I had to be at work early yesterday, for so-called leadership training, and also overslept — big time. The alarm was set for 9:30, and I got up at 12:30. I barely had enough time to guzzle a little coffee, take a shower, and shovel a Mary Chapin-Carpenter frozen meal down my gullet.
In fact, I burned the shit out of my tongue, trying to ingest sweet and sour chicken within a tightly-compacted amount of time. It still hurts today, as burnt tongues are wont to do.
When I arrived at work, with seconds to spare, I ran straight upstairs to the meeting room without checking in with anyone in my department first. And it was later reported, via my vast network of liars and backstabbers, that my boss was walking around grumbling about how I’d blown off the meeting. Hey man, I was right on time!
And that’s why there was no update yesterday. Pass the beer nuts.
All this oversleeping is starting to become an issue. I’m working fifty hours a week, and driving another six or seven hours, and it’s taking its toll. Yeah, and I’m starting to go all Nostrildamus up here… Perhaps I need to lie down for a nap with a hot water bottle on my vagina? Sheesh.
I recently saw a local TV weatherman buying fancy-pants microbrew at a grocery store in our neighborhood. Well, it wasn’t all THAT fancy-pants, it was Sam Adams Octoberfest, but still.
And the guy was tiny. He looks to be average-sized on television, but is actually the approximate height and weight of a sixth grader. I couldn’t believe it. He was a pocket meteorologist. It felt like he could predict the weather from the palm of my hand.
Have you ever met someone famous (or semi-famous), and was surprised by their appearance in some way? One of my all-time heroes — Paul Westerberg — is pretty small, too. He often looks ferocious and tall onstage, but is actually kind of… abbreviated in real life. Doesn’t matter to me, though. He’s still a freakin’ genius.
And even after the Alzheimer’s has taken what’s left of my beleaguered brain, I’ll never be able to forget the wrists on Mickey Mantle. Amazing! They were the size of 1970s-era Hi-C cans. It was one of the craziest things I’ve ever witnessed with my own eyes. Holy shit-crumbs.
What about you? You got anything on this subject? If so, tell us about it in the comments, won’t you?
I downloaded the new Belle & Sebastian album from eMusic this morning. I haven’t listened to it yet, but I’m a big fan of those fey, limp-wristed Scots, ’cause they make perfect pop music. And I’m a big-time sucker for the perfect pop music, I really am.
But eMusic is worrying me. They announced a new pricing scheme that’s concerning. They’ve hooked-up with yet another major label (they were originally independent labels only), and will be changing the way they do business, starting next month.
The reaction has been predictably negative, as you can see at their Facebook page. But I’m willing to give ’em the benefit of the doubt. I’ve enjoyed eMusic so far, and can’t really believe they’d just suddenly bend me over the proverbial couch. So, I’m going to see how it goes, before getting all indignant about it.
And I have no problem with major labels. I mean, seriously. A lot of GREAT music was released through the majors, and the more albums to choose from, the better. In my opinion, anyway.
I’m currently paying $14.99 per month, and get (basically) three full-length albums for that price. We’ll see what happens in November and December, and make an evaluation. If I can only squeeze out two albums, it’ll be to the point where it’s basically the same price as Amazon. The new Belle & Sebastian is $7.99 there, so eMusic would no longer be such a great deal.
Oh well. Hopefully it won’t be as bad as the jump-to-conclusions assholes believe. We’ll see.
Does anybody know why skin prunes-up in water? I mean, the science of it? What causes that? It’s very important that I know, but I’d prefer it if you guys just told me, so I could avoid doing any of that pesky research. I appreciate your cooperation on this skin-pruning matter.
And finally, while I was sitting in my training meeting yesterday (the Fish Philosophy), I got a popcorn husk caught in my throat. They had fresh-popped “corn” and Cokes for everyone, and there was a husk adhered to the wall of my downspout, fluttering with every breath.
I nearly panicked and caused a scene, but was able to maintain my composure. I calmly chugged some Co’ Cola, and the popcorn eventually dislodged. And I wasn’t left screaming and gasping in front of a roomful of “colleagues.” Thankfully.
What’s the most memorable thing you’ve witnessed during a meeting at work?
I’ve written about this before, but I was in the ops manager’s office at my previous job, and we were dialed-in to a national conference call. Some guy was talking, and another person — who obviously thought his phone was muted — said something along the lines of, “Oh my god, this guy is a fucking moron!” It went out, clear as a bell, to everyone on the line. Heh.
So, if you have anything about work meeting mishaps, please tell us about it.
And I’m going to stop right here, my friends. I need a nice cup of herbal tea, and a good cry. I’ll see you next time.
Have a great day!
Now playing in the bunker
Evil Twin t-shirts now only $13!
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters!!!!!!!
Good Afternoon, JCIII.
For good or for bad, we have the Reply feature. I’m going to try to embrace it.
2!!!!!!!!!!
Douchepickle !
ha! That’s great. I’m stealing it.
first?
oh well, at least top 5
From http://ask.yahoo.com/20030421.html
Your skin is comprised of two layers — the epidermis and the dermis. The epidermis produces an oily protein called sebum, which is effective in repelling water. It’s also the material that causes fingerprints.
Inevitably, a nice long soak in a bathtub sloughs off the excess sebum from your epidermis. As a result, your skin starts to take on water. The top layer of the epidermis is known as the stratum corneum, which is Latin for “horny layer.” These are the tough, dead skin cells that are constantly being sloughed off your body in your clothes, your bed, and in the form of dandruff. Disturbing, but true.
Your fingers and toes have especially thick layers of stratum corneum. Once deprived of sebum, they swell up with water, causing wrinkles. This osmosis effect is harmless and temporary. One you get out of the tub, the extra water evaporates, leaving your skin even drier than before because there is no sebum to help retain moisture. This is a good time to apply lotion or oil to help your skin retain some of the water.
It put the lotion on it’skin!!!
…it does this whenever it’s told or it gets the hose again…
I accidentally taught my 2 year old to say this by telling him that everynight after his bath….. My MIL was not amused, but my husband was!
I always see the local sportscasters. Dunno why. Happened in Philly, happens here. Most recently I saw one of Pittsburgh’s more obnoxious sportscasters, John Fedko, sitting in a Bruegger’s Bagel shop, wearing his stupid suspenders, looking just as cocky in person as on TV. A myriad of things passed through my mind that I could shout at him, the top three being:
-The Eagles’ fight song (not the Flyers’ fight song, I’m not THAT stupid).
-“Bring back the ‘stache!” (he used to have a moustache)
-“Tell Kevin Benson to take a Sudafed for God’s sake!” (Benson, aka the Congested Weatherman, never speaks through his nose.)
But I didn’t. I figured that if I were semi-famous I wouldn’t want people regularly ruining my lunch. So I left him to his bagel. But if he’s ever involved in a sex scandal with a high school cheerleader, I’m getting ALL up in his grill.
Gretchen: I’ve seen him too. He always looks like he just lost a large amount of weight. I imagine him with skin like wet tissue paper under his suspenders. I dunno… maybe it’s just me.
Remember Joe Denardo? I always wanted to send him a bottle of water for is terminal cotton mouth.
“I imagine him with skin like wet tissue paper under his suspenders.”
Ew. That belongs in the horror movies commentary from yesterday! 😉
Joe Denardo is not familiar to me, but I’m perpetually “new” here (I’m familiar with Fedko’s moustache because I did live here, briefly, ten years ago).
Local news guy David Highfield is a tiny little poofter in person. I laughed at him openly while in line to see Sir Paul. He should have worn a skirt with a nice “top”.
need fucking edit button.
There IS a wordpress plug-in for that.
Jeff??
Steven Tyler from Aerosmith is one of the tiniest men I’ve ever met. He came up to about my collarbone and looked like he weighed 105 lbs.
I was very suprised when a good friend of mine told me about talking to Brad Pitt, who I always suspected was a small guy. He told me that Pitt was something like 6’3″!
I met George Romero at a film convention where his room was beside mine, and we walked down to breakfast together one morning. The first thing that freaked me out was that he was about 7 feet tall! I’d seen literally thousands of photos of him over the years, but never got any indication that he was that tall at all. It was really suprising.
Met the actor Ken Forrey (“Dawn of the Dead”, “From Beyond,” the dad on the Keenan and Kel TV show) at the American Film Market a few years back, and shaking his hand was like placing your hand into a catcher’s mitt – the guy was a LOT larger than he ever looked on the screen. Super nice guy.
And anybody who happens to think that Henry Rollins is some kinda musclebound giant just because he has a little tone, you’re wrong. The guy’s about the size of Tom Cruise, if that. I’ve talked to him 4 or 5 different times, and he only came up to my chin (and I’m 6 foot even).
According to a quick web search Brad Pitt is 5’11”, not tall, but not short either.
Hell, that’s not tall at all! I suspect my buddy may have been really stoned at the time, given the circumstances of the meeting – backstage at a music fest in the UK…
ummm…What’s the Fish Philosophy?
Create a fun atmosphere at work, like the guys who work at a fish store in Seattle. Or something along those lines. I’d actually been through the course once before, at a previous job. Here’s some info: http://www.charthouse.com/content.aspx?name=home2
Very different from where I work; where any expression of happiness or joy is met with stern disapproval. Even wishing a co-worker Happy Birthday will garner you a “counseling.” I’m serious. Then they come up with little “employee appreciation” events, but are shocked when no one shows up.
All you need to know about managment is two things. Number 1…..Inspect what you expect and Number 2….See and be seen. Number 1 insures what you want to get done, gets done and Number 2 is all about the “pucker” factor.
I keep the Fish Philosophy in mind when attending meetings, except mine is….Finish It Shit Head.
I like this description of FISH, which I found on Wikipedia:
“To grasp just how presumptuous Fish! really is, just try a thought experiment: imagine management’s reaction if the circumstances were reversed. Imagine the bosses’ reaction if you and your coworkers matter-of-factly announced that, henceforth, you would be working at a slower pace for the same amount of money, or that you would be receiving a higher hourly wage. Imagine telling the boss “you can’t do anything about these changes, but you can choose to have a good attitude about them!” My guess is your boss would demonstrate in short order that he does have control over events, and that it’s not his attitude that has to be adjusted. That’s because, while you may be powerless, your bosses most certainly are not.
“This asymmetrical power relationship is implicit in Fish! Philosophy. And you’d better believe that the people who push it are fully aware of their agenda. […] They are the ones who do things. We are the ones that things are done to. Learn to enjoy it, or else. That’s the message of Fish! Philosophy.”
I am now sorry I asked.
Sort of like getting hit in the face with a fish day in and day out. Which I imagine happens to the halibut huckers in Seattle every now and then.
Jennifer Antkowiak from KDKA has a huge ass. Not just proportionately plump,…. gargantuan big.
She’s had kids and seems like a very nice person, but her ass has it’s on gravitational orbit.
Ok here’s my work meeting story.
Backstory – We have a 50 something year woman that works for us, she is the head of one of our depts, we’ll call her Donna. She is very sweet and for the most part oblivious to anything vulgar or dirty.
We have a piece of software that is a piece of sh-t but it pretty much runs her entire operation. We have been assigned our own support guy, despite his name being Richard, he insists he be called Dick, this bothers everybody except Donna.
The president of the company came down one week to try and help us feel better about the P.O.Sh-t software and he asked about the quality of support we get. Before anyone could say anything…Donna launches into a 5 minute speech…
Support, oh you mean Dick
I just love Dick, he’s great.
If I need anything Dick does it for me.
Dick’s always there.
Dick is a hard worker.
Dick is just amazing, we love Dick.
I nearly gave myself a double hernia, not laughing outloud. My boss was there, and I KNOW he was dying, and I’m pretty sure the president of the company was too. As soon as it wasn’t obvious I excused myself to the restroom and laughed it all out.
Once you become a 12 year old boy, you never stop being one, no matter how old you get.
John Cougar Mellencamp is actually 4 feet tall and made entirely out of aluminum foil. I didn’t know that until I was trapped in a mine in Chile with the guy for something like 10 weeks. After that ordeal, I’ll never be able to listen to his songs again.
He looks must look shinier in real life then?
Good to hear that you got through it o.k.
I’ve had a popcorn “skin” trapped on my tonsil since The Fall Guy went of the air. Excited about the new Belle & Sebastian though.
The Fall Guy!
Douchepickle!
I like it. My friends have been getting tierd of me using Douchenozzle so now I have another option.
Sorry about the mangina irritation.
In a WebEx meeting 2 months ago I hadn’t realized that the host ( a boring simpy fuck) had unmuted everyone in preparation for the question and answer period. He was droning on and on about an incredibly simple subject … and thinking I was alone in my home I yelled “I think we all know what fraud is, you JACKASS!”
I really hammered the “Jackass” part, too. Dead silence, then this guy starts acting like a grade school teacher refusing to continue until someone fessed up. I did just to shut him up, but, OH the feeling when you first realize your faux pas!!!
(He was nowhere in my chain of command so it was no big deal at all)
Meeting Story:
A friend of mine had recently moved here from the U.K., and asked in the middle of the meeting “does anyone have a rubber?” He was met with looks of confusion, so he kept asking different people around the conference table if someone had a “rubber” he could have.
Evidently, in the U.K. that’s an eraser. I hear they still mock him for that one years later….
Paul Westerberg isn’t actually short; rather, he’s quite skinny (or at least was in the ’80s & ’90s). I remember standing near the stage at a ‘Mats show in the mid-’80s, and Paul was wearing a short-sleeve shirt that revealed his whole “bicep” area — and I put “bicep” in quotes because he didn’t actually have any. His upper arms (where one’s biceps usually are) were skinnier than my wrists — and I don’t have Mickey Mantle Hi-C wrists. The neck of his guitar was easily much wider than each of his upper-arms. But as far as stature, I’ve stood next to him, and I’d say he’s a normal-height human male (in the 5’8″ range probably).
Yeah, 5’8″ sounds about right. But he looks tall onstage, and I remember being surprised by his overall smallness. He’s definitely skinny, like you say. The stage, and a larger-than-life persona, distorts things, I think.
I met Prince in Atlanta once, and he probably needs a booster seat when he goes to the barber shop.
Prince: 5’3″on a good day.
Yet plays a mean game of basketball, hear tell.
Yeah and he’ll serve you pancakes after he serves you in basketball.
Game….blouses.
Nothing to add. Moving on.
Your skin puckers up if you are homosexual. Why do you ask Jeff?
And the reply feature sucks.
and I’m a broken record. Seeing how many people used it yesterday…. resistance is futile. I will be assimilated.
proof
I met Darieth Chisolm from Channel 11 (Pittsburgh). She is just about 6 foot tall, towering over my 5’3″, ass up to my collar stature. And absolutely stunning. And I mean Halle Berry beautiful. I don’t say that about many women but it’s the troof.
Next time I have a shitty week – and I have many – I’m gonna try the hot water bottle on the ol’ kit-kat. Thanks for the idea, Jeff. Sounds dreamy.
She does seem like a gorgeous giantess on TV.
I love Patrice King Brown >hot.
Jenny, in answer to your question from yesterday,… no not a cop but I am one bad ass mother effer just like Shaft..Fan of the movie and needed a handle to be in the top 10 on my first post. Hot fuzz sounded better than Ray.
Evil Twin – the only good Stephen King movies are the ones outside his genre – Shawshank, Green Mile and Stand by Me. The rest are indeed Maximum overdrive quality except maybe the Mist. Try Under the Dome. It was the best read of his in quite a while.
I was yelled Mother Fucker at the top of my lungs in the office one day. That may have been inappropriate and unfortunate.
I said shaft
Hot Fuzz – I’ve never seen The Green Mile, but hope to one day. I think as far as the “good” King moive list goes (as far as what I’ve personally liked, without having read the original source material), I’d definitely add Carrie, Misery, The Shining, Creepshow (for shits & giggles), and about half each of Pet Semetery and Salem’s Lot. I liked Silver Bullet a whole lot – I think there was a lot to like about that story in general.
You know, I heard that cat Ray was a baaad…{shut yer mouth!} Jes’ talkin’ ’bout Ray!
I was yelled s/b I once yelled
Today’s Further Evidence…all I can say is I guess money CAN’T buy everything…..WOW.
I met lex Luger in an airport once. I was suprised at the amount of plastic surgery his female companion had as well as the giant gobstoppers she was smuggling aboard the airplane.
We once had Myers-Briggs training in some fancy-pants hotel’s conference room. Someone arrived late, and the only empty chair was at our table, which was near the wall. One guy decided to just lift the empty chair over the table and let them sit on the other side. The problem was he didn’t see the low-hanging chandelier and it rained broken glass and light bulbs over half the room. Nobody lost an eye or anything, but people freaked and we basically lost half a day of training while everybody made sure they didn’t get glass down their shirts or in their hair.
He must have been an INTP
I’ve met more than a few celebrities, and I can definitely say that height is something that I am always surprised by. I’m only 5′ 5″, and most of the actors/actresses and musicians that I’ve encountered were my size or just a bit taller. In my recollection, the only people that towered over me were George Romero and Sebastian Bach (of Skid Row and “Gilmore Girls” fame). It’s almost as if TV/film adds 10 inches of height, instead of 10 pounds of weight. It’s somewhat disconcerting to look down upon, rather than up to, someone that you admire.
Kevin james has a pretty good stand-up bit about getting a popcorn husk spot-welded to the side of your uppermost dick tube.
I met victor wooten once, he is the size of an oompa-loompa.
I met Drew Brees, he is strangley normal in stature. I guess seeing him run around behind men who are 7 feet tall and weigh 400 pounds makes him look lttle on tv.
Your skin soaks up water and the pressure from expanding due to this intake of water forces your skin in all different directions. It’s like your dick, just in reverse. When your schlong all swollen with liquid and engorged it is generally taught and firm, but when it does not have as much fluid pressure it’s all floppy and a wrinkled; much like your skin after being in a tub for a while.
Wow!
Thats a lot better than the biology lessons I had in school.
Thanks for the lesson.
That explains a lot!
Tony “Rat Ass” Cavalier, a local weatherman and poofter, is famous around here for getting a guinea pig or something stuck in his pucker hole and couldn’t get it out, sending him to a local emergency room.
Tony Cavalier? Say it ain’t so!
I met him a few years ago at Taste of Charleston. Up til then, I thought he was a really good weatherman, and had a good TV persona. I had been to the wine-tasting booth, and was shit-faced. I gave him some shit about the lousy lighting they were using at The Clay Center. (Remember when WSAZ used to do the weather from there?) Apparently, he didn’t like my comments, and turned into a real sarcastic dick. Ever since then, I’ve had no respect for him, and your story about the animal is just icing on the cake for me! Thanks! Serves him right! Karma’s a bitch, Tony!
Weird that you should mention the Clay Center, as that is the only place I’ve ever seen him in person, and it was in front of that green screen at the weather center there! I was there with the wife and kids, playing with all the cool stuff in the big activity room there – apparently that day they were trying to select a kid to do some sort of weather forecast for SAZ. Funny to hear about his dickishness, but I bet he probably couldn’t hold a candle to our golden boy, Tom McGee, whose assholism is legend in these parts, eh? Everybody around here has about 15 sleazy Tom McGee stories to tell. What the hell is it with news anchors? Most of them have a real overinflated sense of self, to say the least.
God, I’d forgotten about ol’ “Pour me another one” Tom. He’s another one who really came across well on the air. Being in Parkersburg, I missed out on all the local Tom stories. The stuff in the paper was bad enough. And about their egos: you’re in WEST VIRGINIA, for God’s sake!! Get over it!
Another local dickhead, who’s a legend in his own mind, is Spencer Adkins from 13. I saw him do a weathercast from the Huntington Chilifest a few years ago, and he let everyone there know just how important he was, and how unimportant everyone else around him was. Very controlling. A real egomaniac dickhead.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvRCzEU3OVA
I have heard the same story about Tony. Now every fucking time it rains and he goes on about the “boys on the construction line ” not getting a full days pay in , I just smirk to myself and think Tony probably has a chubby every time he gets to say that on the air. Hell he probably prays for rain ! Oh and that Josh kid they have on the same channel . If he ain’t he missed the golden opportunity. Not that I am a homophobe or anything…
Tom McGee needs to get rid of this 70s porno mustache . He has a fan page on facebook , someone wrote “Ron Burgundy has nothing on Tom McGee” . LMAO . The chicks dig Tom , I just don’t get it.
Jenny – did you ever see that parody website that was set up to look like Tom McGee’s homepage, where he rants about gangbanging female anchors and his various drunken, sexual exploits? It’s freaking hilarious. I’m not sure if it’s still up or not.
Greg – I’ve heard some very questionable Spencer Adkins stories from some reliable sources – former classmates in college – that are a little “ahem” less than flattering…
Nick – if you’re reading, can you post the link to that Tom McGee website?
RETRACTION: The news anchor I was referring to was NOT Spencer Adkins. It was Dave Benton. My apologies to Mr. Adkins. (That’s what I get for being an asshole gossip).
Most of the local tv people are self righteous pricks. They have to be to take such a job. Most of them make little money and get off on being “famous”.
And he’s only a gossip because I am. I graduated from college with many of our local news people (including people who write for one or the other newspapers we have around). I’m so glad I slipped into obscurity by throwing my degree away to be a stay at home mom. 🙂
Don’t worry about trashing Spencer. He deserves it. Hadn’t heard anything about Dave Benton, though.
No, was it a myspace ? Cause I found a link to a fake myspace but it has been removed. Damn. I’d love to see it though. I didn’t realize Tom was in Danny Boyds Chiller. Have you seen it ? It’s supposed to really suck but I have to get my hands on a copy!
Oh and I answered your question ’bout the Mothman museum on the scary movie day. I’m not sure if you saw it cause I was a couple days late . Should have put it on here.
I know Danny quite well, and virtually everyone who starred in that flick is a friend (or aquaintance) of mine. They were all (most of them) students from Danny’s WV State media classes. It’s actually not bad at all, for a low budget anthology. His next film – “Strangest Dreams: Invasion of the Space Preachers” had virtually the same cast and crew, and was even better. Email me at tinlitho@gmail.com and I’ll get you copies!
Cool . I looked up Danny Boyd’s website and the three movies are out of stock. His other stuff looks interesting though I might have to buy those . Be great if you could hook me up with the 3 films , I will email you soon. Thanks in advance.
Icecycle66 – when you said taught and for some reason I could hear Gold member “hesh got a good boddy,,,hesh all tight like a tiger” ..(chuckles)
say engorged in public with a straight face…
Al Schottelkotte (spelling), local anchorman for the CBS affiliate in Cincinnati in the 70’s and 80’s: the guy coulda been a Hobbit he was so short and slight.
Johnny Bench, on the other hand – just towering. I caddied for him one sunny afternoon at Kenwood Country Club in Cincinnati. I think it was July and it was 1976, as the Reds were on the path to their 2nd consecutive world championship. Had a massive golf bag too, with about 10 different pitching and/or sand wedges. Could hit the ball a mile too but couldn’t putt worth a damn (at least – not that day).
I also caddied for Tom Atkins somewhere around the same time. He was the anchor for the local NBC affiliate. Looked big and commanding on TV. IRL – just a regular guy.
Rob Lowe is freakishly tiny, too! I saw him coming out of a hotel in DC and he’s like man-erexic.
A good friend of mine met him in the lobby of a hotel in Indianpolis, so she had her friend take a pic of them together and she sent it to me. I was suprised at how small and sleight he looked, too! My friend is only about 5’8″ or so, and he looked to be about the same height; maybe even an inch or so shorter, and a whole lot skinnier. She said that he was really nice and very generous with his time, which is nice to hear about a “celebrity” these days…
In terms of work-related shenanigans, I choked at a dinner meeting for a job I was APPLYING for and they had to use the heimlich…. lol! Needless to say I didn’t get that job. Oh well. That was pretty representative of my level of poise in real life so if that made them think poorly of me it is a good thing they saw it before we were all stuck working together!
I’m sorry this happened to you but it made me laugh out loud it’s so fucking funny . I would have slit my wrist with a butter knife after they brought me back . LOL
I laughed out loud, too. That’s as funny as any “Seinfeld” or “Curb Your Enthusiasm” situation. I can just imagine George Costanza going on a job interview dinner, and having to be heimliched by the interviewer. Hilarious.
Remember Larry David getting a p*%#@ hair caught in his throat on “Curb your enthusiasm” after pleasuring Cheryl? It took several days for him to clear it.
Comic genius.
Hang in there, Jeff!
Years ago at the small company I was working for, we were having an informal meeting, so the boss could discuss how well we were doing, future plans etc. At one point he stated enthusiastically, “Next year, it’s possible that our sales could reach a million dollars!”
That’s when a newly-hired young woman, with perfect timing, decided to comically over-react by falling backward on the table she was sitting on. At least that’s what we thought until she proceeded to have a seizure, with much jittering about on the table. It was over pretty quickly, and she was OK. Of course we were all compassionate about it, but later on we had to admit that the first thought we had was “Wow, what a ham!”
A flash of the old Jeff.
Hey,Vicki,
Thats a bit strong.
Really funny though.
I sold cars for a while sometime ago at a decent dealership. Friday morning sales meetings were mandatory no matter if you worked the afternoon shift that day. So there I sit in a room with twenty seven hung-over sleazimites and breathing a foul air mixture of body odor, gin breath and soiled underwear. Twice a guy threw up and once a guy passed out and fell off his chair. It was very difficult for the motivational speaker to keep going on about setting sales goals and the riches that await with hard work. Good times!
Davy Jones is actually just as short in person as he is in real life. I’ve also met Jerry Springer and Steve…Jerry looks like a corpse up close, he has some mad pancake make up on, which was obviously for the show but it was rediculous. It looked as though is needed to be chisled off. Steve is just as huge in person as he looks on TV, a practical monster with a sparkling bald head and Shrek like features. We met the keyboard player for a band called Umphrey’s McGee at a bar in Chicago, he looked like a typical guy, nothing significant about his appearance. I wouldn’t have even recognized him had my boyfriend not started hyperventilating and pointing. I mean, he’d only seen the band in concert nearly 30 times, and we’ve seen them together I think 7 now. It was pretty neat.
Most memorable thing I’ve witnessed during a meeting was actually recently when the new girl called out the boss on his indecisive suggestions. First he said, I don’t want you guys coming in my office every 10 minutes for things…only to say a few minutes later…You guys need to chase me and come into my office when you need something…She called him out, we all busted out laughing. Other than that our meetings are usually pretty one sided. The boss talks alot and we look at the clock a lot. Nothing exciting.
Brittney – Do you guys need a copy of the Umphrey’s McGee Live from the Lake Coast Skyline Stage Chicago DVD? I’ve got a copy that I’ll send ya if you need it.
Sure! That’d be great;)
Drop me a line at tinlitho@gmail.com and I’ll get it to ya!
I was at an Ozzy concert in the early 80s , I was standing on my chair main floor right stage a few rows back and I was at the end of the aisle. My friend starts beating on me , pointing to this dude that had walked up and was standing on the floor beside me. He was laughing cause he knew that I had no clue who he was. It was one of the Metallica guys , he had just been on stage about fifteen minutes before and I guess came out to watch Ozzy. Hell he just looked like any other dude in the crowd. It was early in their career and I really don’t think anyone knew who he was or maybe they didn’t care. I’m still not a fan but it’s a cool story .
Graham Parker is a seriously tiny dude. Short and skinny, and his pasty skin makes him look like he does a lot of drugs.
I met Owen Wilson in the airport security line in Buenos Aires of all places. We had a nice chat going through the cavity searches and all, but I don’t recall him as being significantly large or small. Very normal.
Remember Dean Jones from the Herbie movies? I met him after a stage show somewhere – also very normal.
Ted Danson brushed elbows with me while I was on a tour of NBC studios in Burbank. He was very tall and skinny, with bad skin (too much sun maybe?), all splotchy and flaky. I remember noticing his hair was reddish/gray in color and VERY thin. This was when Cheers had just finished so it was shocking to see his hair like that – quite a rug he wore for the show, that’s for sure.
Holy Crap!! Does Grace Slick have cancer or something?
Joe
I think its just that she is soon to be 71.
Good Morning Surf Reporters…
I once bumped into F. Lee Bailey on a sidewalk in Manhattan. He was very tall.
Of course I was about 12 years old at the time and kinda short.
I’ve met my share of famous and semi famous people over the years and I’m suprised to find most of them think I look like their brother-in-law…except I seem taller than the pictures they’ve seen of him. …dunno?
LMAO , I just got this Having a blonde moment.
I haven’t met a lot of famous people, but I recall being amazed at the size of many when I went to the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame.
There was a display of stage costumes from a bunch of acts, and I was very surprised to find out that Mick Jagger is small enough to be mistaken for his own bobble-head doll.
Madonna is also very tiny.
The guys from ZZ Top however appear to be 6’+.
I think sports casters in general are tiny guys. Most are the high school paper sports writers who are crazy about sports but waaay too small to play.
We had a local anchor here in Detroit who was just nuts. My Dad usaed to tell a story about being out to dinner one night and Bonds kept staring at my Mom. Dad was going to whip his ass (he could pull the arms off an orangutan) but Mom stopped him.
Anyway, Bonds at one point got so nuts that he actually challenged the sitting mayor, Coleman Young to a boxing match on live TV.
The local paper kept a daily sidebar that “measured” just how nuts he was that particular night. They called it the BondsOmeter. He still does local commercials and I refuse to patronize any establishment that hires him as their spokesman.
And as far as meetings go, for as many as I’ve been a part of (and I’ve been a part of many) I can’t think of anything odd to report. Which of course makes me wonder if it’s me that’s doing the crazy shit. I hope not.
But now, working in an ICU there’s crazy shit happening regularly. But that’s a whole other thing. Some days it looks like a horror movie with the puking blood and whatnot. Seriously. Still and all, mostly it’s pretty cool.
The local anchor was named Bill Bonds. I reread after I posted and saw that I forget to say that.
Thanks.
I just got out of a meeting. I told a CW5, “That was one of the stupidest fucking things I’ve ever heard, how could you act like it’s a good idea.”
This was in reference to the CW5 aggreeing something a good idea fairy, also a Colonel, had just said about changing training in my school.
Everyone just looked at me like I had a rocket-turd shoot out of my ass. My direct supervisor apologized for me, i looked at him like he was an idiot, and the meeting went on.
The idea was disregarded, so I guess I won.
Jeff-
I was looking out the window while on a conference call with the entire North American Sales team, thought my phone was on mute and commented about the “tig ol’ bitties” of a passerby. My local colleagues caught it but not the corporate office types. Whew!
Robert Carlyle is quite wee.
Liam Neeson is taller in real life.
Annie Lennox is quite tall.
Bono is really wee!
In in fact I’d like to see him and Tom Cruise in a fight. To the death. It would be pretty funny. I would give them butter knives and they could pretend that they had swords!
I would have like to have met Robert Pershing Wadlow. I think that he would have looked even taller.
And no matter who lost, the world wins!
What is a Mary Chapin Carpenter frozen dinner?
It’s a running gag – a take-off on Marie Callender, aka Marlene Catheter, etc.
Good morning…I’m having a Marla Cadaver’s “Death Wish Breakfast Platter”.
Six egg omelet with a half pound of bacon, four surprise sausage patties on the side and two of her famous “molded muffins” topped with strawberry jam with just a hint of hemlock.
Wotta rip off! No hash browns smothered in pastuerized processed uhmericun cheese?
I get the lactose intolerant edition and sometimes add pepper jack cheese. I scrape off her “potent potatos” and throw them out back for the raccoons.
Judge Judy comes up to my kneecap.
This happened to a friend of mine and it was on a conference call – not a meeting – but they heard a woman kinda gasp then a WOMP then a dog barking. She bought the farm at that precise moment with a major brain aneurism. Someone on the call clever enough called 9-1-1 but it was too late unfortunately. Imagine if that meeting was face to face?