As far as I know, there are only three things that might cause a lawnmower not to start: spark plug, air filter, bad gas. Am I missing anything? ‘Cause I’ve officially reached the running my hands through my hair phase of this ordeal. Grrr… Why must everything be so difficult? Every single thing?
Our yard now looks like Malcolm in the Middle, and I can’t do anything about it. It’s simply fantastic.
There’s a lawnmower fix-it shop in town, but the guy who runs it is a disagreeable fuck. Every conversation I’ve had with him left me infuriated. Plus, his turnaround time is roughly a month. What am I supposed to do in the meantime? I don’t have a fleet o’ mowers in my garage.
Man, I miss Jesus and his team of guerilla groundskeepers in California. They’d converge on our property, a whole team of guys, and have it whipped into shape in roughly seven minutes. And his price? Ten dollars per week. That was the greatest thing ever. I’m a big fan of the guerilla groundskeepers.
Any idea what might be wrong with my mower? It’s worked all spring, until last weekend. Now it won’t start, and it’s making me crazy.
Remember the Smithereens? Yeah, I was always a fan, and their new record is shockingly great. It’s their first album of original music since 1999, and it’s one of their best. It’s been on perma-repeat in the bunker for a week. I can’t get enough of it. Good, good stuff.
I like when a band from back in the day comes up with one of their best albums ever, at an improbable late date. Like this one, for instance, or this one.
Can you think of others that might fall into that category? Tell us about it in the comments.
That picture at the top of the update is compliments of Will, the keeper of the Blanket. He wanted to show me that Crossroads Road is now rubbing shoulders with Kafka. Pretty cool, huh?
If you’d like a signed copy of my crazy-ass novel, here’s the PayPal link again:
I’m almost out of books, and this will probably be the last time I mention this for a while. So, if you want one, today’s the day.
And you know those vent lines, set up by radio stations, TV channels, and newspapers, where assholes can call and complain about something? Well, check out this impassioned rant. At least I think it’s impassioned… I’m not really sure.
That little gem is from a Morgantown radio station, and comes to us via the vast network of liars and backstabbers.
Several Surf Reporters sent me a link to this story, and for good reason. Exercise ball sex fetishist? What a golden legacy the man will leave behind… His time here on Earth will have meant something.
How does that happen…? Seriously. Exercise balls??
I need to cut this one a little short, boys and girls. I’ve got “problems” weighing heavily on my mind. Starting with that non-starting mower.
I don’t really have a Question. You can comment on the stuff above, or just tell us about your weekend plans. The weather up here is incredible, pretty damn close to perfect, in fact. Do you have anything planned for this perfect weekend? Tell us about it, won’t you?
And I’ll be back on Sunday or Monday.
Have a great day.
Now playing in the bunker
Read Crossroads Road on your Kindle!
Jesus moved your lawn? Awesome! 🙂
I meant mowed, but my phone said moved! *grrr*
I GOT MY BOOK! I GOT MY BOOK!
(slam! bang! tumble!) – that was me attempting a cartwheel…
Yesterday’s mail included my copy of “Crossroads Road”. I nearly exploded with delight! 3 chapters in already and I’m loving it! And, I have a copy SIGNED by the author! It’s supposed to rain all weekend, so I think my back porch, chaise lounge chair, adult beverages & a good book will make it all ok.
I’m rounding the corner of the 3rd chapter to the 4th!! I’m thinkin’ Jovis is in for a world of shit!
Plans for weekend:
Tonight- work at the liquor store, hope to not get shot
Saturday: clean my garage, work at the liquor store, hope to not get shot
Sunday: Sleeep till noon, work at the liquor store, hope to not get shot
I hate mowing the lawn. It used to be part of my rent, but I took it over at a discount, when my wife caught Pedro, Juan and Jose looking through the window at her nubile body. Called the landlord and axed where else they “worked”, but she wouldn’t give me an answer, knowing my intentions.
I bought a used mower last year for 30 bucks. Has run like silk ever since. You should just get another mower on Craigs List or something. Will prevent the aggrevation and repair charges.
Can anyone tell me what the impassioned rant is saying. IT has disconnected my sound due to complaints of overloud Ministry songs.
It’s some dude mumbling nonsense while a dog barks loudly. Or it’s possible the dog called in to complain, I dunno.
In other news, BURNING INSIDE! BURNING INSIDE! Back in the 90s I read that Alien Jourgensen pissed in Olivia Newton John’s mailbox over some disagreement involving his cover of “Let’s Get Physical”. I suppose I could use the Internet now to find out if that’s true or not, but I prefer to just go on believing it really happened.
My new plans for the weekend are to find EVERY person who voted for Scotty McQueery on Idol and slash their exercise balls
Just head to Garner, NC and have at it. The AI group is supposed to be there Saturday night, from what I hear. You should be able to get quite a few of them all at once.
Bill in WV says
Taking the lady to James Taylor concert tonight (hey I like his tunes too, so there). Help dear old dad fix some sagging ceiling tiles in the a.m. Supposed to rain all weekend, so probably hang out and swig mass quantities.
Saw JT in June with Carole King at the “Troubador” reunion tour. Mother in law bought the tickets, and since she is my age, she appreciates the music also. Did every single song that got radio airplay, some new stuff and some covers. Have a great time. It’s going to be a good show.
Bill in WV says
Yep, did not disappoint. Terrific show.
James Taylor puts on a terrific show. You’re going to have a great time.
Plus, he has some funny stories in between tunes.
I think I watched this a good 83 times already.
Someone sent me that last week. I think I’ve watched it every day since! Hilarious!
Chuck in Belpre says
guess who’s up over at Mockable. ahem!
I am on chapter 10 of the signed copy of Crossroads. Best read of the year.
Thanks for the signed copy.
I have the opposite small engine repair guy. I dropped it off Saturday at 7:30 AM. Oil changed, blade sharpened, air filter and spark plug replaced. Ready by 11:30 AM same day!! $58
Great job, Chuck!
Big Bear in OH says
Weekend plans included dropping about 40 trees at my parent’s house, but now that it’s raining (and will continue all weekend) I think I’ll probably work on knocking a few back, clearing up the Netflix queue and possibly sleeping in a little, just as a reward.
Weekend…that was Friday. Back at it today and tomorrow and off on Monday. Weird but it’s usually I get one day off here and there but never over 40 hrs. and never two in a row. Spent Friday readying to pack. I’m done here in Cincy and headed back to northern New Mexico asap. One more week to work and that’s a strange feeling. I’m still here but I’m not here. Things go on with or without me and I’m just an observer. I will file my time here in Cincy as a pass into and out of a portal to other peoples lives. I’ve heard more about body pains, surgeries, boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife problems and car troubles than I thought could exist. So I’m movin’ on. And to steal a little from Shiny Rod…I am like a leaf floating on the broken wind and bad breath of mankind…and then I am gone. Or something like that…
White and cold!
White and cold!
Oh and Harmon Killebrew? Damn.
And I’ll be damned if there will be a tear in my eye when Barry Bonds announces he’s dying.
Dinosaur Jr. pulled it together and put out two great albums after a long decline into irrelevance.
Just for the record… on this perfect weekend, it’s POURING rain at the moment.
Chuck in Belpre says
It’s been raining off and on forever it seems. Just enough to be a PITA.
Got my book today!! Is that ‘Jeff Kay” stank I smells? 😀