We went to New York City on Thursday, and it was a great day. The weather was perfect and everybody was in a good mood. All at the same time. And I can’t tell you how rare that shit is… It’s nothing short of miraculous.
I drove my little wind-up car, that, for the record, was a big mistake. I should’ve never bought that thing. I got a little too clever with it. I told myself I wanted something small with all wheel drive, to better facilitate my 40 mile commute to work. Yeah, it sounds good on paper. But that thing is incredibly uncomfortable. I always feel like I’m sitting on a plastic laundromat chair going down the highway, and usually develop a bad case of Phantom Ass Syndrome around the 30 mile mark. And on the rare occasion when all four of us have to go somewhere together, it turns into a full-on tragicomedy. I’m gonna dump it soon, very soon. Big mistake.
Anyway, we made our way to a Park ‘n’ Ride in Secaucus or somesuch, and took a bus into Port Authority. Then we jumped into a cab, almost on a whim, and went to the Greenwich Village area. We had Chinese for lunch, which was excellent, and walked around for several hours. The boys wanted to visit Bleecker Street Records, but it’s out of business. Crazy! That place is legendary, and now it’s gone? I hate stuff like that.
We did wander into the former CBGBs location, though. It’s some sort of poofterish men’s high fashion store now. The walls are still covered in band stickers and graffiti, which is cool. But they sell jackets for $1800, and that sort of thing. The workers were eyeballing us with suspicion, but weren’t overly rude. There are tons of vintage photos on the walls, and a lot of the old vibe, so we looked around for a few minutes and got the hell out of there. I didn’t need to incur the wrath of the fake Anderson Cooper who was milling about with a tape measure around his neck. Ya know?
Then we had cannoli at a little neighborhood bakery, which was also fantastic. It was a good day, exactly what we’d hoped for. As mentioned: super-rare.
A couple of things about those NYC cabs… The only other time I’d been in one was on a business trip with WEA years ago. The driver was some kind of exotic foreigner whose pits clearly hadn’t encountered a bar of soap in quite some time. He smelled worse than any human I’d ever met, and was shouting and driving like a crazy man. My memory is a bit foggy, but it seems like he was briefly on the sidewalk. Can that possibly be true?
But the two drivers we had on Thursday (we also took a cab back to Port Authority) were professional and stench-free. Both of them drove aggressively, but nothing like the guy from years ago. The cars themselves were also clean and reasonably new. It was a positive experience.
How are they paid, though? Does anybody know? I understand they get tips, but how are they compensated beyond that? Do they get a percentage of the fares? How does it work? Also, what do they do if they have to take a leak? There’s nowhere to park in that city. It seems like the off-loading of urine would be a major issue for those guys. Any ideas? Do they have piss huts or something?
By the way, I’ve used the subway many times in NYC, in addition to buses and cabs. Heck, I’ve even been in a limo a couple of times there, back during the high-flying record weasel years. No Uber yet. Maybe next time? But I’d rate the bus as the worst, by far. When I got off those things I felt like there was a high likelihood I was now infected with SARS. Not the Park ‘n’ Ride buses, mind you, the city buses. One time I put my hand in what was almost certainly a giant glob of snot. It was still warm, and I nearly upchucked my Sabrett on the spot. Blecch. The rest of the options were pretty OK. The subway is a bit unnerving only because I’m always (always!) convinced we’re on the wrong train. But, if I ever learned to use it with confidence, that’s the way I’d go. Good times.
Do you have much experience with public transportation? Like cabs or the subway? Or even the long-haul stuff like Greyhound or Amtrak? If so, please share whatever interesting stories you might have collected. And do you agree that buses are the worst? What are your feelings on the matter?
When we lived in California the company I worked for tried to shame everyone into using a train service called MetroLink. They paid for a month’s worth when I started, and I tried it out. Yeah, and after about a week and a half I’d had enough of that bullshit. I went RUNNING back to my car. They could fire me if they wanted. I hated having to be at the station at a very specific time, and going home at a very specific time, and not having a car at lunchtime. Plus, the other commuters annoyed me for various reasons, so I quickly pulled the plug on that experiment. I got a little judgment from some of my oh-so-correct co-workers, but tough shit. I thought they were pro-choice?
If you have anything on any of this disjointed nonsense, please share in the comments.
And I’ll see you guys again soon!
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I ride public buses all the time. It is mostly the same people on there and you get to know them after a while. I read on the bus and generally don’t talk to people all that much. Sometimes I do though. It depends on who it is.
For what it’s worth we live in the same area and whenever I go into the city I drive on 80 to Mt Arlington and take NJ Transit into the city. Straight shot or one train switch to Penn Station. Superior IMO to bussing from anywhere or, perish the thought, driving into the city.
Never rode public busses, but the folks that ride from Port Authority to Scranton on Greyhound (stop in Newark) are an interesting lot, not like the commuters from the Poconos to NYC and back.
My favorite cab rides were in Mexico City. The cabs were all VW Bugs, and the drivers were nuts.
I ride a bus to work most days. One time there was this really tall guy wearing an honest-to-god wet suit—one of the shorty ones, so a lot of exposed leg. He was holding one of those big plastic jars of cheese balls and spilled them on his way out. There’s also a big fat dude with bulgy eyes that will occasionally get on the bus, giggle loudly on his way down the aisle and exit through the back door, at the same stop!
No doubt that guy was crop dusting.
Usually my only thing is – there are two guys who ride the bus all day long and talk non-stop. I say that as no matter what time I happen to be on the bus – they are on there talking away. If I can avoid those guys I am alright. I once saw a guy get thrown out of Wal Mart and off the bus on the same day. We have it made here in Morgantown. The bus has to stop anywhere you want. I try to be cool about that and get off and on at the same place.
Cab drivers rent the cabs from the company for x amount a day and gas. Any amount over that is their pay for the day.
We have two cab companies plus Uber now in Morgantown. I stopped using the cab several years ago due to the sketchy drivers.
These days when I’m going to NYC, I Amtrak it to Penn Station. Barring the odd fatal accident it’s pretty stress-free. Faster than driving and far less hassle than flying.
I took the subway to school every day in grades 6 through 9 and only got mugged once. Even though they’ve changed the letters around since then, I’m comfortable using it. And since I’m in the DC area now, it seems like incredible luxury to be in NYC and have a subway that runs 24 hours a day. It’s also much nicer now than it was then.
The only recent weirdness was last summer, during the cab ride back to Penn Station to go home. It was June, and hot as balls, and for whatever reason the driver had the AC off and the windows open. As we were waiting in traffic, there was a pimped-out 1968 Impala convertible in the next lane. The driver was a portly middle-aged white guy, and he was blasting hip-hop on the stereo. A pedestrian approaches.
Asshole pedestrian: Turn that shit off!
Asshole driver: Fuck you!
Asshole pedestrian: Get out of the car!
…and the light changed and we drove off, and I never saw the exciting conclusion. This is more like the NYC I remember from my youth.
My mom had the great adventure of being stuck in the subway for the blackout of 1965. It took her quite some time to get home that night.
we used Uber in NYC. The drivers were great they pointed out a lot of sight-seeing things.
I tried a car tour of NYC. Big mistake. Saw the front door of the Empire State Building and other crap. Finally parked for 20 bucks an hour and walked around briefly. The subway is better. There are some beer rules in Grand Central Station that are a bit obscure. Certain levels are beer free zones, certain levels have tall boys on ice for 1.75. We figured out that the smart people took the commuter trains out of the city with a load of beer and pizza.
Damn, Jeff. I was going to email you about a month ago about a group on nyc offer. Lots of things were half price and great restaurant coupons. If I see it again I’ll send it your way.
Commuted for many years but the thing I still remember was some older business clad gent who would just about be finishing his flask of Jack Daniels when my sister and I boarded the train at 7:26 am.
We would drive from southern Jersey to Staton Island and park for free at the ferry. Ferry to the city and catch the subway into town. It wasn’t crowded this particular day and we all got a seat. When the train doors came together it read “Keyser Söze” in black magic marker. A little asian woman was walking the aisle with her cigarette tray filled with weird stuff. Chewing gum, candy, toys, even a Kupee doll. I was wondering who would buy that crap and when we got off the train I spied this huge black guy putting on his brand new yo-yo! I still have my extra subway tokens, those were the days.
the biggest fuck up I ever pulled was after crossing the pacific ocean from guam to Oakland on a container ship (17 days!) I took a bus from seattle to key west.I’m sure there is a longer bus ride somewhere. I’m 6’10” and you can just imagine what a lovely trip that was.
turd encrusted shitters, seats that only a 5 foot tall 80 pounder can sit in and the opportunity to visit a vast array of dirtbag infested bus stations across our fair land.
RIP Mose Allison. We’ve lost another one…
Sorry for the OT, but I’m just another middle class white boy and had to speak up.
Oh piss and shit. It was Mose who sold me on both jazz and the blues at a time when pop and rock were about to capture my soul. I fell in love with his music in the early 70s and have followed him since. I was fortunate enough to see him in concert in Seattle in a small (200 seat) dinner theater (Mose and a grand piano in the middle surrounded by the audience) called the Banque (it was in a former bank branch). Thanks for investing your soul in your music, Mose.
Your molecular structure
Is really somethin’ fine,
A first-rate example of functional design,
Those cosmic undulations
Are steady comin’ thru,
Your molecular structure baby,
Me and you.
Your cellular organization
Is really something choice,
Electro-magnetism
’bout to make me lose my voice,
Got all my circuits open,
My system’s reading “go,”
Your cellular organization baby,
Stop the show.
Instrumental interlude
Your molecular structure
Is really somethin’ swell,
A high-frequency modulated Jezebel
Thermodynamically you’re gettin’ to me,
Your molecular structure baby, ooh wee!
Hey, has anybody checked on the wellbeing of Kinky Friedman? I was just wondering whether God was playing Make That Spare this week.
John
As far as I know, Kinky is still alive and kickin’. I’m sure we would have heard something here in Austin if he had been drop-kicked through the goal-post of life!
Thanks for the update. This might be a good time to double up on the security detail outside the green trailer down Kerrville way. Kinky remains one of the last of our national treasures.
John
I was in San Francisco and in this cab and the guy was a maniac. This is how the conversation went.
Me. You ever take this thing off of any jumps?
Him. Jumps? What the fuck you talking about? OOHHHH you mean a fucking jump!!! No. No jumps but I did drive up Lombard Street backwards for these two drunk bitches. Charged them twenty bucks!
Another one, I was in Miami and caught a cab a the airport. It was a Crown Vic and the seat was completely worn out, no padding, literally vynil on metal. When it hit a bump it made a loud slamming noise in the rear and the car bounced to the right. I looked and it had 380,000 miles on it. But keep in mind these were taxi miles.
Last year Make a Wish sent us all to NYC so my son could meet Regina Spektor. Everything was covered. A limo picked us up at LaGuardia(sp?). The eloquently dressed man from Haiti was awesome. It was the best of both worlds. A limo but at speeds that would make Big Daddy Don Garlits skin flush with joy. Dude was screaming at people, shooting the bird, and cutting people off. He took us to our hotel in Times ,or is it Time?, Square.
The rest of the trip we took the subway. My kids hated it but I thought EVERY city should have planned for this many decades ago. I do understand the paranoia of getting on the correct train or not knowing where to get off. The emcees voice always sounded like “wa mumph pafm sto wmf prtfm.”
overall NYC transportation gets a B+ in my overbearing grade book.
Isn’t the old CBGBs space a John Varvatos shop now?
Should have asked the guy to measure your’s and the boys’ inseam…just to help settle a family bet. Also could have asked him if dressing left lowers you sperm count.
“I ain’t down hearted, but I’m getting there”.….m
Have taken several 3.5-to 4-day cross-country Greyhound trips back when 30- and 60-day unlimited travel passes could be had at a very cheap price. Words of advice: Never eat at bus stations or at the restaurants used for meal breaks in the West and Midwest. Much better food is almost always available within a block or two and there’s no backlog due to a busload of people arriving at the restaurant. After the first 24-36 hours of travel, I always slipped into drugged-like state of consciousness and began regarding my fellow passengers as charming and funny instead of annoying and drunk. Finally, avoid the on-board lavatory unless it’s a wardrobe threatening emergency. Likewise, shun bus station shitters. Instead, use layovers to search for a public building (library, town hall, county courthouse) to make your contribution to society.
Most memorable scene from XC Greyhound ride: Crossing the plains of Wyoming, seeing a large herd of pronghorn within a few hundred feet of the highway, and hearing a passenger yell: “Damn! Look at them cantalopes!”