just for fun and novelty, all the waiters (for about ten minutes) were various recording artists from our labels. And Dan Baird was handling the table where I was seated.
I remember him putting on a fake French accent and shouting, “What do you mean you do not like the fish? It was a thing of beauty when I brought it out here!” He’s a funny guy, and still makes great records.
Do you have any media updates for us? We need to know, dammit.
I went to a new McDonald’s a few days ago, and they have two drive-thru order boxes. Have you seen this? If nobody’s at the second one, the first one says, “Please pull forward to the next order box,” or whatever. And if someone is already there, the first one takes your order. How fancy is that?
I think they’re also using some kind of software to make the order-taker sound young, friendly, and nice. While I was ordering my two hamburgers with no pickles, and a sweet tea, it was all sunshine and roses. But when I was actually face to face with the person…. Wow! Young, friendly, and nice became weathered, cigarette-ravaged, and terrifying.
The food was the same, though: fucking good.
Do you ever use public transportation? I don’t, except when visiting New York City, and that only happens once or twice per year.
When I lived in California I had a 36 mile commute to work, and it could sometimes take 90 minutes to get there. Traffic was a nightmare, just like it had been in Atlanta.
My boss lived near me and used a commuter train called MetroLink. He was always trying to convince me to use it as well, but I didn’t like the idea of being stuck at work without my car. I liked to go to Virgin Megastore on my lunch breaks, or drive to Frontier Wok for some kick-ass Chinese, or whatever. And all that would go out the window if I started taking the train.
But during a December one year the company offered to pay 50% of the fare, and my boss was campaigning hard for me to give it a try. So I did, and hated it with every cell in my body. And mister, I’ve got a lot of cells.
It wasn’t like a subway, which runs every seven minutes or so. This ran every forty minutes, I think, so you had to be there at an exact time, or you were screwed. Way too rigid and demanding for 7 AM… And I’d have to sit beside people snorkeling down Arby’s croissanwiches, etc. Plus, as predicted, I felt like a prisoner without my car.
So, I rode that stupid train, like it’s 1889, for one month, and went sprinting back to my car. My boss, a bit of an aging hippie, didn’t approve, but a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.
What are your feelings on public transportation? Do you use it? Do you like it? It might be a little better nowadays, with iPods and Kindles, and all that stuff. I don’t know.
Also, to follow-up a conversation that started at Facebook… how do you eat candy corn? I eat it in layers: the white tip, the big orange section in the middle, then the yellow part at the bottom. Do you do it in layers, as well, or just pop the whole thing in your mouth like a grape?
And since we’re on the subject, what are the WORST Halloween candies? What went immediately to the trash when you were a kid? Necco wafers? Mary Janes? Those mysterious maple log things? What do you think? Use the comments link below.
And it’s no fair to say toothbrushes, apples, or quarters. Those aren’t candies, are they?
I’ve got more, but I’m going to quit right here. The rest of the day is going to be devoted to the t-shirts. Well, the t-shirts and beer later, but mostly the t-shirts. So, stay tuned.
I’ll see you guys next time.
Have a great weekend, my friends.
that’s what happens when you type a bad URL at 3 in the morning and you’re more than a little pie eyed…
Good AfternoonSurf Reporters
Did you get rid of the goddamn squirrels?
I officially hate cats and will hate them for eternity…I hope the whole domestic cat population dies in a horribly painful cat cancer of the AIDS plague and they’re wiped from the earth never again to comfort a lonely old lady or make a 20 something hipster feel like their life means something.
my irresponsible housemates cat ate clear through the wire on my $100 headphones then apparently “missed” the litter box, shit on the floor, and i stepped on it and tracked it to my room which has carpets. all today. AHHHHH!!!
end rant……just had to get that one out.
Pfffft. I guess things are slow tonight.
I’m back and forth between here and a neighbor’s drunk party. I mention squirrels and he said, and I quote, “I put barrels of water in the yard. I float little pieces of wood covered in peanut butter in the barrels. Unless the little motherfuckers have on life jackets they dround. Fuck em.”
Life is good.
Shiny Rod says
This just in…TCU is spanking the hell out of BYU. The Christians are getting one up on the Lions, eh Cougars…There’s some reason I should be routing for BYU but I just can’t put my finger on it. Oh well, keep spanking that ass TCU…
The Sens blew a comanding lead in the third period to lose to the Bruins in a fuckin’ shootout. Not impressed.
Shiny Rod says
Kevindust – That bites. Final on the TCU/BYU game 38 – 7, poor Cougars scurried home with their tales tucked.
Shiny Rod says
This is too wild to not share it with everyone. Has this ever happened to you?
Sonny in NH says
Kevindust…it’s good to see the Bruins actually win a shootout…sorry it was against your Sens though….I was surprised the B’s were able to score 2 goals with Thomas pulled…..much to my dismay, I don’t see a very good season from my beloved Bruins
What happened to Brandy?
Greg in Cincinnati says
DTO, I got so excited about the Train, that I missed the UNICEF boxes. Not only would we hit people up for free candy, but also for spare change. What a racket.
Moth Balls are the worst, maybe they call them Malt balls, I repressed the memory. Candy corn should be eaten in its entirety, as the colors do not taste different.
I put this on my blog, which gets 2-30 hits/day, mostly because I write the word porn now and again, and google sends me some traffic.
If you are over 30, you probably know and cherish this fine love song. The youngsters are in for a rare treat:
The video is lame, but the lyrics should have gotten a Grammy, and possibly even an Nobel Peace Prize, as they now come in Cracker Jack boxes.
Shiny Rod says
Greg in Cincinnati – This version is much more interesting, well, if you are a guy that is:
Kevindust – I think she changed her call sign.
Alice in WV says
I’m just catching up on being three updates behind… My job has blocked the surf report. I still check my bookmark everyday, hoping that someone has come to their senses.
Sorry I missed your birthday, Jason. Hope you had a good week.
AWG – If the cost of living makes it worth it then make the move. What have you got to lose? You’d be doing something you love or at least something you know very well. Be sure to tell us the name of the restaurant because I am so cashing in on a free meal since I know the chef and all.
Jason – “Erving”?….thanks for the full body shiver.
Thanks for the link, Gretchen. Looks like everything would cost consderably less there. The air quality and the schools worry me though.
Kevindust- I work for the State now, but they have figured out ways to screw me out of things like insurance and raises, since it is the State of Florida.
Thanks to everyone thoughts and suggestions.
No love for Soupy?
On IPOD right now- “Jessica”- Allman Bros.
White Trash Barbie says
Joe T. may be right. I think Jeff could be patient zero on the work illness. Jeff, while I was rooting for you to not break your streak, I was also wondering why you didn’t just call in sick to work that day.
And for those of you who haven’t tried it, Shiny Rod is on to something. Candy Corn with peanuts is really good. I was only introduced to this a few years ago. If I had tried it much sooner I wouldn’t have cared for it as it is only recently that I have started eating anything that has nuts in it.
As a child I didn’t care for most of the Halloween candy handed out. I liked the chocolate stuff, but not any of the chocolate stuff with nuts, and pixie sticks. I used to love pixie sticks.
I remember seeing circus peanuts, but my recollection is that they didn’t come wrapped, and we weren’t allowed to have any of the stuff that wasn’t wrapped. If they were wrapped, then I don’t know why I don’t remember ever trying them. Maybe because of the weird color?
All that being said, I have to agree with Brynhildr. The absolute worst candy is anything black licorice.
Public transportation? Absolutely.
AWG – Hilarious. I wish I could be so clever getting wrong numbers. And good for angrywhitegirl! Girls need to learn that it is ok to stand up for themselves.
White Trash Barbie says
Oh, and AWG, I looked at the link you posted. Is it wrong that I wasn’t disgusted by most of it?
I know, that’s what I meant by don’t look before lunch. My stomach started roaring with hunger when I looked at some of that stuff.
On IPOD right now- “The Future”- Leonard Cohen
Lee Harvey Ramone says