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Yearbooks, Newspapers, and Baby Bills

August 26, 2009 By Jeff 83 Comments

hsmilitaryWhile we were going through the boxes of my grandmother’s things, we came across some other stuff my parents are keeping.  Like old report cards, and crap like that.  Or, as it’s sometimes known, the “Jeff is not living up to his potential” file.

Most of it was only mildly interesting, but I came across the actual hospital bill from… my birth.  It cost my Mom and Dad $100 cold cash to bring me into the world.  And they had so little money, they had to make payments on it.

I asked my Dad if it was worth it, and he said, “Yeah, I guess so.”  Nice.

My brother, born a year and a half later, cost $125.  That’s a whopping 25% increase, in a short period of time.  Maybe Lyndon Johnson was sticking it to the greedy bastards at Big Baby?  I don’t know.

I also found a stack of newspapers from the late 1930s, and early 1940s.  Most were the Charleston Gazette, but a few were unfamiliar papers produced especially for the citizens of Dunbar — a town of roughly 10,000.  And those were the best.

On the “Society” page (heh), there was a short piece about a dinner party held by the Williams family, of 21st Street.  They served leg of lamb, and a complete listing of attendees was included.  Like, six or seven people.  Apparently it was big news when a couple had a few folks over for dinner back then?

There were also notices about people preparing to visit a sister in Norfolk, or Williamsburg, for a few days.  And a blurb about a man and woman returning from a trip to Florida.  This was news, in the newspaper!

I also found a Dunbar High School yearbook from 1944.  It had belonged to my Mom’s half-sister, whose radio I absconded with, and some of the students were teachers I had at DHS almost forty years later.  Small town America…

Many of the senior boys were in full military uniform, which seemed kinda odd.  It was during WWII, so I guess it makes sense.  But when I was 17 and 18, I had the maturity of a fourth grader.  I can’t imagine being sent to kill Nazis at that age.  But whatever.

One of the funniest thing in the book was a list of all the seniors, and their favorite phrases.  It was stuff like “Holy moly!” and “Geezie peezie!” and “Oh, cow!”  Ten or twelve people listed “Oh, cow!” so I guess that was a big one in ’44?

I could be wrong, but I have a feeling those weren’t really their favorite phrases; they were just the ones they wanted their parents to read.

My aunt, my mother’s sister, was in high school when I was a little kid during the late ’60s, and I remember she and all her friends used to say, “Oh, suck my nose!” all the time.  I thought that was extra-disgusting, therefore excellent.

My grandfather hated it, and would fly into a rage whenever he heard someone use the phrase.  But I thought it was pretty cool.  Wonder if they allowed them to list it in their yearbook?  Somehow I doubt it.

This one is brief, but hopefully you guys can take it from here?  What are some briefly popular phrases you used to hear, and possibly use, which have disappeared completely?  I’m sure I could come up with a few from my “not living up to his potential” years, but I’m pinched for time (again).

I’ll finish the WV stuff tomorrow, and zero out the notebook on Friday.

See you guys next time.

Now playing in the bunker.

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Comments

  1. DTO says

    August 26, 2009 at 5:15 pm

    ” Haven’t had that much fun since Ma got her tits caught in the wringer”..

    “He’s a pill’, or “That’s the kinda pill I am”.

    Trumpet player to chick singer…”Wow. I’ve never heard anyone who can sing in several different keys all at the same time”. I wrote that years ago.

    Reply
  2. Taiwan On says

    August 26, 2009 at 7:38 pm

    There’s probably 15 or 20 of these sayings that would make good bumper stickers in the WVSR git shop.

    From Boston – Wicked pissa

    Reply
  3. Not Oprah says

    August 26, 2009 at 8:00 pm

    ‘well tie me to an anthill and smear my ears with Jam’, heard that on Mash and loved it.

    Reply
  4. Doug says

    August 26, 2009 at 8:11 pm

    Blow a dead bear

    Reply
  5. Evil Twin's Wife says

    August 26, 2009 at 8:26 pm

    My mom would often say, “Shit or get off the pot” (meaning make a decision or do *something!*”)

    She also said, “I swunee.” It was used in the context of “I swear.”

    Some of my personal faves: Uglier than a box of assholes with all the pretty ones taken out.

    Dumber than a box of rocks.

    I wouldn’t piss in your mouth if your teeth were on fire.

    Reply
  6. -- Steve says

    August 26, 2009 at 9:18 pm

    and from an odd family with more than their share of sayin’s:

    Worse where there ain’t any
    Hey Pa! Say Whoa!
    The tail comes with the hide
    Even an elephant can’t hold it
    Drag! (always hollered at a stray dog)
    Weirder than Dick’s hatband
    Better than a poke in the eye with a crotch-ed stick
    …and instead of any profanity at all: “EEee-Oh!!”

    Reply
  7. Greg in Cincinnati says

    August 26, 2009 at 9:28 pm

    “I asked my Dad if it was worth it, and he said, “Yeah, I guess so.” Nice.”

    Classic Kay. I felt the love like a backhand to the back of the head there, Sir. Nowadays if you grab you a hickory stick, they’ll haul your ass to jail and call you a criminal.

    When did American become such a bunch of pussies. We Won Tet in 1968. Giap was ready to throw in the towel. Bitch like Fonda comes over to cheer him up.

    Afghanistan should find some peace soon. I thought this was supposed to be a funny website. *Smacks self upside the head, 1, 2, 3X.”

    Reds 1 Brewers 0 in the 4th. We have so much time left to pull a Reds loss off. Go Reds!!!

    Reply
  8. Shiny Rod says

    August 26, 2009 at 10:29 pm

    Whip me, beat me, make me feel cheap

    Reply
  9. Mark says

    August 26, 2009 at 11:46 pm

    How about……………….

    You couldn’t skin my dick with both hands full of sandaper…….

    Slicker than a ministers prick………….

    Reply
  10. Tim says

    August 27, 2009 at 12:07 am

    Hug a root.

    Reply
  11. Phantom Railfan says

    August 27, 2009 at 12:33 am

    A few from my Dad:

    “He’s about as sharp as a bowling ball.”

    “I’ll kick your ass ’til your nose bleeds.”

    “This store’s prices are higher than an elephant’s balls.”

    “I feel like I’ve been shot at and missed and shit at and hit.” (spoken hours before he was admitted to the hospital with a heart attack…)

    “Poor.” A one-word, all-purpose expression of disgust at anything considered sub-par: restaurant meals, baseball games, TV shows, my report card, you name it. Me: “How was the movie, Dad?” Him: “Poor.”

    “Judas Priest!” An expression of appalled surprise, said when somebody tried to cut him off in traffic, or a baseball player made an error at a crucial point. Emphasis placed on the first syllable vowel and dragged out…

    From junior high/high school:

    “Suck my carcass.”

    “Suck up, Shirley.”

    “Bite down hard.”

    “Bite the head.”

    “I coulda been your father but your mother didn’t have change for a two-dollar bill.”

    and my favorite insult, still in use:
    “Did your mother have any children that lived?”

    Reply
  12. WVKay says

    August 27, 2009 at 1:31 am

    “Eat me.”
    “Bite me.”
    “Fuck you.”
    I still use those to this very day.

    Whenever I burped, my Granddaddy would say, “bring it up again and we’ll vote on it.” I never understood that. I thought he was saying something about vomit.

    Reply
  13. JCIII says

    August 27, 2009 at 1:44 am

    Good Morning Surf Reporters…..

    all I remember was Jeezum Crow

    Reply
  14. JCIII says

    August 27, 2009 at 1:48 am

    oh…

    if something didn’t work out or go your way….

    it was “Shit the bed and flip the mattress”…

    Reply
  15. jeff_in_niagara_for_now says

    August 27, 2009 at 2:45 am

    Lots of great scots-irish-canadian stuff in my family, but my favourite still has to be calling someone a “Stupid Arsehole”.

    Why “arsehole” sounds funnier than asshole, I don’t know, but it does, especially when my crinkly old aunt Joyce says it.

    Reply
  16. jeff_in_niagara_for_now says

    August 27, 2009 at 2:46 am

    Which she does. Frequently.

    Reply
  17. Laserboy says

    August 27, 2009 at 8:16 am

    cool beans

    Reply
  18. Alice in WV says

    August 27, 2009 at 11:42 am

    Weelllll doggies!

    Reply
  19. Laserboy says

    August 27, 2009 at 12:22 pm

    Spit in one hand and wish in the other -see which one gets full first.

    I’ll hit you so hard yuo’ll ring like a ten-penney finishing nail hit with a ball peen hammer

    Chew nails and spit rust

    `Almost’ only counts in horseshoes & hand grenades

    Reply
  20. tiff says

    August 27, 2009 at 12:34 pm

    “Gag me with a football player” was popular in my circle of friends in college.

    Probably wouldn’t make it into the yearbook.

    Reply
  21. T. Farty McAppleass says

    August 27, 2009 at 12:51 pm

    “It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.”
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDgS6qLsVM4

    “Shake my hand, be my friend, you’ve been digging in the garbage can.”

    Reply
  22. clintcurtis says

    August 27, 2009 at 1:51 pm

    @ Shiny Rod…out in Seattle it was “Whip me, Beat me, Make me write bad checks.”

    Reply
  23. Limey says

    August 27, 2009 at 2:23 pm

    Old newspapers used to have the pointless, boring crap people were up to. Now we have twitter. That’s progress. What’s the twitter verb – to twit? I twit, you twat…?

    Reply
  24. Shiny Rod says

    August 27, 2009 at 2:32 pm

    clintcurtis – I guess that one depends on a what level of masochism one is into. That’s some hell of a whippin to make someone write bad checks.

    Reply
  25. Mac says

    August 27, 2009 at 2:37 pm

    From Dad:

    “Slicker than snot on a doorknob”

    Reply
  26. bikerchick says

    August 27, 2009 at 2:58 pm

    Tried 3 times to leave a reply!!! Testing….testing….

    Reply
  27. ratchet says

    August 27, 2009 at 3:06 pm

    Uh… People used to say, lets “book it” to the wherever…

    Hoe bag –that one got me detention
    Damn Gina
    Some one of ill repute muight be referred to as A
    T.A.G or Trick Ass Goofy.
    RADtarded
    N-oi-ce in refrence to something that is Nice, I’m glad that fizzled and Aiight. Wuzzzzzup thank god thats gone
    “Thats what she said” is a term that deserves federal punishment…

    Reply
  28. Jason says

    August 27, 2009 at 3:09 pm

    Other terms that deserve death:

    “the bomb”
    “for shizzle”
    “word up”
    “no means no”
    “take your hands off my tits, motherfucker.”

    There are so many, I know I forgot some.

    Reply
  29. Jason says

    August 27, 2009 at 3:13 pm

    Oh, here’s one I forgot: “Rick James, bitch!”

    Fuck you! I will murder you if you say that around me. Drink bleach!

    Reply
  30. Greg in Cincinnati says

    August 27, 2009 at 6:56 pm

    The worst person I ever slept with was a girl I wanted in a sexual way. She was a wonderful kiss when we later got around to that. We spent the night like brother and Sister somewhere near George, Washington. I still look for her from time to time in Oregon, but now my married ass is stuck luck chuck in Cincinnati.

    We won 4 games in a row! Who died and stole our baseball team. Go Reds!

    Reply
  31. Laserboy says

    August 28, 2009 at 1:31 pm

    Hey Limey – rember T.W.A.
    The stewardess would ask…
    TWA Coffee, TWA Milk, or TWA T(EA)?

    Reply
  32. tomsmom says

    August 28, 2009 at 2:08 pm

    Let’s book! = Leave the scene of the crime…or let’s get out of here
    Neato or neat = Lame way of saying something was very good
    Peel the banana (hand signal with 3 fingers up indicating f-off)

    Reply
  33. Tony Sinn says

    August 31, 2009 at 1:40 am

    My mom used to say these things:

    Jessie’s Crotch (as an expletive instead of Jesus Christ. She was catholic don’t ya know)

    Shit the bed Fred. (Also as an expletive) ie. Shit the bed Fred, that was an especially spicy nacho.

    I’m a minimalist and a purist. “Fuck” and all of it’s forms works just fine for me. I am also a fan of “Shit” and “Cock”.

    Reply
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