You know what irritates me? When people fact-check jokes. It happens on Twitter all the time. Somebody will post some silliness — clearly just screwing around — and another person will butt in and correct them on some unimportant inaccuracy in their statement.
It happens in the real world, too. A few days ago I made a joke about something that happened “back in the 80s, or whatever” and a person interjected: “Um, I don’t know what 80s you lived through, but that sounds more like the 70s to me.”
Thanks for that, dick. I’m telling a story here, not producing a documentary. And now you’ve ruined the whole rhythm of it, with your smug fact-checking of irrelevant details. Why don’t you get the paint-stirrer of seriousness out of your ass, you humorless fuck?
It’s different when a person is making a joke BASED on an inaccuracy. I’m not really talking about that. I mean people who miss the whole point of the tale, seize on some side detail, and feel compelled to testify about it. Grrr…
In fact, now that I think about it, I don’t like correctors, in general. It doesn’t have to be a joke, it can be anything.
During my life I’ve been subjected to mountains and mountains of preposterous horseshit. I’ve worked with many a straight-up liar, as well as morons and fools of every stripe. Heck, I have relatives who couldn’t tell the truth, even if a gun was pressed to their head; they seem to lie for sport.
But do I argue with them, and call them on the garbage that’s constantly tumbling from their Skoal hole? Of course not. I don’t have the energy, or the interest. I just say something like, “Huh,” and keep moving.
A lot of people can’t let it go, though, and will stand there debating the most inane and senseless “facts” to ever come down the pike. It’s tiresome. What does it matter if some dolt thinks acorns come from maple trees? Of if a person believes Elvis Costello was born at Woodstock? (I’ve been told both.) How is it going to benefit me, if I get into a protracted argument about it? You can’t fix dumbass in 30 minutes, and it’s not my duty to try.
What’s your stance on correctors? I think it’s more of a personality thing, than anything else. Some people just love to debate. That ain’t me, and I find the whole thing exhausting. Is it you? Please tell us about it in the comments.
Also, what’s the most ridiculous “fact” that anyone’s ever told you? Did you get into it with them?
I’ll see you guys again tomorrow.
Have a great day!
Now playing in the bunker
Use the Surf Report’s webhost: HostGator!
Swami Bologna says
Yep, me again.
MIss Q says
I just spent an entire 4-day weekend with a whole group of “correctors” known as my in-laws. Mr. Q’s mother and her husband constantly correct one another – over the most ridiculous little details. “One time when we were in Minneapolis…” –cut-in — “NO! It was St. Paul!” “Was it St. Paul? I thought it was Minneapolis.” “No, no! I remember! It was St. Paul!”
And there’s no way I’m first today, is there?
MIss Q says
Yeah, I didn’t figure.
Swami Bologna says
You made the mistake of actually reading the post, before attempting to claim that elusive “First” grand prize. Better luck next time, Q.
The only time I correct people is when I don’t like the person talking or their basic knowledge of the English language is sub-par. Take for instance my douche of a co-worker. She truly believes there to be a “Mute” point… I feel like it is my duty to correct that mistake.
Linda Scott says
At least she didn’t think it was a “moo” point, as Joey did in Friends. “It’s like a cow’s opinion; doesn’t matter.”
Haha! I love that show. Joey was my favorite.Loved it when he thought his stage name should be “Joseph Stalin”…;)
Swami Bologna says
“Skoal hole” — classic.
Root 66 says
Absolutely hilarious…I’ve got to add that one to my vocabulary, for sure!
Somehow, I am weaving “skoal hole” into a conversation very soon. I have to.
If a correction is being directed at anyone over the age of five, don’t waste your breath. Much past that and their brain is just too hard to make a dent in.
Only made better when the genius has a few beers in them and is feeling ornery.
You just hit the nail on the head, Db. My boyfriend is guilty of that one. He just did it too me last night. Went to the bar to watch the Pens play. He gets buzzed up and proceeds to argue about the exact time he sent me a text about something. To prove his point and drive it home, he pulls out his phone like Clint Eastwood and his .44 magnum, just to point out the time of the text. Who cares at that point? S. T. F. U. and shove that phone.
Up his skoal hole.
Root 66 says
Yeah, I have the same opinion of “fact-checkers” as I do for people I call “toppers.” You know, the ones who have to “top” everything you say with something better.
They can all go take a one-way trip through a wood chipper for all I care!
Especially if they’re the “medical toppers” – the ones that go on for hours about the boulder sized kidney stones or the massive tumor in the shape of Idaho they removed in an unprecedented surgical procedure. WHo gives a rat’s ass? I don’t want to hear that shit from a loved one, let alone some fat fuck co-worker.
Root 66 says
Oh, those are the WORST! It’s like they get their jollies from being sicker than everyone else. My mom’s family did this. There’s only one of them left out of five.
That’s one contest I wouldn’t care to win…I’d rather be healthy!
It’s not my fault your crappy story reminded me of something I once did that was way cooler.
Sharpshooting jokes is a huge a-hole move. That being said, sometime I want to be a huge a-hole to someone, so I’ll fact check them. It’s the worst thing in the world, however, when somebody does it to me.
Sometimes when I’m really bored I’ll go troll the Yahoo comments sections doing this shit.
I think the difference between me and all the other assholes is that I know I’m being a dick. In fact, that’s the whole point. It doesn’t matter if my correction is wrong, I’m just trying to give my target shit. I know that makes me a tool. Some people think they are doing real good and making a difference in the world, those people are the worst.
“Skoal hole” HA!
Don Ho says
I once had a supervisor who couldn’t write creatively, let alone type, and found out I was the go-to guy when a report needed to be fleshed out and finished He would call me in his office and then stand behind me, watching over my shoulder as I typed from his illegible notes. I had a couple of damn good college instructors who were all about writing something out as quickly as possible, and then review and make corrections and changes.
That’s just right for me – if I stop at every little typo I make, my train of thought can become a train wreck in no time. But this guy would stand back of me, and all I heard was “There’s only one ‘l’ in…” or “Capitalize that ‘T’…” or “You didn’t indent that …” I can normally type about 100 words per minute without a hitch. But typing his chicken scratches AND trying to be a little creative and help the whole thing make sense with that going on just drove me nuts.
I got my revenge without ever saying a word. The Executive Director’s secretary found out what was going on after there was a clear improvement in the reports being turned in, and before long I was the new program supervisor, the other guy was out the door. Turns out the only way he got anything done for the past two years he had the position was by having others do it for him.
If you see any typos in this…shhhhh….
The most ridiculous “fact” anyone ever told me was that Jimi Hendrix never used a wah pedal.
I explained all the math and electronics of what was going on and they just said, “Man, Jimi didn’t need effect pedals, he was that good.”
Indeed, he was such a good guitar player he could manipulate the flow of electrons acting as a wave in a manner inconsistant with any known physical science.
Billy Joel says
I heard he never washed his socks on Tuesdays.
Were they black socks? Everyone knows black socks never get dirty; the longer you wear them the stronger they get. Sometimes you might want to change them but something inside you keeps saying not yet, not yet.
Billy Joel says
Did you know that an Elvis Costello does not sexually mature until the age of 37 years? Also, Hall and Oates are the only two male humans that have ever been able to have children. Here’s the kicker: They both share the same uterus!
Sometimes my boss will correct me if I slip up quoting “The Big Lebowski”. I have carte blanche fucking up his schedule but I’ll get a raised eyebrow and verbal scolding if I don’t respect The Dude.
A friend of mine mis-quotes “My Cousin Vinny”, yet thinks he’s right and that just sets my teeth on edge.
Next time the boss pulls that shit, tell him to shut the fuck up, that he’s out of his element.
Tell him “This is what happens when you f@ck someone in the ass” and refer to him as Donnie for the rest of the day.
I’ve almost always been of the mindset that “Facts matter”, so I’m probably one of those people that would piss you off.
Ce la Vie…..
C’est la Vie.
I even correct myself. 8^
I think I might change my screen name to “SugarTits”
Is that you Mel?
Don’t mind being corrected because that way I get it right the next time. I have difficulty refraining from correcting someone who says hot water heater because HOT water does not need to be heated. It’s a water heater, plain and simple. But I try to keep my mouth shut and not be an ass about it.
But I do tend to correct improper grammar at times by restating it properly (i.e. someone says he don’t and I respond with he doesn’t). Sorry. I blame that on the grammar Nazi nuns back in Catholic school.
Ridiculous “fact”: I’m going to hell because I have not accepted Jesus as my personal savior. We all have different beliefs and that’s okay. One god is just as good as another. So is no god at all.
It depends on how hot that water is? The water comes out of our tap at 120 to 140 deg F but to boil it needs to be heated to 212 deg F.
I mentioned here once before that I corrected a guy who told a 19 year old kid that “Mrs. Robinson” was by the Beatles. Maybe I should have just let it go, but damn. But I did give him just a Huh, Really? when he told me with authority that Jessie Jackson owned Church’s Chicken.
One day in the summer of 2008 I was having lunch with a couple of co-workers. To my utter astonishment, they both insisted that Obama was born in Kenya. Without commenting on the guy’s performance in office, I feel confident in saying that’s bullshit. And BTW, what about growing up with your initials being B.O.?
He was. I believe Sheriff Joe.
Which reminds me: I have learned to never suggest any factual corrections to tea-people. In Tea-land, a factual correction just plain misses the point.
I am constantly corrected by others because I butcher names of people all the time. I either cannot remember their names or just make up similar sounding names. I recently referred to Melissa McCarthy and Mellissa Mathews. Once corrected I make a point to never use the correct name. After awhile folks just shake their heads and stop correcting me. And let me ramble on.
Classic Other Names I screwed up:
San Antonio Holmes
Plus every Indian name on my tech team at work:
A-ditch-ya instead of Ah-dit-ya
Vend-Cat instead of Ven-Kaut
Shane-car instead of Sank-are
Man-ass-Ah instead of Maun-ah-sa
Ass-win instead of ASHwin
Say-kar instead of Shane-Ker
Dr Buford says
I have deleted my Facebook page because I would get so disgusted with the stupid and incorrect things my “friends” posted. It made me realize how stupid my friends are.
This wasn’t a joke I posted on my facebook, but awhile back, a lady decided she hated her life and wanted to (literally) jump off a bridge…into traffic.
This happened about 5 minutes from my house. A lady was depressed so she hopped off an overpass into the interstate below. Luckily, this idiot didn’t hurt anyone, or land on anyone’s car, but seriously, how selfish. You hate your life so much that you are going to potentially end someone elses too? What if you landed in front of someone who had a newborn baby at home and couldn’t wait to get home and see their family, and instead, you get into a fatal accident because some lady had a bad day?
So anyway, I posted something like this on Facebook, and among all of the agreeing responses, I received one comment from my husband’s extremely religious cousin saying “Don’t judge others until you have walked a day in their shoes, maybe you should think before you speak.” This boiled me. I completely get the ‘do not judge others’, but that does not excuse her behavior. Had she killed someone, I’m sure he wouldn’t have had anything to say.
In case you were wondering, she lived.
No. You can judge selfish bastards all you want. I’ve done some fucked up shit while drinking and I don’t ask a single person to feel sorry for me because you don’t know me. If I fuck up and hurt someone else that is on me. Judge away.
I corrected Eric Deters in Cincinnati (Lawyer/Radio Personality) because he calls people Needlemeyer as in Needlemeyer from Animal House. It’s Neidermeyer. It drove me crazy. He thanked me for the correction and still says Needlemeyer. I understand it’s minor but it’s in his damn newsletter….it pisses me off.