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Without Using Numbers, Tell Us How Old You Are

December 28, 2018 By Jeff 46 Comments

I was just going to add this to the bottom of today’s update, with three or four of my contributions to get the conversation going. Then I started having fun with it, and it’s taken over the whole freaking thing. In fact, I have a feeling I’ll continue to add stuff to my list even after I publish it. Obviously, it’s the Question of the Day: what Eric Alper (whoever he is) asks above. We’re not all the same age, so our answers will come from different eras, give or take. In any case, please use the comments section to bring us up to date on it. Here’s what I have so far:

  • HBO came on around 3 pm.
  • You didn’t know who was calling until you answered the phone.
  • Only old people drank coffee.
  • You had to hand crank your car windows down.
  • Pornography was hidden around town and shared. It takes a village.
  • Kids experienced sissy bar-envy.
  • You had one shot at seeing a TV show. If you missed it, you were screwed.
  • Toilets were never shown on television.
  • You had to call 344-5111 to get the correct time.
  • Kids went around ingesting three-foot-long plastic tubes of sugar and artificial coloring, and nobody thought twice about it.
  • Bologna sandwiches were routinely prepared and eaten.
  • You had to wait six to eight weeks for delivery.
  • According to TV shows, Chinese restaurants apparently served one thing: chop suey.
  • People put salt in their beer.
  • There was a mysterious “bridge” column in the newspaper.
  • Every grocery store had a giant display of plastic eggs which contained (inexplicably) ladies hosiery.
  • You had to take your soda bottles back to the store to collect a deposit.
  • Pull tabs on drink cans came all the way off and were scattered EVERYWHERE.
  • You had to buy TV Guide magazine to know what terrible shows were on.
  • Sometimes people would have to go up on the roof to adjust the antenna.
  • You mailed your film somewhere in a yellow envelope that came with the newspaper, and the developed photos would come back eventually. From somewhere.
  • People collected S&H Green Stamps, as well as Top Value Stamps. And there were redemption centers that felt like something out of the USSR.
  • Teachers would spank kids with big wooden paddles in front of the class.
  • People would “lay out” to get a tan and rub oils on their skin to accelerate the degradation.

More to come, I’m sure! I hope everybody is having a great holiday season. Our Christmas was shockingly pleasant. One of the best in recent memory, I’d say. And that was a relief. I’ve never gotten into New Year’s Eve, or any of that nonsense. So, it’s all in the rearview mirror for me. Whew! It’s a weight lifted. You could probably add “We actually enjoyed Christmas, and looked forward to it” to the list above. Right? Right. …It’s unfortunate but true.

I’ll be back on Monday. I know I owe you guys a full report on the Long John Silver’s Plankapalooza. I’ll do that next time, I promise. With a few photos, as well.  And I’ll have a new podcast episode on Monday too. I’m itching to get back to it.

Until then… please remember to continue using our Amazon links while doing your online shopping. December isn’t over yet!

I’ll see you guys again soon.

Have a fantastic weekend!

Now playing in the bunker
Support us by doing your shopping on Amazon! In Canada? Here’s your link. Thank you, guys!

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Comments

  1. Alex says

    December 28, 2018 at 4:01 pm

    You have covered most of my age descriptors as well. Except coffee, growing up in an imigrant intense neighbourhood, there was no taboo beverage for kids.
    -most families only had one car.
    -party lines still existed in the country (two longs and a short for my grandparents)
    -push button phones (tone dialing) cost you more per month and was for the rich families.

    Reply
    • Alex says

      December 30, 2018 at 7:26 am

      Lots of good responses I completely forgot about. Couple others sprang into mind;

      -there where still propeller driven passenger airplanes to stare up at and listen to the engines as they roared overhead.
      -you could shoot your airguns in the (city) backyard without violating some law.
      -the annual mosquito fogger towed behind a pickup truck gassing the neighbourhood.
      -air raid/tornado alert siren tests (sadly they did away with them here in the late 70’s).

      (how come my name/email isn’t being remembered anymore?)

      Reply
  2. required says

    December 28, 2018 at 4:21 pm

    Every front porch had a metal box on it, into which a stranger would put bottles of milk.
    You were not cool unless you had an STP sticker on your banana seat.
    Jarts.
    It wasn’t sad at all to eat lousy food out of a foil tray on a folding metal table for one.
    Small children were given kits of many strange chemicals to burn over alcohol flames while unattended in their bedrooms.
    Kids rode bikes to the far side of town, only expected to show up at home before dark.

    Reply
    • Sponge says

      January 3, 2019 at 10:42 am

      A friend and I rode for miles to every gas station asking if they had STP stickers… to no avail. We tried to be cool!

      Reply
  3. Squawvalleyskip says

    December 28, 2018 at 4:41 pm

    Television had one channel on VHF and sometimes one grainy UHF channel.
    Kids drank cheap wine on holidays, along with everybody else.
    Milk still appeared in a box on the porch in the morning.
    Nobody ever heard of “vegan” or “gluten free” or peanut allergies or bicycle helmets and yet somehow we survived.
    Grandparents marched with the VFW in the Veteran’s day parade.
    Grandparents, parents and kids all visited the beer and bratwurst tent during Oktoberfest

    And from the teenage years:
    Average wage for a tax paying job was $1.35 and hour before taxes were taken out.
    14 year old kids could walk to the lake carrying either fishing poles or shotguns and no one would bat an eye.
    Gas was 29.9 cents a gallon and self service gas stations were virtually unheard of.
    A six pack of cheap beer was .99 plus tax, and Alpine Lager (among a few others) was .25 a quart and a nickel deposit for the bottle. And available to any 15 year old who could walk into a bar and hand the bartender the cash. Boones Farm and Ripple were .99 plus tax a bottle.
    10 year old cars were rust buckets and sold in the $50 to $150 range. At 100K miles they were ready for the junkyard.

    A little later during my distinguished military career days(which began at the age of 17) :
    Tickets to concerts the likes of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young, the Who, Clapton and the Rolling Stones were between $7 and $8, depending on the venue.
    A private in the Army made the princely sum of $237 a month, plus some green suits and the opportunity to share a room (usually the only “room” in the building) with a bunch of other unfortunates. And the military would take anyone who could put their “X” on the right side of the paper.

    There’s more, but I could get carried away.

    Reply
  4. A Different Jeff says

    December 28, 2018 at 5:06 pm

    Eating at McDonald’s was considered (at least by us kids) as something of a special occasion, while eating the same old meal your grandmother made was considered peasant food. Now, McDonald’s is dining drudgery, while Grandma’s recipes are considered haute cuisine, and have their own TV channels.

    If you got a flat tire, you swapped in the spare and continued driving. Took about 3 minutes, not counting the ‘warshin’ up’.

    Containers of household ant powder boasted, “Now with 10% DDT!”

    Trick-or-Treating did not require a chauffeur. Your effective radius was whatever distance you could drag a sackful of candy back home.

    When children desired something beyond their household means, they were compelled to seek employment in the trades: lawn care, babysitting, snow shoveling, newspaper delivery.

    Newspaper subscriptions were paid and accounted for via a complex system involving personal porch visits by children carrying large amounts of cash, a special paper punch, and hundreds of punch cards kept on a steel ring like keys on a jailer’s belt.

    People read newspapers.

    Reply
  5. Cross Lanes Curmudgeon says

    December 28, 2018 at 5:33 pm

    Paperback novels sold for $1 or less.

    Gas stations gave away plates, cups and saucers.

    Most stores issued Green Stamps, which were collected in slobbery booklets and traded in for frying pans and toasters at redemption centers.

    Four-track tape decks preceded eight-track tape players, which begat cassette tape sound systems.

    FM radio bands were the realm of the few stations that played the long version of Light My Fire or the occasional non-Top 40 jam.

    Sonic booms.

    Baseball card packets contained thin, card-sized tiles of diamond-hard bubble gum.

    Reply
  6. Ognir says

    December 28, 2018 at 5:37 pm

    Party Line – not just the title of a great Kinks song –

    I’m on a party line,
    Wonderin’ all the time,
    Who’s on the other end?
    Is she big, is she small?
    Is she a she at all?
    Who’s on my party line?

    And drag bars were things on cars – not places

    Reply
  7. Airandee says

    December 28, 2018 at 5:43 pm

    My high school had a rifle team and a smoking room for students.

    Reply
  8. AngryWhiteGuy says

    December 28, 2018 at 6:16 pm

    Great Christmas gifts from Santa were giant Army tanks that fired plastic inch long hard bullets, a waffle iron like device that you poured the gobbledygook into to make Incredible Edibles, gummy worm creatures that looked like bugs. Also, lawn marts Who would have thought those were dangerous?

    Playing “spotlight” in the street after dark. One flashlight, one seeker, one home base.

    Wiffleball…..does anyone do this anymore?

    Turning the porta potty over while you friend was using it.

    Hitting bullets with a hammer, and getting shrapnel in your forehead.

    Hitting bullets with a hammer, and getting shrapnel in your forehead.

    And….

    Hitting bullets with a hammer, and getting shrapnel in your forehead.

    Reply
    • A Different Jeff says

      December 28, 2018 at 6:26 pm

      “a waffle iron like device that you poured the gobbledygook into to make Incredible Edibles, gummy worm creatures that looked like bugs.”

      Mmmmm, Plasti-Goop … but I don’t think you were supposed to eat them.

      Creepie Crawlers: https://youtu.be/zvrF0jl0-50

      Reply
      • AngryWhiteGuy says

        December 29, 2018 at 2:53 pm

        Oh no, different product altogether. Creepier Crawlers (1964) were just toys. Incredible Edibles (1967) were actually meant to be eaten

        Reply
    • A Different Jeff says

      December 28, 2018 at 6:34 pm

      “a waffle iron like device that you poured the gobbledygook into to make Incredible Edibles, gummy worm creatures that looked like bugs.”

      Mmmmm, Plasti-Goop … but I don’t think you were supposed to eat them.

      Creepie Crawlers: https://youtu.be/zvrF0jl0-50

      Reply
    • A Different Jeff says

      December 28, 2018 at 7:22 pm

      “a waffle iron like device that you poured the gobbledygook into to make Incredible Edibles, gummy worm creatures that looked like bugs.”

      Mmmmm, Plasti-Goop … but I don’t think you were supposed to eat them.

      Creepie Crawlers:

      https://youtu.be/zvrF0jl0-50

      Reply
    • johnthebasket says

      December 28, 2018 at 8:40 pm

      AWG, I hit my share of live projectiles with hammer-like implements, and I turned out fine. Hell, you didn’t have to say it four times. You didn’t have to say it four times. You didn’t have to say it four times.

      love,

      John

      Reply
  9. Joe T says

    December 28, 2018 at 6:59 pm

    Only “Beautiful Music” and Classical was played on FM radio.

    Reply
  10. Gino says

    December 28, 2018 at 7:28 pm

    Vanilla Ice was making music, arcades were cool and George H.W. Bush hadn’t thrown up on anyone yet.

    Reply
  11. chill says

    December 28, 2018 at 11:54 pm

    I could walk into a store and buy cigarettes for my mom – or “for my mom.”

    Subway tokens were 20 cents.

    The A&P gave Plaid stamps and Bohack’s gave King Korn stamps (or maybe vice versa). I’ve still never seen a Green stamp.

    Rheingold beer sponsored the Mets. On Bat Day at Yankee Stadium, they gave out actual full size baseball bats.

    I still have some aluminum discs from “Shell’s Mr. President Coin Game.”

    Jean Shepherd had a nightly radio show, to which I would listen covertly.

    Reply
    • AngryWhiteGuy says

      December 29, 2018 at 6:43 pm

      YES! Bought cigarettes ” for my Dad” as well.

      Reply
    • Sponge says

      January 3, 2019 at 10:48 am

      You can still listen to the Jean Shepherd shows on line! One of my favorites was his version of the Jersey Devil legend.

      Reply
  12. Knucklehead says

    December 29, 2018 at 3:36 am

    There were also eggs in the toy store with clay-colored goo in it we could press onto the newspaper and make a copy of it, then roll it into a ball and bounce it.

    The “best” old monster movies were on late Saturday nights.

    Girls used to use the actual clothes iron to straighten their hair.

    Reply
    • johnthebasket says

      December 29, 2018 at 7:08 am

      Allora, Knucklehead, è un piacere rivederti dopo tutto questo tempo.

      Giovanni

      Reply
    • Malcolm says

      December 30, 2018 at 10:16 am

      Silly Putty

      Reply
  13. I'm_Not_Bob says

    December 29, 2018 at 9:32 am

    We would listen to AM radio to hear from places far away.
    High test gasoline was red.
    Seat belts were never worn and usually stuck between the seat cushions.
    People dressed up when leaving the house.
    Everyone went to church on Sunday.
    Nobody we knew was divorced.
    The drug store had a machine to test tv vacuum tubes.
    Nancy Pelosi was old then too.

    Reply
    • A Different Jeff says

      December 29, 2018 at 12:27 pm

      People dressed up when leaving the house.

      In a news story about the rising popularity of Dollar Stores, a customer was quoted thusly, “I like that I don’t have to dress up, like I do when when I go to the Walmart!”

      Walmart, whose denizens typically wear pizza-stained sweatpants and filthy bedroom slippers …

      Reply
  14. CardMagik says

    December 29, 2018 at 9:58 am

    Bowling was 25 cents a game. I got by on $2 allowance a week

    I walked to the local 7/11 at night as a 10 year old with no worries to get snacks for the all night Saturday night horror or science fiction (Attack of the 50-foot Woman anybody?)

    45″ vinyl and put on repeat – never listened to side B which was pristine. On a BIG TV/Radio/Record Player console that took the whole side of the living room.

    Transit fare for kids was 10 cents – get a book of 12 for $1

    TV went off the air at midnight during the week with a test pattern following the Star-Spangled Banner

    Reply
  15. Gordian Knott says

    December 29, 2018 at 10:24 am

    Your parents called the fridge “the icebox,” and the record player “the Victrola.”

    A hollow circle of extruded plastic, swung about the hips in an imitation “hula,” was considered the epitome of toy culture.

    Comics were strictly for the ten-and-under crowd. Superheros had zero street cred and were regarded as childish trash.

    The adjective “groovy” was used in everyday conversation without a hint of irony.

    The acceptable hair length was “short.” Anything otherwise was considered a violent assault on society.

    Scruffy? You’re a “beatnik.” Anti-social? “Beatnik.” Bad attitude? “Beatnik.” Poor grades? “Beatnik.”

    Everybody knew that one story about that kid one time who blew his hand off with a cherry bomb.

    Reply
    • AngryWhiteGuy says

      December 29, 2018 at 6:40 pm

      Old school Surf Reporter! Where ya been?

      Reply
  16. Clueless says

    December 29, 2018 at 11:03 am

    Coonskin caps, nickel cokes, Sputnik, transistor radios, peace marches, nickel bags, Watergate

    Reply
    • johnthebasket says

      December 29, 2018 at 3:42 pm

      Oh, Clueless, we went out in the back yard to watch Sputnik fly over. I slept with my transistor radio, trying to catch a black station on the skip. I was an old man by Watergate, but you beat me out on the nickel bags. I didn’t discover the joys of degradation until the dime bag.

      John

      Reply
      • Clueless says

        December 30, 2018 at 9:51 am

        Think I’m a year or two older than you, Gionni, so I had a head start on degradation.

        Reply
        • johnthebasket says

          December 30, 2018 at 4:49 pm

          I accept that Clue, but I’d like the hustle award for doing my level best to make up for lost time.

          Gionni

          Reply
  17. Chad from Illinois says

    December 29, 2018 at 3:13 pm

    Shortly before I was born, the US went from 48 to 50 states.

    Oh, and grandma called her couch a ‘Davenport’.

    Reply
  18. D. Dillon says

    December 29, 2018 at 3:15 pm

    We made ashtrays in grade school – Christmas gifts for our parents. Our little fingers pushing into the soft clay to make the indents for the cigarettes.

    Penny candy.

    Pedal pushers, not capris.

    Trimming the grass with what looked like oversized scissors.

    Hopscotch on the sidewalk.

    Reply
  19. Phil Jett says

    December 29, 2018 at 8:51 pm

    Taking your girl to the picture show

    Pop in bottles out of a machine with the case rack stood up next to it to put your empty

    condoms were behind the Rx counter and had to be asked for (unless your dad owned a bar and had a case box of them at home)

    Reply
  20. Dean says

    December 30, 2018 at 6:36 am

    Some places had afternoon newspapers. Some people got both morning and afternoon newspapers. The grocery story would sell 7-year old me cigarettes for my mom when I presented them with the note asking for it to do so. If you lived in certain parts of NJ, you could get both NYC and Philly TV stations…but only if your rooftop TV had a rotor installed. If you lived in certain parts of NJ, many stores were closed on Sunday because of Blue Laws. And the ones that were open had sections roped off to be complaint with those laws. Your kitchen cabinets may have been full of glassware provided by gas stations when you filled up there. Your living room may have had an encyclopedia set acquired one volume at a time…at the grocery store. A Matchbox car and Super Bowl each cost $0.88. You bought a subscription to the Weekly Reader, which arrived at school. Your grandmother may have had a party line, You did not, but until you were 10 there was only one phone in the house. By the time you were in middle school, some families had a SECOND phone number in their house, and it was listed in the White Pages as “…children’s line” The White Pages was an actual phone directory delivered each year by the ONLY telephone service provider in year area (Bell) and not an online swamp of ads.
    Your high school had a designated area in the front lawn where seniors could smoke. Gym teachers taught drivers ed on campus in the classroom and on a school range (and then public roads) in new cars provided by a local dealer. Cars had AM radios only. Air conditioning, automatic transmissions and power windows were always options…if they were even available in the model you wanted. Parental curfews were determined by the time the streetlights came on. NBC aired ONE baseball game on TV each Saturday. There was no Super Bowl yet. There was a separate league from the NFL…the AFL. We paid attention when American humans were launched into space..solo, in pairs and eventually in trios. You remember watching a funeral for an assassinated American president on TV…in black and white. Every Thursday night, the Department of Defense released its killed in action report, which the three national networks dutifully broadcast on their single nightly newscast. Rice was an exotic addition to dinner. You freaked out when Zip Codes were added to addresses and when stamps suddenly cost a dime.
    None of this was better or worse than the world today. Just different.

    Reply
    • Reefie says

      December 30, 2018 at 1:03 pm

      I remember our very first phone number. We were on a party line and, of course, had only one phone. Our number was 2641. Yes, only four digits! This was in the early 50’s.

      We lived in a small town and had a “charge account” at the little store in our neighborhood. Every day on my walk to school, I charged an apple to my folks “account”. They paid the account off at the end of each month and never said anything to me about my unauthorized charges.

      Reply
  21. Travis says

    December 30, 2018 at 3:11 pm

    I am slightly older than Ziggy Stardust the album, but slightly younger than Ziggy the pantless cartoon character.

    Reply
  22. AngryWhiteGuy says

    December 30, 2018 at 4:02 pm

    Good topic, Mr. Kay! A lot of shared memories here!

    Reply
  23. johnthebasket says

    December 30, 2018 at 4:03 pm

    When the school bell rang three times in succession, then repeated and continued repeating, every student left the classroom, went to his or her locker, put our coats over our heads, and stuck our upper torsos in our lockers. We marveled that scientists had been able to construct anti A-Bomb locker material.

    Men had one suit. It was for church, weddings and funerals, and was mandatory for each.

    Bob Dylan could sing.

    We had a four-digit phone number (9337) and one phone that was hardwired to the wall.

    Peewee Reese and Dizzy Dean telecast the baseball “Game of the Week” on Saturday afternoons.

    Jackie Robinson stole home. Much later, Halvicek stole the ball.

    For three hundred thousand years nobody smoked cigarettes. Then, for a hundred years, everybody smoked cigarettes. Then, for the rest of time, nobody smoked cigarettes.

    Reply
    • chill says

      December 30, 2018 at 6:34 pm

      Damn, I could sure go for a smoke right now.

      Reply
      • johnthebasket says

        December 31, 2018 at 3:56 am

        Sing it sister — uh, brother.

        jtb

        Reply
    • revashanes says

      December 31, 2018 at 5:36 am

      When our school bell rang like that it was a fire drill. Yea!!

      Little girls had white gloves and patent leather shoes.

      I guess you could call what Bob Dylan did singing.

      Same phone (6933) hardwired to the kitchen wall

      Wild World of Sports and Howard Cosell.

      Rollie Fingers mustache

      I bought cartons of cigarettes for my folks all the time.

      Reply
      • Clueless says

        December 31, 2018 at 6:59 am

        How did everyone get four digit phone numbers? The first one I remember (PO7-7808) was issued before the end of the Korean War.

        Reply
  24. Barry A Schneider says

    January 3, 2019 at 12:26 am

    When i started school the desks had inkwells but shortly after cartridge pens became a thing.

    Reply
  25. Corby says

    January 7, 2019 at 10:25 pm

    The whole time I was growing up I NEVER wore a helmet while riding my bike.
    There were only 3 channels on tv.
    My grandparents were on a party line.

    Reply

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