A few days ago I mentioned that I’ve been listening to the old CBS Radio Mystery Theater. It was an hour-long radio show, broadcast between 1974 and 1982. It came on Monday through Friday, and all 1399 episodes(!) have survived, and are easily accessible. It’s good stuff, about 80% of the time… There are a few clunkers, but they had a pretty good batting average.
Anyway, I heard an episode a couple of months ago, with a premise that I keep thinking about. I can’t remember the exact details (I’ve listened to about 150 episodes in a tightly compacted amount of time, and they start to run together). But it dealt with a woman who was on death row, I believe, for killing a man during a botched robbery of her employer’s safe. She was a trusted employee who found herself in a bind, and was going to “borrow” a few thousand and try to put it back before anyone noticed.
Yeah, and everything went to shit. An old man security guard caught her in the act, and she panicked and shoved him down. He hit his head and died, and she was convicted of murder.
But some mysterious man shows up, and gives her an opportunity for a do-over. He says he’ll arrange for her to rewind 21 years, and take another shot at her adult life. She’ll be aware of what’s happening, and will know everything she now knows. She’ll simply be transported back 21 years, and given the chance to make different decisions.
I think he was a ghost, living in limbo, and tasked with correcting an Earthly wrong. If she’d just take advantage of the opportunity, and do the right things, he’d be able to move on, or somesuch.
But, of course, she’s a flawed individual, uses all her knowledge of the “future” for ill, and ends up exactly where she started.
It was fairly predictable. However, the premise of a 21 year rewind… That’s mighty appealing. I keep thinking about it, and what I would do with such a thing. I’d like to think I wouldn’t squander it, like that stupid bitch on the radio show.
Twenty-one years ago I would’ve been 28, and in my second year of working at WEA Atlanta. I might have been dating Toney by then? I’m not so great with exact timelines… Ahem. But Toney was definitely on my radar in 1991, and that would complicate matters. I’d certainly want her along for the do-over, but I’d be taking some chances and would hate to make her endure a life I created, if everything went circling down the ol’ crap catcher.
But I’d pack up everything I had, and move to southern California. I’d get a stoopid job somewhere, and a shitty little apartment, and spend every available minute trying to break into TV writing, or scriptwriting, or something on the creative end o’ the spectrum. And I’d just keep going, until something happened.
I lived in California for four years, but by the time I got there I was saddled with massive responsibility. I had two kids, a job that sucked the life out of me, and a mortgage I couldn’t afford. No, in the re-do, I’d undertake it with little to no responsibilities, and know that life is probably going to suck for a few years. And just get to work.
And that’s what I’d do with my 21 year rewind. What about you? Please tell us about it in the comments.
I won’t be able to update tomorrow, my friends, and Friday’s questionable as well. But I’ll be back as soon as possible. The next few days are going to eat it from the ass-in, but I always survive.
I’ll see you guys in a few days!
Now playing in the bunker
Treat yourself at Amazon: US and Canada
I’d have tried harder to get into grad school, then take it from there.
21 years ago – April 1991, huh?
I was in a one-bedroom apartment in St. Charles, MO, a full year from a career development that would change my life.
I’d put down the bottle of Jack Daniels, and lose weight and get out of that apartment and GET A LIFE!
Yeah – that’s the ticket…..
And I, like Jeff, was 28 at the time.
Hey, I lived not far from St. Charles not too long ago.
Do you know a guy there named Gary? I can’t remember his last name, it started with an F or a D or something. Do you know him?
Not hardly.
Hi.
In between
Low
I would definitely go back and take that left turn in Albuquerque!
It’s a Blue Dogs lyric, but…. half of what I have came from half of my mistakes.
I have some dents and dings, but I happen to like them. If I could go back to 1991, I’d still make stupid decisions, but different ones ‘cuz I already know how my stupid decisions worked out.
Twenty one years ago today, I was 3 days away from turning 16. Given the knowledge I have now, there are definitely a few girls that I would ask out and a couple that I would stay away from. I would get started in my current profession earlier, spend more time with my grandparents while they are healthy, and refrain from impaired driving.
Twenty-one years ago I was 14 years old. If I had the chance for a re-take I’d make better food choices and spend less time in front of the ol’ boob tube. I specifically remember that I started gaining weight around that age. If I’d eaten better then, maybe I wouldn’t have had to wait until I was 34 (last year) befores finally getting down to the healthy weight I should always have been.
Yeah, yeah, I know. Chick dream.
April 1991 I was at the South Pole in Antarctica, and my wife stayed home in Washington. She had a really good job, mine before South Pole was meiocre, but the people were nice.
Had I known then what I do now, I might not have done the Antarctic gig, but can’t say I’m truly sorry I did. I sure would have been nicer to my current wife, had kids earlier, and not done CPR on a guy with Hepatitis C involved in a rollover car crash.. Actually, I would have still done the CPR…although this other guy and I actually got him back to life on the side of I-5 at 2AM, he died at the hospital a short time later.
All in all, not a whole lot I I would have changed. I have a pretty great life now, have travelled a lot, and given family and friends great adventures, and have kind of turned into a nicer guy. So, really not a lot I would change except being nicer.
Man, I’ve always wanted to spend a few months at the south pole.
You have any contacts left?
Try Raytheon Polar Services…look on-line…they have a web site. They have lots of jobs in Antartica….from janitorial to engineering. They have the recurring contract to run the facility. Good gig, They’re hiring.
Hence, your handle…..icecycle66.
icecycle66, go to rpsc,raytheon.com. The National Science Foundation has three permanent site on the continent. Raytheon provides support services for the Antarctic program.
As ex-Raytheon guy said, they are hiring, and it’s a good gig! South Pole has either “Summer” season jobs, from October 31 to February 15th. Or, you can spend an entire year, which is known as Wintering over. Summer is kind of a pain with all the people going in and out with their experiments and whatnot, but you do meet some great people.
Being a Winterover is far more relaxing after station closes for the Winter on February 15th. The year I did it, the C-130 took off, and it was me and 20 other people alone for 8 1/2 months. We did get a mid-Winter airdrop in June as an Air Force C-141 dropped supplies and mail too us an pallets with parachutes attached to them. Freshies on the resupply were a total treat…fruits, veggies, and best of all MILK! besides almost all of us crying when we saw the plane in the distance (you do get weird down there, or toasty, as we called it.) the worst thing that happened was an 800 pound pallet of watermelons that fell out of the sky when the parachute failed to deploy!
Best of all are the people who go there. They are friends you will keep all your life. They keep you sane, they drive you nuts, all at the same time. Actually some drive you crazier…but they are still family. The substitute doctor the year I was there was recently killed in Iraq by one of his own men. (RIP, Matt).
Pole gets really cold, -107.5F was the coldest my year, +7.0F was the warmest. Somehow you get used to it, although the cold weather gear they issue you in Christchurch, NZ also helps a lot.
Another good part of Pole is all the new stuff you can learn, and the things you can teach other people. My job was launching balloons, but I also got OJT from other people with wonderful skills. I learned guitar, became an electronics expert, helped with carpentry and equipment maintenance, picked some great cooking skills from a guy who went through the Culinary Institute of America (in return, I taught him to make great pies). I also taught people to weld and mix drinks (Chuck and Greg can vouch for my skills, lol!).
Oh yeah, you also get to operate heavy equipment. To get water, we have to drive several miles out to the “snow mine,” which is far enough from the site so it doesn’t mess up NOAA’s Clean Air Facility readings. We get fresh water by scooping up loads of snow in a bulldozer scoop, then dumping them in a hopper at the power plant to let the exhaust heat and radiator heat melt the snow so we can have water.
Imagine driving 2 miles at two MPH to get a load of snow in the total darkness, while watching the Southern Lights dance in the sky. It is the lonliest, yet somehow most fullfilling experience one can have.
Much like living here in Alaska, there are few closed doors, and all this stuff you learn can go on a resume. Believe me, you will never forget your time at Pole…especially if you Winterover. The work is sometimes mundane, but the parties on Saturday night were fantastic.
In closing, I hope you can fulfill your dream. Pole is best, but Palmer comes in second, and McMurdo Station is like the Los Angeles of the Antarctic. Best way to get hired is to show in your interview that you really want to be there. It truly is the adventure of a lifetime!
Wow! Great writing. It almost makes me want to go there. Almost. Yes, I can speak to your excellent mixology skills!
That was beautiful. Now I want to go.
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I’d want to roll back an additional 5 years to make any significant difference. 1991 I gradumated coledge and pretty well had everything in sight, so a couple changes with my approach to a certain female or two and we’d be golden.
Welp, I’d be 27. My boyfriend would be 11. Heh. I would want him in my life, no question. But I’d have to wait or be the most wanted on the sex offender list. I would start and master my jewelry designs at a much earlier age. Make damn sure I could make a living at it. There would have been a couple relationships I would have passed on. And I would have made damn sure I kept teaching all the fitness classes instead of quitting after 20 years because I was burned out…25lbs
and 8 years later I’m busting my ass to get back to my fighting weight.
21 years would essentially be a reset for me. I would be 7. i would probably rule the world right now if I did it all again and knew what I know.
I’d de 21. I’d change my major to nursing and would probably join the Air Force just to see if I liked it. Plus I figure they’d be pretty good at keeping me in shape.
Then I’d get out and become an NP once I got tired of the bedside.
I’d also buy a lot of Microsoft stock and real estate then bailout just before the bubbles burst. Also I’d loan money to they guys that started Google, Amazon, and Facebook in exchange for shares in the companies. You know, because I have a good feeling about them.
Well – not Facebook. Zuckerberg would have fucked you out of your share.
When I read the post’s title at first I thought it would be about one of those $5.99 VHS rewind machines you found while rumaging around in your attic.
21 year re-do huh?…well I had aready been married 4 years and I was 37, even then considered “older” I guess. Crap…this is too goddamn depressing. I walk a thin line and to even reconsider fixing any of it makes my left arm numb. However…I would do again, without fail,…that three days I spent in Alaska on shrooms.
I’d be 20 – and a junior in college. If I could re-wind to that time, I’d tell myself to ‘get over’ myself, walk away from the boy I “knew” was “The One” (he OD’d 2 years ago), switch majors (to Spanish) – and join the Peace Corps.
I’d still want to marry the same guy and have the same kid, though. I just wish I’d waited more than a year post-grad to settle down.
21 years ago I was 32. My wife was about to leave in a few months for her year at the Zen monastery (much to my relief), which would culminate in a much-anticipated divorce.
I would have made some effort to stay in some sort of shape, and generally be less lazy. My grandparents were already dead by then, but there are some now-dead-then-alive friends and relatives on whom I should have made more of an effort. And yes, there is a woman or three toward whom I would have behaved differently.
The stocks, of course. I have a friend who has been buying Apple stock since the 1980s, and I imagine he’s sitting pretty right now. And I might flip some real estate from about 2002 to 2006.
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I was 19. In college and later ended up with a baby in the oven. OH I WOULD DO IT OVER ALL RIGHT but would I be able to know everything I now know?
That would be the cincher. I still want all of my knowledge but be 19. Please?
if I started over 21 years ago at the age of 25 I would get a job at Apple or Microsoft.
I would of already been married with two children and would not change that aspect of life.
I certainly would make a few bucks betting on Superbowls and World Series Games if I get to keep my knowledge.
I would be 22 so I would need to go back 25 years.. I would go to college and have the world by the tail. Spend more time with my grandparents and enjoy life.
I rember my dad telling me to “turn off that radio!” while I listened to Radio Mystery Theater late at night, in my dark room as quietly as I could so he wouldn’t hear.
21 years ago I was getting divorced. Yeah, I’d stick to that plan, and pretty much the rest of what I’ve done since then. I would have tapped a lot more wenches that I did, knowing now in hindsight what I didn’t realize then. Other than that, no real regrets.
I’d be 21 and already lost my baby and marriage so i would like to rewind to age 17 when i joined the air force and then instead of choosing bomb disposal, choose the space command..i ended up in aviation electronics so that part wasn,t bad…. i would have waited on marriage and that stuff most definitely..
definitely would have bought that damn ups stock before it split.. had a chance but didnt do it damn
Could I go back 31 years instead? I really should have bought the black bike instead of the silver one. It was only $60 more and I had the money. What the hell was I thinking?
Pretty happy where I am now. Might try a little harder to not gain all the weight I did over the last 20 years and invested more in stocks that had a future.
And like Some Guy on the Innernets, I would have bought the lot across the street on the lake with the walkout basement possibility. It was an extra $3500 and I had it, what the hell was I thinking.
I would have saved more money to buy my own house instead of throwing money away with rent.
I pretty much like my life but I would have made some better decisions. Particularly about all the crap I’ve ingested – booze, junk food and illegals.
I would have studied more and beat Ken Jennings at Jeopardy.
21 yrs ago? Hmmmm, 14. I think I would have stopped my best friend from making his stupid decisions. I’d do better in college and in theory been smarter about girls and drinking.
One of the exes is a doctor/pharmacist now, I was just a jerk.
And I would have fucked that midget.
A few more drinks and you probably coulda had that midget.
Oh I had the midget, but I had a soul back then and thought it would be wrong just to bang a person because they were something.
Now I don’t care. Midget, amputee, former US vice presidential candidate, you name it.
Geraldine Ferraro is dead.
I believe t-storm was referring to John Edwards.
Jack Kemp. It’s the hair.
Dan Quayle. He’d be blushing brightly the whole time.
Spiro Agnew?
Stockdale. I don’t think Agnew would respect me.
“Who am I and why am I here”
I would be 15, and since that is about when it all started going to hell, that is a good age to go back to.
I would stay away from almost everyone I ever dated from 15 to 23, and I would have tried harder to hang onto my high school boyfriend (who, ironically, is now my current boyfriend after having been broken up for 17 years).
I wouldn’t have gotten married and I would have had kids later.
I would also have gone to med school. I love my current job, but if I was going to spend all those years in grad school, I should have done what I really loved.
But my life is pretty good right now, despite the major disasters.
I wish I would have memorized the winning mega millions numbers from a couple of weeks ago.
Just thinking about things I could do differently makes my head hurt.
I would have taken golf more serious. I love the game, don’t get to play as much as I’d like, and it’s pretty ugly. So I think the 24 year old Wally, sitting on Apple and Microsoft stock, would take some golf lessons.
Yeah. I guess I’d be ridiculously wealthy, with all my knowledge of stocks. That would change my life immensely.
I’m pretty happy with my current life, so I’d be scared of losing that for some unknown re-do. That said, a life writing movies would be my dream scenario as well
well 21 years ago i was 6 sooo idk about that but if i can go back about 10 years than that would be great, i would do A LOT of things differently. i truly think my life would be so much better if i can do over some shit.
21 years ago today … I was 24 and freshly divorced with a 3-year-old daughter. THAT I wouldn’t change. But the several boyfriends after that, I wouldn’t look at twice now, knowing what I know. I would just wait 16 years until I met my current husband and just been a mom in between. That’s it, that’s all I’d change. Huh. I guess overall, I’m pretty happy then?? Who’d’a thunk it?
I just went to re-read the previous “Fool Your Friends” post. I cannot stop laughing. I’m actually hoping for my next shitty day so I can go back and read this again.
Conjuring up the the visual of his mom’s face/hair/blown-out cigarette after the second load exploded makes me spew Dr. Pepper everytime.
I keep coming back to “I’d have been out of jail by now…”
How about a one year or so rewind. In about 8 hours I’ll be unemployed. Not thrilled about that.
Damn.
Wow! I sure didn’t want to hear that!
I hate this job so its ok but thought another one was lined up but fell through.
This goes more along with the prank post but:
For you germophobes out there The Afturdburner – which is when you smear feces along the inside of the nozzle of the hot air dryer in the bathroom. You’ll feel unclean but may never know why.