To tell you the truth, fries are not my favorite part o’ the fast food meal. In fact, I could go without them and the enjoyment factor would not suffer much. Is that shocking, or controversial? A man of my physical stature speaking such blasphemy? It happens to be the truth. However, I have no shortage of experience. I mean, just because I COULD go without fries doesn’t mean I actually do. Let’s be serious… Consequently, I have some opinions and hope you do as well.
For the record, my favorite fries in the world are just the generic crinkle-cuts served up hot ‘n’ fresh at a diner, or someplace like that. Know what I’m talking about? There’s generally a sandwich in a plastic basket lined with paper, and a handful of delicious fries piled alongside. Man, that’s good stuff! But they have to be hot ‘n’ fresh. Those things can go south on you in a short span of time.
Fast food fries are difficult for me to judge because the hot ‘n’ fresh factor is not always there. In fact, it’s generally absent. Or, at least, they’re wildly inconsistent. So, for the sake of this discussion, I’ll just give you my quick thoughts on only the best versions of each.
McDonald’s This is everybody’s automatic favorite, and they’re certainly good. Very salty, almost to the point of going overboard. It feels like they used to be slightly better, but I feel that way about most things. Possibly everything. Huh… weird. It also feels like McDonald’s does a better job of hitting the hot ‘n’ fresh target than other places. Am I wrong about that? These are definitely solid. I prefer a girthier fry, but that’s a minor complaint.
Wendy’s Possibly my favorite, when done well. These are bigger than McDonald’s fries, have the skin-on, and are loaded with sea salt. However… these things are rarely hot ‘n’ fresh. So it’s a sad state of affairs. I know how good they could be, but so often fall short. Dave would not be happy. A missed opportunity a high percentage of the time. Sad and frustrating, really.
Burger King I like these. They have the Wendy’s girth and the McDonald’s overall vibe. I don’t think they’re generally considered to be a strong contender for the best fast food french fry, but they’re right up there, in my opinion. In fact, I believe I enjoy them more often than the technically superior Wendy’s fries, ’cause they’re more consistently prepared well. A strong effort!
Five Guys These are generally served in massive bulk, and they start out tasting good. Then the oil starts to get to us, and we end of tossing a lot of them into the trash. When it comes down to it, I don’t think I really like them all that much. Again… controversial. The burgers there are great, but the fries are never quite as satisfying as I think they’re going to be. Very oily. And I don’t really need seven pounds of them during each visit.
Long John Silver’s The worst. Somebody should do a stretch in prison for these flaccid, flavorless strips of root vegetable. I’m getting angry just thinking about it. Taken in moderation I enjoy their fish or Chicken Planks, and they offer up a solid cole slaw. But the fries, alongside those other semi-quality items, are an affront to all that is holy. Prison, I say!
In ‘n’ Out These are also shit, but not quite as bad as LJS. Mealy is a word that jumps immediately to mind. They cut them right there and use fresh ingredients, etc. But they’re bad. What can I say? The burgers, again, are solid. But their fry game? Weak!
Arby’s I know there’s a rabid cult for Arby’s curly fries, but I am not a member of said cult. I don’t like all the spices and shit. Just give me a french fry, and compete on a level playing field. When you go for a novelty cut, AND cover everything in various overpowering spices… it’s a problem in my eyes. I know they have regular fries too, but those are so forgettable I can’t even remember what they’re like. And I’ve had them often.
Chick-fil-A Another novelty cut: the waffle fry. I like these better than the curly fries, but they’re not great, either. I don’t need my fries presented in a crosshatch pattern, thank you very much. However, I had some on our way back from Myrtle Beach a few weeks ago and thought they were freaking amazing. So, I don’t know. All my life I’ve been agnostic on these things, but my most recent experience is making me wonder: are they better than I realize? Probably not.
What do you have on this subject? Am I way off on some of that? It’s certainly possible. In any case, please share your thoughts. Also, I probably left out some places. Help me complete the category! Use the comments section.
I need to get ready for work now. It’s late, as usual.
I hope all of you had a great Easter. Ours was pleasant. You can hear all about it in the new episode of the world famous West Virginia Surf Report podcast. Here’s your summary:
Our Easter wasn’t spectacular, but it was pleasant. And what’s wrong with that? In this one, I tell you all about it, as well as my general Easter history. I also discuss the importance of the holiday where we currently live, and my across-the-board lack of religious knowledge. And I reveal the things I believe people should judge more, and the things they should judge less. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for listening!
And this is the link. It’s available here, there, and everywhere. Give it a listen!
Have a great week, my friends.
See you again on Thursday. Or Friday.