Why? #1: I recently overheard two people (purposely vague) talking about how they MUST sleep while wearing socks, and I find this to be bizarre if not borderline psychotic. I know it’s a matter of personal preference, but how in the name of all that’s holy could somebody prefer such a thing? It’s crazy. Why not a windbreaker or a snoozing Stetson? Just the thought of wearing socks to bed makes me edge toward a panic attack. Also ridiculous: sleeping in the nude every night. And, on the other end of the spectrum: getting all trussed up in a full set of 1950s button-up pajamas. Why would you wear a suit to bed? There’s only one proper dress code for the dormancy period: t-shirt and underwear. Who’s with me?! …Hello?
Why? #2: I’m sure there’s some nerd-as-all-fuck reason for it, but I’ll ask anyway. Why is there a NUMBER LOCK key on the computer keyboard? What possible reason would the average person have to turn off numbers? Why not a VOWEL LOCK? Or a PUNCTUATION LOCK? Other crap I don’t understand on the keyboard: END, SCROLL LOCK, and PAUSE BREAK. I have no idea what any of that is and don’t want to know. I have a feeling it’s all a holdover from the days when computers used punch cards and that sort of thing. Am I wrong about that? Regardless, the NUMBER LOCK key is the worst of them all. It’s always getting engaged by mistake, and triggering momentary confusion, followed by fast-moving white-hot rage. Especially when I’m attempting to enter a password and none of the numbers are going in. Man, I’m getting all worked up just thinking about it.
Why? #3: At this point, in the year 2020, why does it still feel like I hear the Spin Doctors on a daily basis? They’re always out there, everywhere I go. It feels like those two or three radio hits have soaked into the universe somehow, and I just encounter it all like oxygen. I hear them in grocery stores, blasting over the PA system at gas stations, as bumper music on TV and radio talk shows… Why them? Of all the big ’90s bands the Spin Doctors MUST be the ones I hear most often. Everywhere I go… everything I do… there they are again! It’s not that I hate them (not really), I just find it curious how something like that could happen. How does such a deep, deep saturation occur? We’re not fully conscious of it but I believe we’re all living under the spell of the goddamned Spin Doctors every day of our lives. Sweet sainted mother of Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong!