A few nights ago I was listening to an episode of the old Gunsmoke radio show at work, and one of the characters said the following:
“You’d better shut your mouth, boy, or I’ll knock both your eyes into the same socket.”
Never heard that one before… And I nearly blasted Mountain Dew across a cubicle wall.
Toney reminds me today is the two year anniversary of my “breakfast meeting” in Scranton, where I was informed my job was being eliminated — after seventeen long years with the company.
Yeah, that blew a whole flat of eggs. And it was made worse by the fact I couldn’t stand the guy they dispatched to break the news to me…
He’s what’s commonly known as an insufferable prick: arrogant, irrational, emotional, and confrontational. Plus, I’m convinced, he played a large part in their decision to can me, instead of move me to another location. I’m not a fan now, and wasn’t a fan then.
A few weeks ago, I’m told, he was on the receiving end of one of those breakfast meetings, as well. And while I consistently wished semi-bad things to happen to the guy, I never hoped he’d lose his job, or get killed, or anything that serious. For whatever reason, I have a hard time being overly vicious, even in my revenge fantasies.
But, at the same time… pass the beer nuts.
And speaking of breakfast, check it out. Everything’s better with bacon! Even the PETA site.
Now for some fast food gone horribly wrong… I can’t even imagine how something like this could happen. What do you think? What was the sequence of events that led to such a result? Sweet Maria.
Our local beer distributor has this set as “special order only.” Care to guess the reason? That’s correct, because a case costs $200. Two hunnerd! Can you dig it?
I asked the guy if anyone had actually ordered it, and he said they’ve brought in two cases during the year he’s worked there. Man, I’d like to interview the guys (it’s gotta be guys) who purchased it.
Steve was in a bar in Washington DC recently, and a pint of that stuff was $20. It makes me laugh. I’ve had the 60 Minute IPA, and the 90 Minute, as well. And both were really good, but not $200 good. Seriously.
And speaking of beer, I’m taking the weekend off. It’s an experiment, of sorts. I always have a list of things I want to get accomplished, and fall-short on a consistent basis. So, I’m going to see if beer intake has anything to do with it.
Stay tuned for the results.
I’m also thinking about legally changing my name to L. L. L. Anderson. That’s right, L. L. L. I like the way it rolls off the tongue. What would you like your new name to be?
And you know the guy at work who always calls meetings to order, by hollering, “OK everybody, listen up!” then instantly turns it over to someone else? Yeah, I think I might like to be that guy. Does it require any special certifications, or anything?
I’ve got two new Smoking Fish pics to share with you today, here and here. Keep ’em coming! We’re now up to fifty-eight pages of photos. Amazing.
On the music procurement front:
Yep Roc, a great label out of Norf Carolina, is having a fairly kick-ass sale. That’s the good news. The bad news is it’s ending within hours. So, you’d better hurry if you’re interested.
I bought two recent Robyn Hitchcock CDs, and a Jason & the Scorchers rarities collection (great!). Today, before the sale ends, I’m also going to buy the two Sloan discs they’re offering. Good stuff.
A few days ago I purchased, for $1.99, an early album by Old 97’s, from Amazon’s mp3 store. It was a one-day special, which I knew about because I monitor their Twitter page, here.
And my eMusic account refreshed yesterday, which means I’ve got fifty more songs to play with. Fifty! Oh, there’s electricity in the bunker today, my friends. How should I use those credits? It’s one of my favorite questions…
And just so you know, these are my current musical obsessions:
Butch Walker, Sycamore Meadows I’d never heard of the guy, until I started reading rave review after rave review. So, I bought it, and loved it. One of the best albums of last year…
Local H, 12 Angry Months Remember them, from the 90s? Well, they’re still together, and recently released this concept album of sorts, about the real-life breakup of band leader Scott Lucas’ marriage. All couched in a rockin’ Foo Fighters-like noise.
The Gaslight Anthem, The ’59 Sound People say it reminds them of old Springsteen, as if that’s a negative. I guess I can hear some of that, but it’s also just a good old fashioned rock album. And those are hard to come by nowadays.
The Rifles, Great Escape I saw them open for Paul Weller, in Philadelphia recently. I was unfamiliar with the band, but really liked ’em. So, I bought their first album, loved it, and bought the second one as well. Both are a blast, and sound (shockingly enough) like The Jam. Does Weller tour exclusively with people who worship him? It’s a question worth asking.
And that pretty much nukes the notebook, my friends. Hopefully it’ll start refilling over the weekend… for everybody’s sake.
Have a great one, and I’ll see you on the other side.
First?
Double Whee!
I love bacon!
Holy Shit- Even with all the clicking I had to do to get throught the update I’m still 4th!
Cinco!
How did Jeff accomplish those baconastics? I want to do it!
top 10!
120 minute IPA. The PArty Source across the river from Cincy has that stuff. I also recommend the Jiahu, Pangea, and of course, the Fort (forte?).
Beer in Oklahoma city sucks rooster cock.
we’ve all been hanging around, waiting for an update, like a dog waiting for a piece of bacon….
Ten. Crazy.
Top 20?
Which Robyn Hitchcock CDs did you get? I’ve been a fan of his since the ’80s. Not so familiar with his current stuff, I’m afraid.
Top Dozen – hold the cheese, please…
I ordered Spooked and Ole! Tarantula, retrollama. He has a new one that just came out, but it’s not part of the $5 sale.
I live about 600 feet from the Dogfish Head Brewery. They give free tastings daily of what has recently been bottled. Needless to say I have their brewing schedule memorized and never miss certain beers, 120 is among them.
I’d like to change my name to T. Farty McAppleass. The “T” is because rich people seem to start their names with an initial a lot of the time. “Farty” because I want to hear people say it. “Farty, you catch the game last night?” “Nope. Me and Mrs. McAppleass were swinging from the rafters until 2:00 a.m.”
Sounds like Mr Breakfast Meeting Guy is the one who is truly f**ked in this case. Good luck finding a job in 2009, Mr Breakfast Meeting Guy! If you do find a job opening that you might want to apply for, then you will be competing with about 1500-2500 other applicants. Jeff, in retrospect, you were lucky to get canned when you did. Because if you still worked for “the company”, you would probably be getting laid-off right now, too.
Good Evening Surf Reporters…..
What a nice little reprieve in my hectic, hectic day. Been running around balls out(not literally) for the last 3 hours and I’m sweating like a whore in confession.
Too much caffeine added to the internal adrenaline kick.
Yea, I love getting all amped up at work only to go home with a case of the jitters.
Of course, the several samplings of malt beverage at the end of the day offsets all the stimulants I’ve ingested over a 12 hour period.
Look at me rambling like a crack addict on payday.
Hey great update Jeff and all you fine fine Surf Reporters have a fan fuckin tastic weekend.
This is JCIII reporting and I’m out like the fat kid in dodgeball……..
Dangit Jeff,
You had to mention that sale on the first week i’ve had a few extra bux to spend in months!
Billy Bragg + Los Straitjackets!
I’m poor again now…..
L. L. L. Excellent. You can have all the extra ‘l”s people have been sticking in my name lately.
It’s a thousand wonders some halfwit hasn’t tried “Philllip”.
Some helpful souls will transcribe my name with two “l”s in it from a form I myself filled out only moments before. The geniuses at the local utilities department assume I can’t spell my own name.
So, yeah, by all means, take the extra “l”s. Also, it does kind of roll off the tongue.
Jeff, be sure to check out Sex, Death, Food and Insects, a short documentary about Robyn, Peter Buck et al. making Ole Tarantula.
I’d change my name to John. It would be really fun for me to see the look on people’s faces when I tell them my name is John. Not because John is a funny name, but because i’m a girl and who’s ever met a girl named John. I bet nobody.
Pardon me for riffing on yesterday’s topic, but it just hit me. So obvious. The WVSR needs a jingle. A sappy, crappy jingle that seeps into your brain and will not leave. Ever.
We had the McAppleass’s over for dinner last night, she was great but ole farty kept going on and on about how rich he was!
In my revenge fantasies people die screaming….
Never mind.
If I ever became dissatisfied with Jorge I would change my name to Alejandro Zebulon Lipschutz III.
Pagan,
I guess I shouldn’t have gone on and on like that about my fruitbat guano empire. It’s just that without all this money I know that John never would have married me. The tiny little individual pheasants were delicious. Thanks.
Jeff,
I strongly recommend Two Dollar Pistols. They’re from Durham and every time I have the chance to see them, something blows it all to hell.
Try ’em!
Love the DFH! I’ve never had the 120 Minute, but have had the 60 Minute and the Midas Touch. Gotta drive to the next state to get it, but worth the trip. Here is a great story on DFH from, ahem, the New Yorker. Yeah, I know. But it’s an excellent read. That guy is a nut job, but in the best way possible.
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/11/24/081124fa_fact_bilger
Farty,
It’s not that I’m a golddigger. It’s a big venture I’m taking on, convincing the nation that deep frying all food and serving it on sticks is both classy AND nutritious. We’re changing the world, you and me. Without your riches, the uninformed masses will continue wasting their lives with cutlery and (god forbid) PLATES!
Love,
John
I would eat just about anything if it came with a stack of bacon.
i’ve been telling everyone that i really am in witness protection program
my real name is alphonzo motzerelli III
the roman numbers give class to this part of wv
better than jr jr
Jeff,
Is the bacon something you learned in the University of Scranton classes?
If Jeff or any other Fegmaniac hasn’t taken advantage yet, I very highly recommend the Robyn Hitchcock holdings at the Live Music Archive (http://www.archive.org/details/RobynHitchcock).
A fine first sample would be the 2005 birthday show at the Great American Music Hall (March 3, 2005).
Hey Taiwan On… how about “Holy crap in a Bundt pan”
I’m just saying….?
@ Jan and Joe T.
Your Bacon mystery is solved:
http://bacolicio.us/http://
Add your URL after the second set of back slashes like so:
http://bacolicio.us/http://thewvsr.com
And presto! Instant Bacon, because what kind of heathen bastard doesn’t like Bacon.
(I was going to Bacon-up Bill O’Riley’s site, but thought Joe might jet his panties in a twist, so I let it pass)
I don’t need my ego fed.
I don’t need my ego fed.
I don’t need my ego fed.
I don’t need my ego fed.
1. Old 97s kick ass
2. I got laid off from Citicorp a few weeks ago. We are in good shape financially so I can’t say I’m not enjoying the time off right now. I have decided that when I win the lottery, I won’t be keeping any kind of token job or buying a bar, etc. I will be doing nothing but relaxing. In the immortal words of Peter from Office Space -“I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything I thought it could be.”
3. The “OK everybody, listen up!” guy is the white man’s equivalent of the rapper’s “hype man”.
4. I don’t know about changing my name but I was referring to something Sopranos related a few weeks ago and incorrectly made mention of gay Vito’s boyfriend, Johnny Cakes as Johnny Flapjacks. My wife, who almost soiled her self laughing, now calls me this exclusively.
I’d change my name to Anal Sphincterson…cause I’m kind of an ass freak.
I’d like to be known as H. Rap Brown or “Big” Dick Brannigan. My two favorite names of all time.
I would eat just about anything if it came with a stack of John.
Tyrosine,
No, I’m not an O’Reilly or Hannity fan…they don’t do it for me. I’m more of a fan of Rush or Michelle Malkin. Thanks for being so considerate, but I belive that that piece of bacon can be a unifier, not a divider.
Let’s heal the world with bacon
Krispy McBaconstrip
Brandy I went to school with a girl named Johni. She was hot do you know whatever happened to her?
Jeff,
If they have it, try the band Vetiver – album “Tight Knit”, just came out. Some of the tunes sort of sound like the Kinks “Muswell Hillbillies” era.
I’ve sampled the Dogfish Head 120 a bunch of times. The local liquor store sells them by the bottle for $8.99. It seems a little steep, but when you consider it has the same amount of flavor and alcohol content as an entire 6-pack of other beers . . .
I usually make the mistake of saving one bottle for the end of the night, after I’ve had a coupla two-tree High Lifes. More than once I’ve woken up in bed with my shoes still on wondering how I got there.
Speaking of cheap or even FREE tunage!
Here’s the band that I play bass fer!
http://www.poormansgravy.com
This goes perfectly with the bacon!
http://bacolicio.us/http://www.poormansgravy.com
Jeff, the beloved “Mother Country” is getting abused again in the national press:
Newsweek: Hillbilly No More
Born and raised in central Appalachia, Shawn Grim is a walking hillbilly cliché. His mother has no teeth, none of his relatives graduated from high school and there’s a gun rack on the wall of his family’s ramshackle trailer. But he was still shocked last year when his brother, “Little Man,” was caught in flagrante with his half-sister. “That is really disgusting in my book,” said his mother of the incident, apparently not a one-off.
The scene, one of several shockers from ABC’s recent documentary “Children of the Mountains,” was shot on the Kentucky–West Virginia border, where the poverty rate is three times the national average, decay-ravaged “Mountain Dew mouth” is widespread…
Sorry, check out the link through my name.
Just wanted to say thanks for the Gaslight Anthem recommendation – my friend had suggested I check them out, but clearly I only believe the advise of those who have not actually met me. Also can I just say how much I hate the album cover? They look so weird…
@ Son of Sam – I read your earlier post about a girl named Johni and thought the name and spelling were odd. And then coincidentally, I just saw an iReport on CNN by a woman named Johni Redd in Louisville, KY. I guess the name really does exist.