But first, look at this bullshit. I took this photo from our front porch about fifteen minutes ago. And it had been like spring… We were talking about our lawn mowing options, just yesterday! That’s not a light dusting, it’s a real snow. Sure, it’ll be gone quickly. But it’s a demoralizing turn of events, my friends. It’s not good when you start your day shouting, “Are you fucking serious?!” It’s like we’re living inside a black & white photograph again. A couple of days ago it was full Technicolor. I’m becoming angry.
Also, you know who I hear all the time, for reasons unknown? The Spin Doctors. It feels like they’re out there… and everywhere. Every grocery store I walk into, every convenience store I visit, while I’m listening to baseball games on the radio… The Spin Doctors have insinuated themselves into American culture as few bands have. It’s bizarre to me. But they’re all over the place, thirty years later! Why is that? Why them? …It’s probably not even worth contemplating. But I wanted to bring it up. Are you hearing them everywhere too? WTF??
And now… what food or drink have you completely written off because of some bad experience in the past? The only one I can come up with is Long Island Iced Tea. I’ve told that story before, and it doesn’t need to be told in great detail again. It was a million years ago, during the early 1980s, and I was with Rocky. We were drinking in an unknown bar, in a town where we never drank, ingesting a great number of Long Island Iced Teas: a drink we never ordered. And it led to a series of events, which I’ll summarize:
- Being chased off the property of an elementary school by an angry woman wielding a broom.
- Power-vomiting at a carnival.
- Reportedly uttering the famous phrase, “Help me find my glasses Rocky, so I can kick your ass.”
- Being dropped like a sack o’ taters on the floor of Billy’s den.
- Waking up with cats sleeping on me.
- My girlfriend coming to pick my drunken ass up and being absolutely disgusted.
- My mother being involved somehow.
It was a terrible night. One of the all-time worst. In fact, I quit drinking for two years after that. Yeah, there are a couple of other bullet-points I’m leaving out… But even though it’s been more than 35 years, my stomach still churns whenever I catch a whiff of Long Island Iced Tea. It has a distinctive smell that I remember, and it does a number on me, even now. I would NEVER be able to drink one. Holy hell.
But that’s all I can come up with. Thankfully, I’ve never had food poisoning. I’m not sure how that’s possible. Maybe because I don’t eat crustaceans ‘n’ shit? Toney has had it several times and swears off the food for a while. Then she goes back. She got very sick in California, after eating shrimp at a fancy-ass restaurant. I mean, she was down and out for days on end. But she’ll still eat those bugs o’ the sea. I don’t get it, but whatever.
Do you have anything on this? If so, please tell us about it in the comments.
And I need to call it a day here.
I just uploaded a new episode of the podcast, for patrons. And here’s the summary:
In this one I tell you about a fresh car crash I witnessed on my way to work and how I reacted, the reason I’m dragging ass, my tasty but unusual turkey-tubes dinner, the world’s most depressing places of business, and a hard-to-explain complaint about the way people drive through parking lots these days. Thanks for the support, and thanks for listening!
I hope you guys have a great weekend! Talk about hard-earned… But it’s nearly here.
I’ll see you again on Monday. Or maybe Tuesday. We’ll see how it goes.
Have fun!
Now playing in the bunker
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My freshman year in college my roommate and I got a bottle of 100 proof root beer schnapps. We started out mixing it half and half with root beer, after finishing the first bottle we decided to get another. At this point we had run out of the soda to mix it with and were just drinking it straight. To this day many years later the smell of root beer automatically kicks in my gag reflex and I am brought back to the day after and how terrible I felt.
Anything with rum. 151 and OJ did me in. That was 36 years ago and I’ve never had it again.
I can tell the story, but it will actually run longer than Jeff’s post: mushrooms.
John
The magical sort?
Sambuca – never again after an entire bottle ingested prior to tent camping on the hottest night of the year. The air inside that tent smelled like woodsmoke and liquorice.
Raw oysters – you can, in fact, suffer the effects of food poisoning for days.
Mussels – my favorite food as a sproutling, but again, food poisoning. I don’t need to do that to myself.
Oh, and probably Scotch.
Sambuca did me in once. I vomited blood that evening. Never again.
I got food poisoning once from a chain of Asian-fusion restaurants called Pick Up Stix (I think they’re only in Southern California.) I went there once and it was the final time I’ll ever go, even though people rave about how good their food is. Also, there was an incident where I drank about eight shots of gummy bears soaked in vodka (along with said vodka) in an hour. I ended up throwing up for two hours straight; the stench and taste of half digested gummy bears coming back up. Now I can’t stand vodka nor gummy bears; the smell alone makes me retch.
White milk. I’ve never drank it since I stopped using a bottle as a young child. It makes me gag. Mixing it in other foods, I’m fine, but on it’s own, look out, I’m gonna hurl. Cheese, ice cream, chocolate milk, no problems.
Caucasian milk…bleeecchh!
Got Food Poisoning just last week at Golden Corral – my daughter is a veggie eater and I’m a meat eater. We both got sick. Only common food? Desserts – we think the Chocolate Cookies.
I ate Burger King’s French toast stix on the morning I was stricken with Bell’s Palsy. I don’t think that’s what triggered it, but I can’t take the chance of ever eating French toast stix again ever. ever.
Nothing. There is no particular food or drink that triggers me. Believe me, I drank enough to float a small ship, yet nothing ever put me over the edge. Same with food. I haven’t thrown up in 36 years. I have the constitution of a rat.
2 things for me. Shlotzky’s gave me the worst food poisoning ever about 20 years ago. Have never been back. The other is Ten High whiskey. Got ripped of it in high school and had blasted puke for hours. Never again.
Tripe and raspberry schnapps. It was a strange night.
35 years later and I still won’t talk details.
A couple things can trigger psychosomatic regurgitation (that would be a great band name) for me.
1. Watermellon. I loved watermelon as a kid, went to the state fair, got a big ol slice, then sat in the hot sun watching a rodeo. Probably some bacteria in it, but next thing I know I’m waking up in the infirmary after a couple hours. To this day, the smell of watermelon can make me hurl. and I still have a jones for it..
2. braunschweiger. Again as a youngster, I must have made some comment about it, and my old man forced me to eat a sandwich of the stuff. I got about 3/4 of it down, then hurled all over the table. The old man never again forced me to eat anything again.
Booze – too many drunken episodes to mention. Probably the worst was hurling after doing shots of Tequila. But I can still drink just about anything without any repurcussions.
Fettuccini Alfredo. If you’re lactose intolerant, you’d best avoid this!
Rather early in “our courtin’ time,” my now-wife and I went out with another couple to a local lakeside supper club (as we call them up here) called the Sunnyside Resort. Their house drink specialty, known as the Sunnyside Slammer, was essentially a punch-flavored, high-hooch wapatoolie, served in distinctive pink plastic cups featuring the resort’s logo.
As with all members of the deceptive “jungle juice” family of beverages, imbibing it is a steep and slippery slope, and it only goes one way.
That night, we drank gallons of the stuff, and I have a vague recollection of several short stacks of those empty cups on one end of our table. No one recalls how we got home, but each victim later reported a severe, vomitous, two-day hangover. The kind that compels one to swear off all liquor. Ever. Again.
One fine Sunday morning a week or so later, I went to the apartment of my newfound girlfriend (and co-dependent drinking partner) to pick her up for a day of bike riding. She wasn’t quite ready yet and while I waited, I asked if I could get a glass of water. “Sure, help yourself,” she replied from the other room. Unfamiliar with her kitchen, I began opening various cupboards, looking for a water glass, and behind Door Number Three I was confronted by a dozen or so of those pink plastic cups. Instantly, I began swaying to and fro, my stomach heaving violently, and I soon retched uncontrollably into her kitchen sink.
Needless to say, we did not go cycling that day, but once I recovered, we instead enjoyed a very nice brunch.
Why do I find this story so funny, I’m crying!
Olive Garden fettuccine alfredo. Botulism. Trip to the ER to drink an ipecac shake to force puke followed by a charcoal and water cocktail. Never again.
Southern Comfort. A bottle within ten feet will make me gag.
Not a thing. I have an iron stomach and a will to eat. Even if something causes a problem I’ll eat it if a get a hankerin.
It’s a matter of willpower and training.
At this point I’m pretty sure I could eat a light bulb.
I slept with Jack Daniels on the floor of a running shower in my dorm. Woke up hours later wondering how I didnt become a statistic. “Student drowns in one inch of water. More at 11.”
I think I’ve only had food poisoning once, and that was from Emeril Lagasse’s fancy place in Las Vegas. Blasting uncontrollably out of both ends all night, thank goodness it was a hotel bathroom not my own.
There are a few foods I don’t eat, not because of a bad experience, just because I don’t like them, oysters spring to mind. I don’t need to eat oysters again.
Egg salad. Nun forced me to eat a sandwich my mother packed me for lunch. Why my mother gave me that is a mystery as I hated it. Being forced to eat it was horrific.
White Russians. milk has no business in a mixed drink.
I think the Dude would disagree.
Jeff, you’ll be glad to know that the fancy-ass restaurant at the mall closed down a year ago. Looks like their other locations closed as well.
“Help me find my glasses Rocky, so I can kick your ass,” still makes me laugh … and I wasn’t even there when you first uttered that line.
It took me over 30 years to get over my one infamous night of bourbon, but I’m back in the saddle. Rum is still off-limits.
Tequila. Only time I ever visited a sick bay while in the service.