A few weeks ago I bought a new laptop. I just couldn’t take it anymore… The old one was so bogged down and clunky, it would almost literally make me lose my mind. I’d get so wild and whipped-up it felt like I was shedding my skin. I wanted to take that thing out onto the deck, do a full 360-degree whiparound, and discus the shit deep into the woods.
So I got a new one. It’s nothing fancy, but should do the trick. However, I’ve already had some aggravating moments with it too.
I decided I’m going to keep the new machine stripped down and clean. No downloads of questionable anti-virus and anti-malware programs that somehow, over time, breed dozens and dozens of additional programs which launch into resource-sucking action as soon as the mouse is jiggled. I have one reputable program that does all that for me now, and I’m just going to leave it alone and let it do its thing. Keep it simple and clean.
In fact, the only thing I moved over from my old laptop is the music. And I screwed it up. It’s my fault, but that doesn’t make it any less infuriating. Somehow I had every song by artists that start with A through E in my library twice. I had an entire album by the ludicrous band Planet P Project (“Pink World”) in there four times. It probably shouldn’t be there at all. Also, they don’t fall into A through E. So, what the hell?
I spent several days trying to figure out how to fix that problem, without having to manually delete hundreds of songs, one by one. I eventually came up with a solution, which is nifty, but too boring to explain here. By then, though, I’d experienced several days of my right hand WHIPPING through my hair.
Also, I needed Microsoft Word, but didn’t want to pay $150 for the entire Office program. And I didn’t want to get into a monthly Office subscription plan, either. I just needed Word, and it didn’t really matter which version.
So… I headed over to eBay and bought a copy of Office 2007 for twenty bucks. Everything worked out with it, and I’m using it now. But it took almost four weeks of back and forth with the broken-English seller to get to the finish line. I feel like he was playing games with me, but, for the life of me, can’t figure out why. It’s not like he profited in any way, except for maybe the emotional satisfaction of making me almost lose my fucking mind.
Through the course of it all, he provided me three different tracking numbers, two of which never worked. They were just listed as “pre-shipment” and never changed. Interestingly enough, it was the second number that eventually started to move. Not the last one he gave me, but the second one. “Sorry for the impossible mishaps,” the guy said. What?
When the package finally arrived there was no product key, so I couldn’t activate it. And he refused to email it to me; he said he’d drop it in the mail “today.” Another 48 hours of inactivity ensued, and the fourth tracking number finally started to move. The whole ordeal lasted three and a half weeks, and we exchanged almost twenty emails. But we finally got there.
What is it about technology trouble that’s so maddening? There are few things that make me as crazy. Slow drivers in the left lane of the interstate come close, but it’s not the same. The only thing I can think of that causes me to truly become honest-to-God furious is when someone talks down to me, in a patronizing attitude and tone. Man, that’s a trigger like no other. That and a half-second delay when I click something on the computer.
What about you? I’m not talking about annoyances, like people who stand in front the ATM and study their receipts. Or people at Sam’s Club who take a sample and eat it right there, as if the old lady is waiting on a review. Get your doughy ass out of my way, sausage-blocker! No, I’m talking about stuff that causes a white flash of anger, and nearly a loss of control.
Please share your thoughts in the comments.
Also, if you’re getting a head start on your holiday shopping, I’d like to remind you to please use our links to enter the Amazon site. Then… shop as normal. It costs you nothing extra, and helps me out a great deal. Thanks in advance.
I’ll see you guys again soon.
Have a great day!
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I go from zero to livid when people don’t listen to me. They will ask me for advice, I give it, and then they go ahead and do what they had already planned to do anyway. Why the devil did they ask me when their minds were already made up? It’s like they already know I’m a moron so they do the opposite of what I suggest, but they ask me first–just to make sure!
The little vein on the side of my head is throbbing right now, just thinking about it!!
This one is not nearly as severe, but telemarketers and politically-motivated calls send me right off the deep-end as well. Especially if it’s a robo-call and you can’t even have the satisfaction of reaming them out!
Could I possibly be first? Hopefully that won’t set anybody else off! 🙂
If someone says “relax” or “calm down” or any similar comment to me when I’m clearly frustrated or irritated about something: They need to understand that they might not ever see their family again.
I was out of the office last Thursday and Friday. A prospect FINALLY agreed to buy, and of course, said ‘come over at NOON ON FRIDAY.
Since I could not make it – I emailed a colleague Thursday morning from the road and asked if he could drop by TOMORROW AT NOON.
For the record, if today is Thursday, for all of my 58 years, tomorrow would mean FRIDAY.
The moron went over at noon on Thursday, no one knew anything about it. then he did NOT go over on Friday.
So far, prospect is not answering my messages. It took 6 months to get to this point. I suspect it will be at least another couple months before I finally get that check.
BTW, root 66, I agree with you 100%. At this stage in my life, when someone asks my advice, I usually just decline to answer. If asked, I respond, ‘most likely you are going to do whatever you want anyway, so why waste my time and mental faculties trying to figure out the situation you are describing’. I’ve been called bad names as a result. I can deal with that!
and when it comes to telemarketers – google Tom Mabe prank call and you’ll get a good one!
I have a bunch of little things that set me off. It’s more about small built up frustrations that get me really going.
The only two things that will usually send me over the edge quickly are blaming me for something I didn’t do and making assumptions about my thinking. I’m willing to take my lumps when it’s my fault, and am diligent about accepting blame when at fault, but if I tell you it’s not me and you keep coming I’m probably not going to handle it well. Putting words in my mouth or assuming you know my thinking or motivation also does it. Again, I’ll be forthright and lay it out. But you don’t get to tell me my thoughts or emotions.
My friend RFW whom I’ve mentioned before used to tell me when I got mad “To a wise man life is a comedy, to a fool, a tragedy.” It rarely helped unfortunately.
“Why Me” is a stalwart on every playlist I make. Save that one.
What sets me off? Not doing your Goddamn Effing job!! I’m so riled just thinking about it I can’t put into words my frustration. From receptionists to doctors, don’t be an asshole just do your fucking job!!
Good day.
Two personal, worst case examples:
1) You walk into your local autoparts store to get a replacement for a cracked wiper fluid cap. You have the damned thing in you hand but the cash register-clerk-bozo begins the fun. “What year? How many cylinders? EX or LX model? Left or right handed flammus joint? Flame retention or cold fusion option? OME trade code?” Between each question, he stares you down like a psychopath. Finally, he yells to the back, “this guy wants some kind of a cap and doesn’t even know the right goddamn OME trade code!” The boss comes out of the back burping onions, takes one look at the cap in your hand and says, “…they don’t make’m any more.” WHITE HEAT. Drive to the auto dealer expecting to pay $35, stand in line for 30 minutes and the service guy eventually comps you a free cap because “these things break all the time.” WHITE HEAT.
2) Any phone call, doctor’s office, cable provider, insurance agency, et al: “Please wait while I put you on hold.” Every minute for the next 38 minutes you hear, “Your business is very important to us. Your call will be handled by the next available operator.” When it’s your turn, “Hi my name is Butch, please hold while I transfer your call.” GEEZ! WHITE HEAT.
There is no doubt in my mind why buying things on Amazon is so popular.
Wow, first person I’ve known who has Pink World on their list. I listen to the whole album once or twice a year. Poor man’s version of The Wall.
Artemis…come back.
Agree with LHR on ‘relax’ — grrrrr.
Slow drivers who feel that they “own” the left lane makes me want to do things that will redefine road rage. And the non-stop onslaught of telemarketing calls, even though I’m on the alleged do-not-call list.
Try LibreOffice! It is very compatible with Microsoft Office except for some exotic excel spreadsheets which I convert and return in open office format, drives them nuts. To which I reply, either supply the required software or pay me enough to buy it.
Just remember to set the default format to Office whatever.
I can relate. I got a brand new HP desktop 3 months ago and now I have to send it back. I spent almost 3 hours on the phone with their tech people yesterday. They were very nice. But you would think a computer should last more that a couple of months. I have two Dell computers that are over ten years old. I bet they still run if I turned them on. I feel fortunate on the MS Word. I can use that and Excel free and legal by way of work. I don’t use for any other of the other stuff. I had some good luck with Ebay recently. I got a so-called “gently used” Nook and it was actually just that. I can tell it has never really been used. It was 30 bucks. The one I bought about 7 years ago is finally shot.
People in the grocery checkout line who refuse to bag their own groceries and just stand their and study the cashier while their stuff is moving down the conveyor belt and piling up at the end. Especially when there are 5 people behind them. Then they just watch as the cashier now bags their groceries. WTF?! Worse when they have a teenager with them and the teenager is just as friggin’ lazy as their lazy BASTARD parent who is delaying my beverage consumption. Sociopaths!!!
I also agree that Libre Office works just fine. I also got a cheap outdated copy of something like Office 2003 on E-bay for $10 a couple of years ago. That program does not change enough to make buying later versions at all worth it.
Most of my frustrations are related to car lights. Weaving through traffic with the left directional permanently on. Going for 20 miles with it on. Not using the directional to turn off the road when I’m right behind. Driving at night with no lights on. Following behind me with high-beams on. Inconsiderate dicks, all of them.
The only reason I have ever needed Word was to open files that people send to me; and there are free online converters for that. If you’re just looking to write, then any decent text editor (i.e. not Notepad) will do the trick. There are a million of them. The most fearsome is emacs, the AutoCAD of text editors: huge learning curve, huge capabilities.
I use spreadsheets a lot. Gnumeric does everything I need a spreadsheet to do, and it’s free. If it’s not obvious by now, I use software that is legitimately free. Office stuff, email, operating systems, etc. Rationally or not, it simultaneously gratifies my “don’t give money to Microsoft” tendency, and also the MacTavish gene.
And for computer hardware, I am a fan of Dell. Fuck a bag of HP.
Just for the record, I haven’t had the white-hot anger lately. I got canned from my job of 15 years back in August. Had a new offer within 48 hours, but I’m still in shock about it. I actually liked my coworkers (upper management, not so much). The new place is OK, but so clueless in so many ways.
I’m gonna go for two things. First, Amazon Affiliates closing my account for no reason then ignoring my requests for explanation. Then there’s the old stand-by which is similar to what caused you to shed your skin. Printers. I’ve smashed at least two of them.
Smashed mine 2 days ago.
The new one is already on probation.
1. Foreign, heavily accented help desk techs that I simply can’t understand who insist on calling themselves Bob, Suzy or Tom when you know their name is Jugdish or Mooshie. I only use chat now for all my online tech help. I recently updated my home internet and purchased a new phone this way with no problems, better pricing and not standing around for 30 minutes at Verizon waiting for a 20-something douche trying to up sell me a charger, Bluetooth speaker or drone.
2. New computers and software. I needed a new laptop to replace my 8 yr old HP which worked fine up to the point the hard drive started sounding like a car with bad bearings and then crapped. We have special deal through work with dell and the new one I bought from them is a piece of shit. How can a laptop in this day be so inferior to the one I had is beyond me. It crashes, locks up or will sit and spin trying to get to a new webpage. It has 4 times the RAM and memory and still is like using dial-up internet. I blame part of it on Microsoft and this piece of crap Windows 10. I love using excel and it pisses me off that I can’t load the old program I bought years ago because you can’t use it on another machine if your first one craps out. The monthly charge versions if I kept this p.o.s. as long as my old one would end up costing me thousands. Windows 10 has updates that take 20 minutes to load show up a couple of times a week!
3. Truckers going from Ohio to Kentucky across the Ohio River and up what is called the Cut in the Hill who refuse to follow the signs that they must get into the right two lanes. Instead of getting red-hot mad I just try to get in front of them and slow down forcing them to down shift and eventually pull to the right, clearing the lane at which time I can speed on up the hill. I enjoy waiting for them to catch up with me a mile later and blow their horn at me and flip me off so I can smile and wave howdy at them. It takes me longer to get home from work those days but their frustration with me makes it all worthwhile.
Re 2. why can’t you use the same version of Office on your new machine? I’ve been using the same legal version of Office 2000 for 16 years, and I’ve installed it on each new PC (5 or 6 of them). There is only one instance of my Office 2000 license in use.
It was purchased with a discount code that we got from our company when they purchased 8 million licenses for a company upgrade. When I tried to load it on with the key, it said that version was only allowed to be loaded on one machine. When I contacted Microsoft, they copies purchased with a discount could not be used on more than one machine even if the original machine no longer worked. End of story.
This is a recent development, but is beginning to become nerve grating infuriating. How many times do you hear “I’m sorry” in the course of a day. From getting jacked around by airlines, to having hotels give a stranger the key to your room so he can stroll in uncontested to any number of displays of total, complete fucking incompetence, the standard line of I’m sorry is almost a programmed response. It is becoming the new boy who cried wolf. How sorry are these assholes. It is rapidly becoming the most hollow phrase known to man. Christ, I need to go chill.
Its because nobody does their fucking job!! How hard is it to issue a fucking key!!
I too am tired of the I’m sorry for not doing your job. It is especially annoying when I say, no problem or these things happen or thanks for saying so and they continue to say they are sorry over and over and over. Either do you job right or just say it once and END IT.
I’ll leave this a little vague but in my new job I just can’t believe the ignorant, racist assholes I’m surrounded by. We have one lady who I’ve actually nicknamed Racist. She was complaining about a customer and said ” I knew that bitch was black!”. at least that’s what I thought I heard through her heavy Ecuadorian accent. Another lady whom I’ve dubbed The Church Lady insists on using the word retarded for anything stupid thing that goes wrong. I just can’t believe my ears so.e days.
Retarded used to be the polite word; you would refer to a person of way-below-normal IQ as retarded, rather than an idiot or moron. But I gather that nowadays retard(ed) is considered offensive. The euphemism treadmill continues to turn.
Madz, I would think you’d be used to hearing the word, what with being from NYC.
Happy Thanksgiving to all.
Happy Thanksgiving.
I know folks get frustrated by political correctness, but some evolution of terminology actually reflects an enlightened view of people as people. When I was a young adult, it would have been very polite to refer to our President as Colored or a Negro. Now you have to be a member of the Trump transition team to use those epithets.
Almost no respectable institution uses Intelligence Quotient as a means of categorizing an individual’s cognitive capability these days as, of course, you know. Instead we generally name the specific problem which addresses the social or job functionality of the person, e.g., learning disabled.
We have changed job titles like policeman and fireman to police officer and firefighter to acknowledge the inclusion of women in those fields. Of the five firefighters who got to my house three months ago less than three minutes after I called, saved my life, and got me to the hospital in time to get stabilized for heart bypass surgery, four of them were women. They were competent and capable and one of them could drive like a motherfucker with lights and siren. I can assure you that I don’t refer to them as firewomen.
I’m just saying that some changes in terminology aren’t just some kind of social nicety, but reflect actual changes in rolls in society and in how we perceive people who were previously marginalized.
None of that explains why some of the kids next door look a little like the milkman, but that’s part of the larger story of how we managed to get 7.4 billion people jammed on a planet that, at best, can sustainably support a billion or two.
Hope everybody has a great time with their families and finds a way to give thanks for whatever they have.
John
Great post John, agree with every word!
Anytime someone calls me a sausage-blocker I GO OFF.