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We’re Heading To Atlantic City, And Don’t Like To Gamble! Will It Be A Good Time?

December 15, 2015 By Jeff 42 Comments

atlantic cityIt seems improbable and somewhat bizarre, but Toney and I are apparently going to Atlantic City in a few days. It’s something we booked during the summer. And we don’t “book” things. I mean, seriously. What are we, the Vanderbilts?

I can’t even remember how this plan came together. Toney likes the ocean during cold weather months, and so do I. So, we were probably talking about that over a few craft beers one Saturday night, and before we knew it… we were booking shit, all willy-nilly.

But it’ll be fun. I’m looking forward to it. We’re staying at a nice place, for not all that much money, and have dinner reservations at Gordon Ramsay Pub & Grill. Here’s the menu. What would you go with? I haven’t decided yet. However… the lobster mac ‘n’ cheese is a definite as an appetizer. That sounds goddamn delicious.

And the next day I want to have lunch at the original White House Subs. I saw it featured on The Sandwich Channel (or whatever) years ago, and it’s stuck in my brain. If you have any thoughts on that place, I’m all ears.

So yeah, the whole thing is based on food and drink, as usual. But the hotel should be decorated for Christmas, and I think it’ll be a good time. I have no interest in gambling, but do have a vested interest in food and drink. It’s how I’ve been able to maintain my powerful upper-body.

I don’t believe I’ve ever been to Atlantic City. I have a vague notion that it’s a little on the seedy side. Am I wrong? Will we be standing on our patio, arm in arm, as the medical waste and adult diapers wash ashore at sunset? Will we be accosted by bombastic assholes wearing wife-beaters and mirrored sunglasses? Or am I being unfair? I’ll have a full report upon our return, needless to say.

Speaking of gambling… What’s your relationship with that particular activity? I don’t care for it. It stresses me out, and I get no pleasure from it, whatsoever. It’s a vice that doesn’t register with me. My wiring doesn’t leave me susceptible to it, and I don’t really understand how other people get so carried away with it.

When I worked in California we had a lot of meetings in Vegas, and always stayed at Treasure Island. And some of my co-workers would stay up all night, literally wouldn’t sleep at all, playing cards and losing thousands of dollars. How?! Credit cards? I knew approximately how much those assholes were making, and could never understand how they weathered such a thing. If I lost $2500 via one evening of asshattery, I’d torment myself into a stay at a psychiatric hospital. And there’s a very good chance I’d lose my car.

Another time we were in Chicago, and they sent us sailing out into the Mississippi on a gambling boat. Always with the gambling! I didn’t want to go, but had no choice. Before we climbed aboard that flotilla of sadness, however, I allotted myself $40 for gambling. I wouldn’t spend a dollar more, I promised myself. And even that was heartbreaking.

Yeah, my forty bucks was gone before they’d even taken the ropes off the boat. We were still tethered to the dock, and I was done. So, I got to sit there the rest of the night watching people from my office blow enormous amounts of cash on really stupid shit. It was too cold to go outside, so I just sat on a stool watching folks who couldn’t afford it gamble their money away. What a magical evening!

Do you like to gamble and wager and “play the ponies,” etc.? Do you have any related tales to tell? I know a guy who went to jail because of gambling-related shenanigans. He was an old co-worker who was always trying to talk me into accompanying him on one of his maniac Vegas trips. “Everything’s comped!” he assured me. “Don’t be such a pussy. It’ll be a blast!”

Needless to say I never went with him, and he eventually got himself into some kind of situation that resulted in a brief jail stay, the loss of his job, and the end of his marriage. I probably still have his mug shot saved on my computer somewhere. He didn’t look like he was having a blast in that photo, that’s for sure.

Please share your gambling stories in the comments. Also, if you have any thoughts on our quickie Atlantic City trip… lay ’em on me!

Thanks for reading this. Please don’t forget about our Amazon links, while doing your holiday shopping this year. I’ll put a big ‘un right underneath this update, so there’s no confusion on how to find one.

I’ll see you guys again soon. Maybe before A.C., but probably after.

Have a great week!

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Dave says

    December 15, 2015 at 1:20 pm

    Been there…it is a non drinking town..have to go towards the mainland over the bridges.

    Reply
  2. Dave says

    December 15, 2015 at 1:25 pm

    Oops I meant ocean city nj

    Reply
  3. Ognir says

    December 15, 2015 at 1:28 pm

    I could never get into gambling either.

    Reply
  4. Walter says

    December 15, 2015 at 1:40 pm

    I’m not much of a gambler either but it is always nice to have good restaurants at your disposal. That said, I was never much of a fan of Ramsay, always losing his shit over the slightest thing. Part of me would want to go and be a critic of “his” food and part of me would not want to put any money in that fools pocket.

    Reply
    • Alex says

      December 15, 2015 at 5:09 pm

      Watch some of his early BBC shows (including the orginal kitchen nightmares). A very different Ramsey than what Hollywood has contrived for the North American TV market.

      Reply
      • Ed says

        December 15, 2015 at 7:41 pm

        Those BBC shows are actually pretty good, more of a documentary style. I wonder whose decision it was to make the American shows so dumbed-down?

        Reply
        • revashanes says

          December 16, 2015 at 5:51 am

          Americans.

          Reply
      • Philippa says

        December 16, 2015 at 10:51 am

        He’s a shouty hothead in a lot of his British shows, too. One of his London restaurants is called Foxtrot Oscar as reference to his constant swearing.

        Reply
  5. DavidI says

    December 15, 2015 at 2:11 pm

    Hmm trying to comment but only getting a 404 error. Is there a size limit?

    Reply
    • DavidI says

      December 15, 2015 at 2:12 pm

      Must be. Can post small things but not large ones.

      Reply
      • Chuck says

        December 15, 2015 at 2:14 pm

        Same for me it seems.

        Reply
        • DavidI says

          December 15, 2015 at 2:18 pm

          I broke mine up into 3 parts, but still won’t let me post part 3 even though it’s shorter than Part 1. Curious.

          Reply
          • Chuck says

            December 15, 2015 at 2:24 pm

            I even tried a different browser. Broke it up small. Nothing.

            Reply
            • johnthebasket says

              December 15, 2015 at 4:01 pm

              I have a big one, and don’t have any problems at all.

              jtb

              Reply
              • johnthebasket says

                December 15, 2015 at 4:56 pm

                OK, I lied. I have a big one and I DO have problems.

                jtb

                Reply
  6. DavidI says

    December 15, 2015 at 2:13 pm

    Atlantic City is pretty shithole-ish. Stay on the boardwalk and close to the casinos. It’s been probably 7 or 8 years since I’ve been there and actually had my bachelor’s party there in 1997. My fondest memory is they get these people to pull you around the boardwalk in rickshaws. Real honest-to-god rickshaws – not those bicycle ones, but the ones where the person has to pull you on their feet. Anyway on weekend nights it was mostly college kids…a few attractive women. But in mid-day on say Tuesday it was mostly homeless guys as far as I could tell. We were drunk already and there were six of us and we decided to split into two groups of three and squeeze into the rickshaw and tell our homeless half-lame, feet-bleeding “drivers” (I guess that’s right.. walker? runner?) it was a race and we would tip them an extra $20 for the winner. That’s what you do in gambling towns. You force less fortunate people to perform like monkeys by throwing wads of cash at them. (Don’t get me started on the leprechaun at O’Shea’s in Vegas…another story for another time). Well in each of our group there was at least one 250+ pound individual and we just laughed and laughed until our drivers collapsed from exhaustion or heart attack or whatever. We felt bad and tipped them both and extra $20.

    Reply
  7. DavidI says

    December 15, 2015 at 2:14 pm

    Part 2:
    I used to go with this one guy who would bring down $500 and blow it all in like 3 hands of blackjack. He would scowl and disappear for awhile then come back with like $1000 and then blow that. Kept doubling his bets thinking he was going to “get hot” – the worst gambler ever. After two or three trips to god knows where he would disappear for the night and then turn up smashed drunk in the room at like 4am with pockets full of chips and cash and talk about how he “got it all back”. The funny thing was no one ever saw this. He would disappear and then be flush with money later.

    Reply
  8. Limey says

    December 15, 2015 at 3:13 pm

    We got to AC fairly often, being self-employed we can take advantage of the off-peak rates. Not gamblers, we just go to dine and drink 🙂 White House Subs are meh IMO. Haven’t been to Gordon Ramsey’s thing because I’m English, and it’s Gordon Ramsey, and that would be naff. If you like Ramsey’s food, Parker’s in Buffalo, NY supply the restaurant. The Continental on the pier has an excellent happy hour, great drinks. Same applies to Buddakan next door, which is also my favorite AC dinner spot. The Baltimore Grill, which is a dive behind the Tropicana, has cheap beer and truly tremendous pizza.

    AC itself is seedy. It feels unsafe away from the casinos and boardwalk.

    Reply
  9. Druglife says

    December 15, 2015 at 4:23 pm

    Lol 15 bucks for a gin and tonic and 9 bucks for a Sam Adams beer at Ramsay’s wotta ripoff

    Reply
  10. Charl says

    December 15, 2015 at 4:52 pm

    Don’t venture far from the Boardwalk and you’ll be fine. Don’t allot yourself any money for gambling if $40 was heartbreaking to lose… It’s much better spent on beer.
    Have fun!

    Reply
  11. johnthebasket says

    December 15, 2015 at 4:52 pm

    Maybe everything that dies someday comes back, but the last time I visited AC, circa 1988, it was Cape May with pimps and imminent danger. Obviously, when you’re with your honey you can have a good time anywhere and I hope you do.

    Don’t know this Ramsey feller, but if those numbers on the menu are prices, he has a serious set of balls protruding from his trousers. Bone appe-tit.

    Reply
  12. Alex says

    December 15, 2015 at 5:13 pm

    I don’t gamble. The closest to gambling is tossing in for a 50/50 at work at Christmas time when they donate the 50% to the food bank. It just does not trigger anything for me. The idea of tossing money away for randomn cards or gravity doing its thing just don’t appeal to me.

    Reply
  13. Lee Harvey Ramone says

    December 15, 2015 at 5:19 pm

    Visiting the Gordon Ramsey joint sounds like an efficient way to siphon the money out of your bank account. Maybe the food would be OK there, but I would expect merely OK at best. I only gamble on sporting events, and only occasionally. I financed about half of a trip to Vegas once on a single basketball longshot bet once. I ran into Pete Rose on this particular Vegas trip. He was signing autographs at a sports memorabilia shop in the Caesars Palace mall. He was sitting behind a generic rectangular folding table looking rather bored in an otherwise empty store. He gave me a weak ‘sup’ nod and went back to fiddling with his phone.

    Reply
  14. Tiff says

    December 15, 2015 at 5:23 pm

    CURED MEAT BOARD and a port-infused double-bourbon, thanks.

    Reply
    • johnthebasket says

      December 15, 2015 at 5:43 pm

      I used to serve on the CURED MEAT BOARD. Ended up with pretty good retirement benefits and an angioplasty.

      jtb

      Reply
      • revashanes says

        December 16, 2015 at 5:58 am

        Damn John you’re on a roll.

        Reply
  15. Jason says

    December 15, 2015 at 6:11 pm

    Crispy belly then fish and chips for me.

    Reply
  16. chill says

    December 15, 2015 at 7:21 pm

    I visited AC on business sometime in the 90s. It seemed like a grim place: gargantuan casinos across the street from shabby little pre-gambling storefronts which now house such businesses as Checks Cashed and We Buy Gold. I haven’t been back since.

    And I seriously don’t understand the appeal of gambling. I have sometimes gone to trade shows in Vegas, and once or twice dropped $5 or so into the slot machines out of boredom. But it’s not exactly fun. To me, Vegas is a theme park with good restaurants.

    Reply
    • Limey says

      December 15, 2015 at 7:39 pm

      That’s how to use AC, good restaurants with cheap hotel rooms so everyone can drink plenty. We normally pay ~$50 to stay in one of the “premium” hotels off-peak.

      AC, Vegas, Reno… they all smell of sadness if you look past the sparkles.

      Reply
  17. Not Oprah says

    December 15, 2015 at 8:51 pm

    Could never have an appetizer and meal at once but would chose the lobster roll and sea bass if I could (with something other than that maple butter sauce if it were an option). I am an accountant – money is not for playing with. Have never been to Atlantic city but have been to Vegas many times because it is so darn cheap to get and stay there, I usually spend my time just outside hiking or biking and a day or 2 actually in Vegas and see Cirque or another show – I might allot $50 for slot machines for the wknd and get bored of it quickly. I never win so maybe that’s why. Have lots of fun Jeff!!!!

    Reply
  18. revashanes says

    December 16, 2015 at 6:29 am

    I did 3 yrs in Jersey and visited AC many times. This was around ’96. The boardwalk was a freak magnet. There was this one quadriplegic woman who played an electric piano with her tongue! She was lying face down on a gurney with her little piano attached to the front. Her body was covered and tightly tucked down with a white sheet. Grossest thing I’ve ever seen because she played BAD. I bet that woman never had a lesson. I read a few months later that she had been hit by a car in the crosswalk and died. My MAD magazine imagination kicked in and I became unPC in my laughter.
    Slots are a blast now. Stereo in the headrest with massive bass and vibration/motion in the seats. You can really get off when you hit a jackpot!!

    Reply
    • chill says

      December 20, 2015 at 10:42 pm

      Is three years in Jersey better or worse than six months in Chino?

      Reply
  19. madz1962 says

    December 16, 2015 at 11:00 am

    My cousin lives in South Jersey so we would wander down to Atlantic City on occasion. Saw Chuck Berry and Elton John. I don’t gamble either – I do the quarter slots for shits and giggles. I won $200 once and that’s about as far as I’d go.

    Have fun, Jeff. Sounds like a fun trip.

    Reply
  20. The Qweezy Mark says

    December 16, 2015 at 11:52 am

    It would be in poor taste to not have the Bartender’s Breakfast.

    Reply
  21. madz1962 says

    December 16, 2015 at 5:01 pm

    Speaking of gambling, I ran into the local BP gas station and some tool was spread out across the counter getting daily afternoon 3 and 4 picks and some scratch offs which he proceeded to scratch over the ice cream freezer and ask for more. Jesus H McGillicuddy – it’s a gas station, not your own personal Vegas. I’ve encountered these self centered assholes barking out numbers, scratching, and barking out more numbers while passing greasy bills over.

    Go the fuck home or get a job. I’m trying to get $20 worth of gas and a quick pick and they’re standing there for hours on end wishing and hoping for the BIG ONE. Then, if they win $100 they’ll go brag to all their friends, even though they just dropped $600 to get there.

    Reply
  22. Good2go says

    December 16, 2015 at 5:26 pm

    $31 for fish and chips?!?! Funk dat.

    Reply
  23. Ed says

    December 16, 2015 at 10:49 pm

    Go for the Toad in the Hole just to say you did.

    Reply
    • Limey says

      December 17, 2015 at 8:27 am

      Derived from “turd in the hole”, because it looks somewhat like a turd floating in a latrine.

      So now you know. I make both.

      Reply
  24. johnthebasket says

    December 18, 2015 at 5:50 pm

    We were somewhere around Philadelphia on the edge of the megalopolis when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like “I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive….” And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down to Atlantic City. And a voice was screaming “Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn animals?”

    Reply
  25. johnthebasket says

    December 18, 2015 at 5:53 pm

    Part 2

    There is also the socio-psychic factor. Every now and then when life gets complicated and the weasels start closing in, the only real cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and then drive like a bastard from Scranton to Atlantic City. To relax as it were, in the womb of the ocean sun. Just roll the roof back and screw it on, grease the face with white tanning butter, and move out with the music at top volume, and at least a pint of ether.

    Reply
    • chill says

      December 20, 2015 at 10:43 pm

      At night, the ice weasels come.

      Reply
  26. Walter says

    December 21, 2015 at 3:47 pm

    I refuse to eat at a place that has “Sammies” on the menu. It’s “sammiches” bitches!

    Reply

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