I see this ad all the time. In fact, it feels like I see the same ten or so ads, over and over. But this one gets through, and leads to actual consideration. It’s not really annoying either, which is the usual reason I notice commercials. It just triggers a lot of questions and comments. For instance:
- This girl seems like a handful to me. She’s clearly a spirited lass, which is fine. I’m a longtime fan of the spirited lass. However, I’d probably develop a full-blown anxiety complex if I was her father. Ya know? I have a hard enough time with two laid-back hooligan sons. Inject this young lady’s level of vigor, and I’m not sure I could handle it.
- There’s a lot of hopping and spinning and over-the-top smiling, which would get old real fast. I’m more accustomed to scowling and mumbling. Even when she’s just driving straight ahead at the end, she can’t sit still. I would lose my goddamn mind.
- When did teenage daughters on TV commercials transition from exasperated and put-upon adultlettes, forever reacting to the ridiculous antics of their doofus fathers, to this girl who clearly has a history of lying, running off to smile and spin at the beach, and making out with boys sporting asshole haircuts on a couch?
- Do 16 year olds really have access to places where they can engage in high-energy dancing, possibly lesbian in nature, with flashing lights, etc.? I don’t know how that works. When I was 16 I just drank beer in cars and listened to Van Halen II. How does a 16 year old even know how to dance? And why would they want to? In fact, why would ANYBODY want to dance, at any time? A more ludicrous activity, I cannot imagine.
- I was fairly wild when I was her age, but at no time did I load my parents’ car with Asians and do donuts in the middle of a high-traffic intersection. That shit is outrageous.
- And even though the teens in this ad seem a tad morally dynamic, I feel like the device being peddled is wildly invasive. Am I wrong? I would never subject my kids to that level of intrusion. I don’t even think we watch suspected terrorists as closely.
What are your thoughts on this curious advert? Please share in the comments.
And speaking of morally dynamic, Toney tells me she’s going to attempt to bribe the cable guy with a twenty dollar bill today. She’s going to ask him to add an off-the-books TV line to our bedroom. Again… I don’t know how that works, or if it’s even possible. She might be able to half the $40 install fee, but I think they can tell what’s going on beyond that. Plus, there’s a box required. Right? We’ll see how it goes. But she’s serious. The bribin’ twenty is set aside, and on our dining room table as I type. I’ll let you guys know what happens. She seems confident, and clearly believes everyone is on the take, like we’re in Mexico or Russia.
I don’t think I’ve ever attempted to bribe anyone. It seems unlikely, but I can’t come up with a single example of such a thing in my lengthy-ass history. Have you? I’d love to hear those stories, as well. Or maybe somebody tried to bribe you? Please bring us up to date on it.
And I need to go to work now. Soul-crushing nonsense awaits!
Have a great day, boys and girls.
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First?
Jeff is gonna be a cable boy, a cable boy!
https://youtu.be/r76k8uB3p98
Would you have even been able to find a bunch of Asians to pile into your car for donuts in 1970-1980s WV?
Also, in response to one of your specific points above: We are about to become an Oblast of Russia, much like Kaliningrad. This will occur exactly one week from today.
1) Under the new administration, baksheesh is de rigueur for business transactions.
2) I’ve seen documentary movies in which the cable guy or the refrigerator repairman would perform all sorts of salacious acts for a twenty or less. I THINK they were documentaries.
3) If you would hire a swarthy man in a fedora to follow your kid around in a Rockford-era sedan, jotting her every move on a mini Big Chief tablet, just skip the middle man and plug that KGB device into the car, or slip it into her purse, then sit back, open a cheap American lager, and wait for the disturbing news to roll in.
4) I hadn’t seen that commercial, but there’s my argument: as long as we’re deporting the Islamic people and the Mexicans, we could just throw in the Asians as part of the deal. Or put them in camps.
jtb
No, not the Asians. The chicks are too hot and I find them to be knowledgeable and generous lovers.
Baksheesh is a really outstanding word, and should be used more often. Thank you, John.
I have never bribed anybody. I’ve come to understandings with many people. But never and out and out bribe.
How do you even do it?
I feel like I would need to set ground rules first. “If we were to enter into a bribing relationship, let us say what the rules would be.”
I can only imagine it being as blatant as any Maxwell Smart operation.
I’ve very interested in the results.
Also, Is $20 rally enough? Is that enough to get a guy maybe fired? That’s another problem. I’d say offer at least $200. Which immediately puts even the bribe cost nearly unreachable.
———-
This also reminds me of doing any illegal activity as an adult.
As a teenager I knew a dozen people who could get an entire tackle box full of various uppers, downers, and all arounders.
Now as an adult I have no idea where to go to even buy weed, if I wanted to.
I guess I would just go to concerts every weekend until I smelled reeferweed smoke then just ask that guy who the hook up was. I’m sure I’d be pegged as a snitch and immediately beaten to a pulp. That or I would ask some undercover cop and spend the week in jail. Then I’d lose my job. Probably get divorced. End up living week-to-week for $135 at the Sleep Easy Motel. Start giving out handjobs for $5 a pop to pay the bills. End up selling prescription drugs. Going to jail again. Then finally scoring some pot off my cell mate in exchange for my expertly honed handy-j skills.
I don’t think it’s worth it.
Toney should probably wear a v-neck shirt.
Hahahaha…can’t stop laughing! But if you do get this urge for weed, be sure to report back in the obligatory 12-24 months…
My old landlord gave me some money once to give to the garbage men. He wanted them to take away a bunch of old metal pipes. They would not take the pipes.
I have committed bribery so many times I think it is in my genetic code. I don’t see much difference between bribery and barter. Yes I know there is a difference so don’t argue. Anyway, being in radio I had an abundance of freebies that I would “share”. The pizza joint was next to the station and I’d get a pizza for an album. A Sundrop cooler for cable conection upstairs and live lobsters for T-shirts and hats. Never know until you ask. Now that I’m old and worn out the only thing I have that anybody would want is money. The latest was not ordering white glove delivery for a fancy recliner I got for the hubster. I took a chance that a 20 would get the delivery guy to tote it upstairs. He was more that happy to do it.
Reva, I’m sure you know the diff, but you gave three examples of barter and one of tipping. No bribery. You’re probably too young to have taken payola, but THAT’S a fine example of bribery. Actually, I’ll STILL pay you a double sawbuck NOT to spin Toby Keith records and half that for just one more rendition of Ooh La La (Ronnie Lane or Ronnie Wood version both acceptable).
Thank you for your business.
John
Now John ‘sigh’ when I said I didn’t want to argue I had you in mind but you just couldn’t help yourself. Funny but I just had this discussion with my own brother John. It all depends on what dictionary and semantic you use. I am a wee bit young for payola but every year I had to sign a little paper stating that I knew what payola was and would not take it. Screw Toby Keith. The last I saw the majority of participants in the parade are horse brigades and we all know what horses do best.
Im still wondering what your business was,
Reva
I’m from the 60s, so my main business for a long time was listening to interesting jocks at a time when they created their own playlists. The PD mostly hired, fired, and filled out FCC paperwork as opposed to later when he (mostly he rather than she) maintained the station’s playlist and told the jocks exactly what to play.
The Dick Clark big money record promotion stuff isn’t very interesting, but before that the independent labels would show up during a shift, frequently during the night, with a bottle and some fried chicken and a few 45s from the catalog. I sort of think of it as the time of little payola. Al Bell from Stax, Rick Hall from FAME, Chips Moman from American, and occasionally Sam Phillips himself would knock on the station door and end up spending hours with a jock.
I’m well aware that this is your business and not mine, and that you know this story better than I do, but I’ve been interested in the history of independent labels for most of my adult life. I had a nice time running data centers and building IT infrastructure, but it wasn’t nearly as cool as what you got to do.
Anyway, whether swapping swag is bribery or not, it’s certainly fun. I hope you ended up with plenty of keepsakes. My intent wasn’t to nitpick . . . it was just to get you to tell a story or two about being on the cool end of the record promotion machine.
best as always,
John
I can’t think of a worse idea than using a device like that to spy on your kid. All of us (including you, Jeff) did many things we wouldn’t have wanted our parents to find out about. You can’t just eliminate that part of childhood, by being a completely overbearing, intrusive, asshole parent; it won’t end well. And besides, the goal of childhood is to grow-up, which won’t happen if your parents can’t let go.
I’ve seen the results of overbearing parenting, and it’s not good.
Folks, don’t forget that insurance rebate device a lot of insurance companies are pushing. Same shit, now your insurance company is spying on you. Just hiding the fact that its a gps by calling it something benign and bribing you with a potential insurance discount…
Dependning on the state of cable down south, ain’t a whole lot the cable guy can do for you anymore. If its digitally sent to you, head office drones control what you can and can’t get with the click of a mouse. If its still analog, the cable guy could accidently install the wrong filter, or forget to install it all-together…
I mostly keep to blackmailing people.
Is that kinda like when you just happen to have info on someone that they like to have young Russian gals tinkle on you?
Sometimes it shorts out the device.
jtb
Pop the surveillance device out of the socket, leave it at school, go to the beach and party. Looks pretty simple.
Electronically car-hobbling your 16yr old daughter seems too easy and likely counterproductive. I think most teens are too sly to fall for this, e.g., just leave the house, turn off your cell phone, drive one block and pull the damn thing out of the dash board. Later you can claim that you found it on the floor mat just before you got home and, like a good girl, you immediately slapped it back in. Traffic fruit loops with onboard Asians should be the least of Mom’s imaginings. If parental paranoia drives you towards use of this device, a failsafe ignition breathalyzer and integral pregnancy test kit would be suitable upgrades.
I was on an airplane once in the middle seat of the bulkhead row between two other fat guys on a very warm texas afternoon. I was looking at a long, uncomfortable flight home when several flight attendants started talking about coach being full and needing to move someone up to first class.
I caught the eye of one of them, pointed to myself and then first class cabin and rubbed my thumb and forefinger together in the international sign for cash.
She asked my name, I gave it to her and she told her fellows “he’s on the list” and told me to follow her. No checking, just a firm declaration.
She seated me in first class and I handed her all the cash I had, $60. I then enjoyed a 5 hour flight it total comfort.
And that’s how you bribe someone.
Best money I ever spent.
I’ve enjoyed many concert seat or location upgrade due to bribery. Much cheaper than buying a more expensive ticket up front.
I’m telling you, I’m not going. Ms Holliday’s politics turn me the color purple, but of course she has every right to express them.
jtb
If we allow ourselves to become too comfortable with the idea, I can foresee a time when such devices are mandated to be in EVERYONE’S car, for our own good of course. Fuck that.
I’m with you on that thought. The push for self-driving cars is exactly how they are brainwashing the masses at this point to acceptance of somebody, or something other than them actually driving the vehicle. I’ve said it for years, the governments goal is to create a nation of sheep who will follow everything and anything without question.
Bribery: the Chicago and New York way of life!
I don’t know from Chicago, but oh for the good old days when it was just burly guys named Vito saying “gedaddaheah.” Nowadays we get a former mayor shilling himself as a security expert, yet whose own website is as vulnerable as a newborn puppy.
I wish Toney luck on her bribery attempt. Any day you can screw the cable company is a good day.
Twenty dollars goes a lot farther is some countries than others. Once while checking into an all inclusive resort in the Dominican, I told my wife to slid the check in girl a twenty and ask if a better room was available. The 10 other couples we were traveling with couldn’t understand why their rooms faced the courtyard while we got the oceanfront with a private patio.
I also do not quite “get” dancing. I’m sure this failure on my part has cost me a vagina or three.
I don’t get the problem with the girl. Just beat her like a red headed step child and all’s well.
Just when things are getting really interesting, I’m back!
The ad is mental.
I love to dance, and honestly believe that I’m quite good at it.
I give good bribes/’backhanders’.
I have missed you.
Snog cluinntinn bhuaibh. Hope all is well.
John
Cheers mate!
Update you dirty bastard, I have to know how the bribe went!
Oh god!
What if Toney got busted?
Did Jeff go down to the police station, blow his top, and now both of them are sitting in lockup?
Is the younger secret Home Aloning it at the Kay Farm? Is he having wild house parties inviting all the lose moral girls over? Is he hanging out with Skeeter from down the street!? PLEASE DON’T HANG OUT WITH SKEETER FROM DOWN THE STREET – HE’S A BAD INFLUENCE!
So how does Hum know you are using it for your teenager… what stops you from using it on your spouse? Working late again at the strip club?” Alexa find me a divorce lawyer….
Bribery – yeppers about a dozen years ago my friends and I were running incredibly late for a flight and needed to get our bags on board so I handed my most authoritative friend $60 and said go bribe a baggage handler. We got out bags on board and VIP treatment up to the gate. I kind felt bad later because there was a guy who was a national guard member who also was late to the flight and his bags didn’t make it.
Jeff,
was the bribe successful? And please, no monosyllabic answer, I want all the hilarious details!