When I was in West Virginia recently, my mother reacted negatively every time I dared to even glance at my phone. She would either launch into a diatribe about it, sigh theatrically, or shake her head in deep, deep disappointment.
I know how she feels about cell phones (also Facebook), so I kept my glancing to a minimum. Heck, even when I’m unencumbered by parental pressures, I’m not the type to check my phone obsessively. I certainly don’t pick it up and start monkeying around with the thing while somebody else is talking.
But she HATES cell phones, no matter what’s going on. I could be the only person in the room, and it would still be a crime against humanity, similar to those of Stalin, if I checked my Gmail. Yet, the TV is on in their house for 16 hours a day — tuned to some of the most soul-crushing programming imaginable. Like Family Feud.
My mother is not alone in her feelings. I hear people bitch about cell phones — especially smart phones for some reason — all the time. They say folks used to be much more sociable, and weren’t off in their own little worlds. You know, back in the good ol’ days, like when the photo above was taken.
I know some people are rude, and carry on loud conversations in grocery stores, etc. But that’s not the phone’s fault, it’s the asshole who’s driving it. We’re talking Apple and assholes here.
Anyway, I love my phone, and will not apologize for it. Oh, I’ll try to keep the peace while my parents are around, but that’s as far as it goes. I will continue to read my email, jot down ideas in Evernote, and even glance at the evil Facebook and Twitter every once in a while. Because I am a hero.
Not as big a hero, of course, as the people who say, “I have a pay-as-you-go flip-phone that only takes and receives calls, and costs $7 per month.” There are no bigger heroes than those folks. Except, maybe, the “I don’t own a television” contingent. It’s hard to say.
I guess we’re all heroes, in our own ways, right? …Can you tell I wrote this update in, like, five minutes? Pass the beer nuts.
Shit! I have a meeting 40 miles from here, in less than an hour.
I’ll see you guys again tomorrow!
Now playing in the bunker
Do your holiday shopping at Amazon!
Here’s the link for our Canadian friends
Same tribe of people who say we were better off before air conditioning, when we (allegedly) sat on our porches and talked to every passerby. I guarantee you if you went back in time carrying a central air conditioning system, you would be hailed as a god.
I chalk it up to old age. I agree with your parents. I suppose I am sort of immune to it by now though. I live in a college town – so that is what I see all day long.
I do find it amazing when I see people trip over curbs, or almost get ran over due to the fact they are looking at their phones.
I only have a phone to talk to a few people – that is it.
Reading this (as well as any other comment about how cut off we are now because of technology) reminded me of something Penn Jillette wrote back in 1989 in the Book Cruel Tricks for Dear Friends. He was talking about Walkmans, but it equally applies today.
Being Morally Opposed To The Walkman Carries With It Certain Responsibilities
by Penn Jillette
Published 1989
From Penn and Teller’s Cruel Tricks For Dear Friends, Page 178
I was leaving my business manager’s office. The elevator arrived right away and I got on to find there was another passenger. She was black, she had a beautiful smile, her headphones blended with her hair, and she was listening to some pop love song on her Walkman. It was loud, but I couldn’t make it out. Maybe I’d never heard it before, but it was a love song. I smiled, slipped on my super-cool candy-red headphones, and turned the Clash’s London Calling way up.
We had ridden together for several floors when we were joined by one of those bicycle delivery guys. He had a little hat, the tight black bicycle pants with the reinforced crotch; he was Hispanic and had the little tiny headphones that fit right in the ear so you can only see a couple little spots of blue and some wires coming out of the ears. He looked at us, wrote something on a manila envelope, put it in his backpack, and turned up his music. I have no way of knowing what he was listening to, because “Revolution Rock” was filling my head. But whatever it was he was enjoying it. We swayed our heads together in different rhythms.
The three of us rode a few more floors, then were joined by a businesswoman type. She had on one of those female biz suits, and her hair and makeup were soft and natural. I think she ran every morning or at least took a dance class. Through the light tint of her glasses, I saw her look at each one of us and roll her eyes up. Then she started shaking her head like we weren’t going to notice. My fellow passengers didn’t notice, but I slipped my headphones down around my neck and said, “It must sound like Charles Ives out here, huh? Is it too loud for you?”
She gave me this little condescending smile through her tastefully lipsticked mouth and said, “You people just cut yourselves off from everybody, don’t you? I mean, it’s really bad enough that no one even makes eye contact anymore, but you people just walk around in your own little worlds. We’re a culture of very lonely people. It’s sad. It’s really very sad.”
Since the other two people in the elevator were still in their own respective little worlds, I appointed myself spokesperson for us three lonely people. “You were really dying for human contact here, weren’t you? Huh? You walked on this elevator and said to yourself, ‘Oh, Jiminy Cricket! I really wanted to talk to this delivery boy, this receptionist, and this big ugly son of a bitch with a square head. But alas, they’ve cut themselves off from my personal contact. I guess I can’t have any meaningful dialogue with them. Darn.’ You don’t give a yuppie-tweed-fuck about the three of us! You just need something sensitive and humanitarian to talk about over your fuckin’ power lunch…. I’ll make a deal with you – we’ll take our headphones off and we’ll listen to you, but you better have something to say. And when you ask him what kind of bike he has and he tells you, you better really care. And you better keep us entertained… do a little fuckin’ dance if you have to! When each of us walked onto the elevator we smiled at one another and you just rolled your fuckin’ eyes. So, you want personal contact? Shoot!”
So, this was another elevator ride in the big city during which I didn’t fall in love, make a friend, or even set myself up to get laid. But I do enjoy the Clash.
I really enjoyed that. Thanks for taking the time to post it, Matt. 🙂
My pleasure!
Thanks, Matt! I really appreciate Penn for his humor but mostly things like this. Fellow Libertarians are hard to find. Especially for a 32 year old like myself. Thanks again, Matt!
I get irritated not with people using a “smart” phone, but their lack of ability to turn away from it immediately should the need arise….. like someone speaking to them, or a loud crash from the kids room.
I’m old school. If I have my nose in the phone when my wife speaks to me, I put it down immediately. If I speak to her when she’s in her phone, if she responds at all, it takes about 5 seconds and she opens her mouth like she’s going to speak, then it could be another minute or two while she’s scrolling through what she’s reading (mouth still open), then a few seconds to shut down the app, then she puts the phone down, and says, ‘Huh? What?’
Thats pretty well it;
The people who just don;t put the fucking thing away/stop yakking away when something live, right in front of them requires action on their part.
Or feel the need to share their conversation with everybody in a 20 foot radius. (or 5 foot radius).
Hint people: Those people around you are top priority, not the damn phone. Letting it ring ain’t going to kill anybody.
Yeah, I got a pay as you go phone. Fuck the thing. If its like my work cell phone, the thing rings at the least oppertune time to actual take the call. Be it up on a ladder with both hands occupied, in the middle of a room of people explaining something to them, while driving… You people can all just talk to me when I get back to the shop at the end of the work day. I don’t give a rats ass if you are out of m3 x 22 screws, ain’t fuck all I can do about it… until (gasp) the next day. Not that I’m going to do anything about it anyway, ain’t my fuckin problem. I also don’t care If I get a service call for XYZ, I’m three fucking hours away from there, I’m not dropping what I am working on right now, I’m finishing, then driving a few minutes to my next stop… It’ll all wait until the end of the day.
Stupid fucking phones.
I don’t have a smartphone and if I can help it, it will be a long time before I do.
OTOH, I went to visit my Mom in Ohio more starting a year ago when she was diagnosed with cancer. No smartphone, as I said, but I did take my laptop because my younger brother had paid for a WiFi connection at Mom’s house.
For considerable chunks of the half-dozen times I went to visit my Mom and help take care of her, I slavishly kept up with FaceBook, TMZ, Charlie Pierce, Matt Taibbi, stock prices and message boards and yes – The Surf Report. All hours I could and should have focused more on Mom and what she wanted and had to say. I knew she was dying and the odds were against her living beyond a year or two or 5. (In fact, she lasted just 9 months.) Yes I didn’t want to ‘fall behind’ or be ‘out of touch’.
Somebody should just fucking kick my ass – I suck so much.
Dealing with that kinda shit — don’t kick your own ass too much. People deal with that kind of stress in strange ways.
I agree with Rat; a person undergoing the emotional stress of having a loved one that is passing away needs some type of distraction from the dreadful reality that they are faced with. You were probably retreating to your computer as a way to deal with that stress. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
You were there. Would one more “hello” or “how you doin’?” have changed things? Also one more argument or chance for feelings to be hurt? There are a lot of what ifs in life and not a single damn good answer to any of them.
Hey, now! I do so own a television, Jeff. I just don’t turn it on.
Whaddya know – I have a TV too! I turned it on as recently as Hurricane Sandy.
My company wants me to have a cell phone, so they provide one for me; I’ve never had a personal one. If that vanished tomorrow I’d probably get one… I don’t know what we did before smart phones existed. They’re the greatest thing since sliced bread. But the in-person persons absolutely take priority.
As for the haters, I would point out that there is worthwhile content on teh inter-tubez. Unlike, say, daytime TV.
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…. I don’t own a TV. All my possessions fit into two milk crates… You know… Since the fire last year….
I have two smart phones–one for work and a personal one. I get the best of both worlds, Apple and Droid. I was late to the smart phone game, but I’m entrenched now. Sometimes I think I should put them away more; my preschooler will come pound on the bathroom door and tell me I’m getting a text on my work phone. He also has his own apps on both of them. I am better than I used to be, I will let them both die on the weekends and not charge them til Monday morning. Usually when I do that, though, some client tries to get me. They know access to me is not guaranteed on the weekends, but I try to stay available.
My boss asked me for my cell phone number and I flat out refused her. No way in hell am I working 24/7 for these nuts. They get enough out of me during so-called normal working hours which included an additional 1/2 hour or more tacked on at the end and working through lunch 99% of the time. Funk Dat!
I will say that when strangers or even people I know are talking on the phone I will often answer them.
Phone Talker “what are you thinking for lunch”
Me walking by “I fell like Arby’s, how about you”
it is fun everyone should try this but only about 50% of the time do I get a response beyond a weird look and maybe a wave to ‘go away’.
Meh–I have one of those low-rent pay as you go phones. All I need is for people to get hold of me. If I had a smart phone, I’d be on that thing constantly, and that’s a distraction that I do not need.
One thing that really bothers me is when people are driving, just yakking away on their phones and they don’t see the pedestrian/signal/car/whatever in front of them. Is it that important?!
I’m a serial cell phone user. Both the current girl and the last girl I saw in OKC bitched about it. I get my news on my phone, I have friends scattered across the country and I’m known to sit in bars by myself and have a drink and fuck around with my phone. The smart phone makes all of those things manageable.
I hate it when people complain about such shit and then can’t back it up.
A Recent Conversation
me on my phone
Her: You’re being rude.
Me: What?
Her: You aren’t joining in the conversation.
Me: Oh. OK. What do you want to talk about?
Her: Why does it have to be me who decides what we talk about?
Us: — silence —
Can someone please explain people with very expensive smart phones that are too cheap to sign up for the data package? My dad was the very first person I knew to buy the iphone….and all of these years and multiple iphones later, doesnt even have unlimited text?!
As for the “our children are allowed 30 minutes of television on the weekends” people. Or just dont own one…Suck it! An aunt by marriage who is a biology professor at some CO college has 2 small kids, and whenever she is in town, las vegas, with lots of family she goes completely nuts if even football is playing in the background for more than 15 minutes! Her kids are wound super tight, boss my 3 year old around constantly and are just jerks….someone stop me!
Rachael, are you saying you are in Vegas? If so you are the second Rachael Smith I know in Vegas (Except the otherone is Rachel and has gone back to her maiden name, but still).