You know what’s a great feeling? When you’ve been stuck in a traffic jam for a long time, your blood pressure is spiking and crashing, you’ve run through your full arsenal of profanity and are now making up new phrases (like shit bugler and ball flaps) – and everything suddenly busts loose.
The moment when you’ve officially cleared the problem, and can now mash down on the accelerator is pure magic. It feels like a great pressure has been released from your soul.
And that’s one of the reasons I don’t do drugs (beyond beer). If I ever found something that approximated that getting-out-of-a-traffic-jam feeling, I’d likely render myself permanently unemployable within six months.
Oh, I know how I am.
Since I made the tentative leap to 2003 a few months ago, and started downloading a small portion of my music, I’ve discovered some real gems – like this slab o’ greatness, for instance.
But I’ve also been burned a few times. I occasionally let the critics get to me, especially when they engage in a relentless slobber-campaign about some “brilliant” new release. I’m generally extra-careful, but sometimes get suckered into the vortex of hype.
The new Animal Collective, I’m afraid, might fall into that category. I’ve only had it a few days, but it’s not doing much for me. It really isn’t. It’s all breathy and swirly, and reminds me of a turd-band from long ago: Cocteau Twins.
Other disappointments from the recent download era include Bon Iver (zzzzz) and Fleet Foxes (make it stop!!). After giving any of those albums another chance to grow on me, I usually have to race to my stereo and turn on Rocket to Russia, or the first Undertones album, just to get the feeling back in my face.
Cheese and crackers! I love music, but it’s sometimes very cruel to me.
Sheetz is a chain of convenience stores in these parts. They’re similar to other such operations, except they sell decent food ‘round the clock.
Oh, you’re not going get a lobster dinner there, or moo goo gai pan. But if you’re in the market for a freshly-prepared sub sandwich at 3 am, they can hook you up.
In any case, I was in there the other day, using their no-fee ATM (money for nothing), and noticed a sign advertising a full line of Sheetz-themed clothing. I blinked a few times, and finally decided it was true. I wasn’t having a stroke, after all.
Who in the hell would buy a hoodie emblazoned with the logo of a grocery store, or a gas station, or whatever that place happens to be?
And check this out. The whole thing makes me laugh.
What’s next, a line of Sleepy’s Mattress Center windbreakers? Radio Shack lapel pins? Leather jackets in celebration of Del Monte corn?
I sincerely don’t understand.
Surf Reporter Dorothy sends along this amazing photo… It was reportedly snapped by her daughter, somewhere in Arkansas. Yum! Chili, burritos, and the insinuation of a severe intestinal tract infection!!
And finally, the Question of the Day… Last week I was at Waffle House, and my check was $7.34. I gave the cashier a ten, and she handed me $12.66 in change.
Years ago, when I was a poor young hooligan, I would’ve pocketed it, thanked her, and kept moving. But nowadays I’m much more honest in such situations. I always think about the employee, and how it’ll surely come back to them in some unpleasant way.
So, I returned the ten to the woman, and told her she’d given me too much change. She seemed surprised by my honesty, and thanked me several times.
How do you handle that sort of thing? Do you just say screw ’em, like the 1988 Jeff? Or do you give the money back?
I’d also like to hear your stories about finding money, or other things of value, and whether or not you tried to locate the person who lost it.
What’s the highest amount of money you’ve ever found? I once happened upon a ten and two singles all folded up on the floor of a store in Greensboro, and believe that’s my current record. What about you?
Use the comments section to tell us about your most impressive ground scores, and I’ll see you guys tomorrow.
Have a great day!
If anyone see’s “for a good time call Brandy” in a public washroom, forward kevindust the number, but disregard any lewd comments that are sure to be written nearby…
bennigan's nazi says
I’m jonesin for today’s update, Kay.
Don’t make me start quoting oprah on your ass.
Oh shit, are you actually supposed to call a phone number or just stand there and yell, “Brandy”? Somebody needs to lay down some rules. I’m sick of making an ass of myself.
J Shifty says
harumpa: J shifty– were you driving a Subaru?
I drove a mighty Ford Festiva in those days.
Or are you secretly asking if I’m a lesbian? That is absolutely no myth: the streets here are crowded with Outbacks.
The more you know.
J Shifty says
Also, curse you Jeff for getting me hooked on the amazonmp3 Twitter feed. Today was the first day I actually took the plunge: 26 tracks of Buddy Holly The Definitive Collection for $1.99
Cindi K in VA says
Here’s another one-and also why dogs bring good karma-I was outside a restaurant in Fox Lake, IL once (lived nearby in Twin Lakes, WI while training the world’s greatest at RTC Great Lakes) anyway….I had another trusty Husky then named Sabre, God rest his soul. If you know anything about Huskies it’s hard to leave them alone, especially when they are young, they are very high-energy and love to get into trouble! So, I had Sabre in the car and was taking him for a little walk along the river there next to the restaurant before we were going to have quick meal. Lo and behold while walking along there was a five and another and another! $15 buckaroos! I kept it this time! Probably because Sabre had just eaten a couch or something.
BTW-I think the restaurant was called the Riverside or something, but they had the biggest and best pasta bowls! It was about 5 meals worth in every bowl! Fantastic!
Jason, Brandy isn’t an uncommon name in the south. That’s a dangerous game of russian roulette you’re playing in Alabama. You have no idea who might show up…
Brandy, I know. Last Saturday a fat man with a glass eye showed up. He let me lick his teet so it wasn’t a total loss.
I accidentally “dined-n-dashed” at a diner last year- and the folks were very surprised when I came in the nexd day to come clean and pay up. And no, I wasn’t drunk, the night of or the next day. Just a little preoccupied.
Tried to post this last night but the little bastard wouldn’t cooperate.
When I drove a school bus, I found 4 quarters on the very last seat after cleaning the bus up. I asked the kids that afternoon who was sitting in that seat. (Silence) They finally said who it was. I said, “I found money on that seat this morning, If you can identify it, it’s yours.” Every kid on the bus says, “Oooo, It’s mine.”
Kid that was actually sitting in that seat says, “4 quarters.” Gave it back to him.
Otherwise, found money is mine, and usually wrong change too.
i like it when things match. watch this: the most money i’ve ever found was a $20 outside of a . . .wait for it. . . sheetz store.
thank you! goodnight.