A few days ago I asked you guys about your first real jobs. And it turned out to be a fun exercise. So, today I’d like to talk about the most disgusting and/or alarming things we’ve ever been forced to do at work. I’m not sure if we’ve covered this one before. But it doesn’t really matter, does it?
And it’s funny how this works, but most of my stories go back to Fas-Chek again. Everything seems to lead back to Fas-Chek….
That shitho- I mean, grocery store had a room on the rear of it, out near the alley, which was only accessible from the outside. It was known as the “trash house,” and the produce guys and the meat department alcoholics would shove carts of disgusting nastiness out there, unlock the door, and underarm it into the room.
I don’t remember there being any trashcans inside, they’d just hurl shit through the open door, and slam it shut. I think they’d occasionally fling gallons of spoiled milk in there too. So, it would be a complex tapestry of rotting meat, heads of decomposing cabbage, and puddles of slick-as-snot “cottage cheese,” and whatnot.
Ahhh, the aroma!
Here’s a recent photo of the place. That little section way at the back, where the roof drops down, used to be the trash house. It looks like the door is now gone, or maybe they moved it around to the alley? I don’t know. But there used to be access from the parking lot, and one day another guy and I were told to “clean out” that crime against humanity.
And I admit that I didn’t contribute much to the project… I was convinced we were going to uncover a rat colony, and my lower jaw kept retracting every time something was moved, and new packet of funk was released. We were given snow shovels to complete the task. Blecch.
At the same store I was occasionally asked to grind hamburger at night, if the meat case became empty during my shift. That wasn’t so horrible, except for the giant barrel of fat they kept back there. Apparently it was the stuff cut off other pieces of meat throughout the day, and it was added to the ground beef!
I remember the first time I was grinding burger, the meat manager was watching me. And he kept screaming, “More fat, goddammit! More fat!!” And I’d drop my hand into that cold barrel of quivering animal fat, and transfer it to the grinder. It was stomach-churning.
Every once in a while there would be a loud popping sound, and something would SHOOT out of the grinder and stick to the wall. I have no idea what that was about, and don’t want to know.
And in the alarming category… They’d make me climb up on the roof, and change a cheap-ass sign that used to be up there. I’d have a stack of plastic letters in my arms, and a piece of paper with stuff like CLOROX GALLON 79¢, and that sort of thing written on it in an alcoholic scrawl.
Here’s the picture again. Above the door used to be a flat surface. That fancy metal roof wasn’t there, it was just flat. And below the big red sign was a smaller one, where I’d have to maintain the weekly specials.
During the winter the whole overhang would be a sheet of ice. Several times I almost went off backwards, and it scared the hell out of me. I dreaded Sundays, because that was the day I was convinced I’d be rendered a paraplegic, possibly with a big plastic T severing my liver.
I hear the store has cleaned up its act since I worked there in the early 1980s, so I don’t want to imply that things are still like they were. Hell, I haven’t been inside since Clinton’s first term, so what do I know about it, one way or the other? I thought I should make that clear…
And now I’m going to turn it over to you guys. What’s the most disgusting and/or alarming things you’ve ever been asked to do at a job?
Toney tells a great story about being ordered to clean the men’s room at a record store in Atlanta (Sound Warehouse — Buckhead), and somebody had power-blasted diarrhea all over the place. It was on the walls, the toilet tank, everywhere. Plus — get this — there was a wadded-up pair of underwear stuck to the wall, using the liquefied poop as a sealant. She refused, they threatened to fire her, and she said go ahead. Finally somebody else was bullied into the task.
Do you have any stories to tell on this subject? If so, please use the comments link below.
And it’s snowing like a sumbitch outside… I’d better start preparing for my white-knuckle journey to work.
See ya tomorrow!
The Qweezy Mark says
I sense my sack is moist.
The Qweezy Mark says
The worst was probably cleaning toilets at a State Park. Yes, Jeff, the very same State Park where you occasionally yurt.
Joey Jo Jo says
I was asked to shovel the accumulated maggots and trash from the area around the dumpster, into the dumpster. I refused, and was not fired. The same as when I was told to stick my hand into an area with a Black Widow. I refused, and was not fired.
Get the fuck out – top ten and I read the update?
35 years in Corporate America. You want to talk about disgusting?
Oh, and I have no recollection of anything gross I had to do at any job. Lucky, I guess.
Happy Tuesday, Surfers!
I finally got fired for refusing to fire people who disagreed with Corporate direction. Actually, I negotiated a fairly nice severance package before they could get me…but they were a-comin’.
Davey Dog says
As a young reporter I shook Alfonse D’Amato’s hand.
Mr. Dog, that is one fine declarative sentence. Maybe somebody today will write something funnier, but it won’t be me.
Since I have baby boys (not really babies anymore), most of my grossest tasks are not work-related, they are at-home cleanups of vomit, poop, spilled food, spit, smashed toys, you name it.
It gets really fun when they all decide to emit noxious liquids from every orifice all at once – no surface of the house is spared, and I have spray bottles and paper towel rolls duct-taped to my wrists like a Robocop version of the Brawny guy.
The only work-related nauseating task I have is (set the WABAC machine for 1979) being forced to clean out the record bins in the music store I worked in during the college years. I encountered, in no particular order: ABC gum, spit stains, unidentifiable dust-covered candies, broken glass, hair, etc. No spray bottle or paper towel there – just a wet rag that eventually succumbed to the squalor – even after several rinses it was filthier than anything in the bins.
And we were the biggest record store in western MA at the time – the “catalog” store that carried 10 copies of everything. I lifted every single album out of every single bin, cleaned it, and put them all back. I didn’t speak to the manager for 2 weeks afterward and I never did it again.
I think the only worse job would have been mopping up the peep show booths at the local porno shop – a job a friend of mine had until he couldn’t take it any more after a guy left a bucketload of jizz on the video screen – he threw the mop at the owner and walked out, never even went back for his last paycheck. He always maintains it was worth it just to walk away, and I can’t say I fault him for that.
Gonad the Bavarian says
Nothing too crazy. Gross stuff like emptying fryers. The worst part about that is dumping the dirty grease. That bin stunk to high heaven when it got opened. I also had to fire a seat old lady from a snack bar at a roller rink so the owners daughter could have her job. That hurt for a while even though she told me she knew it wasn’t my decision. The was gross to me.
Gonad the Bavarian says
Nothing too crazy. Gross stuff like emptying fryers. The worst part about that is dumping the dirty grease. That bin stunk to high heaven when it got opened. I also had to fire a sweat old lady from a snack bar at a roller rink so the owners daughter could have her job. That hurt for a while even though she told me she knew it wasn’t my decision. The was gross to me.
Gonad the Bavarian says
i briefly worked in a fast food resturant and the deep fryer was the grossest thing ever.
Phantom Railfan says
Emptying the grease buckets/fryer vats on a hot day was horrible, and my particular fast-food joint generated tons of the stuff. And get this: sometimes we’d show up for work in the morning and find that theives had stolen the barrels full of rank-smelling goop (yeah, apparently it’s valuable), spilling tons of it in the process. What a mess…
I worked at McDonalds and you had to run the grease from the grills into these traps on the side then take them out to some special grease pit. We called them “gungy traps” and the stench could gag a maggot.
Jerry in WV says
30 years ago, when I was in USAF basic training, I spent most of the early morning hours one day shoveling up dead pidgeons and putting them into a garbage bag. Let me explain…….. Our barracks were simply crawling with pidgeons and there was pidgeon crap everywhere. Once, during morning formation, a pidgeon crapped on a TI’s head as he was leaving the chow hall. Much hilarity commenced and we spent the next hour ruunning and doing pushups. Anyway, our squadron commander got tired of all the mess and agreed to let a couple of TI’s shoot them while they were sleeping. So, the next morning between the hours of 4 am and 6 am, me and another airman had guard duty. About 10 minutes into it, two TI’s show up with shovels, trash bags and pellet rifles. For the next two hours, they shot birds and we bagged em! probably killed a couple hundred in a two hour period. Fun times!
I was the janitor at a grade school for a year. I think that fits the proverbial, “Nuff Said”.
Bill in WV says
Heh, so you were Mr. Red Sawdust for a while?
Tiny bags of cat litter were employed for puke absorption.
The good part was that I could smoke and drink beer while I mopped up after school.
I help run the machine that sucks the souls from newly hired college grads. Ick!
I had a similar job, taking freshly graduated kids who were part of the “managment training program” and puting them to work in a barely ventillated warehouse for at least 6 months, some made it, many didn’t. The smart ones didn’t…
Bill in WV says
Ah, the Dirty Jobs episode of theWVSR. I’ve worked office jobs most of my life, so nothing really nasty to report. Only notable thing was when I worked a two month stint at Murphy’s Mart in Dunbar while in high school and me and another stocker were told to make a dismantled swingset, which was sitting in the back room floor for months, disappear (or else!). That thing got thrown into the heavy-duty box compactor, emitting noises I have never heard in my life, as the machine completely shit the bed and was fucked up for weeks.
i am a nurse. so in addition to the kind of fun Malcolm has with his kids, i have had with total strangers, many of whom are adults.
I think the worst is still having to manually disimpact a very constipated patient. Pulling rock hard poop out of someones ass is pretty much the worst.
I too am a nurse. And since I work in intensive care, the patients I see aren’t capable of taking care of themselves in any way.
If it comes out of someone, I’ve cleaned it up.
And a lot of times what comes out is chock full of various diseases that are realy, really nasty.
Several of my friends have reuired a full change of closthing when cought off guard by stuff coming out of various orifi.
The nurses in the room win this little contest. Trust us.
According to Jeff, Nancy believes it’s a duty that should be a shared family activity—Sunshine disagreed and wasn’t using a “spoon to unconstipate the translucent.” Jeff really should republish that episode–which may very well be the funnies piece of literature ever written by mankind.
I agree on both counts – nurses will win this one hands down (or is it up?), and yes, the spoon excavation of a translucent is indeed one of the the funniest things ever written – it’s the story that got me hooked on this website (if I had come along later it would have been the masterful description of Alli side effects).
So true, the nurses in this group could definitely win. I love my job, but sometimes it’s hard to stomach some of my tasks. Two that stand out in my mind, though, are The Worm Incident, and The Slime. I work labor and delivery. It’s still possible in this great day and age to hemorrhage and die after you deliver a baby, so we take it pretty seriously when the bleeding gets a little heavy. We have a drug called Hemabate that can be given to slow down the bleeding. It works great for bleeding, but it also does a pretty good job as a colon cleanse. And most labor patients these days get epidurals, so not only can they not make it to the bathroom, they don’t even know they’ve pooped the bed until the smell hits the room. That’s not the bad part, though. That’s part of the job, and it doesn’t really get to me. One day, though, we had someone with a parasite issue. She got the drug, her intestines yelled “EVACUATE!!” and we had a bed full of squirmy wormy parasites. Everything that day went to the incinerator instead of the laundry.
The other one was more recent, and I still get the shivers when I think of it. I had a patient going to c-section, so I needed to shave her belly. Her 485 lb belly. I shove up as much of the gut as I can to have a go with the clippers, and I discover a thick layer of stinky green slime. I would have loved to have seen what a culture of that would have grow out.
I had a thought the other day after being doused with someone’s body fluids, it is the way of the world that you always get hit with Blood of the Crack Ho rather than Urine of the Preacher’s Wife (urine being a sterile, fairly benign fluid when compared to blood, vomit, sputum, etc.).
My wife is a nurse. I, on the other hand, used to work in underground construction. Some days this involved entering a live sewer manhole to do one task or another. I have waited until the floaters drifted past to reach my hand into a live flow line and retrieve a tool that was dropped. I also worked as a repair plumber, a fairly disgusting job at times, as you might imagine. But when my wife relates tales of her day, I have to tell her that I’d have told some particular patient “Sorry bud, nothing can be done for you, you’re going to die. The sooner the better, cause I ain’t helping you with that shit.” I’d say the nurses win.
Jenny Piccalo says
You are a Saint..
It’s over—shut down the contest…give her the trophy. The term, OMFG came to mind as soon as I got to the line about the green slime under the belly roll. I swallowed my chew of tobacco.
Although, my wife worked in the lab of a hospital and once said she was brought a placenta IN A WAL-MART BAG. Apparently the Chinese eat the thing for good luck or good health or some such nonsense. There was apparently quite an arguement to get it away from the mother who had plans for it that must have included bread and gravy.
Some cultures eat it, some bury it. I appreciate the miracle that is the placenta, but I’m not eating the damn thing. Google recipes for placenta. You won’t eat for a week.
hot fuzz says
My husband works for a Dialysis Unit. Since he is the only guy on staff at his branch, he is often called to handle the more horrible tasks.
A few weeks ago, he was charged with…helping a guy go to the bathroom…and clean him when he was done. The patient apparently leaned forward during the process, as residue shot STRAIGHT UP HIS BACK and piled onto the back of the seat. The patient has “arm issues” and is unable to clean himself properly [okay, AT ALL].
My husband spent a good 20 minutes cleaning the patient up with washcloths…and another 20 minutes cleaning the bathroom. Whatever the patient had been eating STAINED the toilet seat.
Sounds like someone ate the beef and macaroni at Ryan’s before going to the Sound Warehouse in Atlanta.
Ha, that’s what I was thinking.
the things that come to mind for the stuff that sucks the most. i worked at “vitamin store” for 2 years and anytime someone would return a product cuz they didnt like it we would just dump it in the trash, so someone would pay 80 bucks for workout pills, take one and decide they didnt like it and return it, we would just go in th back and dump them all out. they should have let the employees take them if they wanted.
than i worked for the company that sells reading and sun glasses in drug stores and stuff. every few months when new designs or whatever came out we were told to just go to the store, take the whole display down and break all the glasses in half and toss them. there would be 100’s of dollars in product just destroyed for no good reason. could have donated them or something. and of course we werent allowed to take any because that would be wrong.
I read recently that all the sunglasses in the world are made by a single company.
Joe T. says
I had to clean up a 9 inch log of shit that some “lady” had missed the toilet with in the dress factory where I cleaned up after school. I was 15 at the time. My gag reflexes made the 5 minute job last about 45 minutes.
The Qweezy Mark says
I knew that’d be your story !!!
How the fuck does one “miss” the toilet???
The Qweezy Mark says
It was clearly a “gift” for Joe T.
hot fuzz says
For a short time after my daughter was born, and we were still in Boone, NC, I worked at a restaurant in the evenings after leaving my paralegal job, to make extra money for baby expenses and our impending move back to Sarasota. Worked there about six months. During that tenure, there was a nasty 350 pounder manager named Tammy. She treated the office there, which was roughly the size of two bathroom stalls, like her own personal trailer. Tammy was fired without warning for servicing a customer above and beyond the call of duty in the men’s room. She left, and never returned.
There were substitute managers for a couple of weeks and then the Taliban bought the restaurant and put their own management into place. One slow night due to a massive snowstorm, Achnad, the new manager axed me to clean out the office and throw away anything that belonged to Tammy that was in there. A partial list: Three buttplugs, four tampons that had missed the garbage can and were welded to the floor behind it, three pair of stained big white undies that were in a desk drawer, a jackrabbit vibrator in another drawer, countless remnants of half eaten food and a plastic baggie full of pubes. We all laughed about the findings, but the next day, I realized the disgustingness of it and put in my notice. Was pissed off that I got chosen to do that.
Worked two more weeks, put a chicken time bomb with buttermilk in a mason jar and put it above the ceiling tiles and left the next day. A guy I worked with told me later they had to close for nearly a week to try to eliminate the odor of that.
Fuck the Taliban.
I’m afraid I’ve led a slightly sheltered life up here in the Northwest woods. Not so sheltered that I don’t know what a buttplug is, but sheltered enough so I don’t know what a jackrabbit vibrator is.
I guess that puts my street smarts somewhere between a buttplug and a jackrabbit vibrator; not a comfortable place to be, all in all.
By the way, AWG…it is a pleasure to see you commenting again. I hope you can continue to do so.
Thanks, I can when I can. Have spent a lot more time out in the field rather than the office lately and the library is 45 seconds away.
“Between a buttplug and a jackrabbit vibrator”. Is that something like the expression, “between a rock and a hard place”?
“Didn’t know whether to shit or wind his watch”….
LOL!! That’s more fitting Bikerchick!
OK, I looked up jackrabbit vibrator. Check. In a moment of clarity I decided it’s possible that I’ve spent too much of my life between the two and not nearly enought time winding my watch.
Wouldn’t “between a buttplug and a jackrabbit vibrator” be referred to as “the taint”?
It might if you could hear yourself think. In that geography, the vibrator sounds like a runaway chainsaw. Just take my word for it and focus on winding your watch.
I went to work for a construction company about 15 years ago as a project manager. My boss was about 5 years older than me and insisted I go with her to some siminars in Nashville (four days worth).
She got tipsy at dinner the first night and insisted on coming into my room. Then she pretty much demanded that I fuck her in the mouth. And I did.
The next couple of nights I did it again, and by the last night I had her legs on my shoulders and shit like that. When we got back to the office a lot of the guys asked me if she made me have sex with her. I denied it. But I guess it was a normal thing with her, taking the boys out and forcing them to run her through.
I suppose I was a victim of sexual harrasment. But to tell the truth, it wasn’t that bad. I don’t know what all the ladies in my current office get all worked up about.
Dave's not here, man says
I worked at a rendering plant one summer. There was a pit with a giant auger that we shoved dead horses into…
But the worst part was some dumbass farmer or someone really hard up for a buck who brought in a horse that had been dead for who knows how long, laying out in the hot summer sun. Some things you just can’t forget.
Dave's not here, man says
I don’t know if this is true, but a good friend of mine worked as an airplane maintenance guy. He said when planes land someone has to suck the shit out of the holding tanks that the toilets empty into. If the ground crew at the other airport didn’t seal the hatches properly, the shit tanks would freeze solid. So then you had to get an ice pick and break out the frozen toilet water, full of piss and shitsickles. Nice!
cross lanes crumudgeon says
As a farmboy, had to castrate, de-horn and brand calves and “doctor” cattle, as in pull out breeched calves, cut out giant bugs called “worbles” from under their hide, remove porcupine quills, etc.
Grossest experience came at a lunch break after a mass nut-cutting fest at a corral miles from home, when my dad fixed Spam sandwiches — using the same knife employed to remove bull balls. I’ve been holding the mayo ever since.
It wasn’t like I was flat out ASKED…. but …
I used to do home theater and a/v installs and services. I go to this old guy’s apartment in Manhattan and his dvd player wasn’t working. It was just unplugged. So I ask for a dvd and he said it was in there so I turn it on and it is gay hardcore pornography.
I eject it and turn around saying “oh… I don’t think this is a good disc to test with… you have anything else?”
First when the old guy was sitting on the bed he was wearing a pajama robe. I figured “ok. He’s 90… whatever.”…. when I turned around it was off and he was wearing a diaper and a bonnet.
I’m not sure but I think he was asking for a changing,,, or worse…
Fattie: How in the world did you ever keep that story from all of us? Hilarious.
i was in denial for years?
The mental picture I just conjured up will probably haunt my dreams for the next month.
I guess he wanted you to give hsi rattle a good shake.
Oops. Somebody just woke up little Jason.
Bill in WV says
How would you have liked being the boat pilot on the Chicago River, the day Dave Matthews tour bus passed overhead? I’d call that a bad day at the office. Customers with blue turds and tp simply COVERING their faces and bodies. Nice.
Chuck in Belpre says
When I worked at KFC we had a case of chicken that was getting a little funky. The fat was just a little rancid. Instead of shit-canning the whole thing the manager had me fill one of the wash sinks with water and a little bleach. Then I had to soak that chicken until the smell was gone. Needless to say no amount of rinsing could wash away the bleach smell. But he had us cook it and sell it. As far as I know no one got sick but even after being fried it smelled faintly of bleach.
I worked as a janitor in a metal fabrication plant for a short time. Cleaning urinals and stopped up toilets got really old real fast. Especially when some comedian would put an entire roll of TP in the toilet and then take a shit. I didn’t last long there. Not that I am too good to do it, I’m not, I just don’t have that good control over the gag reflex.
My girlfriend worked at KFC and has seen almost the exact same thing. They didn’t use bleach but the customers did complain about the funky chicken.
On the subject of the clogged toilets, I work at a metal factory also and somebody likes to clog the toilets here too. There was someone before that enjoyed dialling 911 and hanging up. They stopped that by putting a camera up. But I can’t believe there are adults who get their kicks clogging toilets and prank calling 911. There is also someone who likes to put their boogers on the wall while using the urinal.
Root 66 says
I have worked at two places that really grossed me out:
1. I worked at a meat processing plant and did everything from driving the forklift to going through the freezer and throwing out the funky meat that had gone bad (Yes, it even stunk even while frozen!) It was nasty AND cold!
2. I also worked in the mail-order returns department of a very large lingerie catalog company (the company was large, not the lingerie–well most of it, anyway!) If you can imagine people returning underwear that looks like they had a baby in them…well, let’s just say that it was as bad as you can imagine. One night I insisted on rubber gloves and a mask! Some people just ain’t got no shame!
Both jobs were pretty nasty, but I guess it beats living in your car or starving…but just barely!
Working in a plastic surgeon’s office is not all facelifts and boob jobs. We do wound care too. I have often had to take down the bandages then repack and redress them. This is NOT what I signed up for… lemme tell ya.
Every now and then we get these disgusting patients that don’t know the meaning of “soap and water”. If you can’t reach it, you can’t wash it… You can smell the funk when they walk into the room. Once the bandages are off, it is magnified ten fold. Makes your fucking eyes water.
The best story I have is from the anique shop I have a space in. We kept walking in the back showroom and couldn’t figure out where this funky smell was coming from. It was getting worse by the day. Finally, a customer comes up to the desk and complains. We all go back searching. Found out some pigdog asshole pissed in an old pottery vase and put it back on the shelf. Didn’t even wash the vase. It all went into the trash. It had to be a dude because the opening was too small unless some chick had good aim.
If I caught someone pulling that shit, I’d cut his fucking dick off, make him march up and down the street with his dick stapled to a sandwich sign saying, “Never pee in a vase”
Root 66 says
Oh and Jeff,
That “stuff shooting out of the grinder” was probably cartilage pulled out by the bone extractor…thanks for bringing up that distubing image.
We would grind up hamburger in 2000 pound batches. One time I knocked over a bin of about 750 pounds of ground beef bound for the prison system and the state inspector told me I could use “whatever didn’t touch the floor.” Good times…
Next time some of you are mopping/shoveling/chiseling any hamburger meat/vomit/feces, you can wear one of these (post-coital action, I presume):
P.S. Those of you with significant others sporting my bra size are shit out of luck. Enjoy your lungs while you got ’em!
It’s the gift that keeps on giving!
When I worked in a law firm, we had his one giant pain in t he ass client. I’m not sure what happened but he lost his sight late in life. The fucker tried to grab my tit (claiming he thought it was my arm) when we had to drag him from the lobby to the conference room. One day he click clacked in with his fucking metallic stick yelling at the top of his lungs that he needed help. A pigeon had shit down the front of his coat and he wanted *ME* to clean it off. I wadded up some paper towel and instructed him “A little more to the left, higher… lower, don’t rub so hard!” manwhile, the tit grabbing sonovabeech was smearing bird shit into his filthy coat.
I don’t know why this should become a festival of grossity, and I can only take so much, so I surfed on over to CNN…
Los Angeles (CNN) — Actress Zsa Zsa Gabor was taken by ambulance to a Los Angeles hospital Tuesday morning, the spokesman for her husband said.
“She was spitting blood,” spokesman John Blanchette said.
So that’s a good lesson for all of us. If you’re spitting blood and don’t know why, go to the hospital. And why not be generous and call her an “actress”? She’s 94, so I think she’s beyond dictionary definitions.
She had a diaper on and wearing a bonnett as well
Angry White Guy, are you behind this? 😉
Nah, they left out the buttermilk and the mason jar. Once that thing explodes from the gases building up inside, the smell can burn the nostrils. I do tip my sad Colts hat to the perp though.
I was once asked to ignore the theft of hundreds of thousands of dollars from the U.S. government. I did not.
The only *disgusting* things I’ve had to do for work were, of course, at McDonald’s. Besides the grease troughs (thanks for that memory, madz), there was also the dreaded grease trap under the sink in back and of course the good old toilet-cleaning. Cleaning the fry vat was surprisingly non-disgusting.
When I worked at the TV station, we received some programming via C-band satellite, and I have had to climb up there with a broom and sweep the snow out of the dish. And back in radio days, I actually *liked* climbing the transmitter tower (as long as the weather was nice). Those light bulbs do burn out, and somebody has to change them. Although I guess they use LEDs or something, nowadays.
I once had to change the bulb in the red light on top of the batch house at Federal Glass in Columbus, Ohio. The batch house was five stories tall, if memory serves. Then another climb up a straight ladder who knows how tall. It was something like -20 degrees that day. The joy of being the apprentice electrician.
Wow, you guys have been hitting my best topics.
I worked for a mortuary from 1982 to 1987.
Some poor old fella died in his house trailer in late July and laid dead for a week or so in 90 plus temperatures, no AC. Body was full of maggots. I have a strong stomach, but I did excuse myself to go outside and puke.
Pulled a “floater” out of the Ohio River just north of Wheeling. He had been missing for 6 days. His wife reported that he had gone fishing and did not return home. Body was so rotten, he was actually falling apart. The stink is not describable.
One woman blew her head off with a shot gun blast to the roof of her mouth. Her brains, cranium, upper teeth, and lots of blood were stuck in the ceiling of her living room. Guess who cleaned it up? I knew her well. They owned a business, and my mom worked for them for several years.
A truck driver stopped for a red light on the railroad tracks and the truck was hit by a coal train. His cargo was something like 5,000 gallons of gasoline, which ignited. He was burned to a crisp and the body weighed about 25 pounds. He looked like a marshmallow that had been dropped in to a bonfire, barely recognizable as a human body. His cunt wife demanded we return his wedding band. I had to carve his charred finger nearly completely off with a knife to get the ring off for her.
I was friends with a girl from high school named Ruthie, had some classes with her. Got a call to pick up the local coroner and take him to an address with the hearse and a gurney. Ambulance personnel reported a suicide by hanging. Ruthie answered the door, her parents were on vacation in Florida. I cut the rope that was around her brother’s neck hanging in the basement while she stood and watched.
I have witnessed full autopsies, one with the semi-famous Cyril Wecht of Pittsburgh.
hot fuzz says
Fuck indeed. There’s nothing like the smell of a dead body. And picking teeth out of a ceiling, maggots out of a body, etc. I don’t know how you do it. I’d end up seeing people as objects and going on a killing spree or something.
WB in OH says
Damn, I think the nurses just got their asses handed to them.
Holy shit – you win!
All I can say is “ewww, gross.”
Cleaning air conditioning ducts. It was like scraping up diarrhea(?). Dead bodies at car crashes stay with me. But right now, wish me luck. A BIG ass cyclone about to roll over the top of me! Hopefully see you all here again tomoroow!!!
hot fuzz says
Yeah I hear this one is bigger than the last. I’d say head for higher ground but other than the big red rock is there anywhere “higher”? Stay safe.
Please let us know how it goes. Our asses are in North America, but out thoughts are in Oz. Godspeed.
putski…I’ve been following that system. They say even cyclone proof houses aren’t safe. 180+ mph winds. Stay safe & good luck.
Aus. weather link:
(there’s stuff you click on for more details)
Apropos of nothing, and everything, Paul Simon sings an American Tune.
Good luck today…
Worked for Keeler Brass in Grand Rapids MI back in the 80s on a shipping dock and we had a huge industrial sludge dumpster that the paint room would dump horrific shit into on an hourly basis. When that big sumbitch was full of Nickel, chrome, paint, buffing wheels, sandpaper and who knows what else (the plant had 5 gallon buckets of Cyanide and Hydrochloric Acid in those crazy black kegs all over the damned place) a “special” truck would come and lift that nast bastard onto its back. Whenever that happened, gallons of sludge would splash out of both ends and we were then ordered to….sweep that shit down the goddam drains! No grass or weeds grew within 1000 feet around the perimeter of this building and when you’d leave for the day you wouldn’t be able to smell anything for about the next 48 hours. Horrific place to work but hey, we wanted chrome door handles on our cars back then.
matt k says
worked in a provincial park (northern ontario) back in 2001. when the river that runs through the park thaws you find all the crap that washed off the hills. or….you find a full grown bull moose that fell through the ice in the early winter. bloated with decay…stinking to high heaven.
what to do?? loop a rope around a leg or head or whatever you can, and using a severely underpowered motorboat, drag the still slightly buoyant corpse out into the deeper water.
so the park superintendent can plug it with a 30-06 from shore and sink it.
at 100 yards the smell still made me toss. well that and the 30 foot gout of liquified internal organs that shot into the air.