To be honest, some of these don’t fully piss me off, they just cause a mild grinding of the teeth and then I’m on to the next thing. But I’m lumping them all together in a giant Piss Me Off hopper, for the sake of simplicity. ‘Cause complications also piss me off…
— The two missing CDs still haven’t turned up. They are: The Promise by Bruce Springsteen (brand new, dammit!), and Singles 45s and Under by Squeeze.
I don’t think Sunshine would take them, because she doesn’t care about such things anymore. But I still blame her, for fostering an atmosphere of chaos. I believe everything was in such a state of craziness that day, I brought the discs in from the car and sat them down in some unusual place. Then they got tossed into the recycling bin with a stack of newspapers or mail.
That’s my theory, anyway. It’s possible they’ll still turn up somewhere, but it’s been several weeks already.
It agitates me, because I’m very particular about such things. I take care of my CDs, and always put them away. Whenever I get into someone’s car and there are discs scattered all around, outside their cases and whatnot, it bothers me on a primal level. And that sure as shit ain’t the way I operate. If Sunny hadn’t been here, spreading her special brand of sunniness, I would’ve gone straight to the bunker and put the discs where they belong.
Grrr…
— It also pisses me off when people casually inject the word “obviously” into their speech. Have you noticed this? It’s a new development I’m picking up on.
For instance, somebody might say, “Obviously, I was raised on a donkey farm in New Mexico…” Obviously? I just met you ten minutes ago. How would I know such a thing? Should I be able to tell by looking?
It’s another irritating trend that’s starting to take hold, and piss me off. It’s along the same lines as people starting sentences with the word “so.” I was listening to a podcast last night, and someone was being interviewed about something or other. And the interviewee answered roughly 50% of the questions with a “so” at the beginning.
Q: How did you originally get started as a writer?
A: So, I was obviously a big fan of Ernest Hemingway as a young teenager…
WTF? This crap wasn’t happening a year ago, and now it’s happening all the time! And I’m about to start throwing haymakers.
— I also grind my teeth when people refer to a sports team as “we.” “We did really well this weekend…” We? What did you have to do with it? You were sitting on your couch shotgunning Coors Light and Fritos Scoops.
When I was in school people used to wear t-shirts that said Property of the Miami Dolphins, or whatever. And I’d always think, “Ha! Of what use would that dickface be to the Dolphins? Maybe he could lie on his back and they could tee up a football in the sunken space beneath his sternum?”
Or maybe they were trying to create the illusion that the shirt itself was property of the Dolphins? You know, as if they picked it up at one of their training camps, or whatever. Bullshit! They bought it at Heck’s for $7.99.
— And it pisses me off when people log onto Facebook and try to convince everyone their life is perfect bliss, 24/7.
“I woke up this morning in my beautiful home, with my sexy, loving husband lying beside me, and my wonderful children sleeping peacefully down the hall. And I realized just how lucky I am, and how great my life truly is. I took a large mug of coffee onto my spacious deck, while the beautiful birds chirped good morning, and I wept, literally wept, with deep-down joy…”
Goddammit! That kind of thing really pisses me off. I’d love to body-check those people into the Grand Canyon.
And I need to go to work now, with two more items left to go. I’ll just keep them until the next edition of What’s Pissing You Off Now?
One good thing to report: I picked up my new contacts today, and I can see again! It’s amazing. I feel like I’ve rejoined the physical world. But let’s not get bogged down in the positive…
In the comments section, please tell us about the things that are pissing you off, right now.
And I’ll be back tomorrow.
Have a great day, boys and girls.
I just had a hot toddy made with Maker’s Mark to combat my cold (Maker’s Mark, honey, and lemon = nature’s Nyquil). No longer pissed about much of anything. yay
I am pissed off that it is winter.
I am pissed off about not having a job, or health insurance.
I am pissed off about a subpeona I recently received.
My sister pisses me off.
My brother pisses me off.
My high blood pressure pisses me off.
I should stop right now.
I feel your pain, Mr. WV; in enumerating your anger, I think you came very close to writing the world’s best, if only, Joik Cinquain.
I think this beautiful counting poem places annoyance with shopping practices and driving habits in proper perspective.
I’m just sayin’…
jtb
oooo… I got a couple more:
Skiers. I live in western MA and all the skiers from CT, NYC area and NJ are always clogging up the highway in my area (Friday nights northbound and Sunday or Monday holidays southbound). 60 mph in the fast lane on a dry highway tonight.
People who say “fustrated” instead of “frustrated”. Alice Cooper was complaining about that one on his radio show tonight.
Alice Cooper has a radio show?
jtb
Nights with Alice Cooper. More classic rock.
Pick it up online at KLPX.com
my father says “flustrated” drive me nutso.
How do you guys get the Polly Perfect posters on F-book? I canceled my account because I was tired of the whiny-ass-titty-babies whose posts were like the phones calls I used to get from drunken former college roommates at 2:AM:
Gawd, life sucks soooooo bad, and if I didn’t have friends like all of you, I would just lose it. I LOVE YOU, MAAAAAAAANNN! I just, y’know, LOVE YOU!
And then they’d post the most recent internet glurge about a friend who does something wonderful and then dies, thereby changing their friends, and indirectly, the whole freakin’ planet, forever.
I had to practically break my fingers to keep from writing a flame-o-gram to these whiners. I still throw up in my mouth a bit, remembering.
Anyway, thanks for letting me rant. I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!
If you insist on asking near-reasonable questions, what the fuck are you doing on Facebook?
I’m just sayin’, not really askin’.
jtb
Fer what it’s worth… A tip of the Hatlo hat to Bill, for “Didn’t Gervais run himself over at the Twit of the Year Olympics?”
That little sentence has all the fixins and none of the goop. Nice.
jtb
LOL!
An open invitation. Don’t know where to start. I’ll try to squeeze in as much as I can before work.
Let’s start with the weekend. Go to a general admission concert (Cake) and get up front, right in front of the microphone. Got there at 6:30 for an 8:00 show. People shorter than me (which was everyone there) that got there later, once the show started, asking me if they could get in front of me to see, since they were so fucking stupid to choose to stand right behind me during the sardine packing festivities. Don’t get there late and expect me to fix your view for you. Or how about the dumbass that went to get beers for him and his girlfried that was also in the front, up next to the metal railing that divides us fans from the band. You know, just before the three foot walkway that the security (and I use that term loosely). Unbelievably, the guy accused me of shoving him when he tried to get back to his “spot” and screamed “That’s a fight right there mufferfooker!” and punched me in the face. Fucking idiot! During his second punch I grabbed his wrist, twisted it behind his back and grabbed some shirt in the process. Used the other hand to grab his waistline and threw him over the partition. Perfect ten score faceplant. The “security” dragged him away, never to be seen again. Oh, the highly trained “security officers” questioned everyone around, who agreed that the asshole punched me first, and they said in a professional matter “That’s cool!” and let me slide. To add insult to his injury, Petunia Pig, his girl, stayed in place, drank both their beers and had a great time for the next two hours.
While in St. Petersburg, several bums came up to me asking me for money. Gave them the standard Everlast- “Get a job, you fucking slob” while the Child Bride tried to dig money out of her bag. Once she got it out before I could stop her and threw it at what appeared to be Abe Vigoda. He picked it up and said “C’mon, ya got more than that don’t you?” I snatched it back and told him to fuck off. Those types piss me off. Appreciate us buying your drugs and liquor.
Homeless guy with the “GOLDEN VOICE”. Tell me this isn’t going to play out the way we all think it will. Don’t want to be homeless—don’t have nine fucking kids unless you are a CEO or an overpaid athlete.
People in Fla. who complain when it gets below 60 degrees. Fucking pussies! “Well, I’ve had about enough of this “cold weather”” Then move to Mexico. We’ll get at least four bodies per trade-in.
All Monday night television on the major networks. Seriously, did they think “The Cape” would captivate us? Hasn’t everyone had enough of Charlie Sheen’s shit? Happt to have a year of Netflix, since I didn’t have to pay for it. Instant gratification through the XBox is the way to go.
Oatmeal at McDonalds. It’s the same microwaved Quaker stuff you can make at home for 1/10 the cost. And you don’t have to wait for the three minutes it takes Guadalupe to microwave it for you.
Promises of 5 dollar a gallon gas. Just fucking surprise us with it. Don’t tell someone you are going to kick them in the balls a year from now.
Now I’m late for work. I hate the library for not having a visible clock.
we think the same. very cool. hahahaha
in our next lifetimes we could be grumpy soul mates. awesome. just awesome.
From what I’ve read and visualized about AWG I would not punch him in the face EVER.
I do know the type of guy though, I would have enjoyed that.
I understood very little of this until AWG arrived on the scene. The man is brassed off. No little grocery store or driving quibbles. Our guy gets pissed off at 2nd degree battery and 2nd degree assault. Pretty sure one of those is a felony. You tell the fuckers, AWG. And take no shit from those swine.
love
jtb
Bullies….people who threaten and bully other people, trying to keep them from commenting on certain websites.
People who make threats to keep people from writing in their blog by sending them threatening emails and such.
That really pisses me the fuck off.
And honestly I’m pretty fucking tired of it, so if you’re reading this, you are a coward and you need to leave me the HELL ALONE ALREADY!
The above comment is directed at the COWARDLY FUCK who has made my life hell for the past year.
Nice. Sock it to em sister.
Don’t let ’em win Tammie give it right back!
Is someone here bullying our Tammie??!! KNOCK IT OFF!
CHICK FIGHT!!!!
Can’t you block them?
And fuck off asshole.
People who use more than 3 or 4 words to order a cup of coffee.
The way they say “school” here in Alabama (they say “scewwww”).
Anybody that knocks on my door unexpectedly can DIE!
People that ride bicycles on the highway.
Anyone that doesn’t obey my every command.
So – interestingly enough – I am completely blissed out about how wonderful my life is……at this time. Yeah; right?
Now I’ve gone and pissed myself off! I don’t need other people to piss me off, I take care of that myself.
I’m glad Jeff brought up the facebook status thing. I hate it when people constantly type ‘I am truly blessed…’ pretty much followed by the exact same example Jeff used. There is a girl I finally deleted off my Facebook because at least 4 times a day her status was, “I am so blessed to have my wonderful husband, and my beautiful kids”…2 hours later, “I am so blessed to have married such a wonderful man” 2 hours later, “So blessed to be alive with my wonderful husband’
The problem I have with this is that the people I see overusing it on Facebook are people that completely should not be using this word to describe their lifestyle. It seems sacrilegious to me or something. Not to mention, this girl posted pictures of her wedding with a guy she’d just gotten back together with 2 weeks before the wedding, and it was supposed to be a Halloween themed wedding in the middle of November. She had a blue wig on and 80’s blue eye shadow up to her eyebrows and her husband was in a white T-shirt and jeans and fake bloody teeth marks on his neck. I’m guessing she was supposed to be a blue haired, 80’s vampire? Who knows. They looked like they got married in someone’s front room too, so whatever. People like that should not be using ‘blessed’ as a way to describe their trashy lifestyle. Lucky would work just fine.
I am also getting really burnt out on people saying, ‘Just saying’ after every sentence to deter the fact that they probably just said something really ignorant. I will admit I’ve used the phrase, but now it makes me cringe. I just don’t think it’s funny anymore…
Just sayin’.
Oh and Com Ed…Com ed pisses me off too.
I’m pissed that “A Bowl of Corn Motherfuckers” disappeared.
Oh another thing I hate on facebook…when people use the word cum instead of come. This is literally a comment I copied and pasted from someones facebook, “thanks suga!!!! yea how you doin???? def gotta go out dancin when i cum back in town wit all u fine ladies!!!! those were sum good times!!!! xoxoxo”
That sad part is she’s actually a really nice girl, but this just make her look like complete trash.
She’ll be cummin round the mountain?
When she cums.
She’ll be cummin round the mountain
she’ll be ridin’ six white horse…
I hate personal ads. I’m in my late low 30’s now so I understand that the chicks I might see in these ads might have kids. I get it, I accept it, it’s ok.
But if I’m trying to decide if I want to spend 36 bucks at Olive Garden in an effort to one day see your vagina I don’t want to see a reminder that some retard that you hate had had his filthy disease infested wiener in there previously.
Also, I get it, you have kids. I don’t need to know that they are “your world” or “everything you live for”. I’m not asking for “I have 3 kids that remind me of my fuckbag of an ex that I just can’t wait to turn 18 so I can evict them like an outgoing speaker of the house”. But somewhere in the middle. I have kids that I love. Done and done. And don’t tell me your failed abortion was “the best thing that ever happened to me”. If your initial reaction is “oh shit” or “it’s not mine!” it was not the best thing that ever happened to you. Getting two bags of fritos for 75 cents at the vending machine at work was.
Well said t-storm, I concur.
The bartender kicking me out 10 minutes before bar time when I’m trying to finish my beer but other people aren’t getting kicked out. (At a place I’ve spent over $4,500 in the past 11 months)
I just hate it when that happens. I’ll be sitting there, next to the bartender’s hot girlfriend, having a perfectly civil discussion about religious politics and how the asshole mayor should just shut the fuck up, and the bartender gets all macho and runs me out. He’s done that three or four times, and it pisses me off when I remember it.