The younger boy sent me this photo today, which he snapped on the mean streets of Scranton. What do you think is going on here?? Is it some kind of NASCAR thing? Or does this fashionable gentleman simply have a passion for the Double Stuf Oreos and feels compelled to do his evangelical duty? Perhaps he works for Nabisco? …Or Kraft? I don’t know what the shit is happening. Also, are those regular jeans pulled up to his knees, or are they some kind of portly-man capris? The Gilligan hat is a nice touch, I think.
In any case, I’d love to get your thoughts. I like how it’s a very specific version of Oreo, not just the general Oreo logo. No, it’s the Double Stuf variety, dammit, with one F! And it’s hard to tell for sure, but that jacket doesn’t look cheap, right? It appears to be a $200+ item from my vantage point. Am I way off? Bring me up to date on it.
Also, if you were forced to wear a $200+ jacket with a very specific grocery item featured on the back, which one would you choose? Would you go for the Double Stuf? I’m not really a fan of those things, so I certainly would not. That so-called cream is not good and is probably made of horse hooves or something. No, I’d probably go with Toaster Strudel. Or possibly Bac-O’s. I like Bac-O’s the first go-round, and even more so when I start belching ’em up. Fantastic burp fuel! I might also go with the Marie Callender’s Chicken Pot Pie or perhaps Heluva Good French Onion Dip.
What do you have on this important matter? Beer is a cheat, but you can list whatever you want. Use the comments section. And if you have any opinions on a favorite burp flavorer, tell us all about it.
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And I’ll see you guys again soon.
Have a great day!
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Mine’s a combo: Bugles and Easy Cheese
Joe T says
First person to eat 50 packages of the Double stuffed and send in the scanned image got a jacket ( I’d like to imagine).
Mine would be a jacket featuring The end pieces of lunch meat that get thrown together and sold cheaply.
First off, congrats to the younger son on a fine photo. So much going on. Really love the backpack and umbrella(?) in his right hand. Is he headed to work dressed like that?
I haven’t kept up with NASCAR much lately but it is a NASCAR jacket apparently.
If I were going to get something oddly specific on the back of a jacket I think it would be Mezzetta Jalapeno Stuffed Olives. I love those bastards.
That’s quite the photo!
A Habbersett sausage jacket would be classy. I wouldn’t wear it with shorts in February though.
Dave’s Gourmet Ghost Pepper Hot Sauce
Hulva Good Dip is right up there for sure Jeff — but I would have to go with “Eight O’Clock Coffee”. That bad boy would look so cool… I could wear a “Milk” hat and walk around with an umbrella (stir-stick) and be the physical embodiment of a cup of coffee.
Every picture tells a story doughnut, as Rod Stewart sang, but not everyone roots for a manly car with Krispy Kreme or Pennzoil or Shell or Napa Auto Parts plastered all over the damn hood. (Junior Johnson was rolling over in his grave years before he died, because the days of outrunning Feds on Saturday night then bringing his hooch-running hot rod to the track on Sundays had long vanished into a cloud of Benjamins. “Now we got these goddamn billboards on wheels.”) Somebody has to drive, and presumably root for, the Maidenform Special and the Tampax Pearl Speedster, now that women are invited to the Sunday extravaganzas. So why not the mainstream porn industry? Double stuffing might not be a Saturday night tradition in your house, but among the upper classes down on the Main Line it’s de rigueur.
Is it not time to stop making fun, just for a while, of those whose economic, metabolic or intellectual function excludes them from the mainstream and causes them to flock to Walmart? The 1% are largely boobs in suits who’ve never heard of Junior Johnson. The story doughnuts of the rich are those of Trudeau. They might as well have the Target logo painted on their back. It’s not easy to get a clean hit on them in two paragraphs a week, but it’s possible. If you need inspiration, check out the archive on this site.
Main Line, John? That’s damn locally specific. I can tell that double stuff night here on the Main Line is the third Thursday of the month, after the boozy book club.
After working in Center City Philly (commuting from Seattle) for a few years I got, for the only time in my life, a “name your own salary as long as it’s not much over six figures” offer from a big insurance company. They flew us out for a weekend and showed us potential neighborhoods in which we might purchase a house (they threw in a moderate bonus for a down payment). A very nice lady drove us up and down the Main Line. I wasn’t going to come close to affording most of the houses there, but I hadn’t spent much time around old money (Seattle is mostly new money), and I spent some of the tour imagining gothic novels full of aberrant behavior behind the walls of the high-end estates. I’m all for aberrant behavior, but I turned down the offer nonetheless.
I wanted to use an old money neighborhood in Jeff’s state of residency and the Philly Main Line was the only one I remembered from my time in SE Pennsylvania. Of course, it might have changed since 1985.
In the mid-90s, when I lived in Center City and worked in the exurbs, on the way home the first thing off the Schuylkill exit for the Main Line was a TGI Friday’s, ugh. That seems like a 90s thing. We used to have a Fridays in Cayo Hueso but it got upgraded to a 24 hour Denny’s with a liquor license.
Sebastian Valmont says
Hebrew National is the answer to both of your questions. Not only would I emblazon their logo on an expensive jacket, they create the best burps when onions and mustard are added. It is especially satisfying when washed down with a cold fountain soda at Costco, and for only $1.50 (tax not included.)
Jones little pork sausages (natural casing).
A re-flavorizing belch really is a special treat.
If you like those natural casing Jones sausages (I do too) you should seek out the “Irish Bangers” Costco stock in the weeks prior to St Patrick’s Day. They’re actually English not Irish, the English company labels some as Irish that time of year because people are stoopid.
Thanks for the tip! I’ll keep an eye out for them. And yes, people are way wicked stupid. Exhibit A: the frequency with which “9” appears in retail prices.
I think I saw the Irish Bangers on a PBS fund drive a few years ago. They danced well (and kinda loud), but they all seemed to be suffering from armitis. Maybe that’s The Troubles I keep hearing about.
If they were Irish bangers during the Troubles, it may have been armalitis they were suffering from.
Having already deferred to Limey on questions about the sexual proclivities of the Main Line crowd, the etymological, species, and national origins of Irish Bangers, the monthly schedule for double stuffing night among the gentry, and general details about Life During Wartime, I see no reason to stop deferring as we approach questions of caliber, magazine size, and rate of fire related to the resolution of questions about Home Rule and Gaelic dancing.
Although I can’t, in good conscience, imply that the Brits have a corner on madness — one country’s apparently needless violence is another country’s psychopath President. God bless us every one.
The Yodler says
Here in the Heartland it would be Johnsonville brats, of course.
Cheez Its. Original.
Um, my eating habits don’t quite match up. Emblazon my jacket with some Swiss chard or asparagus. Or if a brand name is required I’d go with GTS Lavender Love kombucha.
Clue, I don’t know much about quick vehicles, but as I recall, the Lavender Love Kombucha GTS goes from 0 to 60 in under three seconds, which is faster than it sounds. Just for reference, a 1994 Ford SVT Boss Mustang with a bored out 429 gets to 60 in just under two seconds; and a specially fitted Saturn V first stage goes from full stop to 60 MPH in about a second and a half, if that’s your idea of a good time. To be fair, the Saturn V isn’t street legal, and the Mustang is, but exceeds the maximum decibel limits of some picky cities like Chernobyl and New York. So it’s possible you MIGHT be able to sort of legally burp in Manhattan and experience the aftertaste in Brooklyn if you can find a time when the Brooklyn Bridge is clear and New York’s Finest are on strike. Just trying to help out.
New York? Damn, if I can’t drive my GTS in Clarke County VA I need to find another ride.
Maybe Chick-O-Stick, or Vick’s VapoRub. How about Tuck’s pads?
Not Oprah says
Had to look up Tuck’s pads – damn that’s funny. I’d buy one – on a T-shirt – probably not on an expensive jacket.
Miss Q says
On the back of my (very expensive) jacket: New England coffee Colombian Supremo, currently being enjoyed while I’m supposed to be working. It is one of my very favorite things in the whole, wide world, especially on a rainy Atlanta morning like today. It does not produce terribly satisfying burps, though. In fact, I’m not at all sure that I’ve ever experienced one of those.
Not Oprah says
A watermelon and a litre of chocolate milk.
If this is Jeopardy: What does Trump have for lunch when he wants to go out of his way to piss off the Congressional Black Caucus? . . . jtb
The tide is turning. You just don’t know it yet.
Not Oprah says
I’m slow it took me a minute to get the chocolate milk correlation. bah!
Poligrip and Smirnoff vodka, brought to you by Nancy Pelosi.
Habbersett Scrapple, Stanley’s Kielbasa, Ballreich’s potato chips, Tony Packo’s pickles and peppers. It would be a jacket of immense earthy funk but it would have every Agnes and Ethyl hanging on your arm.
Ian in Scotland says
I’ve had those! They’re good, but they taste strongly of pepper and not very much like haggis.
After seven days I no longer feel obligated to stick to subject matter associated with the QotW, so there’s this: I guess it’s possible to not love Hoyt Axton, and I suppose it’s possible to not love Linda Ronstadt, but when they sang together, especially when they were singing one of Hoyt’s songs, they just floored me. Every time they sang duets they made the argument that some country music is art. They were both artists and they made the world more beautiful: and holy shit, between them they had something like a seven octave range. Here’s “Lion in the Winter”. . .jtb
It’s a throwback to the 90’s, but I’d have to say Tabasco. They had a big marketing push back then and put their logo on everything. I still have a Tabasco necktie.
More recently, an appropriate choice would be Frank’s Red Hot Sauce. It takes their commercial tagline “I put that sh*t on everything” literally.
Not a typical “grocery store” item, but here in NW Ohio the local Kroger’s supermarket does have a liquor store in it. So I would proudly wear a jacket with a large emblazoned label from “Basil Hayden’s Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey.” Nectar of the Gods.
Also, there is a bar in the middle of the Kroger, where for $2 you can sample 4 craft beers or wines, rotating weekly. And if you like, you can buy a pint of what suits you and carry it around with you while you shop. The shopping carts even have rings to hold your pint glass. It is the most civilized thing imaginable and has completely changed my attitude toward grocery shopping. Wife – “we need milk and bread”. Me – Vrrooooommmmm.
Alice in WV says
Little Debbie Oatmeal Crème Pies
the newly released, Little Debbie Double Decker Oatmeal Crème Pies
Alice, congrats on your diacritic gravè.