I was at the post office a few days ago, checking the luxurious fur-lined Box 88, and there was some jiggleneck in the parking lot kicking up great plumes of dust with a leaf blower. I’m not sure what he was trying to accomplish, but he had a gasoline-powered motor strapped to his back, and was creating mayhem.
I stepped out of my car, looked in the direction of the noise, and a wave of airborne sand hit me in the face. Both my contact lenses were instantly thrown into a state of crisis, and tears LEAPT from the ducts. I started coughing and crying, and walked into the building folded over at the waist.
What the hell, man? This was happening during the middle of the day, when the post office was crawling with people, and this dude was making giant clouds of dust, taller than any of the buildings in the area. It was like 9/11 out there. And shouldn’t something like that be done on a Sunday, or a Saturday afternoon, when the post office is closed? Whatever he was doing?
Shit. I think I’m suffering from sand-lung now.
The final season of Friday Night Lights starts on Friday, however… the DVD set came out last week. And what kind of jacked-up deal is that? Why would a studio release all episodes of a television series, a week before the first one airs?
Yeah, I know the season was shown earlier on DirecTV, but it’s debuting on NBC tomorrow. Yet I already have the first disc of the box set from Netflix. Whatever. Nobody called and asked for my input. I have a special line for studio executives to call when they need assistance with such matters, but it never rings. Same with the Atlanta Braves red phone under-glass. Hey, it’s their loss. I’m just sitting here, ready to help.
I will be appearing on WILK radio on Friday morning, between 8:10 and 8:30, to talk about Crossroads Road. Then, after the break, I’ll be participating in a beer tasting segment, called Friday Beer Buzz. It should be interesting. I’ve done several call-ins to radio shows, but have never been live in the studio. If you’d like to listen, there’s streaming audio here. And it might be a good idea to download a demumblifier before my part of the show starts.
I’ll try to come up with an mp3 of the interview, and will hopefully post it here on Friday afternoon. But if a few of you want to record it, just in case, that’ll be cool. If I start babbling like an idiot on the show, however, I won’t be posting it. I’ll bury it, like my highly questionable “performances” with the late, great Jack Boston.
And speaking of babbling like an idiot, have any of you seen a movie called Wet Hot American Summer? I keep hearing it mentioned in various places, and know nothing about it. It feels like there’s a cult developing around the flick, and I’m oblivious. Any ideas? Is it worth a rental? It looks pretty stoopid to me. Why the latter-day buzz? Please help me out, won’t you? I’ve been burned by cultish behavior in the past, and don’t want to make the same mistake again.
Are there any movies that are pretty much forgotten at this point, but deserve, at the very least, a cult following? Tell us about it in the comments. A few off the top of my head: The Homecoming, Cabin Boy, Damnation Alley… What do you have on this one?
Also, I’d like to know about your addictions. Are you addicted to anything? I’m not talking about drugs or alcohol, but stuff like shopping channels. I have an aunt who used to be addicted to QVC. Maybe she still is? Whenever she got upset, she’d become frantic and have to get herself to a TV. QVC was the only thing that could soothe her. Heh.
I’m addicted to many things: the internet (big time), coffee in the mornings, music in the background (quiet disturbs me), Q-Tips (can’t really explain it), and lots of other crap. What about you? Please tell us about it in the comments.
And finally, the paperback version of Crossroads Road is now available at Amazon. It’s still gestating, the reviews for the Kindle version haven’t yet been linked-up on the paperback page, for instance. But the book is officially available for order. If you’d like to get your hands on a copy, now’s the time. Please order early and often.
I’m waiting for the copies I’ll be signing, and expect them to be delivered next week. Stay tuned. I’ll keep you guys updated.
And that’s gonna do it for today, boys and girls.
See ya next time!
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…
I’m sick. *cough, cough*
I belive you may have passed your cough on to me.
Deserving a cult following: Local Hero (1983, D: Bill Forsyth). Sound track by Mark Knopfler.
Great movie. Haven’t seen it in years – used to be a staple on cable TV years ago.
I’ve been listening to Screenplaying by Mark Knopfler for years. Such a great album. I’ll have to check to see whether anything from Local Hero is on it.
Dude…
Just order the Local Hero soundtrack TODAY. It’s as good as Mr. Knopfler gets, which is very, very good.
jtb
In view of your spot-on recommendation re: Kathy Valentine’s album, that has been done.
Jeff, I used your link to Amazon. Enjoy the 8 cents worth of beer you’ll be able to buy.
Deserving a cult following: Zero Effect (1998, D: Jake Kasdan). Killer bee sound track.
Great movie! I don’t know why I happened to rent it, years ago, but am glad I did.
I would gladly listen to you via streeming but the company I work for has a blocker up, bastards.
I live directly across the street from my post office. They’re usually already working on maintenance issues when I leave for work at 7:10 a.m. on the weekdays–what time do you suppose they start this nonsense? They might be mowing or blowing or squeegeeing all in the semi-dark.
7:10? Half the day is gone! Here in AZ in the summer, sun starts to come up at 4:30AM, so the maintenance crew starts work on the park next door at 4:45AM. Lawn mowers, trimmers, blowers, cinder blocks in a cement mixer, you name it.
I can understand them wanting to get the work done before the temperatures hit triple digits. 🙂
“Please order early and often.”
Nice. Is there a way to set up an automatic monthly purchase.
Remember to go through Jeff’s Amazon link, so he’ll get credit for that too. Thank you. – Administrataion –
I wonder if the serial killer in New York is going to be found with dozens of unread copies of Crossroads Road in their hovel.
Deserving a cult following (and getting one): My Favorite Year (1982, D: Richard Benjamin!!). Peter O’Toole don’t need no steenking sound track.
Oh, that gets a bit “Hurrumph” from me! I love that film!
Parrot meatloaf!
parrot meatloaf wtf?
From the quote section at IMDB:
Alan Swann: “Rookie, your Meatloaf Mindanao was superb!”
Rookie Carroca: “Thanks. That takes two days to prepare, you know.”
Alan: “Really! Tell me, what was that rather pungent taste?”
Rookie: “Parrot!”
[someone spits up and Aunt Sadie swoons; the parrot cage is empty]
Rookie: “And they’re not easy to work with. They put up some squawk.”
Alan: “I can imagine!”
I’m addicted to riding my bike, cashews, and I am a recovering Wife Swap addict.
Omg. I thought I was the only one on this planet who watched Wife Swap.
I used to know all the names of the Weather Channel people. Every frickin’ one. I could watch completely mesmerized for hours. Then obviously Cantore got the opportunity to help in the programming choices and I lost the Jones. Now I can’t even watch long enough for Local on the 8s. Didn’t even have to take Methadone or Chantrix.
You might like WeatherScan, which is basically your Local on the 8s info on a continuous loop. No commercials, no Cantore. 🙂
My major addictions are chocolate, Mt. Dew, and reading.
Cult movie that needs more love: “Idiocracy”.
I am addicted to coffee have been for years but since I have recently stopped drinking booze I find myself in need, need i say, of hot tea in the evening. I have no idea what that is about.
My boss and I are addicted to Foursquare! And if there are any WVSR Surfers doing it, hit me up on there! Hell, hit me up on Facebook!
Addicted to the Internet too! Have a job where I’m Facebooking all day!
I think you addicted to exclamation points as well!
HaHa, Cheryl.
I’m addicted to hot wings, the internet, Gianna Michaels, silk socks, satellite radio, writing utensils, ipod touch, thewvsr, and beef.
Movies that should be cult classics:
The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension
Cannibal Women In The Avocado Jungle Of Death
Pootie Tang
What?!?! No Velveeta?
I’m not “addicted” to Velveeta. I can quit anytime. I just do it because I like it. What? I’m not hurtin nobody!
There should be a recovery group for Gianna Michaels addicts.
About Gianna Michaels, yeah, I’d eat a mile of her shit just to see where it was coming from.
Cannibal Women In The Avocado Jungle Of Death!
Top 5 in my greatest B-grade movies of all time
I saw a movie a few weeks ago that I predict will have a cult following in a few years. “Hobo with a Shotgun” is a low-budget movie shot in Halifax, and got all kinds of press up here. It was originally a fake trailer for the Grindhouse double feature, and like Machete it was fleshed out into a full movie. It stars Rutger Hauer as a Hobo. With a shotgun. Cleaning up the mean streets of the hellhole town he had the misfortune of hopping off a boxcar that was passing through.
Good2…
Sounds like a fine film. I like movies where the title contains the entire plot, like Snakes on a Plane. I’ll look for Hobo at my local art house.
jtb
“I like movies where the title contains the entire plot, like Snakes on a Plane.”
__________________________
Me too. “Black Hoes, White Poles” comes to mind.
It occurs to me, for no good reason, that if writers of mathematics textbooks named the text for the geometry class that immediately precedes solid geometry “Snakes on a Plane”, this country might get back to producing some decent eggheads.
jtb
Slingblade probably has a cult following. That, and french fried taters.
With mustard.
“If y’all don’t shut up, I’m gonna go out of my mind.”
Addicted to:
The Law and Order franchises, Indy Colts, black beans and rice, hot sauce made with ghost peppers, the Andy Griffith Show, guns, that chick on the T-Mobile commercials in the polka dotted dress, Mountain Dew, Marlboro Reds, Nine Inch Nails and live music.
Cult movie that no one I know seems to like but me:
A. I., Artificial Intelligence
AWG — you have brass balls if you are fucking around with ghost peppers. Salute!
Yeah, regular hot sauces just don’t do it for me anymore. You know what they say—once you go ghost……..
“…soon you’ll be toast” is, I think, the rest of that rhyme.
.
I’m addicted to pistachios, XBox Kinect Bowling, dental cleanings, white wine, the Golden Girls and cheeseburgers. Every time I watch Man vs. Food I want to eat a burger.
Cult following movie: “The Big Lebowski.” But you knew that, didn’t you, Dude?
Of course, madz. And I agree 100%.
The Dude abides.
TBL is such a nearly flawless movie that it’s hard to think of as a cult film, but, in the end, it is. It premiered at Sundance, and one of the first reviews complained of “a large amount of profanity” which sort of misses the point. NIce call.
jtb
JTB, I can understand about the profanity, but I prefer this:
The Stranger: There’s just one thing, Dude.
The Dude: And what’s that?
The Stranger: Do you have to use so many cuss words?
The Dude: What the fuck you talking about?
The Stranger: Okay, Dude. Have it your way.
madz…
Or the conversations in which there’s not quite enough profanity…
The Dude: Fuck sympathy! I don’t need your fuckin’ sympathy, man, I need my fucking johnson!
Donny: What do you need that for, Dude?
.
This is one of those movies I’ve watched at least yearly since 1998, and will continue to do so.
jtb
Damn, I love “Lebowski”! Imagine my shock when I asked a new co-worker who seemed like a pretty bright guy if he’d ever seen it, expecting to trade some favorite lines or whatnot. His answer? “Yeah, I’ve seen it, but I really like Transformers 2. I watch it on cable whenever it comes on.”
Really? The transformers movies were giant turds that converted into bigger talking turds.
My main issues:
The scales never seemed consistent.
Why do robots need to move their mouths when they talk?
And why do robots need to speak at all?They could speak to each other in binary way faster.
Sorry, they just really annoyed me.
Shittiest load of bloated, hyper-expensive, lowest-common-denominator shit ever made.
Bobcat Goldthwait’s “Shakes the Clown”. In my top ten favorite movies. It’s about alcoholic clowns. Heh.
I was addicted to Joe’s Os cereal, but alas, no Trader Joe’s in Italy. Now I’m addicted to Parma Prosciutto.
Happy Thursday, Surfers!
Agreed. Shakes the Clown is hilarious.
Try Bob’s other movies “Stay” and “World’s Greatest Dad”. Genius.
What a great movie. I bought the Shakes DVD years ago, and I noticed that one of the reviews on the back cover calls it “the ‘Citizen Kane’ of alcoholic clown movies”. This is my bathroom, not your bedroom.
.
Oh and True Crime. When I read the newspapers, I go right to the Crime section. It’s even more fascinating (to me) on the internet if there happens to be graphic photos.
I wish I could go back in time and become a forensic expert or a medical examiner.
Should have cult following……………….Evil Alien Conquerors with Diedrich Bader, Chris Parnell and even a cameo of Tori Spelling (as a unibrow girl). Laughed out loud at least 10 times.
Only movie I’ve ever purchased. Now it’s lost. Fuck!
Probably not worthy of cult status but a movie I loved as a kid was Hamburger: The Motion Picture.
It was kind of like Police Academy meets McDonalds University.
From the Buster Burger Franchise Handbook:
Put those cookies back, mother fucker.
We reserve the right to refuse service to assholes like you.
And in case of a riot: Stash the cash and save your ass!
Movie that should have a cult following: Pretty Maids All In A Row.
Addictions? I’m a recovering attorney. Beyond that…well, isn’t acknowledgment the first step toward recovery? Since I have no intention of recovering, I’ll just refuse to acknowledge any of my addictions. Those that remain are just too damned much fun to discontinue.
jtb, I saw your columnious comments following yesterday’s post regarding our quiet little enclave known as The OC. I celebrate our differences, my friend.
Fuckin’ tree-hugger….
-Dude
P.S. The “LOL” was implied. Subtle, no?
The LOL is better implied than stated. I celebrate both our similarities and our differences. Should I come to your house, I would even be willing to eat some of your Imperialist margerine.
Let us all abide, like the Dude.
jtb
Imperialist Margarine needs to be the name of a band.
jtb,
I can never be quite sure whether the LOL will be read as intended, so rather than risk class warfare among the classy, I thought I’d throw it in as a post script. You’re right, though–much better without it.
Should you come to my house, jtb, we won’t be serving Imperialist margarine. This ain’t Texas, from whence arose the Connecticut Yankee gunslinger, nor Hawaii, birthplace (?!) of his “holy shit, reality’s a hell of a lot different than organizin'” follower (?!). Here in The OC we only serve Land o’ Fake Lakes. I’m quite sure that our use of anything else would void our policy with our insurer, Libertarian Mutual.
Abide, indeed.
P.S. again: The above is not intended as a commentary on past or current political events or figures. Any similarity to real events or figures is not intended nor should it be implied; all that is to be implied is the original LOL and any and all implicit follow-ups. Indeed, the author isn’t even sure that the above expresses his opinion. Well, except the insurance company part. ‘Nuff said.
Here at Brooklyn South (not to be confused with South Brooklyn), we get rich, buttery flavor by using rich, buttery butter. Similarly, lemon flavor comes from lemons. And so forth.
.
In The OC (and in So Cal in general), the lakes have been excavated and then filled, and/or are part of the vast “water project (to “redistribute” from the “haves”. Sound familiar?), and the trees have all been planted. And tho’ the boobs may be sillicone-enhanced, they’re all real, since you can feel ’em.
Savory butter is available at Whole Foods at a premium, and lemons are now imported because housing development has replaced the namesake citrus crops as a preferred generator of profits.
That’s a glimpse into our little corner of the world. Sometimes I pine for the early 70’s, when I too was a tree hugger (cue Jackson Browne’s “The Pretender”).
Jeff- As to midday-mayhem guy: a)kidnap, b)funnel, c) ground glass. Or am I too angry/bitter? It’s possible… for legal reasons, I was kidding…
I’ve stated Citizen Kane as my fave film. Obviously not a cult film. How about my (narrowly) second fave, I’m Gonna Get You Sucka? Stupid? Maybe. Childish? Perhaps. But fonky. And Ed Wood- cult, right? I’m always promotin’ that bitch.
Also anything with sexy women in sexy prisons. Not real women in real prisons (for the most part).
SPOILER- In the last ep of Friday Night Lights, Charlie Sheen is killed by the ghost of JT Walsh.
Movies worth a cult following, if they don’t have one already:
BLOOD FREAK, an early 70s horror flick concerning a guy who uses drugs and conusmes genetically-modified turkey and turns into, get this, a giant blood-sucking turkey monster. The fact that there’s a weird on-screen narrator who keeps invoking Christianity only improves the already-rampant WTF factor.
and
MEET THE BARON (1933) A movie made to cash in on the flash-in-the-pan popularity of a radio comic named Jack Pearl. In addition to Pearl, the cast includes Jimmy Durante, Zasu Pitts, and The 3 Stooges when they were still minions of Ted Healy. The plot concerns Pearl impersonating a world-famous exploerer and big game hunter on a visit to a swank girls college, with Durante has is assistant. Lots of weird and bawdy humor, with Healy and the Stooges having a wild scene where they try and fix the pipes in a girl’s shower room; there’s also a musical number in said shower room that must have been quite daring at the time. Oh, and the screenplay was co-written by Herman J. Mankiewicz, writer of Citizen Kane!
Good info. Obviously, I’ll have to check that weird shit out.
I should probably clarify that these are by no means GOOD movies, but rather they are odd and/or weird movies that deserve to be seen for that reason and will certainly be memorable…
Everybody who uses a leaf blower should die right now. God damn fuckers blowing their crap all over everyone elses stuff…
Or at least be forced to swallow ground-up glass.
I’m addicted to flea markets…the antique/vintage types, not tube socks and wind chimes made of beer cans types…;
Estate sales (the thrill of the hunt)
Dill pickles
Hot peppercini’s/bell peppers
Olives of any kind
Big macs (although I try to stay clear)
The WVSR
What?!?! No Velveeta? Or cukes?
I see you’re a card carrying member of NAMCLA (North American Man-Cuke Love Association).
No cukes…unless they take batteries.
Diehards, only…right?
I’m addicted to the innernets.
Check out the video at the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZi4JxbTwPo
Oregon Rocks!
Amazon Women on the Moon should have a large following.
As should White Zombie, the movie.
Amazon Women was awesome.
Tie a yellow ribbon ’round the old oak tree….
Reuben and Ed? Awesome movie.
Nomination for cult movie – Welcome to Woop Woop. Bizarre and very twisted Aussie movie I caught one early, earlyy morning on TBS, or something like that.
The best I can do for potential cult movies is “Return of the Secaucus Seven”.
Addictions? The internet and coffee as mentioned. Cigarettes, of course. Whatever geeky programming thing I’m into at that moment (“well hell, I can write a function to do *that*!”). Whatever band I’m compulsively listening to at the time – e.g., right now I can’t go more than 8 hours or so without a hit of Tower of Power.
.
“Student Bodies”, if for no other reason than this single scene:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JzHKwhrN1Lg
I show that one on DVD every Halloween, whether my guests like it or not.
“Ever since accident Malvert sometimes pee red”
http://youtu.be/ogBRCRYE_7U
YES!
“Horse head bookends… Horse head bookends…”
I’d like to kill the kid with the gum!
Subway 1985
Repo Man 1984
Logan’s Run 1976
Polyester 1981
I thought Repo Man already had a following, cult or otherwise. Repo Man is always intense.
.
I took a look at my addictions a few years ago and came to terms with them by recognizng them as devotions.
i’m addicted to the interwebz and M*A*S*H… i can keep watching it over and over again…i’ve seen hawkeye and bj in the underwear more times than my ex.. damn, that’s sad.. oh wells
hey jtb, the trip to washington is officially on!! got the plane tix and we land 7/30 I so want to move back … can’t wait to see whatever trees that are left (or glowing orange from radiation)
Lori…
Good news: No excess radiation here, despite Trident and WPPSS.
Bad news: Way fewer trees than you remember. Pugetopolis is barren from the air. However, there are still quite a few trees down where you come from.
Remind me when the date gets closer. I’m scheduled to be in town the first week in August. I’d be happy to buy you and your brother a cup of coffee or a beer or a joint or a line. Tastes vary.
jtb
i’ll update you on the go..not sure where we are headed yet once we hit tarmac.. we don’t drink but mt dew (bro) and ice tea (me) would be awesome! My brother can do a mean line dance in a juke joint though… haa
Maybe we can get a pic of the smoking fish and us for Jeff..
lori 😉
My PHONE!!!
As several Reporters have noted, the distinction between addictions and pleasant habits is grey at best. As Kinky Friedman, a man of many addictions, several of them fatal, advised…
“You gotta find what you like and let it kill you.”
And, speaking of distinctions, he noted…
“There’s a fine line between fiction and non-fiction and I believe I snorted it in 1976.”
jtb
jtb — those are priceless quotes.
Speaking of snorting things…I’m listening to Jeff on WILK right now, and he should ask those morning show hosts for a little of whatever the hell they are on. Sure as fuck isn’t coffee.
Addictions:
Seafood Gumbo – when I can afford to make it from scratch, fireworks, roller coasters, caving, hiking, and firearms. Of course, beer is always involved with all of the above. Have a good weekend, Surf Reporters.
My addictions: Infomercials are my favorite, I am mesmerized by these and I seriously watch them until someone forces me to change the channel, make-up (I don’t even wear alot, I just collect it, it’s weird), bumper stickers, shrimp scampi, baked potatoes, cheese, good jam bands.
I also updated my blog and posted my review and pics of my brewery tour at 3 Floyds Brewing company in Indiana and a few from Florida. I tried really hard to finish the post yesterday but work didn’t allow it. I’m going to try and get it finished today.
Happy Friday everyone 🙂
I like watching the magic bullet, but in spanish.
I’m pretty sure that if a spanish conversation takes place that has any series of words matching those in the Univision magic bullet commercial, i could respond with the appropriate sales pitch.
I thought a magic bullet was a kind of sex toy. A small cuke with batteries, if you will.
That thing on tv is nothing more than a coffee grinder.
I do like the lady with the glasses on a rope and the cig hanging out of her mouth.
This is pretty much how I feel about crabs (the eatin’ kind, not the pube lice kind):
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/songs/crabs/
Other addictions include the Pardon the Interruption, the shore, tacos, rum drinks, filet mignon smothered in butter, and leaving weird comments on various blogs.
OK…where is the interview?
Follow the link and you can watch the Friday Beer Buzz portion of the show, I watched long enough to see Mr. Kay wipe his nose with the back of his hand. He looked uncomfortable but I did not hear him speak, of course as annoying as the two hosts are, he may have just been ready to get the fuck away from those two. And it just dawned on me that they may read my comments but sorry, you two remind me of the guy’s on KBBL. Google it if you’re not familiar with KBBL.
I have to agree with you WB in OH. They only asked him what he thought towards the end. He said, “I’m no expert, but it has a distinct flavor”, or something like that.
And what’s with the article on bath salts? Are kids in NEPA snorting bath salts for kicks? It may be time to lower the drinking age back to 18.
Yeah. The bath salts abuse is an old story. I think I heard about it a couple of months ago.
That’s just the trade name, it is half assed quasi-legal synthetic cocaine/amphetamine sold in “culture” shops.. Pure shite. Everyone is cutting the real shit with it around here. Or so I’ve heard.
Google “A Serbian Film” and read the wiki. A friend of mine told me about it – he said there were scenes he wished he didn’t see.
One critic said “You only THINK you want to see this movie”
Don’t think I could watch it myself. Check it out.
I think I can live out my days without seeing that.
Holy shit. That’s twisted. “Newborn porn”, sodomy, incest, necrophilia, death by stiff penis to the eye socket, suicide, then it starts all over again.
@Jeff…You did an excellent job on the radio. I do a part time gig on the radio, and realize that the newbies get “mic shock” at first, and you kinda have to work it along slowly, and hopefully everything sounds good at the other end of the radio. You, my friend, did well. Those two DJ’s didn’t have to feed you along or anything. Good job!