A few nights ago I was listening to Clive Bull on my iPod at work, and he was asking male callers if they carry a wallet. And it was a classic Clive topic.
He’s very good at taking subjects that originally seem inconsequential, and turning them into high entertainment. He asks all the right questions, and draws great stories from his callers.
It’s no wonder I love his show, since I attempt to do a lot of the same things here at the Surf Report. Ya know?
Anyway, I have a larger point, but first I’ll answer Clive’s question. No, I do not carry a wallet. I haven’t since I was in my early 20s, and still trying to figure it all out. I call it the Cologne Years.
I just keep my driver’s license and miscellaneous cards in my left front pants pocket, with paper money wrapped around the outside of the brick. It’s a system that’s served me well.
I don’t like things jammed down my back pockets, for some reason. It’s annoying, and causes me to sit at an angle — like I’m perpetually easing one out. Plus, I don’t need to add another layer of thickness to my ass area. I really don’t.
So, that’s the way I do it. What about you? Or, if you’re of the female persuasion, what about the men in your life? Do most still carry wallets? I have a feeling they do, but I haven’t paid a whole lot of attention.
And while we’re at it, do you ever carry a man-purse? Maybe a messenger bag, or a backpack? I could certainly use one, but it’s more masculine to walk around with my arms full of crap, I believe. I experimented with a backpack while I was working my previous job, and a security guard gave me a raft of shit about it. So, I just said screwit.
Do you, or the men in your life, carry a bag of some sort? I have a Jack Sack for my laptop, but don’t carry a man-bag on a regular basis. What about you?
And just so you know: the word wallet gives me the heebie-jeebies. I can’t put my finger on the exact reason, but it’s one of those things that make me tense-up a little. It’s just kind of embarrassing and dorky: wallet.
Other words and phrases in that category are underpants, supper, ’nuff said, and anyhoo. That’s four right off the top of my head, and there are dozens of others I recognize as encountered.
Are there certain words or phrases that cause your jaw to lock? I have a feeling everyone has a private list. So, let’s hear ’em. Use the comments section below.
And since we’re on the subject, I came across a really GOOD phrase a few days ago, at a beer review site. I noticed folks using the word sessioning, in both the articles and comments.
They’d say something along the lines of, “This is an excellent light, crisp beer, perfect for sessioning.” And as far as I can tell, it’s just a fancy way of saying binge drinking.
Is that not great? A couple hours ago I went to the beer store myself, and purchased yet another case of Yuengling lager, in anticipation of some weekend sessioning. In fact, I wouldn’t mind opening a new session, right now. Anyone with me?
Before I call it a day here, I’d like to alert you to the fact one of my prayers has been answered. Check it out. My nipples are exploding with delight!
Also, the 2008 Pazz n Jop music survey has been released, at the Village Voice. I have many disagreements with them this year, I’m afraid, but don’t really feel like getting into it. Let’s just say my Top Ten in no way corresponds with their Top Ten.
If you haven’t signed up for our new and improved mailing list, please take a second or two to do it now. You’ll be provided access to periodic super-secret updates. Plus, starting on Monday afternoon, there will be a weekly dispatch from the bunker. It’ll be fun, I think. So make sure you’re subscribed. It’s a matter of national security, or something.
And while you’re at it, why not also subscribe to the RSS feed? It’s full feeds, none of that candy-ass abridged crapola, so add the Surf Report. It’ll make Google Reader a much happier place.
And that’s all the energy I have for today, boys and girls.
See you next time.
101 Dalmations…
@stinkymarie – I like the conceptual image but I hate the word too!
Moist
Youse, or even worse, Youse All
Hon (that’s more of a Baltimore thing)
from corporate speak, “Massage the document”…total full body shiver ass clinch
Hubby carries both the Constanza wallet and a whole separate stack of crap that probably contains everything from his 2nd grade report card to a paper towel to be used as a tissue that he folded up into pocket size. Makes me effing crazy.
Most women hate that “c” word, which is precisely why I use it. The word for that part of the body that makes me cringe is the one, I believe, Alice was going to type.
Ick, I can’t do it, either…pus
that’s all I can do.
A water ride a few years back took out my wallet, and afterwards I so enjoyed not having a bulky chunk of cow flesh to carry around. The picture & card insert now serves as my “wallet”, and has migrated from back right pocket to front right.
I hate the word “worsh” for wash. I was married to a woman who said that, and I always cringe when I hear it.
I carry a wallet, but I’ve lately been contemplating removing it since my cousin taught me not to carry the Costanza-style wallet and only carry the necessities. I realize how much better it feels, so I might just get rid of it.
The only term I can think of off hand that really drives me nuts is “24/7”. I hate that more than one could imagine.
“24/7/365” drives me nuts. At least say 24/7/52, you idiot!
I hate the words “calendar” and “pork,” as well as a lot of the ones already listed.
My boyfriend has a baseball sized wallet, and he asks me to put it in my purse for him, along with his glasses and – most recently- a hairbrush! WTF?
I bought him a man bag, but I haven’t given it to him yet. It looks kind of like a camera case. He needs to carry his own shit.
I know the word “billfold” but it’s an oddity to me, sort of like “commode”. I’ve always carried a wallet, and I get around the Costanza Problem by carrying it in a cargo pocket; also clean it out every so often.
I have a co-worker whose every other word, it seems, is “essentially”. But he’s a strange dude in many other ways.
Holy… I am WAYYYY at the end of this one.
I have a Ph.D. in English… and you are going to seriously ask me which terms/words annoy me? Be glad I will spare you! heh heh.
Here are some good ones:
“Could care less” – from Lime. YES – ack! Hate that.
As well as some regionalisms like in TX “Do what?” meaning “huh?” or “eh?” That makes me absolutely insane. Courtesy gone mad.
My husband has always carried a wallet. And… I have a purse. A biggish purse with everything in it from baby diapers to letters to mail to apples. Yep – call me Sophia. And even worse, my husband and kids put stuff in it and then tease me about my big purse.
But I always buy a stylish one and I get lots of compliments. So it isn’t all bad.
I meant “Limey” – sorry.
Hubby – no wallet
Me – no purse. A clear plastic card holder for my bank card and drivers license and I’m good to go.
I also hate corporate speak. But I throw it around like a pro. Gotta seem like a “team player”.
My biggest pet peeve is Newb speak.
Wen r u going 2 cum over?
I luv u 2.
TTYL!
BFF
My mom sez u kin cum 2 muh house
And TEH! What the heck is up with that? It’s not like it saves you a keystroke you doofi.
“it’s all good.” No it is not all good, in fact most of it is pure utter shit.
I am WAY late getting in on this one! I never heard these things until I moved to Minnesota:
TOO many people end their sentences with the word “with”. An example:
Are you going with?
Are we taking him with?
You are not finished talking yet dumbass…finish the damn sentence!
And this one…
“Speaks to” As in…
“The new curriculum speaks to the need for more web-based learning.”
What does that even mean???
I have more, but I fear no one is reading this far down any longer…*sigh*
WTH is that???
I hate the search engine google and I hate the word google. Sure it may be a real word (hat is it a 1 with 100 zero’s or something?) but it sounds like a made up word no adult should be using.
Most annoying is the fact that I cannot change the default search on my Mac toolbar to anything OTHER than google. And now in yet another one of google’s mysterious F-ups they have every page I search for marked as “harmful”. Good job guys. Good job.
I also hate google. I use alatavista, it’s my “homepage” even.
@scarymary,
This Google problem is new thing, apparently within the last few hours. I just read where it’s an unintended consequence of Google trying to block viruses and the like. See http://tinyurl.com/bbaj5c. Original URL is
http://www.listbox.com/member/archive/247/2009/01/sort/time_rev/page/1/entry/0:224/20090131111902:CE6EF316-EFB2-11DD-83AA-5B65AB975BFC/
PS – IMHO the very idea of a browser having a “default search site” is a flawed concept. As far as I can tell, M$ Internet Exploder won’t even let you NOT have a “default search site”. Bloody marvelous.
Stephanie – I used to be one of those people that ended sentences in a preposition, but then I moved from Indiana to Arizona and lost that fast. Nothing like people teasing you for saying “Can I go with?”. I also now call carbonated beverages soda instead of pop.
Annoying words: panties, sneakers, slacks, supper, sofa, snack, sammie (or any other stupid name for a sandwich) – and when my stepdad doesn’t hear or understand what someone said, he says “come again?”. WTF?!
Old sayings that I hate:
When men say “Get your hands off of my wife!”
When women say “I’m never sleeping with you again!”
and when anyone says “you are a sexual psychopath!”
Thanks chill. I was hoping it wasn’t just my computer which seems to go into a funk every time my 11 year-old uses it.
NDfaninAZ,
This kind of goes along with the soda thing you mentioned. I prefer Coke over Pepsi and if given Pepsi as the only option I’d rather drink water, so normally I use the term “coke” instead of soda and never the full-body shiver inducing word “pop”. SO, while in Mexico I stayed at an all-inclusive resort that served only Pepsi and after several days of this I was excited to go into town to find a bar that served some Coke (sometimes it’s the little things in life). Except when I asked for it the waiter, all nonchalant, put his finger to his nose, made a sniffing sound, raised an eyebrow and said “you want the coke?”. And I have no doubt that if I had said yes we would have been served a white powder on a mirror with a razor and a rolled up dollar.
scarymary…hundred dollar bill if the joint had any class whatsoever.
–hike
In Mexico I found there was little to no class. At this same outdoor restaurant I told my husband it was time to ask for the check as a skinny and very pregnant, one-eyed dog, ambled past our table and down the street and that was right after a man with no legs in a wheelchair sang to us and played a guitar. We payed him generously and left feeling depressed and vowed to stay at the resort and away from the “town” less we kill ourselves before the end of the trip.
“are you seeing all this plight kids”…Clark Griswald
Lookit the new WVSR logo!
Neat!
A new look! Change can be good sometimes. (breathing into a paper sack)
Yep…Like it Jeff!!…Stuff you got learned in your recent skoolin”? Pretty cool!
-hike
New banner? Somebody hold me!
I always wondered what that lil fish was smokin’.
Thanks for clearing that up.
The use of “gift” as a verb irritates the crap out of me. It is not just illiterate, but conspicuously so.
In my particular hick vernacular, dinner is around noon, supper is in the evening. Lunch is something you buy. In Alabama (and probably elsewhere) old guys might refer to dinner or lunch or whatever as “eating a bean”. One guy I used to work with would take a look at his watch around noon and say, “It’s time to eat a bean.” Then he’d go out to his car, have dinner, and take a nap. He was about a million, so I think the nap was more important than the bean.
I carry a wallet in my, well, let’s just get it over with and call it a purse. I would never carry a purse in the US, but for some reason, it seems easy to get away with in a foreign country.
I hate when people say “Number one” or “A”, as if they are going to produce a list, but then they never get to “Two” or “B”.
I went to the grocery store earlier and they gave me several pairs of 3d glasses. There’s supposed to be something 3d on at half time. Anyone else hear of this? I think it has something to do with monsters vs aliens. ?????
I’m wondering if Springstien is going to flash one of his tits. And if he does, will he have a fishing lure hanging off his nipple?
Yes and yes. That’s my bet.
….. but why is the fish ANGRY?!?!?
LOVE the new logo, GREAT JOB!!!!!!
WOOOOOO, STEELERS!!!!!
well….no shit surf reporters…
seems I’m in agreement with Gretchen
I like the new banner, nice change.
I can’t stand it when people say ” ‘puter ” , and “babymamma” makes me go WTF?
That sho’ nuff be one angry fish, uh-huh.
I hate it when adults say the word “hinder”…you’re an adult, you can say ass or anything else, just not hinder.
But… but.. the Wallet ad is offering “free shipping!”…
Great Blog. As a fellow WV’n, I’m going to link up 🙂
Definately agree with…. MOIST!! How ’bout OINTMENT!!?? Which, incedentally, can be used in the same sentence! HA!
Oh, by the way, its PITTSBURGH….NOT PIXBURG!!
I got to tell you-this really has me ROTFL : )
Purse-filled with mail, passport, Birth cerificate, Tanqueray, IV, Honey Baked Ham, ect…
(you get the picture)
Words:
panties, underpants, moist, clearly, obviously, seriously, actually, ice box (what year is it?), PLAYDATE (gotta give that one a grrrrrr-sorry!)
non-words-irregardless, orientated, physical (when meaning fiscal), winda (for window), yella (for yellow)
phrases: cool it, sweet, six pack (when referring to anatomy)
words I like: crunk (as in gonna get), cheesey (as in low-class)
Oh an BTW – most everyone in Missouri says “warsh” for wash. I had to retrain myself after I left Missouri and realized everyone was saying it differently than me.
last?
retrain might be a nonword. If so, I have probably created a full body clinch for the rest of you. Yay! (not yeah!)
so now, last?
Cindi K: No, you’re not last :^)
darn!
Piss and Titties. Also Tits. uhghghg.
So I’ve carried a tri-fold in my right-front pocket since adulthood. I may convert to a combination business card holder and money clip.
Phrases I hate:
“If you know what I mean”
“At the end of the day…”
“Basically” (somebody else said this too, way up there)
“IMHO” (when I read it, my brain voice says “I’m ‘ho”)
“quick question” (I dislike this so much that I actually posted a disclaimer on my office that such questions must be formed so that a one-word response would suffice.)
Words I like to use because other people hate them:
“Salve”
“Tacit”