Have you seen ads for this clip-on bug repellent? The thing is huge and blue, you’re supposed to hang it off your belt, and I believe there’s a fan inside. It makes me laugh, but I’m intrigued.
For whatever reason I’m one gnat-attractin’ sumbitch. There can be five people sitting on our deck, and the gnats will use me (and me alone) as their personal amusement park. And I’m sorry, but my neck fat is not the Scrambler.
So, if that repellent really creates a dome of protection, like the TV ads say, sign me up. I’d be willing to forfeit what little sense of dignity I have left, for a bugless life. I really would.
Heck, I might even be able to dress it up, and make it a little less stupid-looking. Maybe I could wear it around my neck on a chain? Or have it gold-plated, or something? Any ideas?
And I know this is a long-shot, but have any of you actually tested that hilarious item? Does it really work? Does it build a dome? How loud is the fan? Do people ask about the grinding noise coming off your midsection? Help me out, if you can.
We were in a Chinese restaurant recently, and my dessert informed me that I’ll someday (there was no specific timeframe) own new clothing.
Doesn’t that seem like sort of a cop-out? I mean, they’re not exactly going out on a limb with that one, are they? Wotta rip-off. They served me a disappointment cookie.
But, at least it wasn’t the one I always fear: You will be dead by sundown. I’m convinced I’ll get that one someday, and there’s always a mild sense of anxiety whenever I crack-open one of those paranormal treats.
Pass the beer nuts.
I just met Toney for breakfast at Waffle House, and we had to sit in the skinny booth.
For whatever reason, one of the boofs in that place is a lot narrower than the others. And I try to avoid it, for obvious reasons. But the joint was slammed today, and I had to wedge my heft in there, then eat an entire meal with a table-edge creasing my gut.
Also, our waitress had droopy Billy Joel eyes, and looked to be on the verge of tears at all times. Her head was in front of her shoulders, instead of above them, and she moved her entire body when she needed to look to the side.
The food was good, though.
Yesterday I logged into Facebook for the first time since I signed up, and approved about forty friend requests. Then I spent an hour or so monkeying around with it, and checking out the pages of my friends.
It seems a lot less chaotic than MySpace. I didn’t see any rotating pot leaves, or retina-searing strobe lights, or “How about a nice cup of shut the fuck up?” And no horrible music started playing, which is always a plus.
But I’m probably setting myself up for a fall. I have a feeling I’ll devote a little time to it at first, then completely abandon the whole thing. And that will lead to more regret and self-loathing…
Facebook: One more thing to feel guilty about.(tm)
Two things I assume about people, until proven otherwise: they’re not bed-shitting drunk, and their pits have been washed within the past 72 hours. Well, a guy in line with me at Sheetz yesterday… proved otherwise.
Just thought you should know.
I’m waiting on several semi-important emails from people, and it’s making me crazy. Yet I’m roughly two months behind with email myself… Hypocrisy is fun!
Have you ever been inside a store called Harbor Freight Tools? I felt a little overdressed, because I didn’t have any partially-healed stab wounds, a horribly-stained wife-beater, or one four-inch tall tooth on the bottom.
Holy shit! And I make fun of Wal-Mart? Man, that place is like Sak’s Fifth Avenue in comparison…
Question: Have you ever had any experience with hypnosis? If so, we need to hear about it. I don’t believe I could ever truly be hypnotized, I’m a full-on skeptic. What do you know about it, from real life? Anything?
And from the Stealing Clive Bull‘s Topics desk: what foods do you still eat from a can? I don’t think we have many vegetables from a can anymore (that’s kinda WWII, isn’t it?), but I do have soup every once in a while, and think Toney uses canned tomatoes in recipes.
What about you? Is there anything that’s actually better in a can? I’m drawing a blank on that one… But canned peas are NASTY, even though I like peas in general. Of that, I’m certain.
Do you have anything on this questionable Question? Use the comments link below.
And what do you think of the idea of starting a Surf Report forum? Is there a need for such a thing? It would be a place for discussion, but wouldn’t be tied to a single day’s update. Let me know your thoughts. It’s not going to happen right away, or maybe at all. But I’d like to get your opinions on it.
And that pretty much zeroes out the notebook. Not completely, but close.
You guys have yourselves a great weekend!
I’ll see you on Monday.
I’ll used canned tomato products – and beans, etc. – for cooking, but about the only thing I’ll eat straight from the can is Pringle’s. A can is just about the perfect container for beer, but a) that’s not exactly eating, and b) very few beers I can stand are sold in cans. Just taste side-by-side: Heineken from a can is far superior to Heineken from a bottle because it smells of hops and malt, not of skunk.
So Harbor Freight sucks? Where, then, might one find a small benchtop sheet metal shear that isn’t Chinese-made garbage? Something like http://www.harborfreight.com/cpi/ctaf/displayitem.taf?Itemnumber=90757 but good quality.
And count me in on the forum. That would *rock*.
Cranberry sauce from a can. I HATE any cranberry sauce that is homemade. It’s got skins and chunks, and heavy clove smells and flavors. Give me that straight from the can tube of cranberry gel and slice me off a piece.
As for the forum, I predict it will become more of a hradache than it’s worth for you Jeff.
So Harbor Freight sucks? Where, then, might one find a small benchtop sheet metal shear that isn’t Chinese-made garbage? Something like http://www.harborfreight.com/cpi/ctaf/displayitem.taf?Itemnumber=90757 but good quality.
A Worthy place for metal working products would be Eastwood…
http://www.eastwoodco.com/
Harbor Fright. Anyone who has visited one of these can identify with the noxious smell that hits you as you enter. It’s a mix of freshly cured rubber, grease and an underlying bottom note of cheap labor. The butchers that shop here must be avoided at all costs. Their ham-fisted paws are always gnarled and decorated with a few bandages. Most probably by an accident with their last purchase from the Harbor. Who the f*#k would trust a $15 angle grinder? What body part are you willing to sacrifice for a cheap tool? I have purchased their woodworking clamps though, and they’ve proven to be quite functional. .
Spam, only eat Spam directly from the can or the singles pak. If you get Spam any other way be prepared to spackle some porcelin.
Libby’s corned beef hash in a can — food of the gods.
and i agree with Joe T – gimme canned and cold cranberry sauce, none o that homemade cranberry shit
Ahhh. It’s good to be back on the WVSR.
I love canned spam. Tried growing my own once but that didn’t work out so well.
@ CitizenX… What utility gives us more privacy and exclusivity?
Register to post, admin blocking, etc. to keep the riff-raff out. Don’t we want our own brand of exclusivity and riff-raffery? Color me snob. You know more about this than I’ll ever hope to.
I love all the people that currently post, but I’d like to have “doofus” protection. Thanks. Bill
The only canned veggies I use are Garbanzo Beans/ Chick Peas from the can to make Humus.
I like canned mushrooms on pizza, and artichokes in a can are good too. Otherwise, I rarely use any canned products. Fresh is the only way to go!
Jeff, if you decide to have a forum, make sure you have a separate thread for bacon discussions.
Happy weekend everyone!
Does “Doofus Protection” come in a can? Cuz that would be SWEET!
Harbor Freight? If you were getting tools to swap crappers do it at lowes or sears. Harbor Freight is only good for shitty tools that you will never ever use again.
Harbor Freight: I have no experience with the retail stores but I buy quite a bit of stuff from them mail order. You have to be a wise shopper. Some stuff is certifiable junk but other stuff is decent quality and obscenely cheap. Their tools use to be all total trash but I recently bought a few of their “Pittsburgh” line and they’re markedly better quality than what I remember. They’re easily as good as something from stanley. I’ve had a cheap set of 18 volt rechargeable tools from HF that I bought for under 100 bucks and they’re still going strong. You gotta be careful about it and accept a few mistakes but you can get some awesome deals from HF.
Mosquito Repellents: Try something from Thermacell. They’re the only ones I’ve seen that actually worked. They make one you can pack around with you and they also make ones you can sit out on your deck or something.
AustinGuy, I couldn’t have said it better. Harbor Freight is a great place to buy one-use tools. They have some great stuff there, as long as you don’t expect it to last too long. I once bought a set of spring compressors there (it’s a car thing), and I’m really quite surprised I survived the experience. Especially since I decided to utilize an impact gun (a car thing again) even though the warning label explicitly warned against doing so. I shudder at the memory.
Food in a can? Beer obviously, I’m not a big fan if it’s packaged in glass. Spam occasionally. Black olives of course. Beets on the very rare occasion I have a need for them. Green chilis on the not quite so rare as canned beets, but still rather rare occasions that I need them. And sometimes soup.
From my childhood, I have a soft spot for canned cranberry sauce on or around thanksgiving. And don’t even think of mashing it up, leave that can-shaped loaf of cranberries in a dish, and just slice off a slab or three. What, are you new?
I have seen one of the aforementioned “whole chicken in a can”, though it never got opened. It was passed around between friends on birthdays and such for a while. I don’t shy away from food in a can, but the chicken was a bit much.
And I have to agree with Joey, corned beef hash! Fry it up in a pan, crack a couple eggs over the top… Mmmmmmm….
@Bill in PA
The GROUP page is protected.
Jeff can allow who can see and add to it.
I was thinking it might be his best choice as well
since only members (that he approves of) can see the posts/threads.
@ CitizenX
Very cool. Thank you.
I have found the solution to the mosquito/noseeum problem. The little critters love to feast on my neck and ankles and I hate the smell and stickiness of DEET. The answer is Picaridin, the active ingredient in Cutter Advanced. The stuff is awesome. It’s odorless and you don’t feel like you have to take a shower after you come inside. Give it a try. It will change your life.
Hmm, canned stuff… Spam has to come from a can. They put funny stuff on the cans now. Any other packaging of spam would just be wrong. : )
Chili fixin’ stuff, as some kindred soul mentioned before.
Pre-sliced fruit sometimes.
That’s about it.
@MoFo – you were the first to correctly identify Spam as the canned food of preference. Congratulations and Spam on. I like mine burnt to a crisp (with sticky white rice). But makes a hell of a lot of smoke, and the pan takes some cleansing.
When I was in high school, some deranged lunatic…sorry, I mean psycho-ologist-iatrist-whatever, got permission to try hyponitic tests on some of the students. I was randomly chosen, and reported at the appointed time for my hypno-test. Thing is, I really wanted to by hypnotized, but the sh*t didn’t take. “You’re arm is getting really heavy..” No it’s not, you douche.
I dunno, maybe some others went under, but to me it felt like just some dude trying to fake me out. Disappointing….
“Droopy Billy Joel eyes”… HAHAHA!
Had a friend who tried the hypno shit to ditch the smoking habit. The only thing it ditched was the $300 she paid for the doucher to do it.
Love the canned goodies when what I want isn’t in season. Canned mushrooms on pizza are yummy…fresh dries up like a turd in the hot sun. Canned peas are just plain YUCK, but even worse yet? Canned asparagus. My absolute fresh veggie, minus the stanky pee… but canned…OMG! Pure slime.
What the ??? ….my absolute FAVORITE fresh veggie….blah blah. *sorry* too many canned beers last night
@ Gretchen
“Does “Doofus Protection” come in a can?”
Yes it does, pepper spray, aka mace.
@Bill: I think you’re confusing that with “Douche Protection”.
Canned strawberries. They’re whole and not sliced into mush…yum! Great on the oatmeal in the morning.
For a few months, Nuns tried to hypnotize me. My other experience left me unable to be around applause or beatnicks…I’masleepI’mawakeI’masleepI’mawakeI’masleepI’mawake….I have been told I’m pretty good at barking like a chicken, whatever that might sound like.
Forum…cool idea. I never reject a creative endeavor unless it envolves Emo Philips.
Clean up on aisle 75….. ‘involves and PhiLLips’….see there?…I freak just typing his name.
@ Gretchen
Do you mean “Douchebag Protection”?
Say you’re walking to your car at the mall and some
“douchebag” dude starts hassling you.
You feel threatened. You’re scared!
Hose him down with the pepper spray
(available at your local gun store) and call 911.
Or, shoot him with your Glock and call the coroner.
Just to be clear. Have a good one! 🙂
You don’t wanna go putting pepper spray on your douche. That seems short sided, dangerous even.
That would give “fire crotch” a literal meaning, though.
Also “hot lips” and “smokey cave” and “fire in the hole” and, you get the idea. But I’m sure whoever tries it can be a youtube superstar if they play their cards right.
I was a complete skeptic on hypnosis. Then a friend read a book on how to do it and hypnotized another friend. Without question she was totally under and was talking (while under) about things her conscious self had no idea about later. I trust them both so I’m no longer a skeptic. I would never, ever allow myself to be hypnotized though – hell, I’ve never even been unconscious and I think I’ll keep it that way.
A forum? Sounds like a great idea!
A forum is a super great idea. Let’s do it.
Hey, who used to link to link their name to singing horses. I think it might have been OnaWho. Where are you, OnaWho?
Joe t. – we call that “Can-berry” ’round these parts.
DTO – where the hell would one find canned strawberries? I’m 46 and have never seen the mythical beast. Do they really exist? If they do, why?
halfway through a bottle of Fernet. Hope you all have a better Sunday than I am , apparently, going to have.
Knucklehead….. Yep… they’re for real. I had a WTF moment for real when I first saw them. The brand/ lable I get is “Family Pantry”. I get mine at Family Dollar (why I was in the food aisle at Family Dollar I have no idea) and I think K-Mart sells the Family Pantry goods.
Good luck on your Sunday…-d
Ravioli in a can!
Something fun:
Headbanging while making fire.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=389DkzjHpus
Over Memorial Day weekend – at a campsite – around a fire: Some guy walked up with one of those Repellent Fans hooked to his waistband. My immediate comment was “are your farts so bad you need a fan to whisk them away”? I wouldn’t be caught dead with a bug/assgas fan clipped on my elastic.
I WOULD be caught on the forum as long as it doesn’t detract from the simply excellent Comments section.
Good Morning Surf Reporters…
Potted meat -BEST FOOD EVER!!! Mix with mayonaise and spread liberally on bread. Or mix with crushed up crackers and eat as a loaf!!!!!
Also Vienna Sausage (produced in the Appalachian vernacular VYE-eee-nuh) Once you get past the thought you’re eating a baby’s pecker they’re pretty good.
Tuna,green beans,refried beans,black olives,mushrooms (to cook with), mandarin oranges, peaches, pears, tomatoes (again to cook with), Hot-Dog Chili,Chili Beans, tomato paste, pie fillings cherry, peach, strawbey, etc… black beans,cranberries,
Not exactly a can, but….
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/wordofmouth/2009/mar/23/pot-noodle-doner-kebab-flavour
I’m with kenju . . . stick a dryer sheet under your hat to keep the gnats away. Years ago, we took a whole box of them on a large group camping trip, and by day two we’d all forgotten we brought bug spray at all. Plus, our hair was fresh-smelling and static-free, even in the complete absence of showers.