Have you seen ads for this clip-on bug repellent? The thing is huge and blue, you’re supposed to hang it off your belt, and I believe there’s a fan inside. It makes me laugh, but I’m intrigued.
For whatever reason I’m one gnat-attractin’ sumbitch. There can be five people sitting on our deck, and the gnats will use me (and me alone) as their personal amusement park. And I’m sorry, but my neck fat is not the Scrambler.
So, if that repellent really creates a dome of protection, like the TV ads say, sign me up. I’d be willing to forfeit what little sense of dignity I have left, for a bugless life. I really would.
Heck, I might even be able to dress it up, and make it a little less stupid-looking. Maybe I could wear it around my neck on a chain? Or have it gold-plated, or something? Any ideas?
And I know this is a long-shot, but have any of you actually tested that hilarious item? Does it really work? Does it build a dome? How loud is the fan? Do people ask about the grinding noise coming off your midsection? Help me out, if you can.
We were in a Chinese restaurant recently, and my dessert informed me that I’ll someday (there was no specific timeframe) own new clothing.
Doesn’t that seem like sort of a cop-out? I mean, they’re not exactly going out on a limb with that one, are they? Wotta rip-off. They served me a disappointment cookie.
But, at least it wasn’t the one I always fear: You will be dead by sundown. I’m convinced I’ll get that one someday, and there’s always a mild sense of anxiety whenever I crack-open one of those paranormal treats.
Pass the beer nuts.
I just met Toney for breakfast at Waffle House, and we had to sit in the skinny booth.
For whatever reason, one of the boofs in that place is a lot narrower than the others. And I try to avoid it, for obvious reasons. But the joint was slammed today, and I had to wedge my heft in there, then eat an entire meal with a table-edge creasing my gut.
Also, our waitress had droopy Billy Joel eyes, and looked to be on the verge of tears at all times. Her head was in front of her shoulders, instead of above them, and she moved her entire body when she needed to look to the side.
The food was good, though.
Yesterday I logged into Facebook for the first time since I signed up, and approved about forty friend requests. Then I spent an hour or so monkeying around with it, and checking out the pages of my friends.
It seems a lot less chaotic than MySpace. I didn’t see any rotating pot leaves, or retina-searing strobe lights, or “How about a nice cup of shut the fuck up?” And no horrible music started playing, which is always a plus.
But I’m probably setting myself up for a fall. I have a feeling I’ll devote a little time to it at first, then completely abandon the whole thing. And that will lead to more regret and self-loathing…
Facebook: One more thing to feel guilty about.(tm)
Two things I assume about people, until proven otherwise: they’re not bed-shitting drunk, and their pits have been washed within the past 72 hours. Well, a guy in line with me at Sheetz yesterday… proved otherwise.
Just thought you should know.
I’m waiting on several semi-important emails from people, and it’s making me crazy. Yet I’m roughly two months behind with email myself… Hypocrisy is fun!
Have you ever been inside a store called Harbor Freight Tools? I felt a little overdressed, because I didn’t have any partially-healed stab wounds, a horribly-stained wife-beater, or one four-inch tall tooth on the bottom.
Holy shit! And I make fun of Wal-Mart? Man, that place is like Sak’s Fifth Avenue in comparison…
Question: Have you ever had any experience with hypnosis? If so, we need to hear about it. I don’t believe I could ever truly be hypnotized, I’m a full-on skeptic. What do you know about it, from real life? Anything?
And from the Stealing Clive Bull‘s Topics desk: what foods do you still eat from a can? I don’t think we have many vegetables from a can anymore (that’s kinda WWII, isn’t it?), but I do have soup every once in a while, and think Toney uses canned tomatoes in recipes.
What about you? Is there anything that’s actually better in a can? I’m drawing a blank on that one… But canned peas are NASTY, even though I like peas in general. Of that, I’m certain.
Do you have anything on this questionable Question? Use the comments link below.
And what do you think of the idea of starting a Surf Report forum? Is there a need for such a thing? It would be a place for discussion, but wouldn’t be tied to a single day’s update. Let me know your thoughts. It’s not going to happen right away, or maybe at all. But I’d like to get your opinions on it.
And that pretty much zeroes out the notebook. Not completely, but close.
You guys have yourselves a great weekend!
I’ll see you on Monday.
Seventh!!
Ocho
There use to be a forum at some point in the past. At least, I think I recall something like that.
A long time ago, Ognir. Before comments.
I thought I sort of recalled such a thing. I went by your city on the way to upstate NY the other day.
I have been hypnotized on stage at a fair, a friend was also hypnotized at the same time. During the show I recall thinking that I should tell the guy that I was not hypnotized, however I continued to do all of the things he asked of me. My friend reported the same feeling. The other odd part is that I am missing large parts of that night — I was on stage for an hour yet I only remember about 45 seconds of it. Due to the fact that my friend and I both got hypnotized and there were no other friends with us that evening, we were very confused when we realized the fair was closing and all we remembered was entering a hypnotist show 5 hours earlier.
666
It’s raining here and racing tonight might be cancelled, I’m sad. I may have to console my self with an adult beverage or ten.
Why don’t you somehow incorporate it into a clock necklace for those inexplicable times you feel like bellowing out, “Yeeeeaaaah booooooooy!”.
I pop into Harbor Freight when I need a tool for a ‘one time’ use. They’ve got all kinds of cheap tools, but if I’m looking for something I’ll use a lot then I ‘buy up’. I don’t recall noticing anything out of the ordinary with the place, but I’ve only been there a couple of times.
College orientation – hypnosis assembly…good way to introduce everyone to each other. Heh.
Hypnotist had people singing, barking, and piloting spacecraft in front of hundreds of soon to be classmates.
Then it got weird. He did age regression on the 3 most hypnotized people. Had them drawing on an overhead projector so the audience could see. When it was time to stop one guy threw a tantrum. Hilarious.
Did not let him live that down for the 7.5 years I spent in college.
top 10 !! Happy Friday!
I like pasta in a can, Chef Boyardee to be pacific. I like green beans better from the can.
I studied neuro-linguistic programming for a while. It’s not really hypnosis, but you can steer people in the direction you want with subtle movements and words. It seems to work.
Went to Harbor Freight Tools here in Sarasota a few months back. They closed at 7:00. I got there at 6:50. I was greeted at the door by Hector Hernandez, who along with most of his friends, seem to have all of the retail and service industry jobs here. Hector said, “I am sorreee sir, for weee are closed.” I told Hector that he did not close for ten meenutes. Hector told me that by the time I found what I needed and got back to him, it would be after 7:00, and therefore, he could not reeeng me up. I askede Hector if I could speak to his maneeeeeger. He told me he does not know who heees maneeeger ees. I said all I wanted was a goddamn claw hammer and he could not tell me where it was (or wouldn’t). Meanwhile, three more of Hector’s friends walked in and proceeded to shop for tools to use the next day to build something or murder someone. I left in a maniacal frenzy and went back at midnight and threw a paver through the window. Never again will I enter Harbor Freight Tools.
Gretchen, speaking of “Yeeeeaaaah booooooooy”, I thouht it would be awesom if, after Bonomobama won the election, he could show up at inaugaration, wearing the huge clock around his neck, a top hat and gold teef and scream, “Yeeeeaaaah booooooooy, I’s da President now!” Would have made for a good ice-breaker.
I think those little bug things could work out for me…
I could wear them as pasties or a Bug-free-booby-bra…
I am ashamed to say that I have actual experience (though not first-hand) with the oscillating bug repellent. I bought one for the wife hoping that it would stop her complaining. The bugs don’t bother me much, probably don’t like the alcohol leaking from my pores. Anyway, its not very loud but the first time she wore it (yes, I mocked her) she got gnawed on by mosquitoes, though her report was “Not as much as usual.” Take from that what you will.
Tammie, using them as pasties are a good idea. Mind if I steal your idea? I’d feel more comfortable visiting restaurants and shopping malls with my shirt off (I’m about a D cup, I think).
Ah, the skinny boof. Hate those. If the distance between the back of the seat and the edge of the table is shorter than the distance between my elbow and my wrist, the table is guaranteed to be there just there as a boob rest when I eat. I need some room to be able to lean over when I eat messy foods because the boobies just get in the way sometimes. I don’t think I’ve ever come away from the skinny boof without spilling at lease one thing on my “shelf”.
As for veggies from a can…. I will admit to occasionally eating mushrooms and those little white potatoes from a can. Throwbacks from my childhood that I just can’t seem to let go of. Sort of a guilty pleasure since the sodium in those can kill a horse.
I swear to God, I can’t speak English.
I like Gretchen’s idea. I think I’ll go dig out my Bedazzler for a more girly look, though.
http://pub24.bravenet.com/guestbook/add.php?usernum=1984571061
…and stop right there, Mr. Kay. I’m doing fortune cookies for a future mockable…I call it!
Fuck the forum, there should be a wvsr chatroom. Just imagine being able to discuss such oddities as the winged cat for hours. On second thought, the forum is great.
Funniest thing I’ve read today –
“I felt a little overdressed, because I didn’t have any partially-healed stab wounds, a horribly-stained wife-beater, or one four-inch tall tooth on the bottom.”
I hardly eat anything from a can – maybe canned tomatoes for cooking and canned salmon.
I remember being a kid and my mom used to buy whole canned chickens packed in some form of jelly. When she poured it out it would maintain the shape of the can and just jiggle around. Also canned lunch meet called ‘klik’ (Spam was for rich people and Christmas). Glad those days are past. I can drink beer from a can with no complaints.
tomatoes and kidney-type beans only. everything else fresh or frozen, or it’s mushy and gross.
I have been hypnotized twice. Most fun I have ever had, hands down. I remember every second of it, and I never felt like I was out of control. It is like the power of suggestion is taken to the absolute maximum. The more the audience applauds or cheers the more I wanted to be outrageous to make them laugh. Nothing but good times, even when the hypnotist had me take my shirt off and dry hump a broom on the floor. It was all for laughs, right? Ahem.
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters……..
anytime I hear the word hypnotize I think of David Letterman’s old spiel “Hep Me!! Hep Me!! I been Hip-No-Tized!!”
Food out of a can: Black olives!!! Love those things!
Corn is better from the can than frozen. But peas are better frozen than from the can. Mushrooms are better from the can than fresh when it comes to pizzas, ’cause fresh mushrooms get dried out in the oven, while canned mushrooms retain their moisture.
Hey, wonder if they could make one of those clip-on bug fans with an mp3 player built into it? Or I could just wear the thing, super-glue a pair of earbuds to it, and pretend it’s an iPod?
I like the earbuds/bug fan idea Jeff. I attract mosquitos and all other manner of irritating bug and need a new way to avoid them – besides hiding in my house all summer.
Canned beans are good, and corn, tomatoes for recipes. Canned peas should be used instead of waterboarding. Those things are NASTY.
Up north we call our gas stations boring stuff like Shell , Sunoco & Esso I thought yesterdays topic was sheetz ay caramba! Baked beans still taste great from the can but what do I know I used to enjoy MRE’s! cover yourself with deet & be done with it!
I once read that the people who are most skeptical of hipno are the easiest. I saw a demo in college and the douch bag couldn’t get anyone under a trance.
I have the same problem as mountie9wv, the bugs don’t eat me because my blood alcohol level is too high most of the time, but my wife gets eaten alive within seconds of entering the great outdoors. And she loves to garden, so I am always hearing complaints…
Love SpaghettiO’s from the can, the ones with little chopped up wieners in them. Ah, college food. I had a friend in grad school who philosophized that mac n cheese was the greatest foodstuff of all, because of its a) short preparation time, b) great taste, and c) lack of any need to expend effort chewing when consuming it.
I went to see a professional hypnotist in a theatre and got to go on stage as part of the “sample” group he would pick from. I wasn’t picked to be hypnotized but my girl’s friend was. This friend did a bunch of funny dances and undressed to his boxers, but afterwards my girl told me she’d seen her friend talking to the hypno guy outside the theatre before the show. So I think it was a setup and this friend got paid to do his tricks.
Forcing children to eat canned peas should be considered child abuse. (Yeah, I’m talkin’ to you, mom! I don’t care if it was the 70s and everyone was doing it.)
They had a hypnotist at our after graduation party, one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. There was one hypnotized stuck up girl he asked her what the worst smell she had ever smelled was and she said, ” Hot pee.” So he made her imagine that she liked to wear it as cologne & she spent the next 20 minutes going around the room offering to let people smell her Hot pee, I will cherish the ridicule it cause that ho-bag for the rest of my life. “Smiles with satisfaction”
I actually like canned peas. I use more canned veggies than I should, but I grew up with them and I like them better than frozen. Around here, it’s either canned or fresh.
Try Bounce dryer sheets for bugs. Tuck one in your belt or your pocket.
My husband loves Harbor Freight and he doesn’t have any of those afflictions. Everybody else does, though. I went to a hypnotist one time. Big waste of time and money. I guess you REALLY have to believe. Food in cans? Green beans, tomato sauce, peaches, soup, spaghetti sauce. I turned the TV on this morning and there was a woman on there praying for me. I hope she really did have a direct connection I need the help!
Dirigible:
Have you read the safety precautions associated with the bug device? See below….
Caution-Hazards to humans and domestic animals:
– Harmful if swallowed, inhaled or absorbed through the skin.
– Avoid contact with skin, eyes or clothing.
– Avoid breathing vapor.
– Wash thoroughly with soap and water after handling and before eating, drinking, chewing gum or using tobacco.
– Remove and wash contaminated clothing before reuse.
– Store away from food, beverages and pet food.
– Do not use indoors or in enclosed spaces.
– Do not touch device with metal instruments or wet hands.
– Do not allow materials of any kind to cover the unit while it is in use.
– Do not taunt device
It sounds abit like you’ll be lucky to get out alive if you decide to use this thing.
Zeppelin
I’m with Kristen on the canned goods:
Tomatoes and kidney beans (and the like) only. I will admit to black olives occasionally. My husband likes canned chili when I don’t have any homemade in the freezer. Canned peas should be illegal.
Never been hypnotized. Think it’s a load of BS.
Happy Friday, Surfers!
i remember a forum… but it died. i think this current crop of readers will keep it lively though…
@LHR I just spent the last half hour reading the precautions on that gadget. They should rename it “The Personal Toxic Fume Generator”. Don’t drop it in the potato salad at the next fambly picnic. If you need toxic fumes to keep bugs away, why not pick up a fine Dominican hand rolled cigar and puff on that for awhile. Those fumes taste good, go well with Hop Devil, and can’t be any worse than that little
“Three Mile Island” on your belt.
This buncha nuts need a forum. There’s some super tech savvy members of this board that could help keep it going (spam patrol).
Canned tomato sauce/tomatoes, baked beans, chicken/beef stock. That’s it, that’s the list.
Yinz all have a good weekend! Go Pens!!
Peas suck.
A forum would be cool.
Corned beef hash, nigga!
Canned peas rock!
Fuck it, time to get my drink on!!!
Vienna sausage, black olives by the truckload, tuna, mushrooms, and soup. That’s it. Veggies should be fresh. I definitely need to live in a warmer climate to get fresh year round.
I need on of the bug fans of death, the mosquitos love me! And I have pickled myself. Maybe they have become addicted to my booze soaked blood and now cannot feed anywhere else?
A forum would be excellent. And I bet you could find someone to manage it for you, since you seem to have a full load as it is.
Up here we have a chain called Princess Auto. Strange name because they have very few auto parts. It is mostly parts for farm machinery, hydraulics, hand tools, and wrenches (think Tractor Supply but without the clothing and baby chicks). The stuff isn’t the highest quality, but the prices are amazing.
You need to stay the fuck away from Harbor Freight Tools. Period. It all looks good on paper with those spectacular sale prices but unless you want to keep buying the same tool every other week because the piece of shit refuses to do the mundane task you bought it for–save the hair you have left of your head and go to the nearest Sears Hardware and get a decent device with a lifetime warranty.
I know you are considering a forum again, Jeff
But why not make a thewvsr fan page on Face Book
The Wall can be the forums and it holds several “threads”
Here is an article explaining the other benefits:
http://www.searchenginejournal.com/why-you-need-to-make-a-facebook-fan-page-for-your-website-now/5971/
Or perhaps a FB Group Page?
Here is the Group vs Fan page article:
http://www.searchenginejournal.com/facebook-group-vs-facebook-fan-page-whats-better/7761/
I attempted the birth of my son back in the mid-80s with hypnosis alone. That lasted until I was about 8 cm and too late for the drugs I requested. Fuck hypnosis.
Oh yeah, but, the “practices” were fun. I could make my hand get cold and my doc could stick needles anywhere without pain or blood.