On workdays, my alarm clock goes off at 9:30 am. I generally groan ‘n’ thrash for the next thirty minutes, sigh real loud, and finally hoist my heft off the platform around 10:00. But, for unknown reasons, the clock didn’t start chirping until 10:55 yesterday.
And it threw my entire Wednesday into disarray…
I wanted to tell you guys about the events of Monday, but my pre-work calibration was off. It was compacted-down, and I wasn’t able to recover. So, sorry ’bout that; I hate not being able to update. But I’ll tell you the story now…
To be honest, I hesitate to even bring this stuff up. Because it’ll likely trigger diatribes (both pro and con) and much jumping to conclusions. And a few folks might even be offended. Politics and religion are dangerous territory, it’s well-known, and this tale is about the latter.
You see, I bring nothing to the table, when it comes to religion. I was raised a Baptist, but it never took. On the day my parents stopped requiring me to attend church, I stopped going. I never liked it, not for a single minute.
However, and this is the point I’d like to emphasize, I’m not anti-religion. Not at all. Just because it hasn’t worked for me so far, doesn’t mean I have a big chip on my shoulder about it. That’s one of the places where people often jump to conclusions.
When our kids were young, Toney and I had a conversation about all this stuff. She’s not all that religious either, but was raised a Catholic. She felt the boys should be exposed to church, in a very casual way, and they could do with it what they will, as adults.
I didn’t disagree, and so… our kids are Catholic. Casual Catholics. Toney is as well, and I’m not anything. I’m just a spiritual free agent, afloat in the world…
And on Monday our oldest went through confirmation, which is why Toney’s cousin came up from Philadelphia. She was his “sponsor.” I’m unclear on the exact role of the sponsor, she just kinda stood behind him during the ceremony, but whatever.
Once again, I was the baffled outsider. I’ve attended several Catholic ceremonies during my life, and a couple of Catholic weddings, but this one was taken to the next level. And I was thoroughly confused.
It was held at a large church in our town, and there were more than a hundred 8th graders involved. Oh, it was quite an event.
The kids were all wearing long robes, with sashes. Each sash had the name of a saint on it, and our boy (as well as many other boys) was sporting John — my Dad’s name. One kid had chosen Aloysius, which I thought was kinda cool.
They all filed in, a random boy walking with a random girl, and were seated in the front several rows of pews.
Then a whole contingent of priests entered, along with several children carrying various items, a person holding an ornate staff with a cross on top, and three elderly men inexplicably dressed as 19th century sea captains.
After this gang was nearly settled, the Bishop entered. He was an older gentlemen, dressed like the Pope. Only his hat wasn’t nearly as tall… Apparently the higher a person rises in the organization, the taller his hat? Is that the way it works? I’m unclear.
As he made his way toward the front of the room the man in the abbreviated Pope hat shook hands and greeted people. It took quite a while for him to complete the journey, and it reminded me of the President, before the State of the Union address.
After some singing and a few prayers, the Bishop clipped a microphone on his collar, and began talking to the 8th graders. And he was kinda… odd. His voice would sometimes get very, very high, so that only dogs could hear it, then instantly go low, like the Statler Brother way down on the end.
He would also talk in hushed tones, and suddenly shout a word or phrase — scaring the crap out of everyone. At one point he screamed “DIRTY MAGAZINES!!” apparently as part of a story he was telling, that nobody could follow. I couldn’t, anyway.
Occasionally he asked the kids a question, and they all looked terrified that they’d be singled out. His talk lasted for at least thirty minutes, and there was tension in the air. It seemed like anything could happen, that almost anything was possible. Heh.
Then the ceremony kicked into high-gear, and I kinda lost track of it. I remember lots of call-and-response with the audience, spontaneous handshaking, a man swinging an incense burner on a chain, several priests on the edge of the stage bowing in unison and reminding me of the synchronized rockin’ guitarists in Molly Hatchet.
…Is that the right word, stage?
At one point the Bishop was wearing a beanie, and a man came up behind him, plucked the thing off the old guy’s head, placed it lovingly on a silver tray, and carried it off.
By the end, the place was full of scented smoke, my eyes were watering and my throat was burning, people were drinking from a jewel-encrusted chalice, the choir was singing, the Bishop was holding a silver staff, and three British admirals from the 1800s were in attendance…
It all seemed very strange to me, the outsider. As, I’m sure, a Baptist service would seem to… most people. What with all the shouting and shaking and wallowing around in the floor.
I don’t know. I hope I’m not being disrespectful. But have you ever attended an unfamiliar ceremony of some sort, which kinda blew your mind? Religious, or otherwise? Tell us about it in the comments, won’t you?
And I won’t be able to update on Friday, I’m afraid, but will shoot for a weekend post, to make up for yesterday.
See you guys next time!
Catholic, lapsed, back again.
Our church will be confirming next month but with no “smoking pocketbook” (it sets off the fire alarms) and no cheek touch either. Our Bishop memorizes the names of the Candidates and reads them off correctly to the amazement of the crowd. My confirmation name was Raphael, as in, one of the 3 Archangels and patron saint of travelers (used to do a lot of air travel).
Missals . . . just find the date and follow along.
Again, nicely done, t-storm. I am however beginning to wonder if you aren’t perhaps one of Big Ben’s victims — if he swings both ways, that is. You seem overly obsessed. 😉
What a great topic! I suppose that religious ceremonies do seem strange to the outsider, but normal if you grew up in that religion. Although I don’t understand many other churches and their practices, I will respect their right to worship in whatever way the want.
I was wondering when someone was going to bring up the Mormons, and Maki did!! Yes, the Mormon church service is much more tame, compared to others I’ve read or heard about, but perhaps still a bit strange to an outsider. Most mormons, you’ll find, are friendly, nice, happy people…and not just on Sundays!
Bryn,
I admit, I’m a Bengals fan and therefore have a hatred for all things Pittsburgh. The Steelers, the convent/monastery we went to for our 8th grade sr. trip, the Pirates (Except for Dock Ellis), etc.
And being a huge Cincinnati fan, Miami of Ohio can go blow a bag of big Ben’s dicks, too.
And finally, I still listen to a lot of cincy talk radio (while living in Oklahoma) so I get to hear about the regional issues quite a lot.
But really not obsessed as much as its on my mind lately and oh so very easy. 4 yrs ago they’d be jokes about Chris Henry or Odell Thurman.
Also, BR did what he did in Milledgeville, GA. Class does anyone know what famous person came from Milledgeville, Ga? That’s right, the whore that Julia Roberts played in Pretty Woman was from there.
“Brothers & Sisters”…can’t we all just get along?
I remember seeing the inside of one church, during a weekday – on a nonchurch day, where they had bongo drums tucked under all of the benches for the people to use! I thought THAT would be a fun service to attend! I enjoy some of the Gospel music. Some of it can get pretty loud and lively! I’ll admit, seeing drums and guitars in a church seems odd to me. I’m way more use to the traditional church organ type of music, singing hynms and sitting thru a much quieter service. No standing and waving arms, shouting “Praise Jesus” or clapping and dancing around!
The West Virginia Surf Report is so efficient in bringing to the fore front the suppressed memories that have hidden so quietly in the back of one’s mind.
I was maybe 8 or 9 and my babysitter at the time was in her early twenties. I went to her house on night while mom & dad went out. Once there, I was informed that we were going to her study class. OK, guess I’ll go, don’t have much of a choice.
Well, “study class” was actually Bible class/ Church sermon in some weird ladies basement. The preaching and praying were scary enough. They were really getting into it; arms outstretched, head back, eyes closed, swaying to and fro.
Then the really freaky thing happened. One woman in the front of the room lets out this banshee like howl at the top of her lungs and starts spewing out “lushna toka toona nisha lin loot, ticky tacky walla walla bing bang.!”
First and only time, other than seeing it on TV, someone speaking in tongues. Really creeped me the fuck out.
LOL, I’m Catholic, and I find nothing wrong with what you said at all. I believe in God, but I am not interested in going to church. My mom would make me go growing up, and I attended ‘Sunday School’ until I was in 8th grade (which sucked). I was also an alter girl (which sucked worse), because I never knew what color sash to put on, always felt like an idiot walking up and holding the book for the Priest in front of our HUGE church, and my robe was always too big so I feared tripping on my face, but once I was in highschool I pretty much told my mom I wasn’t going to go anymore. So after that, we started going just on holidays, then not at all. She gave up trying to get us 4 kids to go.
“His voice would sometimes get very, very high, so that only dogs could hear it, then instantly go low, like the Statler Brother way down on the end.” This was the part I never could figure out either! One Sunday we were saying the Our Father, the next Sunday we were singing it. But it wasn’t even any kind of song, it was just whenever the Priest felt like raising and lowering his voice, so everyone was following his lead, but in there own ‘high and low’ way. Hilarious.
I guess another reason I always didn’t like church was because, as a kid, you get that painful knot in your stomach because you know you have school the next day while you’re sitting there, smelling the garlic breath and Bengay of the old man behind you. I know all I could think about was going home and playing video games and getting the heck outta those nice clothes.
T-Storm-Couldn’t have said it better.
I still pray when I need too, I believe in all things believable, church is just not for everyone.
Thursday Afternoon Quiz:
“The more crap you believe in, the more better off you are”
Name the movie and/or actress.
Then you can go back to licking your front teeth….
A few things…
When did Christians start in with that, “Have a blessed day” crapola? They don’t care what kind of day I have. So annoying.
When did Jesus go all mass market? It’s non-stop with the t-shirts and ball caps. Can you get sponsored? Like Nascar for praying?
” three elderly men inexplicably dressed as 19th century sea captains.” – probably the caterers from LJS. A smart move for any gathering.
Jeff – You handled this “dangerous territory” of religion very nicely, well done! And you were afraid you might ruffle some feathers, or offend. HA, not this bunch!!Let’s do Politics next and see where that takes us! Just kidding. I’m sure the comments and discussion would be much more angry and heated (and fun to read) if we did open the comments to political matters. But I understand that we have an understood rule here that politics are off limits! We can freely comment about sexual intercourse, strange religious practices and other touchy subjects, yet we can’t handle political opinions??
I live in the shaddow of Rick Warren’s Christ, Inc., megachurch–he actually started it about 20 years ago in the gym of our local high school (they call them “multi-purpose rooms” now that they can’t afford to build both a gymnasium and an auditorium). I went once while he was at the H.S.–good music, a good gathering of good O.C.’ers, a feel-good message, and a subtle pitch for donations that would be used to “spread the word”. And to buy several acres of prime O.C. real estate (it ain’t cheap here, folks) upon which to build the campus.
Once was enough. I guess I just can’t get past the inclination to ignore science in the interest of “faith”.
On the subject of donations and rhino heads–how do all you Catholics feel about handing your money over to the “pay off the abused children fund”? That’s gotta be a wee bit troublesome, IMHO.
hee hee hee I am a former Mormon, but I didn’t get kicked out — not even for being unusually mean, as some of you may suspect. I left quietly and of my own accord. My (pseudo)Catholic father breathed a sigh of relief, but my (Christmas-only)Lutheran mother was a bit disturbed by it. I’m still waiting for BYU to get wind of my activities and rescind my college degrees.
That’s the problem with religion…people want to tell me how to do it. What does it matter how often I go; where and when I go…What I call myself? I don’t get it. Too bad we don’t have freedom of religion.
I guess if I’m not welcome I’ll have to switch. I’m going Frisbeetarianism – The philosophy that when you die, your soul goes up on a roof and gets stuck. (George Carlin)
“His voice would sometimes get very, very high, so that only dogs could hear it, then instantly go low, like the Statler Brother way down on the end.” Jay Leno was your priest?
Lee Harvey – I cheated with google but a hint for the rest is that the original author sounds similar to Bukaki. I just wanted to say bukaki.
rats
I used a word on Jeff’s no fly list…twice…
oh well I thought it was funny but I’m easily amused
Being raised in a predominantly catholic town I have been in the church but never attended a service. I was however a bridesmaid in a catholic wedding. I was soo paranoid about passing out thats the only thing I remember from the hour long wedding. I concentrated on not locking my knees since that is what I heard caused the said passing out at wedding service.
I was raised in a Methodist church where you just have to sit there sing and listen to the sermon. Once in a while you have to stand up. My friend invited me to go to a baptist service with her in high school and boy was I shocked. There was screaming talking in tongues and craziness going on. Plus the service lasted for four hours! Blew my mind at the time.
I know what a “confirmation name” is only because I dated a Catholic girl in high school. I was raised Episcopalian (Catholic Lite) but stopped going to church as soon as I was able to get away with it. I guess I’m an atheist, not to be confused with an Atheist, but as Jeff says, minus the chip.
About the most unusual religious ceremony I’ve attended was a Mohawk wedding. It was some friends of my brother’s getting married, so we drove up to the Rez, which straddles the New York – Canada border; the drive seemed to take forever. Anyway, the entire ceremony was conducted in the Mohawk language. There was no music, dancing or audience participation, just the seemingly-endless droning of the officiant. Jorge’s description of a Greek Orthodox wedding sounds like a lot more fun.
Post scriptum: I hereby cast my vote for continuing to abstain from political discussion on this site. It would only cause anger and bad feelings, because too many people have Wrong Ideas.
Four hours! Holy Crap! We had a priest who could say Mass in Latin in 27 minutes! That’s the one my dad dragged me to. It started at 7:30 on Sunday morning. We were out by eight, and for dad, that was cocktail hour. Mom was a Baptist, and that drug on from 9:30 til noon. By then, daddy was shitfaced. Yea, Sunday meals were always fun. He was drunk, she was pissed.
no fly list?
The last word of my last post was likely a trigger for my comments to be moderated ..perhaps to check context? Just guessing…Haven’t been moderated since I started but I guess I found a context in which that word can be used..
I believe it’s bukake.
Oh yeah. The gentleman in the picture at the top of the page looks more 18th century than 19th, but whatever.
hot fuzz – I’ve seen your “no fly” word before, but not spelled that way. Funny that it should trigger moderation. Idea for fun: put different risque words in a series of posts, and see which ones [don’t] get through.
I believe it’s shocking the first time you see it.
Maybe I was being punished for my spelling…or maybe for not shutting the hell up already.
g’night y’all
I’ve attended five or so ritual single killings (catholic weddings) since meeting my better half. I still can’t make sense of them, but ironically found myself attending a college buddy’s ceremony some weeks ago. The most entertaining parts were actually the wasps in the top of the church, which would make occassional fly-by’s at the priest and the japanese lady beetles that were forming some sort of expanding rorschach on the ceiling. The church was located some 35 miles away from the nearest road in the windy ozarks and seemed to have been built during the great depression from german-sourced funds. I think the priest had even been raised from the dead to perform the ceremony (which I could have seen that one… maybe.) At least the whole kneel-and-bob thing was abbreviated since there was a distinct lack of Catholic attendees. Even the oyster cracker trick was left out.
At any rate, I still can’t make heads or tails of most of the ceremonies so I might be “Catholic-Proof” or at least “Catholic-Resistant”. Maybe next I’ll write about the Bahai events I went to.
I was raised Methodist, which was boring, but tolerable. They gave their sermon and made us stand up to sing hymns now and then, sort of stretch our legs a bit.
So I was TOTALLY freaked out when my mom dragged me to a Pentecostal service. Screaming, rolling around, yelling gibberish…that made me a Buddhist reeeeeal quick.
When I sneeze…don’t bless me. Number one…you don’t have the authority and secondly…it’s my fucking sneeze and I actually enjoy it so stay the fuck out of it. Fuck you and fuck St. Sinus for feeling the need to help my soul along somehow.
Catholism – apart from all that Inquisition stuff and the current ‘scandal’ its pretty cool!
The bunker cam pic is from Amsterdam, so who knows what he’s been up to!
I was raised Catholic and am now pissed. My family came from Italy and used their Catholic faith to get them to the promised land safely. Now, to have it made a mockery of seriously offends me. You all should be ashamed. Religion, and especially Catholicism, is sacred. For it to be the brunt of jokes is disturbing. I cannot believe that I have frequented this website. You, Mr. Kay, should be ashamed.
Just kidding, I am now an atheist. Former altar boy (no touching). Pattern…check. To each his own, but, religion in general, not only Catholicism, is odd in my eyes. But what the hell, who cares.
I worship beer.
Jeff,
Today’s post is pretty close to the way you were writing when you had a readership of 10 or 20, except then you would have left out the weasel-words and pre-apology. I swear you’re at your best and funniest when you write from the worldview (to quote George Gobel) that the world is a black suit and you are a pair of brown shoes, as you did today and as you used to.
That was the perspective from which you did your radio commentary, and every one of those was a dead-solid winner.
Obvioiusly, I enjoy your writing every day. I keep coming back. But now that the boys are older you don’t have much leisure, and you have a difficult work schedule to boot. I think some days you’re just clinching on the backswing a little. Today’s piece was relaxed, funny and personable.
Yeah, I know…we can talk about giant clitorises and people with disabilities looking funny and the first time we got laid, but Reporters rarely offer a critique of your writing. Well, I like your writing too much to not offer an occasional observation; do with it what you will.
I swear I did a spit-take on the sea captains.
with fondest regards…
jtb
I’m a Catholic, confirmed as Aloysius (same as my dad), and a regular mass attender. However, I don’t mind having to miss a service occasionally when traveling, or attending Our Lady of the Fairways instead.
There’s a few things about being Catholic I like better than other religions:
The service is relatively short. Most days mass id over in an hour to an hour and ten minutes. I’ve transplanted to the bible belt where services are know to last 3-4 hrs on Sunday and Wednesday nights for some other denominations. And yes, I’ve been to some 27 minute services where, even as a regular church-goer, it was difficult to keep up. I do actually enjoy going to mass though, and wouldn’t go if I didn’t. Finding the right church and priest is often key for that.
We can drink alcohol and dance, even at church functions. Catholic wedding receptions are loads of fun! Like Jorge, I was shocked when I attended a reception in the church basement. “Where’s the beer???!!!” I said!
Catholics in the US follow their own moral guidelines that depart for more modern morals preached from teh vaticam. For example, I would bet most practice the use of birth control, and not just the rhythm method. Most would also be in favor of allowing priests to marry.
Jeff, your description of the service was spot on, and I enjoyed hearing is from your perspective. I agree with johnthebasket, when you write form a worldview-brown-shoes approach you are very funny. I look forward to your book.
teh vaticam = the vatican. Stupid fat fingers.
Well, I am really late to this party…or should I say “service”…
Nice update, Jeff. I, too, am not big on the religion thing. Everyone is entitled to their own belief’s or non-belief’s.
I am Presbyterian. My parents never went to a church service as long as I can remember but made me go to Sunday School every week. As a smart-ass kid, I always use to say…why should I go if you don’t?? But then I was always threatened with explaining to my Minister why I had a fat lip.
Now that I live in PGH…I swear I am the only non-Catholic in the freakin city. My ex used to tell me horror stories about the nuns in grade school…Sister Mary Charles Bronson and Sister Mary Dirty Harry…. Sounded scary as hell with the rulers and heavy bibles used as weapons.
Back in the glorious 80’s, I dated this guy who used to drag me to his country church with his parents every weekend. His mother use to write checks to the church for amounts anywhere from 50 to 200 bucks every weekend. The amount depended on the time of the year. Holidays denoted the higher dollar amount.
One of the services I particularly remember ….. It was summer…hot and humid. We use to sit with our friends…hung out a drank Saturday night…church and hangovers Sunday morning. During the Pastor’s long-ass service, one of our friends hung over the pew and said to my boyfriend that he has a huge ball of mud on the toe of his boot…yes…cowboy boots… He leans down and picks it off and crushes it with his hand…it was a ball of dog shit. The whole place reeks of poop… So much so, one of our friends behind us started gagging…ran out to the Vestibule and barfed everywhere. I laughed till I peed.
Sister Mary Charles Bronson was the Principal at my grade school bikerchick! She was a pear shaped woman who ruled that place with an iron crucifix. You did not want to get sent to the office and have to explain yourself to “Big Al”. We had a couple of other Nuns that taught there as well but they were much less intimidating. Ah, public school in a 99.9% Catholic community.
at my confirmation we were required to choose a bible name although no necessarily a saints name. i was not a pleasant teenager so i insisted on jezabel–they let me keep emily.
raised Methodist but now stay as far away from any church as possible… afraid of being struck by lightning!
Think whatever you want to think but don’t try to tell me how to live my life, convert me or kill me in the name of your religion.
I will say that sitting beside a mountain stream with no one around for miles, smoking a joint and listening to the critters will get you closer to God than being in any church.
if I had to set through any ceremony that involved chanting, tongues, dressing in strange costumes or any thing like what you described I would be making like a bad first date, that is excusing myself to go to the bathroom and walking out of there as fast as I could!
I actually worked with a guy in my last job that believed the Earth was only 6,000 years old and the entire universe was created in 7 days. Guess maybe he flunked science class?
Dude Eronomy…I think I will change my handle here. Yep…Dude Eronomy will be on the third floor…abidden…and watching baseball.
Pass the Holy water…
Catholic here including Catholic grade school grades 1 through 8. Yes, the Sister Mary Batshit Crazy stories are true.
Busted fingers and shins from thick wooden rulers, and slams to the back of the head with encyclopedias. These women were vicious.
Luckily, I convinced my parents to let me go to public high school, four good years of party there plus five more good party years in college. Does anyone know where I can get a cheap replacement liver?
dto-Gary Burbank did a radio personality named Reverend Deuternomy Skaggs, I’ve been scouring the interwebs for a sound bite but I have failed. Imagine a Southern Baptist Preacher saying lines like “reach in them jeans and pull out some greens” or “Don’t make me holler, don’t make me shout. Turn them pockets inside out”.
Last!
No odd religion stories here. I too am ambivalent about religion. Whatever helps people get through their life is fine by me as long as it is not forced my way. I only go to church when someone gets married or dies. I know a lot of people who are the same way.
I did go to catholic school for one year. I suspect the priest there was a child molester in the making, always wanting boys to sit on his lap. I knew better, and the first time he ever said anything to me I told him to “Get the hell away from me” and I never had to deal with him. I almost got expelled because of unrelated incidents, and was back in public school the next year with the rest of the delinquents-in-the-making.
Happy Friday, Surf Reporters!
i miss the synonomous bengal
raised cathloic but stopped participating after confirmation…my grandparents were into it but my parents were “take or leave it” and I left it.
the last time I went to church was about 5 years back with an ex and even though I grew up catholic, I felt weird. It all seemed very cultish and I felt like people were staring at me.
how about just trying to leave the world a better place than when you found it. You don’t have to save starving AIDS babies from burning buildings…just following the golden rule will get you pretty far in life….that’s what I say anyways.
Chili is a meal!
TGIF fellow Surfers! Peace be with you…..
So I married an axe murderer. No not me. The movie…
Ties this and the previous WVSR posts together.
Stuart Mackenzie: Well, it’s a well known fact, Sonny Jim, that there’s a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as The Pentavirate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion in Colorado, known as The Meadows.
Tony Giardino: So who’s in this Pentavirate?
Stuart Mackenzie: The Queen, The Vatican, The Gettys, The Rothschilds, *and* Colonel Sanders before he went tits up. Oh, I hated the Colonel with is wee *beady* eyes, and that smug look on his face. “Oh, you’re gonna buy my chicken! Ohhhhh!”
Charlie Mackenzie: Dad, how can you hate “The Colonel”?
Stuart Mackenzie: Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes ya crave it fortnightly, smartass!
Thanks WB in OH. I ain’t going to copy so dto is fine with me. (nice and short too).
Just got back from another week in Taos and I’m out of ‘holy water’……gotta make a run.
That sounds like one badass concert. They don’t usually let kids under 21 get in those kind of rock-a-thons.
I was raised agnostic until I was around 4 or so. My First Denomination (now a game!) was Nazarene. We flipped to Methodist, then Baptist…and then hit the new Pentecostal Church…which was being held at the (bankrupt?) Anglican/Lutheran/whatever church. My mum also encouraged me to hit the Saturday evening Catholic service with my BFF. I suppose, in retrospect, she assumed that the more time I spent in ANY church, the better.
I was the kid you always HEARD in service before you saw me. Yep. Loud, mouthy, and always getting into trouble.
It made perfect sense to sit me in the middle of a pew – next to my (Catholic) BFF at my Very First Pentecostal/Holy Roller Service.
People were jumping, running and yelling…I looked at my Dad, and in my Outside Voice hollered, “Daddy! When *I* run in church, you SPANK ME! Where is that lady’s Dad?!”
I thought my dad would die.
I still attend church, and consider myself a Hybrid.
hot fuzz: HEAD! PANTS! NOW!
Lapsed Presbyterian here. Tried all the big name Christian religions but they didn’t take. I’m one eighth Jewish, so maybe that’s the problem. I once had a drunk rabbi tell me a camel schlong joke, does that count as a strange religious experience?
As the 100th caller I probably win a free month on the Atkins diet. Just my luck.
My Methodist comfirmation is way past its pull date, and I don’t keep beliefs in the icebox when they might be filled with worms. In the last 50 years, I’ve moved from Christianity to secular humanism to atheism to agnosticism to the Gaia hypothesis to Wonder, and along the way cast aside more beliefs than I acquired.
My spiritual values revolve around questionis, not answers. As to churches, if you want one, I hope you find one, but the universe is confusing enough for me without trying to remember to stone my brother for growing the wrong adjacent crops or my son for being disobedient.
I start with every man is my brother and every woman my sister and go from there.
I’ve never been in a Wal-Mart, but at Target I admit to seeing some people who I would want to run a DNA check on just to make sure. Heck, any belief that’s a perfect belief isn’t a belief at all.
jtb