I had a close friend in high school who was into a lot of the same things as me: drinking, wacked-out music, baseball, insensitive and sarcastic remarks… Oh, and did I mention drinking? If you’d asked me in 1980, I would’ve predicted we’d always be friends, until one of us finally destroyed a vital organ and dropped dead.
But he went away to college, and changed. I remember when he came home for Christmas that first year — just four months after he’d left — and how weird he was. It was like Invasion of the Body Snatchers. We all went out and did the same kind of dumbass shit we’d been doing for years, and he seemed bored. He wasn’t being a dick about it, he just wasn’t having fun.
And it was never the same. I hated it, and blamed him, of course. But he was off living on his own, meeting new people and having interesting experiences. And I’d opted for the safety and comfort of an extended adolescence. We weren’t in the same place anymore; he’d literally and figuratively moved on.
We’d been the best of friends, and I don’t even know what happened to him. He was really into technology when I knew him, but apparently has zero presence on the internet. It seems weird to me. I’m not aware of anyone who’s remained in contact with him. Perhaps he changed his name, and went into the witness protection program? Or maybe he died in a Buck Stove explosion in 1994, or something? I simply don’t know.
I also had a friend when I was young — pre-5th grade — who was a true partner in crime. We were practically joined at the hip for years, and got into all sorts of fantastic trouble together. But by the time we reached Junior High, we barely spoke. We’d see each other at school, do the ‘sup? chin-lift, and keep moving. Nothing bad happened, our friendship just shriveled up and died, for some reason.
Occasionally I see him, and he’s a really nice guy. But we’re polar opposites. He’s outdoorsy, and somewhat religious. And I’m… something else. I guess when you’re kids all that stuff isn’t in place yet?
On the other hand, I’ve known Bill since before kindergarten, and we’ll always be friends. In fact, I called him yesterday, while driving to work. I have a feeling we’ll be 88, or whatever, in some nursing home somewhere, talking on the phone: “Remember that time we were drunk at the drive-in, and you knocked that wall down on an old man taking a piss?” And it’ll continue until one of our nurses makes us stop, because we’re getting too worked up.
Same with Steve. Hell, I talk with him twice a week, and have known him since grade school. He also went away to college, but was always Steve. And my friend Tim, from the Dunbar years, still cracks me up every time we speak. We have some kind of crazy rhythm that’s been in place for decades.
Toney had three good friends in California, and tried to maintain those relationships after we moved. Only one survived. Unfortunately, the most annoying of the bunch… Toney put the same amount of effort into each of them, and only one friendship remains. I guess it takes an equal amount of effort on both ends? Or is it something else?
For our Question of the Day, I’d like to know about the people in your past who were once close friends, and now are not. I’m not really talking about romantic relationships, I mean regular friendships. What happened? Was there a single event that damaged things, or did it just dwindle away over time? Please tell us about it in the comments.
Also: how many years have you known your oldest friend? Does it go back to grade school, like some of mine do?
I’ll see you guys again tomorrow.
Have a great day!
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I have some friends I have known since I was in my early 20s. No one from HS or childhood though. So many people moved out of state in the 1980s, died, or just moved on.
I had a friend that I met when I was 4. We went all through school together and were pretty much best friends until 9th grade. He had a learning disabilty and decided to drop out, and back in the 70’s, dropping out was no big deal. We remained close friends until I went in the Air Force. We visited several times after I enlisted but then we lost touch. Last year, I read an obit and one of his brothers had passed. In the obit, I also found out the my friend had passed 5 years earlier. I contacted the family and they told me that he had overdosed. Very sad. I met Bill in WV in 1988. We have a great friendship and I know we will be friends for life.
Do ex wives count?
Not if you were romantically involved.
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Well then they might! Boom!
I think it just depends on the individuals and their personalities. The first guy that Jeff talks about, I was friends with too. But, he always appeared like a fake friend, one of these guys that would hang out with you, only if he didn’t have anything better offered. I don’t need people like that to even bother staying in touch with me. I gots shit to do. Jeff and I have remained friends for life because we have a similar sense of humor and actually enjoy hearing each other’s stories of how life is going for us, in general. Even after he left WV and I stayed behind, we visited each other many times. The trips to visit him in NC, Atlanta and L.A. were memorable ones and something always seemed to happen during those visits that were so out of the ordinary, we still talk about them today. Like Jerry said above, we met in 1988 at work and have both left jobs there, but have stayed friends, simply because we have similar interests and make each other laugh. Laughter is the major thing in a friendship. Also, having people to turn to when times are tough, make lasting friendships. The dude that Jeff begins today’s update with, was a moocher (never seemed to have $$ to pitch in for beer, but drank his share of what we bought) and he can go fuck himself.
I have a friend frm high school who has kept in touch with everyone! EVERYONE. From highschool through our career stint at McDonalds up until today. Sometimes he’ll start saying shit about someone I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about 30 years ago and will try to engage me with stories of what these people are doing now. I usually end up saying “Ronnie, I just don’t care or even remember who you’re talking about.”
We have another friend (actually she was MY best friend in HS) who moved to British Columbia. Her mother still lives in NY so she flies in every now and then. And Ronnie will make a big fucking to do about getting together. Frankly, I’ve grown apart from Diane (BC friend) and could care less if I see her or not. She just seems very fake now. We still have a cuple of laughs but I’d rather braid my pubes then get stuck in anothe rone of those dinners.
I haven’t spoken to my best friend from my teenage years for about a decade. My choice, no falling out. He’s turned in a middle management, golf playing muppet – exactly the sort of person we used to mock mercilessly – and I still do. Hell, he even started sending Xmas cards with those letters To All about about kitchen remodels and children’s bowel movements and no… just no. No.
I should have mentioned Facebook. I suppose you could say I have re-connected with some people on there. But – I don’t know if I count that or not. There seems to be a lot of back of forth, and then the conversations stop. I had to be the guy to tell a lot of people that someone we knew and spent a lot of time with back in the day was deceased. That was not fun.
I’ve gotten to the point with friends that I’m guessing it’s my fault we don’t stay in touch. Either that or I have a knack at finding people who are cool to hang with for a while then drop off the fucking planet when they want to. Of course best friends from my school days are long gone, meaning our relationship has just drifted off, but I can see on Facebook that they are raising the typical 2.5 kids and being all-Amurikan and stuff. I’m the same age (34) and have no kids, don’t believe in marriage and like to drink, sit at home in fat pants and play video games. Not that I am not ambitious, but I’m just not into being outdoorsy, or going to clubs, or being around people….
What hurts the most is some coworkers who I formed a really close relationship with. I left that job a year ago and BAM! keeping up contact with them is like pulling teeth. I hung out with these people. Hell, I went out of town for fun times with one & we would end the work week hanging out at a restaurant downing margaritas and tequila shots & having a blast. I see them on FB & maybe once every four months I’ll meet one for lunch, but it’s weird and changed now.
I guess I could safely say that my closest friends are 1.) A cousin of mine who I would seriously consider my best friend and 2.) A few folks from a group I hang out with once a year in Vegas. We talk online a lot, Skype frequently and when we meet in person it’s like we were never apart. So, I’m lucky to have them in my life. The others? Well, I guess they can go fuck themselves.
I had a best friend from 7th grade (1971) who I kept in touch with for years after moving away. Then I lost his number (phone died, lost everything) and I have not been able to get back in touch. He’s become a NYC “radio personality” and a minor celebrity, so he’s plenty google-able and for the same reason, there is no personal contact info to be had. Kenny, if you’re out there, give me a call.
My oldest current friendships date from the early 1980s, meaning people I still see regularly. I am in touch with my cousins, and friends with most of them. I saw a bunch of them today at a funeral.
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I have one friend from 1st grade that I’m still best friends with. Our families vacation for a week at least once a year if not more and also get together 5-6 other times a year. The two of us had three other guys we became best friends with during high school football and all five of us get together at least twice a year even though we live in four different states.
Our next get together is in Caledonia Michigan on the 25th of this month for one friend’s son’s last high school football game.
I have no friends at work and like it that way.
I’ve been friends with my friend ben since about jan 16th 1984. I didn’t like him too much at first. I already had a best friend and am not the type to have too many at one time. We got closer over time to the point where we did everything together. The problem was he was good looking, athltic (except didn’t play sports), tan, etc, and I was a dork. So he got girls, I’d occaisionally get the ugly friend. He eventually knocked up a girl who’s parents were desparately trying to keep them apart. PLus he got kicked out of school for bringing a bomb to school. I was not involved in that mess.
We drifted apart when I went to college. He’s been married like 5 times, been to prison, has at least 5 kids, where I’m at a zero on all of those. We still kept in touch and we are getting better about being in touch. I need to call him actually. But for the first time in 10 years we are only 2 hrs apart instead of 10 so it’s a little easier now.
Another friend Bryan who posts here occaisionally I’ve known since High School (1992/93 or so). We were super close through college and have drifted apart since he got married and had two kids back to back but I wouldn’t say drifted in a bad way. Just different priorities and I moved to OKC so it was a hike. We don’t talk alot but we can.
LAst one is a girl who dated bryan in college, I became friends with her. Really good friends then she married a mexican and we lost touch. I found her on FB a few years ago and we started talking, then dating, then not dating, now we are living together and dating (?). Geeze.
My oldest friend I met in preschool. she & I were really close in middle school & some of high scholl till both of our parents split & we were moved away from each other. She is on her way to my house as we speak in her RV. wow 38 years of friendship. &we were hell raisers… I am a bit worried cuz I have been “good” for so long & she is “wild” to this day so wish me luck in the upcoming weeks (oh & I know you said no romantic, BUT my friend Tim (we never dated, just friends) from 6th grade on is moving from CA to Tampa to start a romantic life with me this week.) weird. & Due to book face I am in contact with everyone who has not died, for the most part. even the friends who were never really friends….
My best friend and I have known each other since Kindergarten. We’ve drifted in and out of touch through the last 50 years but every time we talked it was like we had just seen each other yesterday. One of those separations was for almost 8 years! I stuck with him when he came out (he’s gay which is why my boyfriends through the years have never had a problem with us). We have had some crazy good fun and while we argue just like anyone, we’ve never been mad enough at each other to stop talking. I can (and do) tell him everything and he’s the same with me. Oh, the things we know about each other and the stories we have heard from one another that probably should have never been vocalized…
The last 15 or so we have spoken almost every day, even since I moved to Italy. We laugh that we have to remain friends because we have too much dirt on each other. I do think he knows more about me than even my husband. I love him to death.
I have been friends with my buddy Zach since about 1994 (2nd grade). And I still have a bunch of friends from both high school and college. Interesting timing on this post, because I just messaged back and forth with a friend from college that I hadn’t talked to since I graduated in 2011, all in thanks to facebook.
Very thankful for the (real) friendships that I have, they help keep me sane.
A very thought provoking post. Got me thinking. I don’t have anymore friends – just acquaintances.It’s been like that for over twelve years now.And the funny thing is I did not realize it until I saw this post.Right after college, I gave up making friends. Life got busy real quick.
I’ve been friends with Angie for 35 years. We’ve lost touch several times, some of those being for several years. But after an hour or two together it’s same as it ever was. She could call in need after 3+ years away and I’d be there without a “Why?”. Corny, I know. My friend Jessica we’ve been friends for 25+ years, she lives in Paris, and we can reconnect in the same way.
I don’t make new friends these days. I know and talk to any and everyone, and they like me and I like some of them. I just don’t have the desire to put myself out there very far.