While we were going through the boxes of my grandmother’s things, we came across some other stuff my parents are keeping. Like old report cards, and crap like that. Or, as it’s sometimes known, the “Jeff is not living up to his potential” file.
Most of it was only mildly interesting, but I came across the actual hospital bill from… my birth. It cost my Mom and Dad $100 cold cash to bring me into the world. And they had so little money, they had to make payments on it.
I asked my Dad if it was worth it, and he said, “Yeah, I guess so.” Nice.
My brother, born a year and a half later, cost $125. That’s a whopping 25% increase, in a short period of time. Maybe Lyndon Johnson was sticking it to the greedy bastards at Big Baby? I don’t know.
I also found a stack of newspapers from the late 1930s, and early 1940s. Most were the Charleston Gazette, but a few were unfamiliar papers produced especially for the citizens of Dunbar — a town of roughly 10,000. And those were the best.
On the “Society” page (heh), there was a short piece about a dinner party held by the Williams family, of 21st Street. They served leg of lamb, and a complete listing of attendees was included. Like, six or seven people. Apparently it was big news when a couple had a few folks over for dinner back then?
There were also notices about people preparing to visit a sister in Norfolk, or Williamsburg, for a few days. And a blurb about a man and woman returning from a trip to Florida. This was news, in the newspaper!
I also found a Dunbar High School yearbook from 1944. It had belonged to my Mom’s half-sister, whose radio I absconded with, and some of the students were teachers I had at DHS almost forty years later. Small town America…
Many of the senior boys were in full military uniform, which seemed kinda odd. It was during WWII, so I guess it makes sense. But when I was 17 and 18, I had the maturity of a fourth grader. I can’t imagine being sent to kill Nazis at that age. But whatever.
One of the funniest thing in the book was a list of all the seniors, and their favorite phrases. It was stuff like “Holy moly!” and “Geezie peezie!” and “Oh, cow!” Ten or twelve people listed “Oh, cow!” so I guess that was a big one in ’44?
I could be wrong, but I have a feeling those weren’t really their favorite phrases; they were just the ones they wanted their parents to read.
My aunt, my mother’s sister, was in high school when I was a little kid during the late ’60s, and I remember she and all her friends used to say, “Oh, suck my nose!” all the time. I thought that was extra-disgusting, therefore excellent.
My grandfather hated it, and would fly into a rage whenever he heard someone use the phrase. But I thought it was pretty cool. Wonder if they allowed them to list it in their yearbook? Somehow I doubt it.
This one is brief, but hopefully you guys can take it from here? What are some briefly popular phrases you used to hear, and possibly use, which have disappeared completely? I’m sure I could come up with a few from my “not living up to his potential” years, but I’m pinched for time (again).
I’ll finish the WV stuff tomorrow, and zero out the notebook on Friday.
See you guys next time.
” Haven’t had that much fun since Ma got her tits caught in the wringer”..
“He’s a pill’, or “That’s the kinda pill I am”.
Trumpet player to chick singer…”Wow. I’ve never heard anyone who can sing in several different keys all at the same time”. I wrote that years ago.
Taiwan On says
There’s probably 15 or 20 of these sayings that would make good bumper stickers in the WVSR git shop.
From Boston – Wicked pissa
Not Oprah says
‘well tie me to an anthill and smear my ears with Jam’, heard that on Mash and loved it.
Blow a dead bear
Evil Twin's Wife says
My mom would often say, “Shit or get off the pot” (meaning make a decision or do *something!*”)
She also said, “I swunee.” It was used in the context of “I swear.”
Some of my personal faves: Uglier than a box of assholes with all the pretty ones taken out.
Dumber than a box of rocks.
I wouldn’t piss in your mouth if your teeth were on fire.
-- Steve says
and from an odd family with more than their share of sayin’s:
Worse where there ain’t any
Hey Pa! Say Whoa!
The tail comes with the hide
Even an elephant can’t hold it
Drag! (always hollered at a stray dog)
Weirder than Dick’s hatband
Better than a poke in the eye with a crotch-ed stick
…and instead of any profanity at all: “EEee-Oh!!”
Greg in Cincinnati says
“I asked my Dad if it was worth it, and he said, “Yeah, I guess so.” Nice.”
Classic Kay. I felt the love like a backhand to the back of the head there, Sir. Nowadays if you grab you a hickory stick, they’ll haul your ass to jail and call you a criminal.
When did American become such a bunch of pussies. We Won Tet in 1968. Giap was ready to throw in the towel. Bitch like Fonda comes over to cheer him up.
Afghanistan should find some peace soon. I thought this was supposed to be a funny website. *Smacks self upside the head, 1, 2, 3X.”
Reds 1 Brewers 0 in the 4th. We have so much time left to pull a Reds loss off. Go Reds!!!
Shiny Rod says
Whip me, beat me, make me feel cheap
You couldn’t skin my dick with both hands full of sandaper…….
Slicker than a ministers prick………….
Hug a root.
Phantom Railfan says
A few from my Dad:
“He’s about as sharp as a bowling ball.”
“I’ll kick your ass ’til your nose bleeds.”
“This store’s prices are higher than an elephant’s balls.”
“I feel like I’ve been shot at and missed and shit at and hit.” (spoken hours before he was admitted to the hospital with a heart attack…)
“Poor.” A one-word, all-purpose expression of disgust at anything considered sub-par: restaurant meals, baseball games, TV shows, my report card, you name it. Me: “How was the movie, Dad?” Him: “Poor.”
“Judas Priest!” An expression of appalled surprise, said when somebody tried to cut him off in traffic, or a baseball player made an error at a crucial point. Emphasis placed on the first syllable vowel and dragged out…
From junior high/high school:
“Suck my carcass.”
“Suck up, Shirley.”
“Bite down hard.”
“Bite the head.”
“I coulda been your father but your mother didn’t have change for a two-dollar bill.”
and my favorite insult, still in use:
“Did your mother have any children that lived?”
I still use those to this very day.
Whenever I burped, my Granddaddy would say, “bring it up again and we’ll vote on it.” I never understood that. I thought he was saying something about vomit.
Good Morning Surf Reporters…..
all I remember was Jeezum Crow
if something didn’t work out or go your way….
it was “Shit the bed and flip the mattress”…
Lots of great scots-irish-canadian stuff in my family, but my favourite still has to be calling someone a “Stupid Arsehole”.
Why “arsehole” sounds funnier than asshole, I don’t know, but it does, especially when my crinkly old aunt Joyce says it.
Which she does. Frequently.
Alice in WV says
Spit in one hand and wish in the other -see which one gets full first.
I’ll hit you so hard yuo’ll ring like a ten-penney finishing nail hit with a ball peen hammer
Chew nails and spit rust
`Almost’ only counts in horseshoes & hand grenades
“Gag me with a football player” was popular in my circle of friends in college.
Probably wouldn’t make it into the yearbook.
T. Farty McAppleass says
“It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.”
“Shake my hand, be my friend, you’ve been digging in the garbage can.”
@ Shiny Rod…out in Seattle it was “Whip me, Beat me, Make me write bad checks.”
Old newspapers used to have the pointless, boring crap people were up to. Now we have twitter. That’s progress. What’s the twitter verb – to twit? I twit, you twat…?
Shiny Rod says
clintcurtis – I guess that one depends on a what level of masochism one is into. That’s some hell of a whippin to make someone write bad checks.
“Slicker than snot on a doorknob”
Tried 3 times to leave a reply!!! Testing….testing….
Uh… People used to say, lets “book it” to the wherever…
Hoe bag –that one got me detention
Some one of ill repute muight be referred to as A
T.A.G or Trick Ass Goofy.
N-oi-ce in refrence to something that is Nice, I’m glad that fizzled and Aiight. Wuzzzzzup thank god thats gone
“Thats what she said” is a term that deserves federal punishment…
Other terms that deserve death:
“no means no”
“take your hands off my tits, motherfucker.”
There are so many, I know I forgot some.
Oh, here’s one I forgot: “Rick James, bitch!”
Fuck you! I will murder you if you say that around me. Drink bleach!
Greg in Cincinnati says
The worst person I ever slept with was a girl I wanted in a sexual way. She was a wonderful kiss when we later got around to that. We spent the night like brother and Sister somewhere near George, Washington. I still look for her from time to time in Oregon, but now my married ass is stuck luck chuck in Cincinnati.
We won 4 games in a row! Who died and stole our baseball team. Go Reds!
Hey Limey – rember T.W.A.
The stewardess would ask…
TWA Coffee, TWA Milk, or TWA T(EA)?
Let’s book! = Leave the scene of the crime…or let’s get out of here
Neato or neat = Lame way of saying something was very good
Peel the banana (hand signal with 3 fingers up indicating f-off)
Tony Sinn says
My mom used to say these things:
Jessie’s Crotch (as an expletive instead of Jesus Christ. She was catholic don’t ya know)
Shit the bed Fred. (Also as an expletive) ie. Shit the bed Fred, that was an especially spicy nacho.
I’m a minimalist and a purist. “Fuck” and all of it’s forms works just fine for me. I am also a fan of “Shit” and “Cock”.